Who She Is
by Sophie Anne Fields
Summary: Newly orphaned Lily Evans is forced to choose between her magic or her sister. Knowing she could never reject magic, she is forced to move in with the Potter family. There she not only finds herself falling in love with the one person she swore to hate, but following a destiny that will lead to her death.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I've always imagined for Lily and James to truly fall in love something monumental had to happen. I don't know why, but in my mind James becoming Head Boy and Lily losing Severus' friendship at the end of 5th wasn't ****quite enough. This is my version of events that drove the two of them together. Of course, there is a standard blanket disclaimer. I do not own these characters, just the plot (and some of that is borrowed as I'm trying to stick to the story line).**

* * *

Lily Evans gripped her trunk with one hand while her sister stood open mouthed beside her. In front of them stood a house in flames along with the fire department. Her parents were no where to be seen and as much as she hoped they went out to get a carton of ice cream to welcome her home, she knew they were dead.

Dark magic lingered in the air and Lily did her best to hold back tears. This had happened to other muggleborns, but their families had narrowly escaped death. The Dark Lord wasn't ready to wage a full out war just yet, instead he torched homes of those he deemed unworthy to grace the halls of Hogwarts.

"Excuse me," a fireman said as he was walking over. "Are the two of you occupants of this house?"

"I guess you could say that," Petunia started. "My parents live there alone most of the time. My sister," this she said with great disdain, "is off at a school in Scotland for most of the year." She leaned in close to the man. "One of _those _sort of schools, if you know what I mean." She eyed her sister, gave her a look of fake pity and continued, "I recently moved in with my fiance."

Lily froze. She knew her sister was dating Vernon Dursley, but she hadn't known that they got engaged. Down the street a shiny car parked and out came a large man with a curled mustache.

"If you don't mind, that's my fiancee, I'll be over there." Petunia's eyes were flooded with tears, the first real emotion other than hatred or anger Lily has seen in years.

"Are they-did you-?" The young witch couldn't form a complete sentence, tears were welling in her eyes.

The fireman didn't quite know what to do with the tearful girl. "Miss," he started slowly, probably believing her sister's lie, "was this always on the side of your house?" He held up a Polaroid picture and Lily's legs gave out.

"He killed them," she sobbed.

"Miss, please, can you tell me who you are talking about?"

The fireman still held that vile picture in his hand. A picture that she had seen tattooed on the older Slytherin's forearms year after year. Lily screamed, as if from pain, when the fireman attempted to show her the photo again. It drew the attention of many people. Through her veil of tears she saw a familiar face further down the street at Spinner's End. Severus Snape. He halted like there was an invisible barrier. "Are you happy?" she shrieked, stumbling to her feet heading in the direction of him. Someone caught her by the arms, pulling her back.

Severus looked at his ex-friend, her face tear stained and twisted with sadness. It broke his heart to see her like this. To see who he thought to be the kindest person ever to grace this earth experience that much sadness.

"The school must not have given her the medication today," Petunia whispered to the firemen. "You can't blame them, it being the last day of the term and all," she said sadly as a policeman held her sister back.

Lily sat in the back seat of the police car, blanket wrapped around her shoulders even though it was summer. The house continued to burn slowly and Petunia continued to tell lies. The red-headed witch didn't know what to say, anything that would explain the fire would make her sound insane. Usually she could try twist around enough to trick muggles, but these muggles thought the school she went to was one for disturbed children.

"Miss Evans?" a kind voice asked.

She looked up and saw a woman stand in front of her. The woman had to be at least forty, but with her fashionable dress and trendy hair it took years off of her appearance.

"I'm fine, the policeman say I'm in shock. I have a blanket, see?" It was her attempt at humor and maybe this woman would leave her alone if she thought Lily was as simple-minded as Petunia claimed.

"Miss Evans, I'm a member of the ministry," her tone was hushed as she spoke.

"Miss, I don't know what you're talking about," Lily replied.

"Your name is Lily Evans, Gryffindor Prefect at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." She looked around. "I know it's rather unfortunate for you to have to play a simpleton at home, when you are such a bright witch, but it gives us the perfect cover."

"Perfect cover?"

"Lily, I don't think you're safe here. If you want to go with your sister-"

"No!" she said quickly. "Tuney hates me," she explained softly. "She hasn't been the same ever since I left for school. She'll probably blame for me for this." Lily wiped away her tears and then gestured at the house that was still flaming in places, in others it had been reduced to wet, smoking ashes.

"It is _not _your fault." The woman grabbed Lily's arms, shaking her softly. "Do you understand that? The Dark Lord is going after innocent, defenseless people. He is scared. He should be, you or someone like you will be his downfall."

Lily's green eyes met the woman's hazel ones. She wriggled free and hugged the woman tightly, not caring that she was an almost stranger. "Thank you for being here."

"My dear, my work is not yet done." The woman smiled, but a tear remained in the corner of her eye. "Usually Professor Dumbledore or Professor McGonagall would be here, but they have to handle another situation." The woman cleared her throat and looked around. She pulled out her wand, waving it in front of a file. Suddenly it grew with papers and she hid her wand. "Now, I feel like I'm insulting you, but play along and you'll be out of here so enough."

Lily folded the blanket on the seat of the police cruiser following the woman. She talked in soft tones with the detective and fireman, showing a badge and beginning to rummage through the file folder. "I am from Holmstrom Academy. We got a phone call not too long ago. Now, Miss Evans is a special case. Change does not bode well for her and it would be in the best interest of everyone if she came with me."

"Where are you taking her?" Petunia asked.

"Sweetums, maybe we should listen…" Vernon started, warily looking at Lily.

"We know this is a troubling time for all, however, I think Miss Evans would be better suited for Holmstrom's summer term. She will come for the funeral and, Miss Evans," she looked at Petunia. "While family should come together at a time like this, it would be dangerous for your sister to go to a strange place. I was informed that you recently moved in with your betrothed."

"Yes," Petunia said. "But I want Lily somewhere normal for once."

"Holmstrom's summer session is a perfectly normal. Now, if your home passes a social service check-"

"I agree with you. I think it would best for Petunia's sister to have someone around that can deal with her _problems._" He nervously looked over the girl. "I can pay for the session, Tuney. You don't have to worry."

"In situations like this, the fee is waived," the woman quickly replied. She placed a hand on Lily's arm. "Why don't I leave you alone for a bit? Give you chance to say goodbye to your sister." Her tone was soft, a forced cheerful and she spoke slowly as if she were a child. It brought sparks of anger to her, even though she knew it was an act.

Eventually everyone stepped back a few meters from the sisters. Petunia stood in front of her sister, not quite knowing what to do. Lily gave her no choice, she wrapped her arms tightly around her sister. "I'm sorry, Tuney. I would never have-"

"Hush," Petunia ordered, and then held out her sister an arm's length away. "She's a freak like you, isn't she?"

"She's a witch, yes. She works for the Ministry of Magic," Lily explained softly.

"I don't want you coming with Vernon and I, but I don't want you to go somewhere with another freak. This never would have happened if mum and dad just tore up that letter, told the Headmaster no."

"I'm sorry, Tuney, please…" Tears started to stream down Lily's face. She gripped her sister's arms and shook her head.

"If you promise never to use magic again, to not go back to that school, I'll convince Vernon you can leave with us. It'll be like old times," Petunia said, a forced smile on her face. "If you give it up you won't be a freak, you'll be Lily again." Her sister's forced smile widened, it became hopeful.

Lily shook her head, looking up at her sister through her eyelashes. "I will always be Lily, magic or not," she whispered. "It's a part of me, I can't ignore it. I don't know why I have it and you don't...I don't know why mum and dad aren't magical…" She took in a hiccupy breath. "If it takes giving up my entire life to get you back, I can't do that Tuney. The price is too high."

"You choose your freakish life over me?" she questioned, shaking her sister. "I'm the only family you have left!"

"Yes, and I want more than anything for us to be friends again, real sisters again, but...if you loved me, you wouldn't ask me to choose. There's not much left for me in the muggle world," Lily told her. "I only have you and a few friends from when I went to school here."

"Fine." Petunia dropped her hands and walked towards Vernon, out of her sister's life.

Lily was surprised that the woman from the ministry had a car and could drive. "We never properly introduced ourselves, my name is Agatha Potter." She smiled at Lily. "My husband's name is Charles. I believe you know my son, James."

Her heart stopped. This kind woman was related to James Potter? The immature prat that would never give her a moment's rest? That Potter?

"Don't you worry about my James, I see to it he behaves at home."

"Where am I going?" Lily asked. They had been driving for quite some time. "Are you taking me back to Hogwarts?"

"Of course not, that was just a cover." Agatha patted her knee. "You're in safe hands. You'll have to stay with me for a few days, the ministry certified me to help out in cases like this. During that time we'll see if one of your friends families can do it."

Lily shook her head. She was friendly with a lot of people at school, but Alice and Marlene were the only one's she ever visited at home. Alice was on a vacation all summer with her parents, traveling around Europe. Marlene was going to France, she had a cousin that went to Beauxbatons that she hardly ever saw.

"I was only at home during Christmas this year. My mum made me promise I would stay with them all summer and help with Petunia's wedding." Lily tears has stopped, but at this they began anew. "They were coming to see me the last week, I don't have anywhere to go until them." She sobbed in her hands. The next thing she knew Mrs. Potter pulled off to the side of the road and began to rub circles on Lily's back. "Thank you, for everything."

"I can't promise you everything will be alright, but you'll have a place to stay until it's time to go back to Hogwarts."

After a few minutes Lily manage to reign in the tears and set up a bit straighter. She may have lost her family today, but it didn't seem like she would be alone any time soon.

It was another hour before they arrived at Godric's Hollow. The neighborhood seemed to be from another time period. The houses weren't quite manors, like she heard that quite a few pure blood families had, but they were quite large.

Agatha Potter parked her car at the side of a butter yellow house trimmed in red. The grass was perfectly manicured, flowers peeking out of flowerbeds. For some reason she didn't imagine the great James Potter living here. With a wave of the wand Lily's trunk was gone and inside the house. "Our house is a magical house, just a fair warning." Agatha chuckled. "It's more Charles' doing than mine, he can't live without magic. I, on the other hand, have tried to learn to at least blend in the muggles." She gestured to the car. "Did I do a good job today?"

"Terrific," Lily replied, allowing herself to chuckle a bit.

"I'll show you where you'll be staying, then we can get something to eat." Agatha led Lily inside and allowed the young muggle born to look around. Everywhere she turned there seemed to be something magical, something that even the brightest muggle couldn't explain intelligently. "All the bedrooms are upstairs. I'm going to put you across from my husband and I…" she pointed out where the bathroom and linen closet was. "That's James' room, it's connected to the bathroom," she warned. "Don't worry, we have other guest rooms beside that one." She pointed to the other room next the bathroom. "That's where Sirius stays." She opened the door to show Lily. "We let him decorate it, he's here so often." She pointed to the posters around the room and she noticed the second bed. "Peter and Remus are here a lot as well." She walked further down the hallway, past another pair of closets and a third bathroom. "This will be your room."

The room was simple and inviting. Lily saw her trunk sitting there as she entered. The walls were cream, the bedspread blue and all the furniture white. One corner had a narrow bookshelf, a desk sat close to it with a window on the other side of the room. "Thank you."

"You've said that enough," Agatha Potter told her.

"Where is your husband and son?"

"Some important Quidditch game abroad, Charles took James and the boys." Agatha sighed and rolled her eyes. "Boys and their games, anyway I have the house alone for a few days. I like the quiet, but I hate being alone."

The redhead hugged her self before reaching up to pull back her hair with the ponytail holder around her wrist.

"I am starved, how about you?"

"I'm not very hungry," Lily admitted.

Nonetheless Agatha Potter placed a gentle, but firm hand, on Lily's shoulder to guide her downstairs. The kitchen was large, warm and well-lit. A good-sized table sat in an alcove of windows. "What would you like?"

"Whatever's easiest," she replied with a shrug. Lily jumped, though, when a very small...creature appeared in front of her.

"Hello, Mistress,"

"Mopsy, could you make us lunch?"

"Of course, Miss, anything for you." The creatures face broke into a large grin as it walked over Lily Evans. "So very pretty, can I touch?" It gestured to Lily's hair. Startled the witch only nodded. "Such a vibrant young witch, what would you like to eat?"

Lily shrugged.

"How about you make your specialty?" Agatha asked. "The one that makes James feel better?"

"Right away!" the house elf scurried away.

Lily laughed as she watched. Immediately she felt drawn towards the creature. She wanted to scoop it up into her arms. Getting to her feet she wandered into the kitchen area, where the stove was.

"Lily, what do you want?"

"Tea," she responded, looking around the kitchen. Before she could get to anything cupboards started to fly open, the tap turned on and soon enough there was a kettle on the stove. It didn't take long before both a cup of tea and a plate of food were set in front of them.

Lily didn't say much more, just thanked Mopsy several times and ate the food placed in front of her. It was a hot sandwich with meat and cheese accompanied by lovely salad with a mixture of vegetables and a savory dressing. "It was quite delicious, but I've had a long day. I just want to shower get some rest."

"Of course, but Lily…" Agatha looked down at her cup of tea she was holding firmly in her hands. "I don't wish to pry, you don't have to tell me...What did your sister say to you? The two of you looked visibly upset."

Lily bit her lip and looked down at the ground. "She said that if I gave up...If I gave up magic for good and was normal I would be her sister again." Lily looked closer to tears. "I told her the price was too high. That I loved her, but I couldn't ignore that part of me." She swallowed her tears and looked around the kitchen. "I'm going...thank you again."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Once again the typical blanket disclaimer. Please, review! Someone was helpful enough to point out inaccuracies that I fixed. It's been a few years since I've read the series in its entirety, so there are some details I forget. **

They fell into a sort of routine at the Potter house. Agatha did her best working from home, using two way mirrors and the fireplace until she decided that Lily would be fine alone. She left the name of her office, telling Lily she could floo or apparate with one of the house elves if necessary.

The young witch told her that she would be fine. Lily had discovered the Charles' office and Agatha told her she could take whatever she wanted off the bookshelf that took up an entire wall. At noon Mopsy prepared lunch for Lily and she went in the backyard to eat with a book.

Sitting in a chair she found herself lost in the words. With the food in her system she found herself drifting slowly off to sleep. When her eyes were about to shut she heard a commotion coming from the side yard. Lily's heart pounded in her chest as she heard the din of voices. Her wand was in her room, she was underage...The gate opened and she let out a scream. A man walked in, wand drawn. His face was familiar and strange at the same time.

Lily froze, she took him in before taking a step forward, planning to run.

"Wait!" he called.

The man ran after her, Lily was meters away but his legs were longer and he was obviously more used to running than she.

"Leave me alone! What else do you want?" she screeched as he grabbed her arm.

"Who do you think I am?"

"I don't know…" Tears were beginning to leak from her eyes as she struggled to get away from him.

"My name is Charles Potter," he told her softly, hand dropping.

"He...Agatha said…"

"There was a huge upset with one of the Quidditch games, we didn't want to stay. Are you alright?"

Lily could see that he was clearly James' father. His height and build were the same, and his hair was just as messy. The only difference, eyes that were blue instead of hazel, were magnified by a thin pair of spectacles. Without them he no doubt would have that mischievous air about him. "I'm sorry...Agatha said that he…" Lily shook her head, trying to get composure. "Muggleborns are in danger. I heard the racket and thought-"

"Oh, I apologize for scaring you. Agatha told me everything, let's go inside." He passed her a reassuring look before gesturing towards the house. "James you can come out now," he shouted. "I heard the scream and wasn't quite sure what was happening, old auror habit." The man gave a shrug and an impish grin, looking every bit like the James Potter she knew.

"Evans?" James called as he walked forward carrying bags. "What...How…" He dropped the bags and ran a hand through his hair before pinning on what he probably thought was a sexy expression. "It's nice to see you."

"Likewise," Lily replied stiffly in an attempt to be polite.

"So, did you come to finally profess your undying love for me?" He picked up the bags and walked closer.

"Not quite." She gulped, hands balled into fists.

"Good, because it _would _be a bit stalkery and that's always been _my _MO…Are you going to tell me or should I keep on guessing?"

"James," Charles Potter said in a warning tone as he walked over to grab the other bag from him.

"I have a right to know why Evans is here!" he exclaimed, sounding and looking very much like a small child.

"You can talk with your mother when she gets home, come along." He tilted his head towards the house.

"Evans won't mind...We're regular old chums."

Lily felt like she was drowning. Her eyes stung and the knot that had remained in her stomach since she saw the burning house was growing bigger. "I'm sorry...I've gotten too much sun." She squinted as she ran back into the house and up to the guest bedroom to to seek refuge.

She must have fell asleep, because she heard a knock on the door and looked up at the clock on the wall, 4:43. Agatha wasn't supposed to get home until five. "Come in," Lily said. The door opened to reveal Charles Potter.

"Are you feeling better? I came to talk to you earlier, but you were asleep." He grabbed the desk chair and swung it around to take a seat as Lily sat up on the bed.

"You just gave me a fright, that's all." Lily took a deep breath staring at her hands. "I'm not paranoid, you know, there was a dark mark on the outside of my house. It's the same as the tattoo some of the seventh year Slytherins get on their forearms."

"I never said you were paranoid," he told her. " I had a talk with James, he won't pester you while you are a guest under our roof."

"What about at Hogwarts?" she joked.

"I can talk to him about that too." Charles sighed. "Agatha and I try our best, we really do, I gave him a good talking to and if he's not on his best behavior-"

"James gets in so much trouble at Hogwarts, I hate to get him in trouble here." Lily lowered her eyes once more.

"I've heard about you. He comes to me for advice," Charles said quietly. "I'll tell you exactly what he has said about you later. You can't breathe a word of it to him, though." He smiled at her, that same crooked grin that James uses. "Although, don't worry too much about getting him in trouble, he's done enough himself. I almost canceled the Quidditch trip after the _incident._"

Lily knew which one he was talking about. The one that caused the friendship between her and Severus to dissolve.

"Although, he did so good on his OWLs that he needed a reward." Charles was beaming at the mention of his son's academics. The pride in his eyes made Lily miss her own parents even more. Wizarding school or not when they saw her grade report the two of them would be so full of joy they would take her in their arms and plant a kiss on her cheek. "Right, Agatha will be home soon, I take it you're joining us for dinner?"

"Yes," she replied. "Thank you, for allowing me into your home."

"Lily…" he began. "I wouldn't have a second thought about allowing you into your house. I hear that your kindness rivals your academic prowess."

Lily blushed and looked down at her feet. "I did do fairly well on my OWLs."

"No need to be modest," he said. "Tell me."

"Well, I got mostly O's, except in Defense Against the Dark Arts, I got an E." She wrinkled her nose at that. "It was a question about the unforgivable curses." Lily shook her head. "At least I think it was. I can still take the NEWT level course, but...I wouldn't be any good at being an auror."

"Well, we could still go out celebrate. Ice cream after dinner?"

"Mr. Potter…"

"It's settled. Now, come along…"

Lily was sitting at the dinner table when James Potter came downstairs. At the sight of her he smiled and sat across from her. Unusual for him he didn't say a word, just _looked _at her. She wanted to throw something, it was the same look the fireman gave her...well, she didn't think that James thought she was mentally deranged, though.

They heard the fireplace, undoubtedly Agatha Potter flooing home. "James!" Mrs. Potter exclaimed running to her son. To his embarrassment she kissed him on the cheek and started fixing his hair. "Sorry to startle you today, they wanted to surprise me." She rolled her eyes, then looked at the table and around the room. "Where's Sirius?"

Charles immediately rushed over to his wife, kissing her right on the mouth. Once again James squirmed. "Orion owled me, he didn't even know Sirius was coming with us...He wanted him home immediatly."

"Was he alright?" Agatha Potter was clearly shaken at the mention of Sirius not being at the house.

"Everything seemed fine. Kreacher answered the door, Walburga greeted me...Regulus was there. I had no reason…" Charles hung his head, sadness in his eyes. "You _know _how the Blacks can be, my hands were tied."

"It's fine...James, owl Sirius the first chance you get."

Lily felt greatly out of the loop. She knew that Sirius was different from his family, that he didn't accept pure-blood views and was the black-sheep for getting in Gryffindor, but that didn't explain Mrs. Potter's actions She didn't speak for the rest of dinner, just listened as James and Mr. Potter relayed their tale Agatha. It made her heart ache for her own father when she saw how well James and his got along. After dinner, though, Charles held true to his word and the next thing she knew he was whisking her away to Diagon Ally and pressuring her to tell him _everything_ about his son at school. In return he told her every piece of advice James had received. And for a few minutes Lily didn't feel quite so alone.

* * *

Two days had passed without much action. James and Lily stayed at opposite ends of the house without the parents home. Not being able to sleep, Lily wandered downstairs when the grandfather clock chimed two in the morning. She knew that her catnapping and early bedtime would catch up to her eventually.

In the kitchen Mopsy appeared as soon as she put the kettle on. Assuring the house elf she would be fine, Lily wandered to Charles' office to pull a book out. From the window she saw a figure swerving on a broom. Curiously she left the office, set the book down in the kitchen and went to the back yard. She wasn't scared, he didn't appear dangerous. As she moved tentatively closer she saw a recognizable figure. "Black?" she hissed.

"Evans?" he asked a little too loudly. "What in Merlin's name are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing, this time of night." Appearing to be in pain, Lily rushed over to Sirius side, forgetting any horrid things he had done to her in the past. "I'll get Agatha."

"Could you help me clean up a bit first? She worries so much and 'll coddle me for days." Sirius looked up at Lily with large, puppy like eyes as she sat him down at the kitchen table. "Wait, why are you here? Did Prongsie finally get to you?" He looked Lily over. "You're not wearing his clothes, so nothing exciting must have happened."

Lily's jaw dropped at the suggestion.

"What? His parents are very liberal. Once they thought Peter fancied this boy and Charles sat him down…" Sirius started laughing at the memory, but he soon started wincing. "Why don't we talk later? Everything you need to clean me up is underneath the sink in the downstairs bathroom near Charlie's office…"

Lily rushed away to the get the white metal box. When she came back she saw Sirius unscrewing a bottle filled with amber liquid. "I don't think that's a good idea, you're underage."

"It helps with the pain." He wiped off his mouth the back of his hand. "I pinched it from my father, mulled mead." Sirius smiled hazily. "Want some, Evans? I know you have a reputation as a good girl, but…"

Lily rolled her eyes and began helping him with the wounds she could. There were several jars of paste that were supposed to combat aches and bruises. It took a good half an hour before he was all patched up. By that time there was a pot of tea sitting on the table, Mopsy made it up for them and put it in a keep-warm pot.

Exhausted she sat down next to Sirius at the table and poured each of them a cup of tea. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"I think you owe me an explanation." He uncapped the bottle of mead and poured a bit into his tea. She didn't bother protesting this time.

"Haven't you read the papers?" Lily asked and realized it was a ridiculous question. "My parents were latest target of the Dark Lord. He burned down their house...They were the first muggle family caught inside." By the grace of god she managed to keep it together, the tears pricked at her eyes, but she didn't start bawling for the first time in days .

"Lily…" It was the first time Sirius used her first name. She used his first name name most of the time, not out of cause of friendship, but because oftentimes it seemed cruel to call him 'Black' when he tried so hard to distance himself from his family. "Well, I officially am no longer a Black. They disowned me." He took a swig of his tea. "Got into an argument with my father...I lied to him about going with James and had to rub it in his face. I rooted for the Chudley Cannons, he hates them. He says that team is all blood traitors, half bloods and muggleborns." He spat out the words, hating to say them in a negative way. "Got into a fight with my dear brother and then I got into a fight with my father...Then I got into an argument with mother who preceded to burn me off the family tree." He looked at the tea cup and instead went straight for the bottle.

"If it makes you feel better, I've practically been disowned."

"You're parents died, they didn't kick you out," Sirius said softly, but obviously irritated by her failed attempt at empathy.

"My sister," she explained. "She told me if I dropped out of Hogwarts and stopped doing freakish things…_If I stopped being a witch_...She would let me move in with her and her fiance, she told me we could be family again."

Sirius pushed the bottle close to Lily.

"When I told her no she just walked off."

Sirius held the bottle up closer to her, she shook her head. "It helps numb the pain, just a drink, come on now…"

She stared at it and finally gave in, taking tentative sip. As it hit her throat she began coughing, then warmth spread of her body. Lily smiled and took another quick drink, the coughing subsided quicker. Sirius laughed, then winced, and took a drink himself. Before long they were both quite loopy, the tea long since abandoned and collected by Mopsy who had set out a potion for both of them along with glasses of water.

"I needed this," Lily said. "I never knew you could be like this."

"Never gave me a chance Lily flower."

Their conversation was soon interrupted by the lights turning on and the Potter parents coming downstairs. "Sirius!" Agatha exclaimed, rushing over to the boy. "You'll have to tell me everything that happened." She kissed the side of his head and ran her fingers through his hair like he was a long lost son.

"I am curious as to what is happening here…" Charles looked at the table, the opened-half empty bottle of mead sat between the two teenagers.

"Pinched it from dad, bit of a goodbye present if you will…" Sirius yawned. "I figured the two of you would be unhappy, but Aggie isn't going to let me leave my room for ages anyway, so I might as well get grounded for a good reason.

"Goodbye present?" Charles asked, prompting Sirius.

"My face is no longer on the family tree," he explained, waving his hand in the air.

"Was this necessary?" Agatha was assessing his injuries taking notes of bruises, scratches and in one place a nasty burn. "You must have helped, you're a light sleeper, aren't you?" Agatha turned looking at Lily and medical kit on the table.

"Yes," Lily replied, not going into further detail as to avoid lying.

"Go to bed, honey." Agatha knelt beside Sirius, brushing her hands through his hair, not attempting to hide tears falling from her eyes.  
Lily stumbled to her feet, caught by Charles who could smell the alcohol on her breath. "We'll talk in the morning," he told her stiffly. As if on cue James Potter came downstairs to see what the ruckus was. "Son, help her up to her room."

"Why would-?" He surveyed the room and his tired face broke into a smile when he saw Sirius, a bottle, and a stumbling Lily. He took the red-headed witch from his father and helped steady her as they made their way up the stairs. "I never took you as the type to indulge, Evans."

"Shut it, Potter," she snapped.

"Now, now…"

"You arrogant toerag." She tried to get away from him, but ended up stumbling. "Please, just leave me alone…" It was then she began to cry. She had no way of hiding it, she was centimeters away from him. "Mead doesn't help with the pain. Sirius said that it would numb it, but it doesn't. I feel dreadful and Tuney still hates me."

"It'll be alright," James says softly.

"No…" Lily shook her head as she was guided to her room by James Potter. "It won't, they can never come back." The boy embraced her gently before leading her towards the bed. Never before did she think he could be capable of this sort of mature kindness as he wiped away her tears with his thumb and helped her into bed without a single rude comment.

"Goodnight, my lovely Lily." James sighed as he looked at the girl curled beneath the covers that he had fallen hopelessly in love with years ago.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Lily made it downstairs. She had no hangover to speak of, this was most likely due to Mopsy help. However, her face turned red when she saw the disapproving face of Charles Potter sitting at the kitchen table. "Mr. Potter, good morning," she stammered out as her usual breakfast of fruit, toast and tea appeared on the table.

"You can still call me Charles, I was young once." He took a sip of his coffee as he looked over the young witch. "I take it Mopsy was kind enough to give you the hangover potion."

"Could we talk about last night?" Lily asked.

Charles set down the Daily Prophet and looked over Lily. "By all means, James and Sirius won't be up for a bit."

"I am deeply apologetic over the events that transpired last night. You and Mrs. Potter should expect more of me, as I expect more of myself. At school I am a role model for younger students, I have to exemplify behavior and I let my judgement be clouded last night." She took a breath. "Drinking with a boy at two o'clock in the morning isn't something I would normally do. I do not wish to use my situation as an excuse but Sirius told me his story, I told him mine and managed to do so without crying. The next thing I know he's passing me the bottle and telling me that it numbs the pain." Lily looked down at her lap. "I understand if you want me to leave. If you want to send me to one of those places for problem teenagers."

Charles laughed, it was a chuckle at first, but then grew heartier. "It was one incident, we've gotten your school reports and you've been here for a week and a half, there is no reason not to trust you." He reached over to pat her hand. "Drinking is not the answer, though. Never listen to Sirius for advice, come to me or Agatha. However, I do know that it was in the heat of the moment." He sighed. "The thing is we have to hope you learn from your mistake. There's not really anyway to punish you, other than tell James he's in charge when we leave." Charles winced at that. "We, though, will never send you to Holmstrom Academy."

It was Lily's turn to wince. "Agatha told you about that?"

"Yes, even showed me the file. It must have been torture for you to play along."

"It was," she admitted with a laugh and started in on her breakfast. Charles stayed with her, informing her that due to Sirius' condition one of them was supposed to stay home, and Charles could work from the house. Lily wasn't quite sure what he did, just that he had been an auror, but now held an important ministry position.

Charles was discussing books with her when his son came down the stairs with Sirius trailing behind. "Not so fast, back to bed," he ordered.

"Can't you lie to Aggie?" Sirius moaned. "I'm not a child or an invalid, I don't need breakfast in bed."

"Fine, but I'm not lying to my wife," Charles informed him, but smiled at the boy he thought of as a second son. Agatha and him had alway wanted more children, two more at the very least. He loved it when James was younger, while he was mischievous, his offenses were less greater than what they were now. However, they were blessed to even have James and celebrated that small fact. Agatha, though, took a position at the ministry so she could work with children and when she met Sirius Black for the first time she was immediately drawn to him. The boy was clever, brave and full of humor. He was hard not to like, even if he could get himself into a bit of trouble.

"When can Remus and Peter come over?" James asked.

"Ask your mother. I'm not too open with the idea given the circumstances, but if she can convince me they can come over any time." Charles looked over his son, then looked at Lily. "I always liked Remus, accept he doesn't bring mead with him."

Lily, who was drinking her tea, spat it out in shock. At this point her cheeks turned as red as her hair and she stared down at her empty plate.

"I forgot to ask, are you feeling better? Last night you seemed out of it," James said. They was a tinge of teasing in his voice, but his words seemed to be genuine concern.

"Look at her, Evans is a lightweight." Sirius gestured to the witch sitting next to him and even went so far as to lift her arm examining her thin wrist and narrow waist.

"James, I do admit the mead had a bit of an...effect on me, if you will, but there was nothing wrong." Lily shrugged and reached across the table where the teapot stood and poured herself another cup.

"Do you remember what you said to me?"

"Sod off?" she questioned curiously, then turned to his father. "Sorry for my language, as you can imagine James brings out the worst of me."

At that Charles Potter laughed and nodded. James at the other hand picked at his food. Charles and Sirius tried to fill in the awkward gaps between the confused Lily and the saddened James, but it didn't work.

"I think I'll owl Remus and Peter, see when they're free to come." James got up from his seat, putting a napkin over his unfinished breakfast.

"James, you need to finish-" Charles started, but his son had already disappeared upstairs.

"Evans, maybe you should go see what's wrong." Sirius leaned closer to her and waggled an eyebrow. "Can't have our Jamsie upset, can we?"

Lily just shook her head and looked back down at her teacup, trying to not to laugh at how ridiculous he was. Charles finally left to work in the study and Sirius still pressured her to going upstairs. "I am going to work on my summer assignments," she huffed. "If Potter won't tell me what's wrong I'm not going to try to coax it out of him."

With a huff she disappeared upstairs. Lily dug through her school books and clothes to find the roll of parchment with assignments. She regretted signing up for this many NEWT level classes, but she wasn't quite sure what area to pursue just yet. Being a Healer was appealing, but teaching was something that she really could see herself doing. Then again, if she got a student like James or Sirius...she pushed that thought out of her head and set to work on the assignment.

The clock chimed eleven when Lily looked up from her school books and parchment. She heard footsteps in the hallway and then a knock on her door. She didn't reply, knowing if it was one of James' parents they would call out. "Can't ignore me forever, Evans," Sirius called.

"Come in," she answered with a sigh, turning around. Sirius swaggered in, and sat very carefully down on her bed, wincing. "What's the matter with you?"

"Well, James and I thought flying around the property would be fun…" Sirius took in a breath. "Still not one hundred percent...It's rather embarrassing, you have to promise not to breathe a word to anyone." He waggled his finger for effect. "I fell off my broom. Dad was furious and patched me up, told me to go to my room and not move a muscle." He sighed. "James is doing chores for his punishment, probably de-gnoming the garden or cleaning the fireplace."

"Why are you in here?"

"Oh, it happened a while ago and I got bored, James hasn't came back yet." Sirius carefully laid down on her bed.

"Do you want me to get you something? You seem to be in quite a bit of pain."

"Mum and dad still aren't happy over the mead, gave me a good talking to." He laughed. "Told me I have to live by certain rules if this was my home."

"You call James' parents mum and dad? I thought you called them Aggie and Charlie?"

"When I'm drunk that's what I call them," Sirius informed her. "James' parents have been my second set since first year. I've been practically living here since my third year." Sirius situated his arms under his head. "When I went home I hadn't even seen my parents since the summer." A sad look crossed his face, Lily could have sworn tears were beginning to gather. "Enough about that." He sat up, wrapping an arm around his ribs. "I thought the two of us could start a club." Sirius face split into a grin. "We could have a catchy name like 'Disowned Witches and Wizards'...Not very catchy…" he frowned. "We could get more members, James and Remus can't join, they're _loved._" He rolled his eyes. "Or it could be the Adopted Potter Children club, what do you think?"

"I think you're ridiculous," Lily said. "And you're probably still exhausted from last night, let's get you to bed."

"I'm in a bed," he mumbled.

"Come along." Her voice was soft and coaxing, as if she were talking to a child. Kneeling down she put his arm over her shoulder. "Let's get you back to your room, Agatha showed me where all the rooms are."

"Evans, you don't need to do this. First off, I am completely capable of walking by myself and secondly, I just so happen to enjoy this and third James will kill me."

Lily didn't listen just walked awkwardly out of her room and down the hallway with Sirius draped over her shoulder. She was in front of his room when James appeared, covered in a layer of soot. "Pain potion dad just whipped up," he explained holding the vial out.

"Couldn't he give me something that was a little less work?" Sirius asked.

James shook his head with a smile on his face.

"Oh!" Sirius exclaimed, both parties looked at him quite curiously. "This doesn't involve you, James. It's a private matter between Evans and I."

"Is that so?" James asked, trying not to look jealous.

"Yes, yes, we're starting a club," he informed him. "You can't join, sorry mate. Anyways, we could call it the Persecuted Peoples. Your sister hates you because of having magic, my family hates me because I'm not a prejudiced prat and we could invite Remus this way!" he exclaimed. "He has a furry little problem," he explained.

"I don't mean to judge, but Remus' badly behaved rabbit is not the same-"

"Right," James said walking over and slipping underneath Sirius' arm from the other side. "Lily I have it from here. When Sirius fell off the broom he hit his head, he probably isn't making much sense right now."

Reluctantly she left the two alone and headed back to her room to tidy up a bit. She had enough studying for today and wanted something to eat. As she left her room she saw Charles exiting Sirius' room with James in tow. "Hello, Mr. Potter."

"I told you, Charles," he told her with a smile. "Can I trust you to keep an eye on the boys? Obviously I can't leave two fifteen year olds alone without them getting into some type of mischief."

"Dad, I wasn't even downstairs last night," James reminded.

"Hush, James," he said and then turned Lily. "I was called in to work. I locked up the brooms and the booze, so they won't get any ideas."

"Dad, Evans doesn't need-"

"I said hush." He rubbed his temples and then looked at Lily with softened eyes. "Just make sure Sirius at least takes it easy. I owled Agatha and she's in a tizzy, she wants Sirius to stay in bed for the day, but that won't happen unless we chain him down." Charles sighed. "Remus usually helps in situations like this and I think you're a bit like him." The man gave her that Potter smirk and left further instructions before hurrying off.


	4. Chapter 4

Eventually, Lily had begun to settle in at the Potter house. It took a bit to get her bearings, but now it felt strangely natural. Agatha and Charles trusted her immensely, waving off the incident with Sirius as a mistake that only had to happen once. James was, well James, and would stumble downstairs in his pyjamas at around ten in the morning, Sirius would trail behind him not long after.

Lily was having breakfast alone, enjoying her eggs and toast, when she heard the unmistakable sound of floo. "Godric, that's worse than usual," a familiar voice complained. Getting to her feet she hurried to the study to find Remus standing in front of her, dusting off the shoulders of his t-shirt. "Lily, he replied with a bit of cheer, then his face fell a bit.

"Hullo, Remus," she replied. "Are you hungry? Mopsy made me up breakfast, but she can put the kettle on."

"Oh, Lily." He dropped his bag and walked forward, enveloping her in a warm embrace. "I read the Prophet, but never in my wildest dreams…"

Remus had always been her friend. He was the most mature out of the bunch, but never could stand up to Sirius and James. For some reason he feared that if he did, he would lose their friendship. Lily had told him it was preposterous, but he never listen. In spite of this one disagreement the two had gotten much closer being a prefects together. She knew that he would always listen to her and would never tell anybody, no matter how juicey of a secret she spilled. "I'm doing better now. The funeral is in a week," she mumbled. In his arms she felt safe and comfortable, despite the fact she was getting sooty. "I'm going to start crying and get tears all over your shirt."

"It's the price to pay for being your friend," he replied softly, pulling her in even tighter.

The two were still hugging when they heard clammering and exclamations of delight. "Moony!" and "Remus!" could be heard before the boys were even seen. The next thing they knew James and Sirius came scrambling in looking like children at Christmas time.

Lily pulled away suddenly drying her tears and dusting off the soot. "I...Well, I'm going to go."

"I'm staying here for a bit, if you need to talk," he called and then greeted his two friends like he hadn't seen them in years.

Heading up to her bedroom she felt lonely. How badly she wanted her friends here now or at the very least Remus for a few more minutes. Lily knew she shouldn't be greedy, in fact she knew that a handful of girls would start salivating if she told them about spending the summer with both James Potter and Sirius Black. Sitting on her bed she pulled a book out and began reading, only hoping that soon Remus Lupin would come up for a nice discussion.

* * *

When Lily stumbled down the stairs on Saturday morning she heard more voices than usual. She hadn't bothered to get dressed, just put on a bra beneath her pajama top and threw her hair in to a messy bun. However, she was surprised to see all of the boys-all of the Marauders-at the kitchen table with Agatha and Charles.

"Good morning, Lily," Agatha said. "Sit down, come eat," she said, gesturing to a chair between her and James as a filled plate.

"I didn't realize I was late, I'm sorry."

"You're not late, don't be silly. Peter popped in early and all the boys got up, or rather Remus got them up." Agatha laughed and waved over the reluctant young witch.

"Evans, I don't want to pry...but why are you here? Did James do something underhanded?" Peter asked between bites of food.

"Nothing like that, Peter," she told him kindly as she sipped on her glass of Pumpkin juice. "There was a series of rather unfortunate events and Agatha was kind enough to let me stay here." She looked at Agatha and took a bite of her breakfast.

Peter smiled at the response and began to talk to her, not noticing the looks on his three friend's faces. He relayed a tale of staying at a relatives house, telling her all about the villages and the sights. Lily asked questions and nodded her head in all the right places, looking quite interested in his story.

"Lily, can we talk in Charles' office after breakfast?" Agatha asked.

"Of course."

"Dad are you going to unlock the brooms?" James questioned. "We want to go flying."

"I think Sirius should stay off of them," Charles said, a smile quirking at his lips. "Yes, I will unlock them, but only because Agatha is here to patch up your wounds."

"Are you going to tell us what happened?" Peter questioned as he looked at Sirius' with his still bandaged arm and stiff movements. "I'm gone for a matter of days and already I'm behind!"

Lily turned to James and shot daggers at him with her eyes, daring for him to say anything about what happened the night Sirius came. He pretended not to notice and launched into a humorous, fabricated tale. Remus' eyebrows knitted in confusion, and Lily knew that he too only had part of the story. For some reason all the details were only privy to select few and Lily had been in the right place at the right time, or rather she stumbled into the situation.

She managed to polish off her breakfast and Agatha popped away her plate, along with her own and the pair of witches went to Charles' office. As they did this the boys got into a rousing debate about Quidditch.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"The funeral, your sister contacted me about it. It'll be next Wednesday, would you like someone to accompany you? With the history of you and your sister I think it would comforting to have a familiar face to help deal with it."

"My family will be there," Lily told her. "Really, I'll be fine."

"Are you sure? I hate to send you alone."

"You and Mr. Potter have done so much already, I hate to impose. The two of you have work-"

"We can miss a day," she told Lily. "If you don't want us we could send James."

"No." Lily shook her head. "He would be much too uncomfortable. How about Remus? The two of us have been friends and I can ask him."

"Alright," Agatha said, then looked away for a minute before looking back at Lily. "James doesn't come to me about matters, but I see how he looks at you. We haven't spent much time together, but I can see you are a charming girl...There is no delicate way to say this, but you seem...I don't want you to break his heart."

"I've broken his heart several times already. Or at least he feigns heartbreak every time I turn down his advances." Lily managed a chuckle at that. "James is a wonderful person that will make someone very happy, but I'm not that person." She looked at her lap, her mouth sliding into a frown. "Do you have something I can borrow to wear for the funeral? The only thing I have that's black is my school robes."

Agatha Potter looked confused and then smiled. Lily Evans didn't seem the type of girl that would want to go on a shopping trip to buy something, especially for a funeral. She would tell her she got a dress from a niece or charmed one of her own old ones. Buying a gift for Lily, though, was something that would make her feel better. The girl was hurting and she would do anything to make it feel any better.

* * *

Lily looked in the mirror. The dress was a modest, well-fitting a-line dress with cap sleeves. It was so beautiful that Lily had a sneaking suspicion that she bought it and tried to pass it off as a hand-me-down. Standing in front of the mirror Lily smoothed her dress as she stared at her hair. The loose locks would get in her way, especially with the funeral being at the cemetery. Not wanting to waste time she threw it into a neat bun and smiled at the figure mirror.

Hardly ever wearing jewelry she picked up a necklace her mother had gotten her. It was a locket, very ordinary in the shape of an oval with a floral design engraved on the gold.

"Do you need help with that?"

Spinning around, Lily let the locket drop into her hands as she saw James Potter leaning against the doorframe. His hair was messier than usual and in ripped jeans and a faded shirt, he didn't look a bit like Potter heir in a rich neighborhood.

"The clasp is tricky," Lily said and held out the necklace.

"It's beautiful," he whispered as he stood beside her. As his hands fumbled with the clasp, they grazed the back of her neck. There was something so intimate about this act. Lily shut her eyes remembering walking on her father helping her mother, her hand rested on his as they stood there. She recalled blushing and backing away. "Remus is having trouble with his tie." James said softly, breaking the spell.

"I can do it," Lily told him. "Whose room is he in?"

"Mine, come on."

Lily followed James to his room, hesitating at the door way. She had seen Sirius' rooms, but she hadn't entered James' room. When she did she was surprised to find it wasn't Gryffindor like in the least bit. The walls were pale blue, his bedspread navy blue and his furniture all dark wood. All in all it was masculine and understated, and surprisingly neat.

"I cleaned a bit, can't stand a messy room," Remus told her, as if reading her mind. "Can you do this? My mum has a spell she uses and I can't use magic." The lanky boy spun around and Lily laughed as she walked forward.

"My dad was all thumbs, I learned to tie a tie the muggle way from my mum." She looked up at Remus, smiling at him. "Thank you for this."

James cleared his throat leaning against the wall observing the scene. When she was done, Lily backed out the room providing some excuse about a sweater and purse. James looked at Remus in the as he sat down on the spare bed to lace his dress shoes. "I can practically hear the wheels turning in your head, so tell me what's on your mind," Remus said dryly.

"Lily, I've tried so hard to get her to like me and you...Well, you don't compliment her or give her gifts and she…"  
"James we're friends."

"But you're going with her!"

"To a funeral, because she wants someone that knows the truth there with her. You know how Lily is, she didn't her parents to take off of work."

"Why you?"

"Because my mum's muggleborn, if she took you her sister would get even angrier and her relatives would wonder if she stopped by the mental institution for an escort."

"Well, I'll just come along too!" James exclaimed marching over to his his closet for suitable attire. He could prove to Lily that he was the man for her.

"James…" Remus said.

"I'm acting ridiculous, aren't I?" James sat on his bed, head in hands as they heard a commotion and shouting. "Sirius and Peter are at it again," he muttered.

The door opened and he saw Lily, a purse across her body and a cardigan draped over her arm. "I think we should be leaving now, if you're driving."

"Yes, quite right," Remus said.

"Driving?"

"That's the real reason I asked him," Lily explained. "Remus has a license, my parents were supposed to take me to get a test this year, but here...here I don't really need one." Lily looked down at her feet and then back up at Remus. "Can we go?"

"Of course," he said and walked towards the door. James sat on the bed, watching them go and waiting for his two friends to pop in.

* * *

The car ride was pleasant for Lily, however Remus seemed a tad bit uncomfortable as he sat beside Lily. "I'm afraid James is a bit jealous of me. I had to stop him from throwing on dress robes and stowing away in the trunk."

"Really?" Lily asked with a laugh.

"Yes, I about let him go, he was making so much fuss."

"Potter can be a bit a childlike," Lily admitted, but she saw Remus' face. "You're one of his best friends, I don't know why you worry about pleasing everyone."

"I don't," he argued.

"You _do_. I see you at school and you disapprove of their antics, but you never intervene. The second Potter or Black or Peter seems unhappy with you-"

"Stop." Remus' hands gripped the wheel tightly, his eyes narrowed and his voice was forceful. Lily was shocked, she had never seen him as anything other than a thoughtful, quiet person. "Lily, James and I went into his father's office to retrieve the practice Quaffle." By retrieve, Lily knew he meant sneak it out. "Charles would let us have access to the brooms, but he thought playing Quidditch would be too tempting for Sirius. I saw that file on his desk, the fabricated one from Holmstrom Academy. I saw it had your name on it and wanted to let it go...James looked inside." He shook his head and looked over to take in Lily's face. "Why do you pretend to go to a school for delinquents?"

"It was Petunia's way to spite me," Lily replied. "Mum and dad were so proud of me, but they kept it rather quiet when I left. Petunia was jealous and made up these outrageous stories."  
"Why do you go along with them?"

"It keeps peace between us or it used to," Lily muttered.

"Precisely, it's the same with me. I fear if I speak out against them…" Remus shook his head, eyes full of sadness and pain. Lily swallowed harshly and looked out the window, how she wished she could take it back.

"Well, I suppose it's good that you know my story. Half of my relatives think Petunia's lying through her teeth and the other half stare at me like I'm an animal in the zoo."

"I understand more than you could comprehend."

There was a row of cars when Remus pulled up at the cemetery. Lily left her sweater in the car as she got up. It was ironic that the day was perfectly nice and it was the day her parents would be buried. Getting out of the car she immediately went to Remus' side, looping her arm through his. "Hold tight to me, I need some restraint when I see my sister."

"Of course, Lily," he softly replied. Sweet, unassuming Lily did have a temper befitting her hair. "What is my cover story?"

"Tell her them you work at the school, you look mature enough. We'll tell Petunia the truth, or at least the half truth. If she finds out your a wizard…"

"I'll be the muggle next door neighbor," he suggested.

"My, my, James and Sirius are rubbing off on you." Lily smiled.

"What about you?" he questioned and began to lead her over to where her relatives congregated. There were quite a few of heads of hair that rivalled Lily's vibrance. She had described her sister to him. Petunia Evans was supposed to be a girl with a long, thin face and large teeth. Her hair was as thick and as long as Lily's, but light brown. It didn't take long to find her, she was in the arms of a large fellow.

"Vernon Dursley, they're engaged to be married," she informed him, grip tightening. "We better say hello before the service starts."

The pair made their way over to where the family stood, white folding chairs were arranged while two caskets stood at the beginning. Lily moved closer to Remus, already tears pricked at her eyes as she approached her sister. "Hello, Petunia," she greeted.

"Lily." Her smile tightened as she looked her over. "And who are you?" she questioned looking at Remus.

"His name is Remus, he works at the school and was kind enough to escort me," Lily told them. "You look well given the circumstances." She smiled kindly at the pair.

"He looks awful young to be a teacher," Vernon said. "What kind of school are they running?"

"He's not a teacher, they hire past students for the summer session to help mentor current students," Lily lied smoothly. "Let's sit down, please."

Vernon Dursley looked strangely at his fiancee's young sister. There was something quite peculiar about her and that man, but he let it drop. Today was not the day for a discussion like this, no he would be respectful of the dead and get to the bottom of the freakish girl later.

Lily took her seat in the front row, reluctantly separating herself from Remus and heading over to her cousin. "Lily, I haven't seen you in ages. Are you alright?" Her cousin breathed deeply before enveloping here. "Of course you aren't alright, what a stupid thing to say."

"I'm doing as well as to be expected. Thank you for asking, Amanda."

Her cousin's green eyes were already filled with tears. The girl was a year older than Lily, but known for being very emotional and crying at the drop of the hat. "Sit next to me, please. I know this must be even harder because of your falling out with Petunia."

"How did you know about that?" Lily questioned. While Petunia went sewing seeds of deceit wherever she went, other than her parents the family was blissfully unaware of any disagreements.

"Everyone knows, I'm dreadfully sorry Lily. Petunia told us everything when mum and dad helped her with the funeral. I know how hard it must be to be away from your sister at a time like this, but it really is for the better." Amanda's were glistening, and she let her blonde hair fall in front of her eyes to cover them. "Uncle William and Aunt Bethany always told us how proud they were of you...It didn't matter to them where you went to school and I'm sure they would be delighted that you are getting the help you need." Amanda hugged her cousin was once more, leaving Lily very confused. What had Petunia told them about her? If she couldn't play the part well enough, she would be exposed. How could she tell her family who, or rather what, she is?

After some time, Amanda pulled her over to the front row where the family was supposed to sit. Amanda sat next to her mother, the sister of Lily's father. Petunia begrudgingly sat next to her sister as the service began. It was simple and no fuss, exactly what her parents would want. The pastor was from a local church her parents regularly attended and was able to deliver a lovely joint eulogy. Lily was practically sobbing by the time her parents siblings came up to talk about each of them individually.

As she was wiping at her eyes the most puzzling thing was said. "At this time, those wishing to say a final goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Evans you may do so." At that the casket lids were opened. Lily looked to her cousin.

"Aren't they badly burned?" Lily inquired and then realized that the question may come off slightly inappropriate that way.

"No, they didn't die in the fire, they got trapped trying to escape. The fireman said that it must have been smoke inhalation, there wasn't a mark on them." Amanda looked her over very curiously.

Lily froze and the more she thought about it, the more she felt sick to her stomach.

"Dearie, I didn't mean to upset you. Petunia gave mum and dad the details, I would have thought...Oh, I probably wasn't supposed…"

Their death wasn't an accident. Lily didn't even notice her cousin left when she saw Remus standing in front of her. "Lily? I think it's time to go." He knelt down beside her, trying to look her in the eyes.

"I'm afraid it's my fault, I let something slip…" Amanda shook her head. "Should I get anything?"

"We should leave," Remus said.

"Of course, get her back to Holmstrom, she'll be better off there."

Lily stumbled to her feet as Remus held her elbow. Relatives tried to bid her goodbye, but she couldn't process the information. In the car she mechanically went through the motions of the putting on her seat belt as Remus pulled out.

"They were murdered. It was an accident, it wasn't a warning."

"Lily?"

"They didn't die in the fire, they didn't have a mark on them." Lily cried, burying her head in her hands. "It's all my fault! How can I go back to Hogwarts, how? Petunia was right." She smacked her hands against her thighs as her face twisted into an expression of pain.

"Lily…" Remus had no idea what to say, instead he just drove.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Bit short, but there's quite a bit packed in here.**

* * *

When then they arrived at the house Lily immediately fled up the stairs, tears still streaming. Remus loosened his tie and went into the backyard as instructed by Mopsy. There he found his three friends playing a game of sort.

"Moony, you're alive!" Sirius shouted. The other two remained silent seeing his face. "What's the matter?"

"It's Lily...Her parents…" He looked up to the clear blue sky. "He murdered them."

"Who?" Peter questioned.

"Do you have to ask?" Sirius questioned with a cruel edge to his voice.

"Someone should speak with her." James got to his feet.

"No, I don't think…" Remus shook his head. "Your parents should be the one to do it."

"No," James said and got to his feet, dusting off his worn jeans.

"James this isn't joke! Lily isn't some conquest, she is a decent human being that deserves some peace!" Remus shouted. All of his friends looked up at him, shocked that he would lose control. "James, I…"

"You're right," he said, a sad smile playing at his lips. "But she needs someone now." With that he went inside the house. He couldn't believe that his friend had finally stood up to him and he was a little ticked off, there was that bet with Sirius and now he owed him a three galloons. However, he knew that Lily needed a friend and if that was all he could be for her, he would take it.

The door to her room was shut. With one last deep breath he knocked on the painted wood. "Go away Remus," Lily replied.

"It's James."

"The door's locked, leave."

"I can unlock it I have a wand."

There was hefty sigh and footsteps before the door was swung open. Lily's hair was now loose around her shoulders, her eyes rimmed with red and she had a tearstained face. "Charles confiscated your wand," she hissed. "Can't you take a hint? I just want to be alone!"

"Evans...Lily, _please_…"

"I want to go home," she said. "Tell your mother that. I don't want to be here anymore, I don't want any part of this world!" Lily screeched.

James reached out only to have his hands slapped away. Lily marched out of the room, down the hallway and he grabbed at her. She screamed again, this time she bit him. When he grabbed once more his grip was tighter and she struggled. Soon enough she was pulled into his arms. The young witch thrashed around, but was already exhausted before she began the fight with James.

"Why can't you just leave me?"

"I care for you," he whispered.

"You're a brute and a bully and I hate you!"

James didn't listen, just pulled her into the room and walked her towards the bed. "Could we talk, please?"

Tired she collapsed on the bed, chest heaving with sobs. "Hasn't your mother taught you to be a gentleman?"

"Lily…"

"Forget about any sort of a relationship with me, I want a person who won't manhandle me." She curled up on the bed, by now the sobbing subsided.

"I apologize, but Remus told me about your parents." James pulled a chair next to the bed and sat down. "He told me not to come up here. To stop joking around and give you some peace."

"He said that?" Lily asked, propped herself up to a half-sitting, half-leaning position.

"He's right, I've been an arrogant toerag, but I think you need a friend."

"You're not my friend," Lily said and he winced. "What? Potter...James I am grateful for all your family has done but I barely know you."

"Well, I could start telling you my life story, but I don't think that's going to make you feel any better." James managed a forced laugh at that. The pair sat in silence for sometime, James with his elbows resting on his knees. Lily crossed her knees, half leaning on her pillows.

"Let me guess you're not going to leave until I tell you."

James just nodded.

"I don't have the energy to fight with you." Sitting up all the way, pulling on her dress to cover her knees, she began. "My parents… they had an open casket at the funeral." Lily waited to see if he would understand, but he didn't pick up on the subtleties. "They were supposed to have died in a house fire, but they didn't have a single mark on them." James still had a blank expression on his face. "The Dark Mark was cast at their house, they were _murdered_ James."

"Lily…"

"They were muggles. My mum was nurse, my dad an accountant. The two of them were no threat to a wizard. If I had never gone to Hogwarts they would be alive. It's my fault!" Lily cried out, burying her head in her hands.

"You can't give up." James reached over and tugged her hands away from her face. "For some reason he thinks you are a threat."

"Why? I'm a muggleborn that hasn't even finished schooling. And if he _does _think I'm a threat why didn't he just kill me?"

"Don't sell yourself short, Lily. We have no idea what he knows. Maybe he has a seer and your in a prophecy, or one of the seventh year death eaters talked about you. As for your parents, we can't possibly comprehend what he was thinking. Perhaps, he doesn't want to kill you because he thinks he can _use _you."

Lily looked at him, a perplexed expression across her face. A powerful wizard with an intense hatred for all things muggle wouldn't think a second before killing her, would he?

"I've seen what you can do. Quite frankly it terrifies me that one person could be so gifted-"

"I've had to work for every last one of my grades. My first year I spent more time in the library than in my dorm room," Lily told him pulling her legs to her chest. "You pull decent grades without even opening a book." At that point James face broke into a smile. "What?"

"We study at night, Remus makes us. Threatens to tell professors about our pranks, he never will but Sirius doesn't realize that." James laughed. "Sirius hardly ever sleeps and Remus is an insomniac."

While he spoke, Lily watched him. Never before had she seen the actual James Potter. He was always trying to this handsome, confident man. He acted like he cared about nothing, but while he talked about his friends there was something in his hazel eyes that pulled at Lily.

"James, this question is...not exactly being asked at the right time, but why me?" She looked him over and his expression went blank again. She was about to clarify when he looked at her.

"Because I don't many other girls that are as strong willed as you. Eventually they would give in or hex me into the next century, but you don't. You laugh it off and act like nothing happened. And I'm not very good with failure."

It was a few hours later when Agatha Potter came home. Remus, Sirius and Peter said that James went upstairs and after quite a bit of yelling all was quiet. With a sigh she went upstairs, calling for her son that promised her husband he would leave that poor girl alone.

However, when she came up the stairs, she found a sight she never thought she would see: her son working bent over a book. Down the hall Lily's door was shut. "What are you doing?"

"Her parents were murdered," he replied calmly, flipping through the book. "It wasn't a warning to muggleborns, it was a warning to _her_."

"James…"

"She blames herself. Told me that she wanted to go home, that she wanted to give up magic because it was what killed her parents."

"Death is a hard thing to deal with." Agatha walked over to her son pressing a kiss to the side of his head, running her fingers. "You're very fortunate to not have to experience it." Her grandparents were dead, but they had died long before James was even born.

"Mum, what's the matter?" James saw tears in his mother's eyes that were threatening to fall. He had seen her glistening eyes before, she would tear up at most everything, but it was rare for tears to actually fall.

"I think we're going to have to get used to even more death," she whispered, dropping her hands and going in for a full out hug. "I've probably said too much, but…We're on the brink of war James." Agatha looked at the book her son was reading, it was about prophecies and seers. She quirked an eyebrow, wondering about her son's sudden interest in divinations.

"Would it be possible to see the Department of Mysteries?"

"What for?"

"I already told you about Lily's parents. If he killed them he must see her as a threat."

"James, he's escalating." Agatha pulled away from her son. "A half-blooded wizard's muggle parent was killed this morning. I go to work every day with his father." Now James' mother was really crying. James knew how to handle Lily, or at least he thought he knew how to handle her, but he had never seen his mother cry.

"Mum…" James stopped himself as she dried her tears and took a step back.

"I told Lily she can't give up hope because she or someone like her will be the key to stopping him. I only hope that's true."

* * *

Lily came downstairs to find Mrs. Potter with paperwork spread around the dining room table. She walked over and sat down as a plate appeared and didn't say a word. Agatha Potter looked worse for the wear, like she hadn't slept last night. Her hair was pinned back and was wearing jeans and a blouse. "Working from home today?"

"I didn't feel like going into the office," she explained.

"I heard James talking to Remus last night…" She chased the last bit of egg around her plate. "Could I go to the funeral with you?"

Agatha dropped her pen and stared at the young girl. "Did you know the Reeves?"

"I could tell you who the boy is, but not much more," Lily admitted. "One thing I know is that he's going to need someone that understands what I'm going through. Even though Sirius got me drunk, I felt better after I talked with him."

Agatha just gave the girl a smile and got to her feet to embrace her in a warm hug.

"Besides you got me that beautiful dress and it's another chance to wear it."

"You could tell?" Agatha questioned as she pulled away.

"It was a lovely dress, too lovely to be a hand-me-down and I was taught to tell when things were charmed or transfigured," she explained.

"Of course you could, and I would love to have someone to accompany me."

"What about Mr. Potter...er, Charles."

"He's leaving tonight and will be gone for a week. He's being called away to a Department of Defense meeting in Bulgaria. The ministries are gathering to decide what to do next about the situation." Agatha patted her hand and Lily only smiled in response.


	6. Chapter 6

Next Monday Lily put on her dress and pulled her hair back before heading downstairs to wait for Agatha. She was apparating home, then coming to get Lily and side-apparating together. The funeral was at three and she wasn't going to back to work.

"Why are you wearing that again?"

"James," Lily said, looking up at the boy that had descended the stairs moments earlier. "I thought you knew I was going to Heather Reeves' funeral."

"I forgot," he said with a shrug. "Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Why wouldn't I?" she asked.

"Last time-"

"That was _my parent's_ funeral and I found out they had been murdered. I have every right to be a little upset."

"You bit me!"

"You grabbed me!" Lily exclaimed as she jumped to her feet.

"After you tried running off after telling me you were quitting Hogwarts." James through his hands in the air. "I'm just trying to look out for you."

"I don't need _you_ looking out after me." Lily let out a small squeal of frustration, her hands going to her head, digging through the strands of hair pulled tight. "I've accepted being your friend and I _know _you've seen me at my worst, but that does not give you the right to-"

"Listen to me for _one second_." He took a step forward, running his hands through his hair. "For four years I've tried everything for to get you to notice me. And you know what Remus is right or at least half right. I need to stop joking around and leave you alone, but not because you're a nice girl. In fact you….You are an arrogant toerag!" he shouted and then laughed at throwing her own insult back at her. "Whether you believe it or not I care about. Open your damn eyes Evans! I don't know what offended you so much when I asked if you could handle it, Remus would ask you the same exact thing and you wouldn't bat an eyelash." James tuned on his heel and went up the stairs.

Lily Evans suddenly felt weak in the knees as she sat down again. James Potter may have gotten on her nerves since first year and may have been chasing after since second year...They may have had a love hate relationship, but he was always there. She knew no matter what she did he would still be in love with her...or at least that's what she thought. How badly did she screw up that even James Potter was mad at her?

* * *

An hour and a half later she was sitting besides Agatha Potter in a chapel. It was in a muggle community and the church, she had to admit, was beautiful. When she entered she promised herself she wouldn't cry, but everyone around her was tearful. Most everyone around her, though, didn't know how or why she died. Lily wanted to tell them it wasn't some car accident, that she didn't die because someone else got in a car drunk. Heather Reeves died because she married a wizard. She died because she had a son who was a wizard too.

"I'm going to speak to some of the people from the ministry, you can wait here or mingle."

Lily wiped the tears from her eyes as Agatha Potter left. As she was about to get to her feet a shadow fell over her. "Hello," she said slowly. Michael Reeves stood in front of her, towering was more like it. She could pick the boy out of the crowd easily, he was tall for his age and rather gangly.

"Why are you here?" he questioned. When she raised an eyebrow, he continued, "I didn't mean to make it sound like…"

"It's alright," Lily said.

"Because my mum died I have the license to act like an arsehole," he muttered, sitting down beside her.

"No, because if someone I barely knew showed up at my parent's funeral I would have the same reaction." Lily looked at her feet and then up again at the muggle picture of his mother. She was fairly young with light hair and laughter in her eyes. "Besides, I've been acting like an arsehole lately too."

Michael laughed. "You?"

"Yes," she told him. "My name's Lily, I didn't introduce myself."

"Micheal," he said. "And I know who you are, everyone does. Straight O Gryffindor prefect that's dating the Quidditch captain."

"I'm not dating James Potter," she quickly protested. "Far from it."

"Oh, I thought-"

"I came today, because I know how hard it is. You feel like your stomach's in knots and you could cry at the drop of the hat...Or at least that's what I feel like." She swallowed harshly as took out her hair, shaking it before putting it back up.

"I heard about your parents," Michael said. "Read about it actually. So…" he paused, looked at his hands that rested on his knees. "Does it get easier?"

"It hurts less each day, but there some days are harder than others." Lily shrugged. "If you want to owl me, you can. I'm staying with the Potters." At that she laughed. "Kind of ironic, isn't it?" She looked around and saw Agatha near the back of the church. "See you around."

"Yeah, and I'll take up on that offer."

Lily smiled as she pressed herself against the pew and he moved his long legs to the side. As she did that she wondered how preposterous it was for her to be James' girlfriend. Now, though, it did seem to be impossible and she couldn't help but appreciate the irony in the situation. When James finally proved he was a decent human being-a person she could date-she acted exactly like the type of person she hated.

* * *

She wished that things would have gone back to normal, but James was treating her like...well, like how she normally treated him. Sirius treated her the same way despite their drunken exchange earlier. It was Thursday night and Mr. Potter had been gone for nearly a week when an owl flew in.

"Is that dad?" James asked.

"No, but he did owl me earlier today, he should be home tomorrow night." Agatha looked at the three teenagers. "Are you going to tell me what's going on? I won't tell you what this owl is about until you do." She cut a piece of chicken and began to chew it slowly. "All three of you are unusually quiet."

"You know, mum, the usual stuff," James said.

"I don't know," Agatha replied, then she dropped her fork as a realization crossed her face. "You all know that your dad is going to be fine." She looked around the table. "Charles is perfectly safe," she reiterated, more herself than for anyone else's benefit. "To welcome him home we're having the Reeves over. Anthony was talking to me and I thought it would be nice to have him over. Besides, I think it would be good for him and Lily to talk again."

"Robbing the cradle?" Sirius asked, finally speaking to the redheaded witch.

"It's possible for me to be friends with him."

"Well, I hope he doesn't get too attached," James said, throwing his napkin down on his plate before pushing his chair away from the table.

"Is someone going to tell me what this is about?" Agatha questioned.

"May I be excused?" Lily asked, throwing her napkin on the plate and following James' lead.

"Aren't you going to leave?" she asked Sirius.

"Their...uh, _conversations_ get very heated, passionate if you will. It's best if we leave them alone to work things out on their own." Sirius pushed food around his plate.

"What is going on with them?" Agatha questioned with a frown on her face. "James won't tell me anything, he only talks to you or Charles." Setting down her fork she stared at who she considered her honorary son. "Lily told me that she's not interested in James, but I thought…"

"They're both madly in love. James realized it his second year and he's waiting for Evans to come around. I don't know why he has to love a redhead, they're _so _stubborn." Sirius rolled his eyes then craned his neck. "Do you hear anything?"

"No…"

"Worse than I thought," he muttered. "James is being moody again, I hate when he's like this." With a frown he got up. "I assume I can be excused."

"Yes, Sirius," Agatha replied with a laugh. "Your manners are improving."

"Could you owl my family? Mummy would be so proud."

"Sirius…"

The boy had already disappeared up the steps. Agatha looked at the empty table and only hoped that Charles would be home soon.

* * *

Lily was sitting in her room before dinner on Friday. She had heard Agatha come home, but both Sirius and James went down. As she flipped through her Witches Weekly magazine there was a knock on the door. "It's Agatha, can I come in?"

"Of course." She threw the magazine on the nightstand as the door opened. Agatha was holding garment bags and a tote in the crook of her arm. "What's that?"

"We do a clothes exchange at work. Some of the girls heard about you and brought some stuff in. You don't seem like one for shopping, so I thought it was a great idea." She walked over to the bed and laid down her load. "The girls all have great taste, and a lot of them buy clothes and never wear them."

"Thanks," Lily said as she began to pick through the clothes. She came across a sweater and held it to her chest. "Lavender was my mother's favorite color."

"There is a skirt…" Agatha too began to dig through the bag, it having been magically altered to be bigger on the inside. "I always thought a deep brown looked best with it."

"Thanks," Lily said. "I could wear this tonight. Do I have enough time to change?"

"Dinner's not until six-thirty, you have plenty of time." Agatha hugged the girl without warning. "I know this has been hard for you, but I am always here to talk about _anything_." She smoothed the girls hair as she pulled away. "Even my son, as long as you don't provide too many details."

"Thanks, but I made a mistake with James." Lily looked down at the clothes in her arms and walked over to her trunk. "I think I took him for granted and now he's angry because I overreacted and-"

"I know my son, it's nothing more than a bruised ego."

"No, the day of the funeral I was upset and he talked with me. We fought, and I told him he wasn't my friend, in the end, though, everything seemed to work out." She sighed and set the clothes aside, looking through her trunk for a pair of shoes. "Then the day of the Reeves funeral he asked me if I could handle it and I started yelling at him, he yelled and me...Since both he and Sirius haven't been talking to me."

"Lily, I know what's going on." Agatha sat down and patted the bed.

Lily pulled out the sandles she was searching for and sat down.

"When you talked with James you were probably unrestrained, there was shouting, tears and maybe it got a little physical with shoving or hitting, am I right?"

Lily nodded.

"You don't yell at someone you don't trust." Agatha touched her knee. "Or at the very least reveal what you're really feeling. It's natural for something like this to happen, you opened up to James, but you don't want him to get to close and let him know how you feel. As for my son, he hates to admit, but he wears his heart on his sleeve."

"The only person who can get a read on him is Remus."

"I'm his mother, trust me. He acts like everything is insignificant, because he cares too much. All of his jokes, his pranks, his witty remarks and that confident attitude is an act." Agatha tilted her head back and let out a laugh. "His father and him are cut from the same cloth. But I see quite a bit of you in me, granted I never had your...spunk, but we are the type of woman that can tame the Potter men."

"I don't think James needs taming," Lily murmured, not believing the words that were coming out of her mouth.

"Well, why don't you get dressed? Dinner's going to start soon enough."


	7. Chapter 7

Charles came through the floo, dusting off his jacket as he called out for his family. He wished James would coming running to him, tackling him with a hug like he used to do when he was younger, but that had stopped years ago. Instead his wife came racing in, her arms wrapping around him. "I was so worried," she whispered, planting a kiss on his cheek, then moving to his mouth.

"I'm safe," he told her. "And I'm glad you are too." He kissed her back. "Where are the boys and Lily?"

"Lily is getting dressed and the boys...Well, the boys were supposed to be inside ten minutes ago cleaning up."

"Relax, Anthony won't care how my sons look…" A devilish look crossed Charles' face as kissed her once more, then pulled away. "Besides, if they don't come in I have more time with my lovely wife."

By now the older man had dropped his bag and embraced his wife wholeheartedly. They spent a few minutes just holding each other before Agatha spoke. "Just so you know, Lily and James aren't on speaking terms."

"Of course they aren't." Charles pulled away, taking a few steps back from his wife before laughing.

"How could you possibly know that? Did James speak with you?"

"No," he replied. "But they're like us. Let me guess, Lily finally thinks she likes James, but now he's angry at her for some unexplainable reason, which probably means that because he doesn't want a bruised ego or to be rejected, he's rejecting her before she's gets the chance when he really likes her."

"I knew I married you for something other than looks or money." Agatha pulled in for a kiss again.

"Mum, can you two please refrain from these lavish displays of affection in public?" It was Sirius. He was in a wrinkled shirt with creased pants and a pair of muddy trainers.

"It was private before you got here," Charles said.

"In that case, you should move away from the fireplace, which is how I assume our guests are getting here." Sirius nodded in their direction and cleared his throat. As they began to move towards the door of the office they heard shouting. "Looks like James is out of his moody stage and had transitioned to anger. I think it was the Quidditch."

"I'm going to go diffuse the situation," Charles said, pecking his wife on the cheek one last time.

* * *

By the time the Reeves showed up the house had become a minefield. Lily and James avoided each other, seeming to repel like two magnets. She sat at the table while James stayed next to his father and Sirius chatted with Agatha.

"Is there a reason you're hiding?" Michael asked as he sat beside her.

"Not hiding, waiting," she said.

"For what?"

"I don't know." She looked up at the ceiling and then at his face. "How are you?" she questioned.

"Lily, I don't want to do this now. I just want to get out of my head for a bit."

"I know the feeling." She glanced around the room and saw Sirius and James sneak off to a corner while the adults were busy talking. "Do you actually want to be here?"

"Not really, but I did it for my dad," he responded.

"Come on," she whispered, pulling at his hand. "I'm going to give Michael a tour while we wait for dinner to start," Lily said, the Potter's just smiled while James and Sirius had disappeared.

"Where are we actually going?" he asked.

"To get my wand and my purse," she told him and he raised an eyebrow. "I know we're still underaged, but that's how you get on the Knight Bus, do you have wallet?"

"Yeah,"

"I don't think I have any Wizarding Money left, just Muggle Money, it's just a few sickles for the bus fare."

"Bus fare?"

"We're going to muggle London," Lily said with a smile.

"Muggle _London_?" he questioned.

"Maybe not London, but the first muggle town we find." Lily went to her room and Michael lingered in the doorway why he watched her exchange her flats for those sort of canvas sneakers that were popular with muggles and grab a light jacket along with her purse. "There's a second set of stairs that lets us off by the front door, they'll never know we're gone." She walked over to her desk and pulled out a sheet of parchment and a quill penning a quick note. "I'll leave it by the front door, it'll be fine."

"Don't you think it will be dangerous?"

"We're getting pizza," Lily said. "Besides I need to get out of my head for a while, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do too."

* * *

Lily forgot what it was like to be in a place without magic. Michael and her sat in a quaint pizza parlor, slices of pizza, bowls of salad and a basket of bread sticks sat in front of them. They got looks from people around them, most of them were giving them funny looks. Most of the other customer's were teenagers dressed casually compared Michael and Lily.

"I'm getting a soda, do you want me to get you one?" she questioned.

"Yeah, listen I will pay you back as soon as I figure the conversation out."

"You can buy my lunch first Hogsmeade weekend, alright?" she asked. "It's easier that way and besides you paid the bus fare."

"Orange?" she questioned, he nodded and she grabbed her purse walking over to the counter where the cashier stood. "Hello, two orange sodas please." Lily pulled out her wallet and calculated the total in her head.

"It's on the house." The teen smiled at her. He was as tall as James, but he had short dark blond hair. His hands paused on the cups. "Wait, I do need some form of payment."

Lily rolled her eyes and slapped the money on the counter. "You're unbelievable," she rolled her eyes. "All you boys are the same."

"Whoa, I was just going to ask your name," he said. "My name's Jonah."

"Lily," she replied as he turned around to fill the cups. "Sorry, I've just haven't had the best luck with guys."

"The guy you're with looks pretty nice."

"Michael? He's just a friend, besides he's three years younger." She ran a hand through her hair and looked up at him through her eyelashes. "We both escaped our parent's dinner party."

"Oh, well I'm glad you took refuge here. So, how old are you?" He turned around again with the two cups. "I'm seventeen."

"Sixteen," she told him. Jonah smiled and grabbed a napkin and marker they use to write on pizza boxes with. "What are you doing?'

"This is my phone number, but I work nights so you'll get my parents if you call after three and before ten."

"Thank you," Lily responded, tucking the napkin in her purse and grabbing the sodas. "For both the number and the drinks." She laughed, tossing her hair behind her ear. As she began to walk towards the table Michael rushed toward her.

"We have to leave," he said.

"What?" she questioned then turned to Jonah. "This is Michael."

It was the teen pulled the drinks out of her hand and set them on the counter. "Unless you want a scene to happen we need to get out of here and get _them _home." He looked behind him to see two familiar looking boys through the window. "And they saw you."

"Great," Lily muttered. "We were supposed to get away from them too."

"Who are they?" Jonas asked.

Lily and Michael stared at each other trying to think of something to say. "My brothers," she supplied. "They never take anything seriously, they always try to get a rise out of people." When she finished the doors flew open and came James and Sirius.

"I understand, but when you get home tonight, maybe give me call around ten and we could talk about it." Jonah leaned against the counter, giving her a soft smile.

"Thanks, I think-"

"Evans!" Sirius shouted. "Lily-flower it's time-"

"He's drunk again," Lily muttered as she took one last look at Jonas before walking towards James. "Why-"

"I'm not drunk, but it's a good cover with the muggles," Sirius whispered. "Now, I think we should get home before mum and dad do."

"Are they looking?"

"They will be if you don't come home now, both of you," James said grabbing Lily's arm.

"What are you talking about?"

"We sort of burnt dinner, told mum and dad that we weren't hungry and were going to play Qui-"

"I hate football!" Lily shouted and both boys looked confused.

"Wonderful cover," Michael muttered looked at Jonah, then at the other people that they caught the attention of.

"You don't have to like the cover, they bought it." James tugged on her arm.

"Why are you doing this?" she questioned. "Let us get in trouble, take Michael back I can handle myself." With that she pulled her arm away, taking a step back.

"That's right you don't need help or people you care about you." James threw his arms in the air as he looked around the room. "Why did you take him with you? Because he's the one that knows you the least."

Lily looked away from him and at the other people in the restaurant. Suddenly she was self conscious and took a step forward so she could whisper at James. "We're making a scene."

"Godric, Lily, you think I care? Because I really don't. You think you can dazzle everyone with your pretty smile and little laugh..You let them see that sweet prefect girl, but if they get too close you can't have that?" He looked around and walked over to the counter where Jonah was. "Let me guess, you hit on her?" James questioned. "Who wouldn't? I mean even in that pretentious pure blood outfit with the muggle shoes she looks pretty great." He smirked at Lily before turning his attention back to the Jonah. "She acted all indignant when you used a line, am I right?"

"Yeah…"

"She always does that, but then you played the nice guy card and she flipped her hair told you her name...Here's a hint though, don't waste your time. I've tried every trick in the book."

"You're her brother…" Jonah replied. "Right?"

"Maybe we should all leave," Michael said. "James…"

"No," he said and then redirected his attention back to the teen behind the counter. "She told me that I'm her brother, that's new, why haven't you used that before Evans?" he turned around.

"James, you're embarrassing me more than usual," Lily said.

"Embarrassing you? Oh, I'm sorry because you're such an important person to me that I value your opinion."

"That's it mate, we're leaving," Sirius said grabbing his arm.

"I'm not done," he said trying to jerk his arm away.

"You are," Sirius said, then looked over at Lily. "Can you just be the dame in despair for once and let James be your King Wonderful?"

"It's Damsel in Distress and Prince Charming," she said, "And one second." She walked up to the counter and pulled the napkin out of her purse before setting it down."Thank you, but I don't think I'll be calling you."

"Good luck with your boyfriend," he said. "And you were wrong, he looks like he takes you seriously."

"Sometimes a little too seriously, and he's not my boyfriend."

"In that case…" He began to tear the napkin up. "I don't think I could possibly be more attracted to you then he is."

Lily rolled her eyes and turned around scanning the restaurant before racing out the door towards the Knight bus.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author Note: Please review! Once again this is a shorter chapter, but there is a big step in the James/Lily department. It may not be exactly what you want...**

* * *

That night Lily went to the bathroom at midnight. As she made her way back she couldn't help but notice the light from underneath James' door. She took it as a sign and made her way down the hall. Knocking softly she opened the door slowly. "I come in peace," she whispered.

James was frowned in her direction as he set aside the magazine he was previously reading. "I don't have energy to fight with you. Besides my parents are down the hall and sleeping."

"What if I said I didn't want to fight, just apologize?" she asked.

"I would say take a seat." He gestured to the empty second bed.

"Today I never should have snuck out with Michael, but I just wanted to get out of my head for a little bit...I just wanted to pretend I was in the muggle world...When I saw you I just got so angry and overreacted…" Lily looked at him trying to read his expression. "You are a great guy and an amazing friend, I'm sorry."

"Well, I'm sorry too. Not about staging an elaborate ruse and coming to bring you home, but about making that scene at the restaurant. My mum can never know about that, she wants me to blend in as well as possible when I'm around muggles, especially now." James rubbed his hands on his knees looking over Lily. "Why did you ask me to take Michael and let you get in trouble?"

"I don't know…" She shrugged. "Lately, I don't even know who I am. Everyone expects me be this 'Straight O Gryffindor Prefect' dating the Quidditch captain…"

James quirked an eyebrow at that.

"Michaels words," she explained, "but lately I feel sort of lost. Even though people expect me to be that girl everything is changing around me and I feel weird staying the same." Her shoulders slumped. "When I saw you here the first you came back even though I was annoyed, I didn't realize how grateful I was that you were here because it meant that not everything was different." She ran her hand through her hair holding it up before letting it fall around her face. "But then you started acting different and I don't need another person who asks me how I'm doing or talking with me about my parents-"

"You don't mind when Remus does it or Sirius," James said.

"Remus has always been like that and Sirius got me drunk."

"I know where my dad hides his stash of cheap firewhiskey," James offered.

"No." She shook her head chuckling. "How about you just act like James again?"

"How do I do that? I act like a nice guy and you bite me."

"That day I actually bit you, I appreciate it. If someone else came to talk to me I would have just started bawling, I wouldn't have gotten out all my anger."

"You're welcome."

"You know what I mean and I need that James. I need the boy who steals my charms books before the tests and turns my ink invisible until I promise to kiss him. As much as I yell at him, he makes me laugh even when I forget how."

"You like me?" he asked, eyes suddenly hopeful. "Even the old me? Because I don't like all this soppy stuff." He twisted his body around as he seemed to forget her earlier transgressions.

"The soppy stuff is nice sometimes, and I don't like all of the old you, the mean parts," she said.

"Can you forget that?" James muttered referring to the incident with Severus. " I apologized, alright?"

"I know, and I've forgiven you. I want you to forgive me too." She smiled at him. "Because I think that you must be pretty great if you can deal with my at my best and my worst."

"There's a but, isn't there?" James asked, features suddenly hardening.

"I can't promise you anything yet and I know you've waited a long time, but it wouldn't be fair to either of us right now."  
"Lily…"

"I don't expect you to wait forever, but if there's ever going to be an us I need to to figure out who I am first. Does that make sense?" Lily didn't wait to answer. "I don't even know if-"

"I've waited four years, I can wait a bit longer." He got to his feet, preparing to cross the short distance when the bathroom door opened and Sirius emerged. "Padfoot, do you mind?"

"Well, I can't sleep either, how about we move this discussion to the kitchen?" Sirius asked. "I fancy a bit of tea."

"It's midnight, besides you can't make tea, and you _know_ what mum will do to you if you wake up Mopsy to do it," James said, clearly irritated at his best friend interrupting.

"I could make it," Lily offered, looking from James to Sirius trying to figure out what was going on.

"There is a pitcher of pumpkin juice," Sirius suggested. "I quite like pumpkin juice, so refreshing."

"I'm not thirsty," James told him.

"Of course you are." Sirius rushed forward to grab his friend's arm. Lily placed her hands on either side of her leg as she motioned to get up. "No, no, just give us a minute."

"I'll be back, we can finish talking," James said as Sirius pulled him out of the room. By some small miracle his parent's hadn't awoken. Which to him was very odd. His father may have stopped being an auror eight years ago, his training still clung to him. James could recall being very young and his father rushing into his room because he heard a sound. It turned out to be a loose tree branch scraping against the window. "Are you going to tell me what this is about?"

"After that whole scene with her you're just going to take that?" Sirius asked.

"How much did you hear?" James questioned.

"Enough," Sirius said as he walked over the cabinet for glasses. "Where you joking about not being thirsty because I'm having pumpkin juice."

"Pour me a glass," James said as he leaned against the counter. "And if you heard enough you would have heard her apologize. It's exactly what I want, Padfoot."

"Really? To wait another year or two for a girl that might not even be as great as you think?"

"Sirius…"

"I've heard you go on and on about Lily for years, you act like she can do no wrong...how can anyone live up to that?" Sirius questioned.

James shook his head, staring as his best friend set a glass of juice in front of him. "She already has," he said.

"Open your eyes, mate." Sirius rolled his taking a swig of the juice, frowning as he swallowed obviously hoping for something a bit more potent. "If you want to sit on your arse waiting for a _her_, by all means do it, but I'm not going to listen to you complain anymore. I'm not going to pull you out of a room when you're making a scene because of her." Sirius looked at his glass and scowled after taking another drink. "Godric, that's awful."

James rolled his eyes. "Are you done?" he questioned, not waiting for an answer. He forgot that he promised Lily a glass of pumpkin juice, but that was irrelevant when he came back upstairs to see her curled on the additional bed. With a smirk he pulled his red and gold blanket from the chest in front of his bed before throwing it across the petite girl before sliding into his own bed.

* * *

The next morning Agatha Potter woke aside her husband a smile playing across her face. "I've missed you," she said.

"Trust me, you're a lot better than the quarters in Bulgaria. It was like being on assignment all over again."

"I'm sure Mopsy got up nice and early to make you your favorite, she loves you."

"I hope she's not the only one." He kissed the side of her head before tossing the covers aside and locating his robe and slippers. Agatha did the same thing simultaneously and led him out of the room.

"Did you hear Lily get up? Her door's open and the rooms empty."

"I thought I heard voices last night, but I didn't get up." Charles walked past his wife, eyes scanning the hallway until he stopped in front of his son's room. "Looks like Lily and James made up." He eyed the newest member of the household curled up on the extra bed, a blanket haphazardly strewn across her tiny body.

"Don't we have rules? You better talk to your son."

"The door is open and they're in separate beds, I doubt we're going to be grandparents anytime soon." Charles just smirked and laughed at his wife's shocked face. "Listen, if it was Sirius I would already be marching in, but James isn't _that _stupid or at least I hope he isn't."

"Charles…"

"I want tea, come on." He slipped an arm around his wife and gently pulled her down the hallway into the kitchen. As soon as they walked in plates appeared on the table and their house elf appeared with a pot of tea, casting a quick spell to pour it into the cups waiting on the table. "I take it was an interesting time while I was gone."

"Nothing, I couldn't handle." Agatha shrugged.

"Do you really want me to talk with James? Because I need to talk to Lily as well."

"Why?" Agatha gave him a perplexed look as she started on her breakfast.

"Didn't you see the note James grabbed off the table by the front door? That burnt dinner was the classic diversion, besides Sirius would never turn down his favorite restaurant unless he knew his parents were going to be there." Charles added milk to his tea and stirred it up. "I just can't figure out why Lily left."

"For someone so smart, you don't pick up on things." Agatha laughed as she reached for the milk to pour in her tea as well, but stirred half a teaspoon of sugar, the tea made extra strong to Charles' preference. "James and Sirius weren't speaking with her, I bet you anything she took a trip to the nearby muggle village with Michael. With Heather he knew how to act, not like James." She rolled her eyes at her son and his refusal to integrate with the non-magical world.

"I wish she wouldn't have went, she's not in trouble, but we talked about the heightened security. In order to protect the mixed families, muggle borns and muggles we're trying to reduce overall contact between the two worlds, that way we can track who's going where and hopefully catch some of the Death Eaters." He looked down at his tea, taking a drink. "Enough about my work, let's talk about something else."

"Like what?" Agatha said reaching for a piece of buttered toast.

"Anything to get me to stop thinking about the war."

Agatha just swallowed harshly, the word was not attached to any others. That meant the prediction they feared the most was coming true: the Dark Lord had waged war on both the magical and non-magical world.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Put this up last night, but it was really rough. I just wanted to get back in the habit of posting a chapter daily, but I added a bit more. **

As much as the residents of the Potter house wished everything returned to normal, it never did. Agatha was stuck in a state of tense nervousness, especially whenever Charles was called away. That, unfortunately, seemed to be a more common occurrence these days.

James, Sirius, and Lily knew something was wrong. Once Lily was called in Charles' office to discuss what happened Friday night, she assumed that she lost some of his trust. However, it seemed to be more than that. He was overprotective of all three of the teenagers, and every time he implemented a new measure of security James pushed back. Sirius, on the other hand, walked a fine line of rebellion. Lily didn't mind and spent most of the time in her room writing letters to her friends or reading books in the backyard.

Their Hogwarts letters came early August, James and Sirius didn't even bother to open them, so Agatha took them. "Are there any new supplies I need to know about?" she asked Lily.

"No, the books are just typical sixth year books."

"What classes are you taking?" Agatha asked. "I usually just buy everything for James, he hates going to Diagon Ally."

"Well, Alice and Marlene are going to shopping on the twentieth, can I go with them?"

"We'll talk to Charles," Agatha said.

"It's Diagon Alley, mum, what can happen?" James questioned.

"It's not very far from Knockturn Alley," she said.

That caused the three to all roll their eyes. "If Sirius and James come that'll be five of us. Frank will probably want to come and he's of age," Lily explained. "Please, we've never had any problems before and we'll be safe."

"Remus will come," Sirius said. "And Peter, we can't do anything with them around."

"Fine," Agatha muttered. "Is Friday alright? I'll go to Gringotts to get money out, the usual amount."

"I have an account set up, my parents did it."

"Keep your money, Lily, no arguing is going to change mum's mind," James said.

"My parents left me an inheritance, and that couple with my ministry job leaves me with plenty of money," Agatha explained. "Oh, Sirius, Charles said that Orion is going to be dropping off your things tomorrow."

"I'm surprised mummy dearest and brother dearest didn't have a bonfire," Sirius commented dryly. "There isn't much I want, but it would be nice not having to steal James' clothes anymore."

"You stole my favorite Quidditch shirt," James muttered.

"Stole? You mean borrowed, we are brothers after all and brothers share."

Lily had to hold back a laugh at that. She always wondered how James and Sirius had gotten so close, but it was clear to her now. He had became a part of the family, he even had his own room. When she found out that Sirius had been disowned, her admiration for Agatha Potter grew even more. As much as he loved her parents, she could not imagine them taking in her disowned friends with open arms.

"I was an only child first," James muttered.

"There always so self-absorbed," Sirius commented, laugher sparking in his eyes, as he turned to Lily. This earned him a slap upside the head from James. "What was that for?"

"Boys…" Agatha warned. "Honestly you are going me a favor by just being here, Lily. With those two…" The older woman shook her head. "Thank you," she said softly as the boys pushed their plates away and left the room. "They're going stir crazy, but the Ministry is worried and every precaution is necessary."

"We'll keep each other safe." Lily reached for her Agatha's hand and passed a smile.

* * *

On Friday Lily couldn't keep still as she held the letters from her dearest friends. Today she would finally be able to see them and in less than a month they would be sharing a room again. With a deep breath she finished getting dressed, wrapping her hand around her locket. Lily hadn't taken it off accept to bathe since the funeral.

"Are you ready, Evans?" Sirius asked peering through the door.

"Don't you knock?" Lily questioned. "I could have been changing?"

"Your point is?" His eyebrows shot up as his mouth formed a lazy grin.

"You're revolting," Lily shouted, hurling a pillow she grabbed off a bed at him. "Sirius Black you are lucky I am underage!" She let out a shriek of frustration as she walked over to grab her purse. As she headed to leave the room James blocked her. "Are you really double teaming me?"

"I wanted to see if your ready, my lovely Lily." James passed her a smirk and reached over to place an arm around her. "I don't mind waiting, of course, but sometimes I do get a little bored."

With a huff she pushed away from him. Why did she have to tell him she liked the old James? Now he was going to start acting like an arsehole all over again. She marched down the stairs, her arms swinging. "Lily…" a voice called. As the bottom of the stairs she whirled around to see James standing there. "Do you really have to be like this?"

"If you don't want to wait, don't, alright? I can survive without the infamous James Potter."

"What the hell's gotten into you, I thought we were past this."

"We were, but if you're going to make fun of my request and throw it back in my face, forget it!"

"Sorry, it's how I deal," he muttered so softly she almost didn't hear. Lily looked at him with a concerned look. "You didn't see the papers, did you?" he inquired.

"No."

"Apparently he decided that muggleborns aren't even worth the time of day anymore, he's going after sympathizers." James scanned her face to see if she would understand. "People that help those that are unworthy or dirty are being persecuted. People like my mother."

Lily's eyes widened and her mouth dropped.

"He hasn't gone after ministries employee's, but he's going after pure-bloods that are going against him." James shook his head. "Can you do me a favor, Evans?" The seriousness had faded from his voice and now it had a teasing edge. "Just ignore what I say if it offends you. Joking around helps me deal, something I picked up from Sirius."

"Just like being an arrogant toerag helps me deal," Lily replied, using the words he used to insult her a while back.

"Exactly, now let's go to Diagon Alley." He put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. The gesture seemed second nature to him and Lily did not protest one bit.

* * *

Sirius pretended not to notice the way Lily clung to James arm and how he didn't even seem realize that she was doing that. They made their way through the crowd, going to the Leaky Cauldron where their entire group was supposed to be meeting.

"Remus!" he shouted when he saw his lanky friend emerge through the doors.

Beside James, Lily's shoulders relaxed ever so slightly and she let go of James' arm to greet the boy. Her arms enveloped him tightly and he made a show of keeping his hands light on her shoulders blades. Peter came next, but only got a smile from the red head who now stood between James and Remus.

"Where are the girls?" Sirius whined after a few minutes.

The rest of the group just laughed and began to sip their drinks they had ordered a few minutes prior. As if on cue Marlene McKinnon strutted through the door and Lily sprinted towards her wrapping her arms around the short girl.

"Lil!" she shrieked. "Merlin, I missed you." Her arms enclosed around the red head tightly.

"You look so different." Lily's hand went to her friend's hair. The brown locks that had once reached mid-back barely covered her ears.

"In France all the girls are doing it. Of course my cousin protested, but she's a Beauxbatons girl." Marlene sighed and then peered over Lily's shoulder, by now they had released but were still standing centimetres away from each other. "We have to talk about what happened, but now's a bad time." Her eyes flitted across Lily's face. "I know you probably have been asked this enough, but are you alright?"

"Better, they've actually helped." Lily tilted her head in the direction of the Marauders.

"Remus has always been fine, but are you sure you're talking about James Potter and Sirius Black? The immature prats that have not left you alone since second year?"

"Sirius is different than you think and I've reached an...understanding with James."

"You're on a first name basis with them?" Marlene questioned. "Are you sure you're feeling alright?"

Before Lily got a chance to answer both of their names were called out. By now the owner of the place was frowning, Lily flashed him a charming smile before turning to her friend. Alice was the Remus of their group. Level-headed she could put an end to almost any fight and despite being quiet, she always knew the right thing to say. Everything about Alice was light, from her hair to her eyes to her skin. Beside her stood Frank Longbottom. Now in his seventh year he had grown quite handsome and was no longer that awkward second year that Marlene teased Alice foro having a crush on. His hair and his eyes were dark, he was tall and broad shouldered. Even though his looks were slightly intimidating and he was fiercely protective of those he cared for, he was probably one of the nicest people Lily had ever met.

"Lily, I wish I could have seen you sooner." It was Alice's turn to hug her tightly. "We are so glad to see you." Alice placed a light hand on Frank's shoulder when she pulled away. "I know you must have had a horrid summer with Petunia."

"Did you get any of my letters?" Lily asked.

"I only got one," Alice explained. "Never mind that, it will be easier to speak about in person. If you want we can even wait until school starts, would that be alright? I know how you hate to have serious talks not in public. At school we can lock our door and stay up late into the night."

"Of course," Lily said. "I'm just lucky that the two of you are here now. The only woman I've seen in weeks is Agatha."

Alice's eyebrows furrowed, but Frank understood completely. "Are we all going as a group?" Frank asked.

"We're supposed too, but I really don't want to be them anymore." Lily's eyes flitted over to all the boys. Sirius was telling a story, using his hands to make light gestures. James was laughing so hard his glasses had begun to slip down his nose. Remus was leaning on the table and Peter's face had a huge smile on his face. The four of them hadn't been alone together for a while.

"Mum said to be careful, but four is a good group and Remus can be the voice of reason. Why don't you all go ahead to Flourish and Blotts, I'll tell them the plan." Frank didn't leave room for any other options, just kissed Alice lightly on the cheek before going over to where the Marauders were.

* * *

The girls wandered over to the bookshop. Inside Marlene pulled Alice over to a display of an English version of a magazine she loved in France. Lily somehow managed to sneak away and wandered the shelves looking for a required book. As her fingers closed around the volume, she heard footsteps. "Honestly, James…"

"It's not James, it's Frank," he said as she turned to face him. "Are Alice and Marlene around?"

"Over there." Lily gestured. "Poor Alice didn't escape Marlene's grip when she found this rubbish magazine and had to show us."

"Good, because I wanted to talk to you. Alice wouldn't like what I have to say and I'm certain Marlene wouldn't handle the offer well."

"What are you proposing, Longbottom?" Lily hoped that he caught the mock-professional tone and that she wasn't irritated with him. It seemed that she too had picked up on the habits of Sirius and James.

"I know what's going on with you and James," he whispered.

"How….?"

"How I found out is not important. Listen, Alice isn't just the girl I'm dating, she's my best friend and I know she thinks of you and Marlene like sisters." Frank took a step closer when someone passed, and Lily pretended to be engrossed in the book she was holding. "I hope that I'm not just some guy your best friend is dating," he continued.

"You're not," Lily assured. "I consider you one of my friends. I can't vouch for Marlene…"  
At that Frank laughed, Alice had told him how much Marlene used to tease her about him when she had her crush during first year. Couldn't you at least like a cute older boy? Marlene would ask Alice whenever she blushed when Frank walked by. He's the nicest boy I've ever met. Was the only thing Alice would say in response.

"I know it must be hard with you living with him and I saw the way he looks at you. I know that you can handle yourself, you've always been tough as nails Lil, but if you need some help I'm here."

Lily passed him a confused expression. "That's sweet-"

"He's just as stubborn as you, but the thing is he's cocky about everything. I know how he is with girls, he's been in the room next door or across the hall since he came to Hogwarts. And however tough you may be, you're not intimidating."

At that she laughed, knowing what he spoke was the truth.

"Besides, I can make sure a Bludger slips through the defenses on accident and hits a certain Captain. Not hard enough to hurt him, just enough to knock some sense into him."

Lily laughed and reshelved the book, scanning the shelf in front of her for another. Her hand wrapped around the brand new copy of Confronting the Faceless, the required Defense Against the Dark Arts text for sixth years.

"Get the old copy, it's half the price and you hardly ever use the book. Wolfe is all about hands on learning," Frank explained, his hand going for the seventh year DADA book. "He's an ex-Auror."

"I heard that, it's terrific Hogwarts has him." Lily looked him over, trying to remember what Remus said whenever she accused him of being able to read minds. "He's also a great resource for students who wish to pursue that career option."

"Don't tell Alice yet, I need to wait to get my NEWT results before I can even think about applying."

"You don't want her to worry."

"She's already worried about me, she doesn't know about me wanting to become an Auror, but she knows that I plan on joining the war effort after graduation."  
"How? Please tell me you-"

"Lily," he warned, dropping his voice taking another step closer. "Dumbledore is helping to start another organization, it's called the Order of the Phoenix," he explained. "The ministry can't always be trusted anymore. They've been cutting back on resources." He scanned her face for understanding. "They're conserving resources while they still can. Some people, like the Potter's, don't even need to work, but others are feeling the pain."

"Are you saying that ministry workers are joining the Dark Lord?"

"Keep your voice down," he ordered, softness fading from his face. "And I don't know, I've only got my information second hand from overhearing my parents talking at dinner or snippets of letters."

They pretended to be interested in book shopping, picking out the assigned books.

"We better find Alice and Marlene."

"Wait, Frank." Lily grabbed his arm. "Thank you for being a good friend."

He paused, knowing that she wasn't finished.

"Can anyone join the Order after graduation?"


	10. Chapter 10

Tears pricked at Lily's eyes as she closed the latches on her trunk. It was a silly thought, she had been in and out it all summer, but the last time she held her trunk was when she watched her parents house burn to the ground. She might have been imagining it, but it smelled a bit like smoke.

"Lily, it's time to go." Charles Potter stood in the doorway, adjusting his tie.

She turned to him and looked up, remembering last Christmas when her dad did the same exact thing before bringing her back to the train station. "One minute, sorry," she muttered as she got to her feet.

"Are you alright?" he asked. "You do know this isn't a goodbye, it's a see you later. Agatha and I will see you at Christmas, then during the summer."

"It's not that, I just miss my parents," she explained. "The last time I saw them was at Christmas and the last time I carried this trunk was when I was standing in front of my burning house."

"I don't know what to say," he said. "But can I ask you a question?"

"What?"

"On your first day here, I made James promise to leave you alone."

"I voided that agreement," Lily said.

"You asked me if I could make him leave you alone at Hogwarts."

"Mr. Potter-"

"It's Charles, Mr. Potter makes me feel like an old man." At that he laughed before continuing. "Lily, he doesn't I don't know what's going on between you, but I think you should watch out for him. You're good for him, he's changed this summer, behaved more than usual, which is strange seeing how Sirius hasn't left his side since he got here."

"They're not so bad, they just got a little stir-crazy."

"The rules are for your safety, even Hogwarts is going to be heightening security."

Lily looked at feet, wiggling her toes, suddenly her new shoes felt too tight. "What can you tell me about the Order of the Phoenix?"

The color drained for Charles' face and he took a step forward, grabbing Lily's shoulders. "Who told you?" he demanded. "Do not even _think _of lying to me."

"Frank Longbottom," she stuttered out, bracing her hands against her chest. "You're scaring me, Mr. Pot-Charles."

"Sorry," he muttered. "Don't speak about it, alright? It's a secret organization, Frank probably overhead his parents."

"A phoenix starts it's life by arising from the ashes, its a symbol of rebirth, hope…"

"The War is turning this world into an ugly place."

"I want to join," Lily said. "After graduation."

"Three months ago you were telling me that Dark Arts was the only class you didn't get an O, that you didn't think you have what it takes be an Auror." Charles took a few steps back. "I haven't known you for very long, but I see something in you that I look for in my trainees."

"Frank said that the Ministry was cutting back on resources and some-"

"Don't finish that sentence," Charles ordered. "We can talk about this later, right now you need to worry about your sixth year, you have two full years left to make any decisions."

As Lily enclosed her hand around the handle she knew that something was brewing in the ministry. Whatever it was Charles didn't want it getting out.

* * *

Lily followed James and Sirius through the barrier. Behind her stood Charles and Agatha, their hands intertwined. For the second time that day she thought she was imagining things, but she could swear at least half of the students were staring at her.

"Evans, relax," Sirius hissed.

"Everyone's staring."

"They're wondering why we're standing within ten metres of each other without being at each other's throats." James slipped an arm around her shoulder. "We could give them a show."

"How about no?" she said with a teasing smile stepping away from him. Her face lit up even wider as her friends approached. "Alice, Marlene!" Lily dropped her trunk and took a few steps forward to envelope her friends. "We should never go this long without seeing each other."

"Agreed," Marlene said.

"We missed you too," Alice replied. "Why don't you come with us? We can board the train in five minutes and several of the girls want to see you." They all pulled away.

"Just a moment, I need to say goodbye." Lily left her trunk on the ground as she walked toward the Potters. Agatha was smiling, but was clear that she was sad. "Thank you again."

"You're welcome, promise that you'll come over for Christmas." Agatha embraced her tightly. "And if you ever need anyone, please Owl me. James only talks to Charles about his personal problems, I get all the detention notices."

Lily hugged her back, trying to take in the moment. The last time she saw her parents was a hazy memory…"_Bye mum, bye dad. Tell Tuney it was nice seeing her." Lily quickly gave each of her parents a hug before she spotted a third year boy trying to impress a fourth year girl with a spell that he performing so inaccurately it made it dangerous. She wasn't even back on the train and she already had prefect duties. By the train she saw Marlene waving up and down as Frank planted a kiss on Alice's cheek._

"_Wait, Lily…" her mom reached for her hand as she turned around to face her. "Write us, please. I know things aren't great between you and Petunia, but we will always be here for you."_

"_Mum...I have to go, bye." Lily pulled her hand away, barely managing a smile at her father before turning her back on her parents and heading towards the train._

By the time Lily stopped spacing out Agatha had released her and went toward her sons. Charles stepped forward looking down at his feet. "About this morning...There are some things that I try to keep from you all. I wasn't angry at you, but Frank shouldn't have known about what's going on...He shouldn't have told you about…"

"I understand," she said.

"Can you not tell James? He and Sirius like to disregard rules, they also like to act impulsively."

"I don't think you need to worry as much, Charles." Lily turned to see James squirm as Agatha kissed him on his cheek. "Now, I can't promise someone else won't tell him, but I'm not going to say anything."

"Thank you, Lily."

"No, thank you." She looked around. "I have to go, Charles."

"Stay safe," he said.

"Hogwarts is the safest place to be." With that Lily gave him a side hug before gripping her trunk and walking towards the train, hoping she was right.

* * *

Coming out of the prefects car, Lily stumbled as the train seemed to lurch forward. "Watch out," a boy called, grabbing her elbow.

"Michael," she said, a smile crossing her face. "It's great to see you. I haven't heard from you since…"

"It's fine Lily, the most adventurous thing that happened in weeks."

"Were you put on house arrest too?"

"What are you talking about? Charles and Agatha didn't ground-"

Before Michael could finish speaking a group of boys in silver and green ties marched forward. "Evans, did the Potters take in another wayward teen?" It was Regulus Black. It was easy to tell that he was brothers with Sirius, but they looked like night and day. They had the same build, the same eye, hair and skin color, but Regulus seemed to have a sterner expression. His mouth was either scowling or in a straight line, his hair was short and impossibly neat and his robes immaculately cleaned and pressed. "I heard that they've started a sort of halfway house for blood traitors that besmerch their family name and orphaned mudbloods."

Lily's face fell as her right hand hovered over her holstered wand and her left went to Michael's arm. "I'm warning you…"

"Oh, sensitive topic. I do know how much you despise that adjective, ever since-"

"Do not talk about Snape," she hissed.

"He was never your friend, he pitied you. A mudblood that thought she could compete with us." Regulus stepped forward, his face arranged into a rare smirk. "Enough about that, I have a question though. Everyone always thought you were secretly sleeping with Potter, are you sleeping with my brother as well? Perhaps, even Potter's father? I mean it _is _good payment for all they've provided for you...New robes, books, room and board…" Regulus' eyes passed over her body. "Besides, if you got pregnant at least the baby would have _some _good blood pumping through its veins, what's the price?" His smirk widened. "If it's not too expensive, I'd like a chance."

Lily couldn't hold back any longer, she released Michael's arm and drew her wand out. Before she could do anything she heard a voice yell, "_Expelliarmus!"_

"_Accio _Evans and Regulus Black's wands," the voice followed. Lily saw Frank Longbottom emerging from the prefect cart. "Someone overheard you, Black," the seventh year said.

"She pulled her wand on me!" he protested.

"Out of defense," Frank said. "I suggest you head back to the compartment before I inform the Head Boy and Girl."

"We were having a conversation, she's crazy, just like her sister says." Regulus looked her over. "Snape told us _everything_, that your sister lies about where you go to school and I think that a place for crazy muggles would suit you better."

"Black, I am warning you."

"Warning me? What are you going to do, hex me? My wand is in your hand."

"I am going to give you back your wand and you are going to turn around and go back to your compartment." Frank was in a defensive position, Michael and Lily stood behind him. "And you _did _provoke Miss Evans. Making allegations against a woman's virtue are fighting words." He thrust the wand into Regulus hands before gently pushing him forward. Once they left Frank turned around, his features softening. "Are the two of you alright?"

"Fine," Michael said. "I was looking for the cart when I saw Lily, but I'm going back to my compartment."

Lily and Frank watched as Michael scurried away. The redhead sighed, but before she could open her mouth, he did. "Can you please not yell at me for interfering? I saved you for losing your Prefect's badge and you know it."

"I was going to thank you, who overheard?"

"Remus, he thought that if he came it would only escalate the situation."

"I see."

"Let me take you to Alice and Marlene, I'll cover for you."

"Actually, I think…" Lily paused, biting her lip. "They won't understand and this might only add fire to Slytherin rumors, but I would feel better with James and Sirius."


	11. Chapter 11

Author's Note: Thank you to all that reviewed, favorited and followed, it motivates me to continue writing. In fact the only reason I started writing this fanfic, because my original fiction seemed like it was going no place and fan fiction always reminds to just write for the fun of it, even if it isn't very good. This feels a bit filler-y to me, but there is James/Lily is some more of Alice and Marlene, but honestly I like writing Frank better for some reason. I will continue to update as much as possible this week and next, but I can't guarantee much after that because I have Band Camp for a week.

* * *

For some reason it felt natural to go to James. Three months ago she would have ran to her best friends. Marlene would listen for a bit as Alice slipped an arm around her shoulder with soothing words, then Marlene would start in on how awful all Slytherins were. She knew that wouldn't make her feel better today.

Lily sat across from the two friends smoothing her hair as she relayed the story to them. It was short and she censored some of it. She knew if she told him what Regulus said about her father they would have a crisis in their hands.

"I always liked Longbottom, regular knight in shiny armor. We see him polish his suit every night," Sirius commented. Lily didn't have a chance to correct him. "Frank is right about Reggie hating Remus...Wait, not that we don't adore you Evans, but why are you here?"

"To add fuel to the rumor mill," James said. "Besides Reggie's accusations weren't that far off. Lily did sleep in my room," he pointed out, winking at Lily.

"Aren't you two going to take this the least bit seriously?" she asked.

"Well, seeing as how I'm James..."

Lily rolled her eyes at the old pun. "Potter..."

"Listen, we may not be a knight in shiny armor or King Wonderful-" Sirius began.

"Prince Charming." Lily rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Enough, Padfoot. Yes, the Marauders will devise a plan of revenge. Nobody will dare use that foul word to describe a muggle again or insult my brother." James looked at Lily, then at Sirius. "I just can't believe that you're asking for our expertise."

"I was under the assumption that Sirius would send a strongly worded letter to his brother." Lily got to her feet. "I need to change." She moved to leave the compartment and noticed that James Potter was following she walked a bit before he pulled her by the elbow into a secluded corner.

"You're already in uniform," he said, a smirk on his face.

"James..." Lily whispered.

"What?" He leaned in, bending his head down so his lips were a mere centimeter from hers. "Just say the word and I'll be done waiting." He wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her in. "You don't think I analyze situations? You came to us, not Alice and Marlene, not Remus, Sirius and me."

Lily looked into his eyes, as she tried to regulate her breathing she inhaled the scent of James. The earthy smell that clung to his clothes from when he and Sirius played Quidditch in the forest in this morning; something smelled slightly spicy, amplified by the warmth from his body… "I…"

"Lily," a feminine voice called. Alice.

"I have to go," she replied.

"You don't have to." His arm tightened around her. James Potter wanted this moment to last, he had never been this close to Lily and had her this still. "Stay with me." His hand went up touch her hair when they heard a squeak of surprise.

"I'm sorry...I heard voices…"

Lily pulled away and saw her best friend with color tinged cheeks, eyes widened in shock. "You didn't interrupt anything," she said. "Right James?"

"Yeah," he replied. "I don't want Sirius to think I'd abandoned him."

Alice stood silently until she saw that James had re-entered the compartment. "Frank told me what happened and I came to find you. I thought you would be a mess, you always get so bent out of shape...You have every right to…" she looked at the ground and then took in her friend. "You've changed, you know that?"

"Alice, I'm still the same-"

"No, I like this Lily." She smiled. "You're different...Now, are you going to tell me what's happening between you and Potter?"

Lily didn't say anything, but bit her lip and began to rub the back of her neck. How could she describe her and James?

"Marlene said something was going on, but I didn't believe her and now I've seen it with my own eyes."

"That...it wasn't anything. James and I are complicated. I finally told him I would...I would give us a try but I couldn't handle it right now." Lily sighed and wrapped her arms around herself. "Everything is changing and my parents are gone...I want James, but I want to know him as a friend first. I don't want to dive into bed with him." She forced a laugh, using Sirius' technique of turning to humor to cope with sadness and anger.

"I understand, now come to my compartment with me. We're almost at Hogwarts and are going to be ambushed by first years." Alice's hand went to her friends and pulled her quickly down aisle as the train pulled to the stop.

Ten minutes later the first years were herded onto boats as the older students descended. "Four to a carriage, we can sit with Frank and Marlene," Alice said to Lily as the short year girl pushed her way to the crowds. The horseless carriages stood waiting for the students to board. Lily was about to board when she saw Michael Reeves back away from the carriages. "Lily, come on, we'll set off in a few minutes."

"Just a second." She rushed over to the boy, his face gone pale. "What's the matter?"

"Don't you see them?" he questioned.

Lily shook her head and then recalled something she had read in Hogwarts, A History. The carriages were pulled by Thestrals, you could only see them if you saw death. "Your mother…" Lily began, Michael was puzzled. "You can only see them if someone you know died."

"Can you see them?"

"I only saw a house burning…Did you…?"

"We were-"

Michael was cut off by a group of Hufflepuff boys shouting for him. "Go, we can talk later. Remember, I'm your first Hogsmeade date." She wrapped an arm around his shoulder for a quick side hug before rushing to the carriages.

* * *

As Lily and her friends entered the hall a wave of reassurance washed over her. She was home. This castle was where she had lived for the majority of five years of her life. Everything about it was familiar. "Lil, come on!" Marlene said, dragging her towards the red and gold table. She wanted to sit towards the front of the table to scope out the new first years, but Lily stopped at the middle. James and Sirius sat across from Remus and Peter.

"Evans," James said, patting the bench beside him. "Sit here,"

She did. Marlene followed, frowning as Alice sat next to Remus. Frank was on her other side and a group of seventh years followed. Lily had always avoided the middle of the table. She may have been personable, but the middle of the table was the center of the action. As much as people pretended to be irked by the antics of the four best friends, but everyone adored the four boys.

"So, about…"

"Hush, Potter," Lily teased as the nervous first years shuffled in. Professor McGonagall unrolled a piece of parchment and held the sorting hat by the very top of it.

"I can't believe it's my last sorting," Frank said as he surveyed the eleven year olds that seemed impossibly small.

"I'm starving, roll?" Alice passed the basket to Frank, suddenly looking very nervous. It was clear that she wanted this year to last as long as possible.

"He doesn't look hungry, pass them to me," Sirius said, causing all three girls to roll their eyes as he plopped two down on his plate. Everyone else silently filled their plates as the did the obligatory clapping after each sorting and cheered whenever there was a new member of their house. "This sorting is dreadfully boring, Prongs, where are the members of the pureblood family with the potential to be disowned?" Sirius questioned.

"Padfoot…" James started. "There aren't any legacies this crop, you know that. Besides, we have the standard mix, that's good enough."

"Legacies?" Lily questioned.

"Students like James and Sirius. James' entire family has been in Gryffindor, just like all the Blacks were in Slytherin," Remus explained.

"Except me," Black said.

Lily leaned over, close to James. "Am I part of the standard mix?"

"You will never be standard," James replied as touched a lock of her dark red hair. He was obviously pleased that Lily no longer threatened him whenever he came within a metre of her.

"Aren't you supposed to be setting a standard?" Marlene asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"If you want to woo each other, get a room," she huffed. "Besides, aren't prefects supposed to be against PDA?"

"That reminds me," Frank said. "Head Boy says that you have to take the first years up to the room since you didn't pull a patrol shift on the train."

"Ugh...Diggory knows I didn't want that." Lily's eyes flicked over to the Hufflepuff table where the attractive seventh year sat talking to a pair of first year girls. "Can someone take over my late night patrol?" she questioned.

"I can," Remus interjected. "You were paired with Finnigan, right?"

"Thank you," Lily said as she looked to her roommates. "We have a lot to talk about."

"Me?" James questioned as he reached across the table for another chicken leg and looked at Lily's nearly untouched food on her plate. "Better eat up or I'll owl mum and tell your not eating."

"I'll owl Charles and tell him that you got detention on the first day."

"I didn't."

"And I'm eating." Lily stabbed a cooked carrot and popped it into her mouth before spearing a piece of chicken to put on her plate. "And I think you should attach a 'yet' onto that statement, I am a prefect after all."

"I love a woman in uniform," he teased.

Lily rolled her eyes and set on to tucking in dinner. At the front of the table first years were getting restless. Most everyone was done and she sighed as she wrapped a treacle tart in a napkin for later before passing it to Alice. "I have to take them up." She looked at Frank. "Are you going with me?"

"Night shift with Remus," he said. "You're with Ben." He pointed to the fifth year with a mess of blonde curls. "Diggory thought the first years would like him."

Lily got to her feet with a sigh, signalling to Ben to do the same. McGonagall gave her a nod as Dumbledore rose to announce that first years should make their way to their dormitories. Pinning a smile on her face she waved to the eleven year olds and gestured for them to follow. "Want to give the spiel?" she asked Ben.

"Uh…" he gulped. "I thought we were just supposed to lead them up so they didn't get lost."

"Take the rear, I'll do it," she grumbled, then turned around with a widening smile. "My name is Lily Evans, that's Ben Crenshaw. We are two of the Gryffindor prefects. Prefects are always here to help you, whether it's school related or not. We all have the same badge." She gestured to the ornament on her robe that had a Hogwarts crest with a 'P' on it. "Now, step lively, the staircases change. The Common Room is located on the seventh floor in Gryffindor Tower. To find the entrance it is guarded by the Fat Lady."

She didn't make small talk, instead pushed on, hoping they could keep up. When they reached the portrait the Fat Lady smiled at her. "Dearie I heard about everything," the woman said with a pout. "Are these the new students?" She surveyed them, making a great show. "I suppose they will have to do? Password?"

"You must have a password to be let in, we change them bi-weekly and they will be posted on the bulletin board inside." Lily looked over the first years. "This time it is 'Quid Agis'." They all followed her in, gasping in awe at the inviting common room. It was well-lit with plenty of seats, plush carpets and a stone fireplace roaring to life. "The boys' staircase is on the left, the girls' staircase is on the right. The rooms are labelled and your trunks will be waiting."

She knew she should follow them up, but instead she collapsed on the coach, mentally exhausted from the day. There was almost too much to absorb, from the conversation with Charles, the argument with Regulus, and that moment with James. Unconsciously she touched her lips wondering why James just didn't kiss her. Although Agatha had raised him to be a gentleman, he threw most of the propriety out of the window.

A few minutes later all the other Gryffindor students poured the portrait hole. She caught a glimpse of the four Marauders heading up the stairs, James' eyes not even drifting in her direction. Alice kissed Frank goodbye before she and Marlene headed over to Lily to pull her off the couch. The light year girl thrust the tart into her hands as they each put an arm around her shoulder to pull her up the stairs.

In the room their other roommate was already getting settled in. The girl was sweet enough, rather quiet with them, but she wasn't close. "Hello, nice to see you again," she greeted to be polite.

"Athena," they all chorused before murmuring their own greetings. At times Lily felt guilty that they excluded her, but the girl had never clicked with them. She preferred to hang out with the Ravenclaws in their grade and the older members of Gryffindor.

"Lily, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about your parents. I read it in the Prophet this summer."

"That means a lot."

"I'm going to the seventh year dorm," she informed them, shutting her trunk before wandering out of the room.

Marlene pulled back the curtains on her bed and they all three plopped on it, then pulled off their shoes leaving them in a pile at the end of the bed. Alice dug out a bag of sweets that she always kept in her trunks and Marlene pulled out a paper bag with bottles of butterbeer that had started two years ago as a welcome back tradition. "Tell us everything," Alice said.

And she did.


	12. Chapter 12

After a week at Hogwarts Lily realised it was not the safe haven she thought it was. No one would let her forget for a moment that she was an orphan. There was always someone with a sympathetic look or someone wishing to give her condolences. That combined with juggling her rigorous NEWT level classes and Prefect duties was enough to drive anyone insane.

She woke up at five in the morning in order to get a jump start on a Transfiguration homework that was due in two days time, but she wouldn't have any spare time tonight with a meeting and nightly patrol.

When Lily saw her uniform she cursed herself for throwing it into the pile, it was all wrinkled and she tried to recall a spell to fix it. After fumbling several times her clothes look liked they had just been finished getting ironed by house elfs. Not wanting to waste time she braided her hair in one plate before grabbing her bag and heading to the Common Room.

No surprise it was empty and she spread her things out on the table. As she hurriedly began to complete her Transfiguration homework she realised half-way that she had Potions take-away test to finish. Slughorn assured them it wasn't for a grade and they could access any outside resources, but Lily hadn't barely.

"Evans? What are you doing up?" It was James, he stumbled down the stairs in his pajamas. His hair stuck up every which-way.

"Transfig homework," she mumbled. "Then I remembered I have the Potions pre-test to start."

"_Start_?" he questioned. "Even Sirius copied Remus' when he wasn't looking, you need help?"

"No," she sighed.

"When did you get up?"

"Five, but then my clothes were wrinkled because I rolled them in a ball instead of folding them." She sighed setting down her quill to put away the Transfiguration homework and reached for her Potions book, the questions and the crumpled piece of parchment.

"Let me help," he said.

"You're not even dressed," she huffed.

"Because I wait until the sun rises to get out of bed." He sat down next to her on the couch. "Are you sure you're alright? You weren't this stressed last year."

"James, I have a full schedule of NEWT level classes and Prefect duties."

"You didn't drop anything?"

"No," she replied. "Why would I?"

"I dropped two electives and History of Magic, I almost dropped Astronomy, but Dad said that it actually does come in handy when you're out on Auror missions," he explained. "Godric, I can't imagine having all this work. I mean, I dropped three classes and I still feel like I'm drowning."

"Your Quidditch Captain, you have the hopes and dreams of our house resting on your shoulders," she replied sarcastically.

"I know! The only thing you do is make sure kids don't shag in the astronomy tower." He laughed and looked down at the worksheet. "Amortentia is the love potion, not liquid luck," he corrected.

"What are you talking about? I put-" She stared at the paper and frowned before mumbling a few words while waving her wand over her paper to make it go away. "Thanks," she mumbled. "Are you going to get dressed?"

James looked down at his watch. It's only six-thirty."

"Breakfast starts at seven, first class is seven-forty five."

"Who says I'm going?" he questioned.

"You did not just tell a prefect you were skipping classes."

"I'll go," he muttered, "but only because you'll tell mum or dad or both." He looked around the Common Room. Lily watched as stopped at the fireplace pulling a tie off the mantle. "I need this, let Peter borrow one, the house elves are getting an ink stain out of the other…"

"Why don't you have a tie?"

"We were playing this game last night. I think Sirius called it strip-chess team version."

"What?" Lily asked.

"Joking, we were throwing around a Quaffle and my tie was getting in the way," he explained. "Lily, are you going to Hogsmeade next weekend?"

"Of course," she replied.

"Do you have someone to go with?"

"Yes."

"Oh, so since you don't- What do you mean yes?" he questioned, and incredulous expression crossing his face.

"Michael," she said. "After we snuck out to the pizza place he promised he'd buy me lunch at Hogsmeade to pay me back since he didn't have muggle money or know the conversion," she explained.

"Will you be with him the whole time?"

"I'm not going to be in the village very long James," she said. "Sorry."

"Lily, remember the train ride?" He walked over from the mantle place and sat beside her once more. "Tell me you didn't like it." James moved closer to her, their knees touching.

"I forgot my badge, I'll see you at breakfast." With that the redhead fled.

* * *

Lily didn't try to avoid James, it happened naturally. Her mind was already flying in a million directions at once and she did not want to attempt to unravel the complexities between her and James. Instead she applied herself to classes, willing herself to pay attention and take accurate notes.

By lunch time she wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and not wake up for a week. Instead she pinned a smile on her face, poured a glass of pumpkin juice and reached for a sandwich. She pretended to be engrossed in Marlene's conversation about Divinations, smiling and nodding at all the right spots, but really she couldn't care less.

"Lily, we better get to Potions. Slughorn loves it when we're early," Alice said as she got to her feet. The pair said goodbye to their best friend who soon started in on a rant that 'Potions was near impossible to pass', you needed an 'E' to continue to a NEWT level course and Marlene had barely scraped by with an 'A'. "Lily are you going to tell me why you got up at five?"

"Homework," she replied. "I have patrol tonight."

"What about James? Why was he sitting at the end of the table?"

"I broke his heart again, the usual," she laughed.

"That's not funny," Alice said. "I saw the two of you on the train and at dinner…"

Lily rolled her eyes and hurried to the dungeons. Slughorn had two extra tables set up at the front of the room with small cauldrons with a little placard in front of them with a number. On the chalkboard _Identifying Potions_ was scrawled at the top with bullet points beneath. People trickled in slowly and soon the class of twenty-four waited for Slughorn to begin. By then he had sent up a second station in the back of the classroom similar to the one in the front.

The instructions for the day were easy enough: take out the log that Slughorn had put on the required list and make note of observations about the potion and a Hypothesis for it's use. They were instructed that none of them would kill them per se, but even with that being said they weren't to taste that said he split the classroom in two and turned over an hour glass for the observations and then they would have a discussion.

As she focused on the potions in front of her, she took notes, but one caught her attention in particular. It was the last in the row and had spirals of steam rising it. She noted the mother of pearl sheen and bent ever so slightly over to waft the scent. Tensing slightly she noted the spell and had her suspcisions of what it was.

Slughorn led the discussion of the potions. Revealing a Polyjuice Potion, Felix Felicitis, Shrinking Solution, Hiccoughing solution. "What about Cauldron number five?" he questioned. "I want a few of you to say what it smells like. Miss Evans," he said.

"It was odd as it didn't smell like it had typical potion ingredients. It smelled woodsy, like cedar and fresh air, combined with a warm, slightly spicy scent…" She hoped she wasn't blushing, because she knew exactly where she had smelled it before.

"Interesting, what about you Mr. Potter?"

"I didn't smell that at all. I smelled black tea, citrus and books," he explained.

"Miss Warren?" he turned to Alice.

"New parchment, laundry soap, peppermint and freshly cut grass." Alice smiled. "But how could I have smelled that if James and Lily smelled something different?"

"Mr. Snape, what is your hypothesis?" Slughorn questioned.

"It's a love potion," he explained. "We all smell something different, it's rare for two people to have the same scent." He looked down at his paper.

"Correct, what do you smell?"

Lily could almost feel Snapes' eyes burning a hole in the back of her neck and she turned around. "Well, it was hard to identify…" he paused, eyes flitting everywhere. "Floral perfume, mixed with something sweet…" By the way he spoke Lily knew that he was lying…Why would he lie?

"It looks like we're finished for the day. I need to clean before dinner tonight, you are dismissed." Slughorn turned around and walked back to his desk. "Miss Evans, could you stay for a bit?"

"Marlene and I will wait for you before we leave for dinner," Alice said with a smile before she caught up with one of the Hufflepuff girls.

As much as Lily didn't want to stay any longer after double potions she packed up her things before heading over to the desk.

"Ah, my lovely Lily, I haven't received your RSVP." He slid embossed card across the desk. "The Slug Club is meeting this weekend, I would hate for you to miss it."

"Of course, I apologize Professor, I've been out of it for a while."

"I noticed, and it is only natural. Losing one's parents is a very difficult thing to cope with. My office is open any time if you wish to speak and if you need a bit longer with an assignment, just say the word." The man gave her a smile and pulled a smile candy dish out of his drawer. "Crystallized pineapple? Sweets always help me."

Lily picked a smile piece. "Thank you and I will come, the invitation must have slipped out of my bag."

"I understand and bring a friend. James Potter would be a wonderful pick…"

"Excuse me?" Lily about spat the dried fruit she was chewing out of her mouth.

"Well, I invite him every time, but he always has detention or Quidditch Practice...I also noticed he said the Amortentia smelled like Black tea and I know from the Slug Club you fancy a good cup of tea."

"Professor…"

"What do I know?" he replied with a shrug.

When Lily left the classroom her mind wouldn't quit working. She wasn't thinking about the Charms Lesson from today, the homework that had to be edited from Transfiguration or the Dark Arts essay due next week...She was thinking about James Potter and how as much as she wanted to avoid the topic, she was going to have to address it soon...And she was going to have to reveal to herself how much she cared for the messy-haired boy.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: I had a plan for this chapter, but it just sort of unfolded in front of me. Lily is difficult to write, because there isn't much known about her and I try to stick to the to main traits that she is known for having: compassion and stubbornness. **

* * *

James sat at the desk in his dorm room pouring over the Quidditch playbook. Tryouts were this weekend, but most of the spots were already filled. Sirius and Frank were beaters, he was one of the Chasers along with tall, skinny girl named Anna...Last year the Chaser was a seventh year, so that would have to be filled along with a Seeker position. He was hoping to convince Sam Quinn to try out again. His parents wanted him concentrating on the studies, but he was a damn good player…

"What's your thesis for your essay James?" Peter asked.

"Wormtail, what are you muttering about?" He dropped his quill and turned around.

"The Dark Arts essay, what's your…"

"Don't bother asking," Remus said as he strode in the room. "I'm guessing Prongs hasn't started."

"No, I'm working on Quidditch."

"It's called avoidance," Sirius chimed in from his position on the bed. "He got turned down by Lily today and is concentrating on beating the Snake slime out of the Quidditch Cup."

"Put a sock in it," James muttered snapping his playbook closed. "I didn't get turned down by Lily, she's just been busy." It was a lie. Then when she described the Love Potion all she did was blush and stammer. He thought about how his smelt. Black tea? This might not have been a very British thing to say, but he didn't really care for the taste that much unless it was Sirius' version of tea. However, he did remember how Lily always insisted on making it when she was at his house.

"I have patrol duty tonight," Remus sighed. "I have to talk to Diggory and the other prefects about rearranging the schedule because I saw when the full moon is."

"How far off?" James inquired.

"Next Sunday, isn't that bloody great?" Remus asked. "I _hate _when it's on Sunday, because I have to miss Monday classes, at least in the morning."

"Not to get off topic from your furry little problem, but could you talk to Lily?" James, by now, was pacing around the room, running a hand through his hair.

"Yes." Remus rolled his eyes. "I have patrol with her tonight anyway." The lanky boy looked down at his watch with a sigh. "I'll talk with you about the plan when I get back. Have to go, we're patrolling the Astronomy tower." He shrugged off his robe and exchanged it for a jumper before racing out the door.

Downstairs he saw Lily dressed even more lax than him in a pair of worn jeans and trainers, a knit hit covering her hair. "I took a shower," she explained as she tugged on the edge of it. "I hope McGonagall isn't out tonight, she'll murder me for not wearing my uniform."

"I'll cover for you," Remus said as they made their way through the portrait hole. "Frank said there's this Slytherin-Ravenclaw couple that usually hangs out up there and gets particularly nasty."

"Joy," Lily muttered. "I'm done with couples after today."

"You didn't enjoy the Amortentia?"

"No, Slughorn invited me to one of his dinners and suggested I bring James along as my plus one." She snorted at that. "That was _after _he expressed his sympathies about my parents and said that I could use their death as a get out of jail free card." She rolled her eyes.

"Are you doing okay?" Remus asked softly as they made their way down the corridor that he quickly scanned.

"I guess," she said. "It's getting easier. I mean, I used to wake up in the morning and not remember I was at the Potter house...It would hit me like I ran into a brick wall. Now, it's finally sunk in all the way." Lily hugged herself tightly. "I told Marlene and Alice everything, it's nice that they know the full story."

"I heard what Regulus said."

"I could care less when he asked if I was sleeping with James, even with Sirius, because eventually everyone ends up in fabricated story about them...but he asked me if I slept with _Charles_." At that Lily shuddered and her face arranged itself into a look of disgust. "And then he had the audacity to ask the price. Frank was right, if he hadn't stepped in I would have lost my Prefect badge."

Remus didn't respond just looked behind suits of armor and in nooks and crannies as they walked down the hallway. "James wanted me to ask you about him."

"I broke his heart because I said I planned on going to Hogsmeade with Michael and leave early."

"Lily, he's an absolute wreck. Peter asked him about his Dark Arts essay and he hasn't even started…"

"So? Him and Sirius always procrastinate."

"All he does is pour over the playbook for Quidditch. The last time he did that was when I-"

"You what?"

"Never mind." Remus shook his head as they got to Astronomy tower. He placed a finger to his lips as he cast a particularly helpful spell that muffled their footsteps and he lit his wand. "We're prefects, we'll give you to the count of three to vacate this tower and head back to your room. After that we're giving you detention…"

"One…" Lily looked around after she heard the sound of footsteps. "Two…" Remus whipped around with his wand. "Three…" More scurrying footsteps, but no one left. They rolled their eyes as they began to investigate.

Lily caught the edge of a robe and looked in a corner where they saw a girl with a mess of blonde hair next to a boy with a buzz cut. "Detention," she said softly. "Names please," she said.

"Flintson," the boy muttered.

"Edwards," the girl replied.

"What are your houses?"

"Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw," the boy said. "They never check here, usually leave after they find the first couple."

"You shouldn't be out here anyway." Remus said. "Now go on, we'll leave it up to honor code that you're returning."

The two prefects watched as they scurried out. Lily quite frankly felt disgusted, the pair looked like a couple of third years! She was used to catching sixth and seventh years our after curfew, but the younger kids at least had the decency to return to their dorms before lights out.

Without another word the two did another quick sweep before turning on their heel to head back to Gryffindor tower. As they walked Lily had a thought about Saturday. "Remus, the Quidditch tryouts are on Saturday, right?"

"Yes," he replied.

"Well, I'm supposed to bring a friend, would you come with me?"

"Me?"

"Why not?" Lily asked and stepped sideways to rest a hand on his shoulder. "As a favor to me, please?"

"It's not a good idea…" Remus shook his head. He wouldn't be very good company with the full moon in a week. His appetite was almost non-existent, he was restless while being dead on his feet because he couldn't force himself to sleep.

"You are one of my best friends. Besides, even if I asked James he would show up half hour late in muddy Quidditch robes." Lily tilted her head to look him straight in the eye. "Besides, Frank and Alice will be there too. So, will Diggory and-"

"Fine," Remus muttered, as he tried to figure out how to tell one of his best mates that the girl he was in love with didn't want to talk about him and instead invited him to dinner. Yeah, that would be easy to tell James.

* * *

Lily stared in the mirror, straightening her skirt. Marlene had done her hair and she thought it looked ridiculous with a ribbon holding back hair from falling into her face. She had been studying most of the afternoon and wanted nothing more to slip into a pair of jeans and an old jumper.

"Are you wearing that?" It was Athena. The roommate walked in wearing a casual red dress, her dark hair falling around her shoulders in waves. "You know that everyone likes Slughorn's parties because we don't have to wear our uniforms." The roommate smirked as she walked over to her trunk and pulled out a dress. "It's a bit too small for me, but you have such narrow shoulders that it should work." Athena tossed the dress to the redhead.

Lily considered throwing it back. It was barely October, still fall, and the dress was dark blue and made of stretchy material. It was they type of dress Marlene would wear whenever they went out together. "I think I'm-"

"Wear it, it'll look great with your hair." Athena sat on her bed and opened her trunk for her makeup kit. Lily walked to the bathroom and stripped, pulling the dress on. It was casual, but the bodice clung to her, leaving little to the imagination, the skirt flowed away, but it was much shorter than her uniform skirt. With a sigh she pulled out the ribbon and ran her hands through her wild locks. Maybe tonight could be fun.

Upstairs in the boys room, Remus pulled off his tie and changed into a different dress shirt. He would leave the robes, but knew he should put the Prefect badge on his shirt. As he was about to walk out the door James and Sirius came in, Peter on their tail. He knew that the last boy was rubbish at playing Quidditch, but he was very good at observing it. Writing plays came easily to him and after one game he could tell the pros and cons of each player.

"I thought you were making tryouts run over," Remus commented.

"I was going to, but Longbottom gave me a lecture," James mumbled. He looked like a mess, face mud streaked, robes with grass stains and hair looking like he had just alighted from a broom, which he had. "I was thinking about going to Slughorn's dinner."

"I'm his date," Sirius called.

"You two are up to something," Remus said. "The only reason you're going is because Regulus always attends." He looked between James and Sirius, each was wiping their face with a wet towel and quickly changing.

"I'm glad I'm studying," Peter piped up. "I'm inviting Wendy up here." The short boy tried to contain a smirk as Sirius and James cheered a little before making an effort to hide their dirty clothes that littered the ground.

Without another word Remus went down into the Common Room where Lily stood with Alice and Frank. Frank was dressed in a manner similar to him, while Alice wore trousers and a blouse. Lily, though, was were he was surprised.

"Marlene vetoed my jeans and Athena vetoed my uniform," she explained.

Remus couldn't help but stare at Lily, whom James always described as being beautiful, but lately she looked...Well, much like he did after the full moon with dark circles under her eyes, messy hair and slightly disheveled robes.

The group made their way down to the dungeons. Slughorns room had been transformed and actually looked like a nice place to eat, the lab tables transfigured to one long dining table. "Ah, my lovely Lily, I'm so glad you could make it," Slughorn said. "And...Remus isn't it? Where's James?"

As if on cue Potter strutted in with Sirius following. Both were in dress robes and had somehow managed to clean up from Quidditch tryouts. "Sorry, we're late. I'm not overdressed, am I? I considered wearing my Quidditch robes."

"No, no!" Slughorn laughed. "Come, come, lets get some punch."

Lily watched curiously as they both ignored her, wandering over to where the Slytherin's congregated. Something was going on, she could sense it. "Remus, tell me why Sirius is here."

"Slughorn always says to bring a friend, you know that."

"He means a date," Lily muttered. "Besides, Sirius _loathes_ Slughorn. Him and his brother don't get along either, and Regulus never misses these." She pointed to the fifth year talking while a blonde girl laughed loudly at whatever he was saying. "They're not going to be stupid enough to pull anything here, are they?" she questioned.

"You know that they're plotting revenge?" Remus asked casually.

"I'm not daft. I was the one who told them _everything _or at least most everything. I left out the bit about James' father...He would have already fed Regulus to the giant squid."

Before they got a chance to speak, the aforementioned Black sauntered over. "You look very nice, Evans," he complimented, eyes looking her over. "Does this mean your price has went up? I would think it would go down if you're with Lupin."

Lily tensed her hand going to her wand when she remembered that it was with her uniform.

"Forgot your wand? Even a-"

"Lily." Remus pulled at her arm, but she tugged it away.

"I don't know what your problem is," she spat out. "You call _me _a mudblood, but my blood is purer than yours."

Remus hand tightened around Lily's arm as his hand rested on top of his wand.

"Are you familiar with inbreeding? It happens quite a bit with nobility. They don't want to pollute the line, have unworthy heirs, but in the process it makes their children susceptible to all sorts of conditions…" Her eyes drifted over his. "Mental diseases, physical ones...It's you I feel sorry for. Call me _whore_…"

Regulus' mouth dropped at that word leaving the mouth of the Gryffindor sweetheart.

"Speechless?" Her arms crossed over her chest. "You think your so special, I'm surprised you don't have your tattoo yet." Lily tilted her head, the younger Blacks eyes were narrowed into slits. By now Remus had his arm drawn, his hand clutching Lily's arm like she would fly away if he let go. People were listening. "Isn't it ridiculous that you think I'm unworthy of attending Hogwarts, that my _parents _aren't worthy of living because I have magic and they don't?" Her green eyes were shining with unshed tears.

"People like you should learn your place," he whispered. "You may be able to get good marks, but that's because of brown nosing."

Lily was going to say a witty retort, but then she recalled what she had learned in school years before and a smirk crossed her face. "I hope you realized that your precious Dark Lord is acting like a muggle. His actions are merely a repeat of muggle leaders that tried to take over countries...Persecuting people because of their religion or political beliefs. In America their combating racism, discriminating against someone because their skin is a few shades darker..."

Regulus was trying to control himself, but her words provoked him. Without warning he raised his hand, bringing it down on her cheek with a sharp slap. The force was enough to cause her to stumble into Remus' arms. "Never say _anything _like that again."

Everyone was staring at them, Slughorn had taken a few steps forward his hand raised. By now Remus released her arm and brought it around her shoulder. Lily cradled cheek, eyes watering, but no tears actually fell. "I still feel sorry for you," she murmured. Regulus said nothing, just marched out of the room. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Slughorn racing towards the door, but James was ahead of him. Frank was holding back a struggling Sirius.

"Potter!" she yelled, hoping using his surname would get attention more. Instead she broke free from Remus and ran after him, once she reached him, she tried to stop him. The scenario reminded her of her parents funeral.

"He can't get away with that!"

"Let Slughorn deal with it. He's not worth it James," she whispered.

"You are." He fought to loosen her grip.

"If you make me let go, you're going to hurt me."

James stopped struggling and turned around to face her. She recoiled when his hand went to her face. "It's alright," he said. "It probably won't bruise." His touch was feather light as he traced the red mark. "I have some bruise paste that we use for Quidditch, it helps after a game when the Bludgers are particularly nasty."

"Thank you," Lily said. Her arms wrapped around him, not to restrain, but to hold him. James didn't ask her what she was thanking him for, just returned the gesture.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: Before you begin this particular chapter keep in mind this is a fan fiction. I try to stick as close to the storyline as possible, but there are a few minor tweaks in this chapter to make it fit the plot of 'Who She Is'. Just letting you know that if there seems to be some inaccuracies towards the end of the chapter, they were on purpose.**

* * *

Not one of Lily's friends brought up the second argument she had with Regulus Black. James, though, never seemed to be more than a few meters from her. At mealtimes he was only a few seats away, the classes they shared he made an excuse to walk beside her. Whenever he wasn't there Frank or Remus or even Sirius seemed to appear.

It was the next Saturday, Hogsmeade weekend, and Lily took the empty seat next to James. All four of the Marauders seemed especially distracted. Sirius tried extra hard to joke around, Peter seemed nervous and Remus, well Remus seemed exhausted.

"You could have switched shifts," Lily said to Remus as she filled her plate. "I was free last night and I'm pretty sure Ben wouldn't have cared."

"He was helping me with an essay," James supplied.

"Which one?" Lily asked. "The Dark Arts essay was due yesterday."

"That one...you know what I'm talking about," James said with a shrug. "Try the eggs, they are good this morning." He reached for the bowl and placed a heaping spoonful on her plate.

"Thanks," she muttered as she grabbed a piece of toast and poured herself a cup to tea. "Remus are you free to work on the Charms assignment tonight?" She blew on the mug and took a sip.

"No…" Remus shook his head. "I'm actually having to go visit my mother, she's dreadfully ill." He pushed the food around his plate. Lily had never known Remus to be much of a meat-eater, but all he had on his plate was sausage and bacon.

"I hope she'll get better soon." Lily managed a small smile as she quickly consumed the breakfast. Before she went to Hogsmeade she had to stop by the library and pick up a few books for research. "I'll see meet you all the courtyard.

"Where are you going?" James asked, quickly turning around. "I'll go with you."

"I will be fine," she laughed. "I have my wand, besides I have to go to the library, then to the my room."

"Are you sure?"

Lily merely rolled her eyes as she left the Great Hall and made her way to the library to get the book she put on reserve. One was for the Charms assignment and the other for a Potions research. As the librarian checked her out, she thought of something. "Do you have a book about magical maladies?"

"Yes, my dear." The librarian withdrew her wand and _Accioed _several books. "I find this one the best." She pointed at the thick volume with a warn leather cover. "Most students like this one." It was a thin book with a red linen cover. "But many of the healers consult this one." It was an assuming looking paperback.

"Can I get the first and third?"

The librarian smiled and questioned her about the classes that she required them for. Lily lied through her teeth and gave her a spiel about Potions. Once she grabbed the book she walked hurriedly, no wanting to be late to the Hogsmeade departure.

"Where are you rushing off to?" a familiar voice called out.

"Sev-Snape, I mean Snape," Lily gulped. "I don't want to speak with you."

"Wait." He reached for her hand to pull her back. She spun around and saw his eyes filled with emotion. "I just-"

"What? I'm tired of apologies. All I wanted to know is why you wanted to be my friend if you were repulsed by the thought of me."

"I already told you it was a mistake, when people get angry they say things they don't mean."

"Save it for someone who cares," Lily said.

"Please, just be careful with what you say and who you say it to."

"Are you threatening me?"

"No."

"Voldemort's already killed my parents, what more can he do?"

"He's dangerous, please if you value your life then don't make waves."

"No, I am tired of people telling me what to do and how to do. I'm not stupid, I know there are consequences. I finally stood up to my sister, now I'm disowned. Tell your Death-Eater friends _that_." Lily pulled her hand away from him. "I used to admire you, you know that? You always seemed so different, so kind...Now, you worship _Tom Riddle_." She spat out the evil man's muggle name and it made Severus stiffen. "All he is is a man that needs his head examined!"

"I can see why Black hit you…"

"You're just like him. I always thought you were different, but you're just like your _muggle _father with your mother's magical blood."

Severus' hands balled up. "I was doing you a favor, warning you, but you won't get through your thick head that you're in danger." He laughed a harsh, humorless laugh. "He's rubbed off on you, you know that? The two of you deserve each other, _arrogant toerag_," he threw her usual insult for James back at her. "And the ignorant muggle born."

Lily wanted to hex him, or at the very least throw another insult at him, but she heard footsteps behind them.

"He's here, better go running to your Gryffindor Hero." Severus turned around and Lily had to resist the urge to run after him. Even though she was both furious and hurt by the end of their friendship, and the events that transpired between them, she knew that deep down there was the boy that showed her wonder of magic. Lily knew she could chisel away at the hard exterior, but how long would that take?

"Are you alright?" It was James. She huffed, feeling both touched and angered by him following her.

"I think so," Lily whispered. At one point in time she loved Severus, but he no longer wanted to be that boy. It was ridiculous to think you could replace one person with another, but James had filled the hole Severus had left...Lily didn't know if that was a good or bad...Or if that was why she kept on reaching for James.

"I heard what he said, but I knew he wouldn't hurt you."

"I'm not made of glass," she muttered. "And I don't appreciate that you followed me up here after I told you I would be fine."

"It's part of my charm." He shrugged, then moved to put an arm around her. She sidestepped it. "Merlin, Lily, why do you keep on playing games with me?"

"What are you talking about?"  
"Last Saturday," he elaborated. "You've been with me at meals and walking to classes. Can't we just stop the waiting?"

"I need to grab my coat from my room and put the books away before Hogsmeade," she explained. "Go find Sirius and Remus and Peter." She pushed forward leaving him standing alone, and confused as she was.

* * *

At the Three Broomsticks Lily let herself relax. Michael was beside her, along with a few if his friends. Frank and Alice even came to sit at the long table in the center of room. They were supposed to go on double-date with Marlene, but apparently the two disappeared after a bit.

Lily let her eyes wander to where the Marauders sat in the corner, hunched over parchment. James looked angry as he was speaking to Sirius, who was leaning against back on his chair, rolling his eyes. Remus was shaking his head and Peter looked frightened.

"Lily!"

"What?" She turned to Michael who called his name.

"Do you want to leave?" He lifted his chin in the direction of the door where a group of Slytherins were walking in, Regulus among them.

"No." She shrugged her shoulders and took a drink of her Butterbeer. They didn't seem to even notice she was there. "Stop worrying," she told them. As she said this Sirius got to his feet and stormed out of the pub. "What was that about?"

"I'm guessing his brother," Frank said.

"It's my fault," Lily muttered.

"No, it's not!" Alice protested. "You know the Black brothers have never really gotten on."

"Not the argument last Saturday, I...I inadvertently asked James and Sirius to...get back at Regulus."

"What are you talking about?" Michael asked.

"James said that he was going to make sure that no one treated his brother or muggle borns like Regulus treated me." By now everyone at the table was listening to her. "As far as I know nothing's happened."

"Remus," Alice chimed in. "Ever since he's gotten Prefect they're more careful."

"I hope they don't do anything stupid."

The next day Lily went to the owlery to send a letter to Charles and Agatha. They both had been writing letters to James and asking about her, as she was too busy to take the time out of her day to do that.

After writing the letter she stuck it into an envelope and used James owl to send it to them. Leaving she walked slowly and as she opened the door Sirius ran into her. Two identical sheets of parchment folded and sealed with wax fluttered to the ground.

"Damn!" he shouted and looked between the two of them. "Which is which?"

"I don't know," Lily said. "Aren't they the same?"

"No!" he yelled. "I'll have to hope that I get it right, it's too late to redo them."

* * *

At dinner that night a plain brown owl dropped letters on Regulus' and Severus' plates. Being at the opposite ends of the table they didn't notice the other got one.

Severus Snape broke the seal and read the letter, _Want to find out where Lupin disappears at every month? Come to the Whomping Willow, there's a button that will freeze it, follow the passage. _

Regulus Black opened his letter, puzzled by what he found. _What happens tonight will only happen again if you are not careful. _

* * *

It was nearly curfew when Lily was heading back to her dorm. As she made her way from the Library to Gryffindor tower Diggory stopped her. "Do you mind taking a shift tonight? One of the Ravenclaw prefects is sick and Dumbledore says that we're supposed to up the numbers."

"It's not problem," she replied with a shrug. "If I find Ben or Frank, I'll have one of them go with me."

"No, you'll be with David Goldstein. Take your stuff up to the Common room and meet him on the first floor."

"The first floor?" she questioned.

"People have been trying to sneak outside to go to the lake," he explained. "Is that alright? I can switch with you or ask Frank…"

"I can handle it."

"Good, meet him outside in the courtyard."

Lily passed him a smile as she hurried to the Gryffindor tower. She barely managed to greet, then say goodbye to her roommates, tossing her satchel on the bed and grabbing her winter cloak, securing the silver fastenings. As she raced out, she was surprised that she wasn't stopped by one of the boys. James was surprisingly absent from the common room, in fact all of his friends were.

Shaking her head she left the Common Room and began to walk down the corridor. It had gotten dark surprisingly fast, the full moon was high in the sky, the light reflected on the suits of armor lined up against the wall. She opened the door and walked on the covered sidewalk, that was when she heard shouting.

Running in the direction of it she found herself being led towards the Whomping Willow. She stopped in her tracks when she saw the outline of two boys. "Get out of here!" It was James. Even in the dark and at a distance, she could tell he escaped a fight with a torn shirt, missing glasses and hair even more disheveled than usual.

"He...he…" A voice stammered. Snape.

"You should have let him meet his fate," another boy spat out. Sirius.

She froze. Lily knew she should approach them, take away points, assign them detention and escort them to the hospital wing.

"Go to Moony," James ordered. "Wormtail needs help."

Moony? Her mind flashed back to the day when Remus came, how they shouted that name when they saw him.

"Lily." She jumped when David came up beside her. A beater on the Quidditch team he was broad-shouldered and tall. "We need to."

"No." Her hand went to his arm. In the distance they heard a mournful howl.

"_Now_." David said. He easily broke her grip as he ran towards the group.

"Get out!" James shouted when he saw David approaching. "Godric Gryffindor _please_…"

That was when Lily ran to them to, getting ready to launch into her standard speech. James' eyes just widened and Snape looked at her. She saw bruises beginning to form on him, a nasty scratch most likely from the Willow that was unusually still. "Goldstein, get him to the Hospital Wing."

"I'm not supposed to leave you, _Evans_,"

"He's bleeding, go." The tone of her voice left no option. Snape willingly followed the sixth-year Ravenclaw, knowing that there was not any other options. "James…"

"Get out, now!" he yelled, stepping forward.

"Tell me what happened…" Another howl, this one was closer.

"Listen to me for once. Please." He looked desperate, but she couldn't bring herself to move. When she didn't even say anything, James took another step forward shoving her once. As she opened her mouth to retaliate, he shoved her again, the force so hard it pushed her back and sent her to ground.

From her position she saw him running away and got to her feet. "Potter!" He didn't turn around. Filthy, confused and with an aching body she got to her feet and turned around, only thinking of the consequences she would make James face for this.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: This chapter is the longest so far and spends over a few months. Even though it is long it feels a tad rushed, and those of you wanting more James/Lily...Well, your in for a...Surprise isn't the right word, perhaps shock?**

* * *

_October 3rd_

_Dear Lily,_

_Why haven't you wrote? I know you said earlier that things were chaotic, but please remember to write us. How has everything been? Do you need anything? Parchment? Ink? Mopsy is preparing a tin of sweets to send each of you, as she is trying out new recipes for Christmas (a tad bit less than three months away, can you believe it?). _

_I admit that I miss the you, James and Sirius. I thrive in chaos, my job at the ministry doesn't provide nearly enough excitement. Right now, I am counting down the days until you three come home. You will always be welcome in the Potter household, I hope you know that. I also hope you know that you can come to me about _anything_. _

_With Love, Agatha._

* * *

_October 5th_

_Charles,_

_Can you tell Agatha that I thank her for your concern? Things at Hogwarts have been a bit strange, but nothing you should worry about. My classes are rigorous and time-consuming, that on top of Prefect duties is enough to take up my time. I don't know if James has written you, or if the Headmaster has, but things between us are a bit strained. Honestly, I need your help. Tell me how to handle him. For a while he treated me like I was made of glass, now he won't even speak with me. I know he's your son, and I hate putting you in an awkward position, but something is wrong. _

_Lily._

* * *

_October 6th_

_Lily,_

_I wish you had written Agatha. She is all torn up over the fact that it has been nearly a week without a letter. Whenever James did that he always got a barrage of them, because she worked herself in a tizzy. As for the situation with James, what happened? And what do you mean about a letter from the Headmaster? James hasn't gotten in trouble yet this year, we are actually quite proud of him. _

_Tell me what is wrong. I will not judge you and you will not be in any trouble, I hope you know that. I have gotten James and Sirius out of trouble many times over their years at Hogwarts. However, I cannot help you if you do not tell me. The only thing I can say is that James is very loyal to his friends. Do not be angry that he is protective of you, handle it in a calm manner. As for him not speaking with you, are you sure there wasn't a cause of it? _

_Once again, I reiterate that you must keep in contact. I know we aren't your parents, and we aren't trying to be, but Agatha and I care deeply for you. She thinks of you as a daughter, as do I. We care what happens to you, even if you and James aren't on speaking terms. Don't push everyone away, sometimes that means you need somebody more than ever. _

_Sincerely, Charles. _

* * *

Lily sat at the table in the library only a few days after the incident. James had been avoiding her, as did Sirius and Remus. Peter was, well just Peter and she never spoke with him unless the others were around.

Her stack of research books sat there, knowing that the project Slughorn had assigned them was looming in the distance. However, she was more interested in the thick leather-bound volume. She thumbed through the book trying to piece together the puzzle in her mind. The once a month disappearances, Remus' weariness, the increase in eating meat...And his nickname, _Moony. _How long had the facts been staring her in the face? She thought back to James reaction… He may have been nothing more than a bully to people like Severus for the past five years, but when had he hurt a girl on purpose? When Regulus slapped her across the face, James reacted like he had been punched by him. If he hadn't thought there was something more dangerous out there he wouldn't have laid a hand on her.

She pushed aside the Magical Maladies book and instead dug out her Defense textbook. The section on werewolves had a sketch of a particularly nasty looking creature that it characterized as malicious, blood-thirsty...no sense of humanity...That couldn't be Remus. She pushed the book away from her and cradled her head in her hands.

"I thought you would figure it out soon enough." Severus stood in front of her, a large volume of potions resting in the crook of his arm.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Dumbledore swore me to secrecy, even fed me a story to tell others if I'm asked questions. A creature got out of the forest and I was-"

"Why are you telling me this?"

"It was Sirius, not your precious _Potter_, you know. He said that he saved my life, but he was probably in on-"

"Stop talking!" Lily shouted. People's heads turned and she didn't want to be scolded by the librarian and started packing away her things.

"You treat me like a monster because of _mistake_, but your golden-boy's friend tries to kill me and you turn the other cheek?"

"I haven't spoken to any of them."

"You better stay away from him and don't ask me who I'm talking about." Severus sneered. "Lupin is the monster not me."  
Lily was practically shaking with anger. Remus would _never _be a monster in her mind. Snape, on the other hand, seemed to be changing for the worse. Following the Dark Lord certainly made her think he was a monster.

"You're not going to defend him? You agree don't you? Lily, I know you're not stupid-"

By now everything was packed away, she put it over her shoulder and marched out of the Library. As she made her way down the hallway, she noticed James heading in her direction. He had a few small cuts on his cheek and his glasses were slightly bent, the lenses scratched. "I was coming to speak with you," he said. "I'm sorry-"

"Why didn't you get in trouble?"

"What?"

"I took off house points, and put in a recommendation of detention. When I sent a letter to your dad he said that he didn't receive anything from Dumbledore."

"It's a long story," he muttered. "And why didn't you write my dad?"

"He wanted me to, or Agatha did and I wanted to know how to…"

"To what?"

"You haven't talked with me in a week! I think you owe me an explanation."

"I can't tell you everything." He ran a hand through his hair. "It's not my secret and I didn't want you angry at me."

"You should have said that earlier," she muttered. "Listen, I know you think I'm playing games with you, but you're doing the same thing Potter. I'm done with whatever we had." She was about to walk forward when she paused. "I know about Remus," she whispered.

"Did-"

"I figured it for myself, the signs were there all along. Can you tell him to talk with me? He had Diggory rearrange all of our shifts."

James didn't respond, his mouth was in a straight line as he stared at Lily. She couldn't begin to guess what he was thinking or feeling. Anger? Sadness? Maybe this was for the better, she couldn't afford to be distracted.

* * *

Autumn began to fade into fall and as time passed James grew even more distant. Every time she saw him at meals he would go to the opposite end of wherever she sat to be as far away as possible. Sirius and him seemed to have patched things up, but he ignored her as well. Remus watched her carefully, always making a point to never be too close to her. Peter was the only one that really spoke to her, and came to her several times asking for help with Charms homework.

Lily wondered how big of a mistake she had made. James _had _changed, but the boy she saw that night at the Whomping Willow scared her. It was obvious to her that he had intervened, but why was he out there in the first place? She understood how important friends were to him, but a human alone with a werewolf was a recipe for disaster. If something happened, Remus would never be able to forgive himself.

To distract herself, Lily threw herself into her studies and prefect duties. She volunteered for every extra assignment Diggory offered up and spent spare minutes in the Professor's room asking questions and working on extra credit. Marlene, Alice and even Athena worried about her. They tried to do everything to get her out and about. One particular disaster was the Quidditch game.

As a good Gryffindor, it was practically mandatory that she show up to the first Quidditch that happened to be against their houses bitter rivals: Slytherin. The game was exciting and the new players were great additions. It was also obvious that the Gryffindor had out-practiced them as they showcased complex maneuvers that must have took a great deal of planning on James' part. When they won, their house stormed the pitch. Lily had mustered up some courage and was going to talk to the Captain. James was sweaty, dirty and his hair almost standing straight up. The pretty fifth year that was congratulating him didn't seem to mind it in the least and planted a kiss straight on his lips, he didn't even pull away.

At that point in time Lily Evans decided she was done with James Potter. Saturday morning in early December she was sitting next to her friends when the owl delivered her the letter.

_Dear Lily,_

_It's so good to be hearing from you on a regular basis! Please, keep this up as James and Sirius have been lacking and how else am I supposed to keep up. As for your Dark Arts test, I am so proud to hear that you got an O! _

_I can hardly believe that Christmas is only a few weeks away. The preparations have been driving up the wall and I can hardly wait for three extra sets of hands. Charles' grandparents are also roping me into helping to plan the annual Potter Christmas Eve Ball, which of course you have to attend._

_The main reason I wrote you is that your sister contacted me. As a part of my job I have a muggle mailing address to stay in contact with various agencies, I gave the address when you came with me and she sent me a letter to give to you. I know things aren't great between the two of you, but promise to read it._

_With Love, Agatha._

Lily hadn't noticed the second folded paper folded neatly inside the envelope. It was thinner than the parchment they used and bright white. She could even tell it was written with a ball-point pen instead of a Quill.

_Lily:_

_Things between us have been strained, but mum and dad wouldn't like this fighting. Contrary to popular belief I do not hate you, just your freakish tendencies. This Christmas Vernon and I will be spending a few days with Vernon's family and leave late morning. Cousin Amanda's parents want to have us over for Christmas dinner, I suppose that will be a good of time as any to bury the hatchet, unless your new family already has plans._

_-Petunia._

She sighed and shoved away both letters. Agatha's plans sounded fun, but how did she say that she didn't really want to come? She was grateful for everything they had done, but Christmas was such a personal affair and she didn't want to intrude.

"Who was that letter from?" Marlene asked.

"My sister," Lily replied. "I don't really want to talk about it."

"Let's talk about something else." It was Athena, who was seated next to Lily, something that had become a more common occurrence. "Hogsmeade weekend is next Saturday, the last one before Winter break and most everyone has a date."

"I don't," Lily pointed out. It was then her roommates exchanged a look. "What? Marlene and I planned-"

"Ben asked me," Marlene replied. "And ever since...Well…" Marlene's eyes wandered to James, who was seated at the very end of the table relaying a humorous story.

"It's fine , I've solved the problem. You and David would have a fun time together. I heard from Landon Davies that he loves having Prefect duty with you," Athena assured her. "Go over to him and start talking."

"Now?" Lily questioned. "Houses don't usually mix at meals…"

All three girls rolled their eyes and assured it was for the best. Not wanting to be obvious, Lily wiped her mouth and grabbed her satchel withdrawing her Transfiguration textbook as she strode over to the Ravenclaw table. Despite the stereotype, the students of the house weren't bent over books, but looked like every other house. David Goldstein sat near the middle next to a couple of other boys in his year that Lily couldn't quite recall their names.

"Lily, what are you doing here?"

"I needed to ask you a question about that Transfiguration essay, Alice and I were arguing over one finer details."

"That essay isn't due for a week and a half."

"I know, but this weekend I'm busy with other homework and next weekend is Hogsmeade…" Lily rolled her eyes. "My roommates are making me go."

"Making you?" David asked. "You're not going with someone?" His eyes lingered at the end of Gryffindor table, his mind no doubt flashing back to the night at the Whomping Willow.

"No," she answered. "So about…" Lily was playing coy, there was no way she was going to take a page out of James Potter dating book. "Wait, are you going with someone?"

"No…" he stammered out and the boys next to him laughed, before covering it with a cough. "If we're both not going with someone, maybe we could go together?"

"That sounds wonderful," Lily said and snapped the book close before getting to her feet.

"Don't you need help?" David asked.

"I did, but you're right, it can wait a bit." Lily smiled as she walked back to the Gryffindor table, too distracted by her friends excitement to notice James Potter pushing away his plate and digging out his Quidditch playbook.

* * *

_Dear Agatha, _

_Thank you so much for your invitation to return home. I know I promised to visit you, but I just wouldn't feel right coming over. One of my friends will let me come home with them and I can pop in for a visit before we return to Hogwarts. Please, do not think me ungrateful, but you have already done so much for me. Besides, I think it will be better for James if I do not spend the Holiday for him. _

_Sincerely, Lily._

_P.S. Could you send me the address for Petunia? I can send things through the post at Hogsmeade. _

* * *

When Hogsmeade Weekend came Lily had never felt so excited for something she used to consider trivial. To make it more fun the girls spent most of the morning getting ready, two of them left and brought back plates of food instead of eating in the Great Hall.

The dorm room that was once spotless per Alice and Lily's requirements now had clothes, shoes and accessories thrown about. Cosmetics covered empty surfaces and laughter filled the air. For once even Athena joined on on the fun instead of retreating to the Great Hall or the seventh year girls room.

Lily put great effort into her appearance, curling her hair with a spell Athena gave her and slipping into a pair of Alice's tight jeans. Marlene borrowed her lavender cardigan. The clock chimed nine as the four were bundling up with coats and scarves, applying one last layer of lip gloss before exiting Gryffindor Tower and entering the Courtyard.

"Lily, I thought you weren't going to make it!" David exclaimed as he walked up to her. "You weren't at breakfast this morning."

"Marlene and Alice snagged a few plates from the Great Hall," she informed him. "We had a bit too much fun getting ready."

"You look great, but may I?" He leaned closer, moving a lock of hair that stuck to her lips. "I'm actually surprised that you agreed to go with me. After all the trouble you've been having…"

Lily didn't even ask him what he was referring to, as it could have been one of many problems. Instead, she reached for his arm interlocking hers with his. "I needed to get out of my head for a bit and I don't think any Slytherins will mess with me while you're around." She didn't know if it was true, but his intimidating stature certainly would deter anyone from hexing him on a whim.

"I forgot my badge, so you better be on the lookout," he teased.

After that Lily felt herself falling into step with him and talked about insignificant things as they made their way to the village. David was nice guy she had to admit. They shared many of the same opinions and quite frankly it made a conversation a bit boring. She had a feeling there would be no shouting or crying ,or any of the theatrics she had experienced with James, with him.

"What did you want to do?"

"You're going to hate this…" Lily began. "But I need a Christmas present for my sister and I have no idea when I'm going to be able to shop."

"No problem," he replied. "Actually, I was going to ask you to help me pick out a present for _my _sister."

"Do you want to get some tea while we brainstorm?"

"Tea?" David spoke with a careful tone as his head craned to look at Madame Puddifoot's with a grimace crossing his face.

"At the Hog's Head," Lily said. "It's quiet and actually one of the best places to get a decent cup."

"You never cease to amaze." David sighed with release. "How'd a pretty girl like yourself find out about that place?"  
"Hiding from Potter," Lily said. She felt David stiffen and quickly steered the subject.

More than an hour later Aberforth brought them a second pot of tea and a plate of biscuits as David slid a few coins across for payment. The bartender grumbled a bit, but left them alone as they were deep in conversation.

David was born to magical parents, but didn't consider himself a pureblood as his grandmother was muggle-born. Although, he still didn't know much about muggles despite taking Muggle Studies as one of his electives. Lily was more than happy to satisfy his curiosity by telling him all sorts of stories. David didn't treat her like a freak of nature for having non magical parents, he didn't look at her like a side show freak, but genuinely wanted to learn more.

"You haven't told me anything about your parents," he said, reaching for the pot to refill his cup. He gestured towards hers and Lily held it out.

"The only thing I knew about your family is that you have a sister," she countered, lifting the cup to her lips.

"I understand," he began.

"But you don't," she told him, clutching the cup tightly. "I can tell you all about my parents if you want, but I've gotten used to not talking about them because it makes people uncomfortable. They look at me with this pitiful look and use this patronizing tone of voice."

"I'm all ears…"

David's words were cut off by a scream followed by Lily's cup slamming against the table. He looked at her in confusion as he used a napkin to mop up the spilled tea. Before he even knew what was happening Lily raced to the door. A split second later she shut the door and braced herself against the wall. "Death Eaters," she whispered.

"What?"

"We have to evacuate Hogsmeade, now," Lily said. "David ask Aberforth if you can go out the back, someone needs to make sure the school is alerted."

"You should do that, I'll stay-"

"No, you run faster than I do." Lily shook her head. "Use magic even, it might be faster and you're better at long distance magic than I am." Before she could say another word she ran out of the door and into the pandemonium.

Lily tried to help third years down little known paths. As she was looking around she saw the Marauder's helping, Peter running to the castle to most likely alert the Headmaster as well. As she had only seen a few of the men with the robes and pointed hats that covered their fast, but they left most of the students untouched.

She began to run too, most of the younger students had left and the older students were ushering them back to the castle. However, there was one third year student that was trying to run back. "Where are you going?"

"Honeydukes, I think my friend is-"

"I'll go, just go to the castle." Lily turned around and ran towards the other end of the village. It was eerily empty and as she rounded a corner she saw James standing there.

"We have to go," he shouted.

"Honeydukes-" she began.

"There's a secret passage to the castle, Sirius already is taking them back, come on." James grabbed her arm, but before they could head back a blast of red light hit him and he fell to the ground.

Lily whirled around and saw the men in the robes with their faces covered, "_Stupefy!_" she called out, the man deployed a shield charm and another death eater came around. "_Protego." _The white-blue light shielded them, she looked down at James he was still a bit dazed from the stunning charm, but he _had _to wake up soon. How could she, a sixth year student, fend off two dark wizards?

The shield charm didn't last much longer. As James began to come to, the shield broke and a stream of bright red light came towards Lily, hitting her in the chest and causing her to stumble backwards, landing beside James. The boy looked at her, splayed across the ground.

"_Expelliarmus,_" he shouted, but the disarming spell didn't do much good.

The two men at grumbled as they used a shield charm. It was then the sky light up with a green and black figure, the Dark Mark. "We better leave, the mudblood's not worth it and that kid is useless." There was a crack as they disappeared.

James turned around and looked over the witch laying unconscious beside him. "Lily…" He moved the hair out of her face before scooping her up and pulling her close. "Help!" he shouted. "Please, Lily…"

Snow flurries began to coat the two sitting in the middle of the road. James shook with cold as his hand ran over Lily's warm cheek. Snowflakes coated her eyelashes and stuck to her vivid hair, creating the appearance of an ethereal snow princes. All he could do was hold her tighter as he hoped that someone would come along to help him take her to the castle, even with magic he didn't think he could manage it alone.


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: I think this chapter will make several people happy. Also, I would like to thank everyone's who's reading, because my traffic stats nearly doubled yesterday. Please review! **

* * *

"Mr. Potter you have to leave. As a licensed healer I cannot permit you to miss another meal and stay up late. The Headmaster already informed me that you are to be notified if there is any change in Miss Evans condition." Madame Warren looked over the boy who was seated next to the cot where the red-head lay, her hand in his. His glasses were even more bent now, his coat and scarf lay in a pile on the floor.

Earlier that day, Professors escorted Lily in with James trailing behind. The boy was reluctant to leave her side, despite the fact he himself had to be checked out. He was ushered away when other people came to see her like Marlene, Athena, Alice, Frank and even David Goldstein. David had to be convinced to leave her alone, because he viewed the accident as his fault. No student could fend off a fully trained Wizard alone, if someone had been beside her...James was almost positive that David didn't know that he was beside her. Lily had probably saved him and he would like to think that he returned the favor, when in reality the ambush was put to a stop before they could finish the deed.

"Can I stay a little longer?"

"Five minutes, but you know the potion took will last until she's mostly healed."

"Lily…" She was alive. That's all that mattered to James. He would never forgive himself if she died while they were in this stalemate. It wasn't one of their faults, they both were stubborn with short tempers and didn't exactly like to share what was on their mind. No one else would call each other out for their bullshit and that's what made them perfect for each other. As he lifted his hand to brush away a lock of hair her eyelids fluttered.

As her senses floated back to her Lily was aware of her aching body, scratchy covers, a too clean scent and someone clasping her hand. Opening her eyes the first thing she saw was James Potter's face and it looked like he'd been to hell and back.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, the words came out gravely. "Water, please." With her hand free Lily pulled herself into a sitting position as James _accioed_ a glass and a full pitcher. She wondered how long he had held her hand, as her right was much warmer than her left. "Thank you."

"Do you remember what happened?"

"Of course I do," she told him in between gulps of water. "I really am sorry."

"About today?"

"No." She set the glass down and threw back the covers. "When that Death Eater hit you…" She shook her head, not being able to find the right words. Instead she wrapped her arms around him inhaling the scent that had become so familiar to her over these past few months. "Don't leave me, no matter how stupid I am."

"Only if you promise me the same thing," he responded.

"Are we ever going to stop acting like this?" Her question was punctuated with laughter as she pulled away and threw back the covers. "Honestly, we're going to drive each other to early graves-"

"Not on my watch." It was Madame Warren, who had appeared silently parting the curtains. "Mr. Potter your time is up." She looked over Lily. "Why didn't you alert me when she awoke?"

"She is here and just so happens to feel fine," Lily said as she twisted her body and attempted to get up. Still under the effects of the potion she wobbled a bit before stabilizing herself with the help of James shoulder.

"Get back in bed," the healer said tiredly. "Mr. Potter go down to dinner and get something to eat, Miss Evans I will check over your injuries again to see if you can be released."

"Ah, Madame Warren," a stately voice said. A split second later Professor Dumbledore appeared in his flowing robes. "I believe that an examination before release is prudent, however it would do more harm than good to dismiss Mr. Potter."

"Thank you," Lily said with a smile.

"Mr. Potter, come with me we'll give them a bit of privacy."

Lily sat back down on the cot as the healer shut the curtains. She did all the standard tests for a concussion, asked several questions and gave her another potion to help with the pain and make sure the effects of the spell were completely counteracted. "Thank you, can I leave?"

"Yes, but be careful." The Healer looked her over. "I've seen countless girls like you, ones that are going to get involved in the war." She looked sadly. "And Mr. Potter is one of countless boys that are all the same. I worry about you two." Madame Warren reached for the curtain. "The two of you will be a force to be reckoned with, but I fear that if you keep risking your lives for others it will lead to an untimely death."

Lily didn't know how to respond, she just nodded and thanked the woman as a set of uniform clothes was handed to her. The jeans and sweater she was wearing were rather uncomfortable from the quick dry spell the used. After she was alone she slipped out of them, the cold air pricking her skin. She slipped on the tights, then skirt and as she was beginning to button the shirt the curtain opened. "Merlin, sorry." It was James whose hands flew to his eyes.

"It's fine, but give me a warning next time." Lily smiled at him as he opened her eyes, the buttons over her chest already fastened.

"Next time?" James voice almost seemed to crack as he tugged at the neck of his t-shirt.

"We're going to be living together this summer," she said.

"Right…" He rubbed the back of his neck. "Do you want some dinner?"

"I don't feel hungry, but I think that's a side effect of the potions." Lily put on her jumper before sliding her feet into her sturdy mary-janes. "I'm going to go back to the Common Room, get some rest before my friends come back."

"Well, I promised not to leave you…"

Lily snorted at the line.

"I happen to know a great place on the grounds that is private," he continued. "I would like some company, but not the entire school."

"Sounds good to me." Lily linked her arms with his and gave him a smile. James was exactly who she she wanted to be with.

* * *

The Hogwarts kitchens were a cozy little secret that seemed all the more wonderful because of the fact that students were forbidden to frequent them. The house elves, though, seemed to welcome the distraction and chatted up James the moment he walked in. All of them gathered around Lily seeming to be as entranced by her hair as Mopsy was. James enjoyed this quite a bit and told them an extravagant story about its origin that they pretended to believe.

Lily was immediately drawn to them and they said they would cook her anything. All she wanted was whatever was in the Great Hall, but the elves wouldn't have it. At that James said to surprise her and they sat next to each other at a makeshift table with two rickety chairs. A pot of tea appeared a few minutes later and she laughed.

"I love a good cup of tea," she said as she poured it. "Black, my favorite."

"I know," he said.

"You don't like tea, do you?"

"Not particularly, but I love the smell." James gave her a smile as two plates appeared on the table in front of them. It was pasta with some sort of meat and a side salad. "Dig in."

She twirled the fettuccini around her fork as she watched him carefully. Instead of talking, she just began to focus on eating the plate and drinking numerous cups of tea. When her plate was empty she wiped at her mouth and stared at James who had finished a few moments prior. "Can I ask you question?"

"You just did."

"Is this going to work?"

"Us?" James said. "I sure as hell hope it does," he answers. "Nothing is for certain, Lily, but after today I will do everything in my power to-"

"As much as I want you I don't want people to get hurt."  
"What?"

Lily's mind flashed back to the day on the Quidditch pitch...To David's face when he talked with her for that hour at Hog's Head...Then her mind filled with James and what it felt like to see him on the ground.

"Are you talking about Mindy?"

The name was familiar to her. It was the blonde girl on the Quidditch pitch that day.

"She's great." James shook his head as a smile crossed his face. "Exactly the type of girl that I wanted last year."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Haven't you told me on several occasions that I'm the only girl for you?"

"Don't be so conceited and cut me some slack. I faced rejection from you since second year. Mindy, on the other hand, is just as interested as me as I am in her." He sighed. "I mean she has this nice laugh and she's a great kisser…"

Lily rolled her eyes, but James ignored.

"She does this thing with her hair where she'll flip it and then lean in and let it brush against my arm...And she always smells like flowers…"

"James-"

"No, I'm done talking about her, tell me about David."

"Why?"

"I have a point I want to prove and I need evidence." His face held a mock serious expression as he sat up a bit straighter in his chair.

"Well, he's really kind and a good listener. Not to mention he's brilliant."

"He's a Ravenclaw, what do you expect?"

"Don't interrupt."

"You interrupted me!"

Lily gave him a pointed look that ended any other objections. "He's also really interested in muggles, but not in that way that makes me feel like a zoo animal."

"So he's the perfect guy for you?"

"No, we agree about almost everything. He's sweet, but he doesn't-"

"Make you feel anything?" James questioned. "When you're with him you don't yell or laugh loudly. He's safe and you like that because he makes you feel smile and feel like maybe you could make things work."

"Yeah," Lily responded. She was genuinely suprised at how eloquently she could describe what she was thinking and she was feeling.

"This is going to be a peculiar question, but what does your shampoo smell like?"

"My shampoo?" Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline. "Orange blossoms," she answered. "I use it because oranges remind me of sunshine."

James smiled at that. "If you remember my amortentia smelled like citrus, black tea and books."

"My smelled like cedars, fresh air, and this soap," she replied. Looking down at her now empty cup she pushed it away. "As much as I like this, before we get any further I want to talk to Remus."

"Remus?" James questioned.

"I haven't spoken to him or even seen him since the before the night at the Whomping Willow. I need to-"

"We came down here before dinner even started, Dumbledore is probably going to make it run over with one of his long speeches. Chances are Remus is up in our room right now." James looked Lily over who couldn't quite piece things together. "Godric, you're in your sixth year, haven't you figured out that girls can go into boy's dorms, but not the other way around?"

"No."  
"Alice spends half her time in Longbottom's room, that's where she disappears too," James explained. "I'll go to the Great Hall and handle everything for you. Remus probably kicked out Sirius and Peter so I will distract them a bit longer so you can talk with him."

"Alright," she replied slowly. Before she could say anything more James leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek and dashed out of the room. Lily just chuckled to herself as she piled the dishes up and said goodbye to the house elves before calmly making her way to Gryffindor tower.

It was no surprise to her that the Common Room was empty. She looked at the staircase on the left and sighed. "Here goes nothing," she mumbled to herself as she started her ascent, expecting the stairs to turn into a slide. They, however, remained solid. She was surprised that it was an exact replica of the girls hallway, except everything was arranged oppositely.

Each of the rooms were labeled with the year and the initials, as there were three rooms per year. One door was opened a crack, light filtering into the dimly lit hallway. With a deep breath she knocked on the dark wood. "I don't want to deal with your theatrics James, come in."

"It's not James." Lily crossed her arms over her chest and looked up at the ceiling. She heard footsteps and the door opened. Remus was in wrinkled robes, eyes with dark circles. "Can we talk?"

"Go," he said. "Please, Lily you probably don't want to be alone with me."

"It's not a full moon," she said softly, looking him over.

"That's not funny," he responded.

"You're not a monster," she said. "You are one of-  
"Stop. Who told you?"

"I figured it out myself, the clues were there all along. Your absences, ragged appearance, the way you act in Dark Arts when the subject's mentioned and your nickname," Lily pointed out. "I wanted to tell you that you can stop hiding from me Remus. You were my friend before and my friend now and forever. I promise I won't tell anyone."

"Lily-"

"I know how you think of yourself, but I have never known you to be anything but a kind, considerate human being. Those men that killed acted Hogsmeade, the people that killed my parents and Michael's, they're the monsters, not you." She stepped forward and wrapped her arms tightly around him. "I've missed you and I'm tired of avoiding everything."

Remus pulled away from Lily, looking her over. "I'm glad that you're alright," he said. "If you really think that I'm not...Why did you react that way after the Whomping Willow?"

"It wasn't you, it was...Sirius endangered Snape's _life_, I don't care how vile it, but you would never forgive yourself if something happened and James was there…"

"Lily, animals aren't in danger around werewolves," Remus whispered.

"What?"

"You're a smart girl, figure it out," he said. "And thank you Lily, I would recommend heading back to your room, dinner is going to end in about five minutes.


	17. Chapter 17

Word of Lily and James spread like wildfire. Within weeks they were dubbed the 'Golden Gryffindor Couple' without having even been spotted together for more than a few minutes at meals or in the halls. It was three days before they left for Winter Holiday when James marched into the Great Hall waving around a piece of parchment.

"Evans!" he said. "Are you mental?"

"Hello, James," she said and reached for a pitcher. "Pumpkin juice?"

"My mum is falling apart because of you! Sirius and I got about five letters apiece along with one from my father."

"Crap," she muttered, dropping the piece of toast she took a bite of. "I told her I didn't want to come home for Christmas."

"Exactly, thanks a lot," James replied collapsing on the bench beside her. "You've got to come home."  
"Home?" Lily looked down at her plate. "I wish-"

He turned around on the bench, moving closer. They both paid no attention to her roommates trying hard not stare at them. Meanwhile, the Marauders were rolling their eyes and snickering. "I know it's the same, but it would mean the world to my mum." He slipped his hand threw the veil of her hair and pushed it behind her shoulder as he leaned in.

"J_ames_," she said, cheeks blushing. "Not here." She grabbed his hand and interlaced

"Why?" he asked, it was then a bit of bread hit him in the head. "Hey!"

"No PDA," Marlene said with a laugh, taking a bit of her eggs.

"Longbottom, give her detention for throwing food," James said.

"Didn't see it, sorry James." Frank shrugged and wrapped an arm around Alice.

Lily laughed as pushed her plate away from her and took in James. His glasses were finally fixed, scratch free and frames unbent. His hair, though, was a typical mess and his robes looked purposefully rumpled. "I'll write your mum," she said and moved a bit closer to him.

"Really?" he questioned hand wandering up to her hair again, Lily grabbed it once more and brought it down to the table. "My parents don't care what we do as long as sleep in separate rooms."

"James!" she shouted as her Athena snickered from across the table. "I'll go home as long as you keep your hands to yourself in places like this."

"Common room's usually empty during my free period."  
"I have History of Magic," she said and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "I have to go to the Owlery before Charms."

When Lily emerged from the stairs with her satchel threw over her shoulder and a small tote dangling from her arms. "Merlin, I thought you were going to miss the train, we have to get to the carriages," James said.

"I'm so sorry, I was looking for-"

"The carriages are _leaving_," James told her.

"I can't find my coat or my scarf-"

"Is that what's this is about?" he asked. "I have an extra jacket, mum makes me bring it for Quidditch practices." He dug through the bag he was bringing before handing her the canvas jacket, then withdrew a scarf. "I wear it during games, it's my lucky scarf," he said and fixed it around her neck. "We have to make the train or we'll be stuck here and mum will have a panic attack." He took her extra bag from her, trying to carry all of them with an arm slipped around her shoulder.

"Thanks-"

"I like you in my clothes, come on," he said.

"My mum sent me the scarf last year when I lost my favorite one," Lily said.

"It's probably in the hospital wing. We don't have time now, but we can owl Madame Warren and ask her if it's there."

"Fine, I don't want your mum to worry," she reluctantly answered and pulled James closer as they hurried towards the portrait hole.

The train ride was long. Since it was a seasonal trip no prefects were needed to monitor, Lily spent the trip curled against James' side. Their compartment was one of the fullest with all of the Marauders, her roommates and Frank.

"I wish you were coming home with me," Marlene said to Lily with a pout. "My sister's engaged and my grandparents are going to reenact the Spanish Inquisition." She rolled her eyes. "At least you'll be with me at the ball."

"What ball?" Lily asked and turned to James. "You're mum did mention something in the letter…"

"The Potter's Christmas Eve Ball," Sirius elaborated. "I've gone every year since I came to Hogwarts, now you get to go too. Agatha will have fun wrangling you into a fancy ball gown."

"Ugh," Lily said. "Whatever happened to having a quiet Christmas?"

"You know the Potter household." James began to rub her shoulder. "And don't worry, you can borrow a pair of my dress robes. The robes will be a little big, but they will have to do." He smirked and Lily rolled her eyes.

"That'll make Agatha happy."

"I'll wear my Quidditch robes and you'll look amazing next to me."

"Alice can I come home with you?" Lily asked.

"Ask Frank," Alice replied.

"She's coming home with me. Spending the whole holiday, except for Christmas day." Frank smiled at Alice, resting a hand on her knee. "Sorry, Lily, I think mum would wonder why I was bringing two girls home."

"Well, I'm bring Lily, Sirius, Remus and Peter home with me," James said. "But my mum always says more the merrier."

"I didn't know…" Lily started, but stopped herself when she saw the look on Remus' face. He looked especially haggard, like he always did before the full moon. "Agatha is probably over the moon." She looked at Remus as he said the words and he nodded in response. James was a great friend, but she hoped that he didn't get himself hurt.

Lily wrangled her bag from James as they disembarked from the train. She hugged her friends goodbye before following James in the direction of his father. "As much as I like you, you have to go with mum. She needs to pick up dress robes for us." He nodded his head in the direction of he Marauders. "And you need a dress." James kissed the top of her head before pulling away.

Lily pulled him closer with his scarf, planting a kiss on his lips.

"I thought PDA with crowds wasn't your thing."

"You're a bad influence on me," she replied, a smirk on her lips. She looked over his shoulder. "But I think your dad is proud of you."

"Like father like son," Agatha said. "James, is there a reason Lily is dressed for a Quidditch game in the snow?"

"I lost my coat and didn't want to wear my Winter cloak," she explained.

"Well, you still look lovely, but we have an appointment at Twilfit and Tattings,"

"I usually go to Gladrags, they have the best-"

"Charles' family will throw a fit if you arrive in something like that, in fact his sister cancelled the the appointment at Madame Malkin's for this. Now, we really should be going."

James and Lily broke apart before Agatha enveloped him tightly, brushing the hair out of his eyes and attempting to flatten it. "Mum…" he complained.

"Sorry, tell the boys I will be back in three hours." She touched his cheek. "I've missed you and Sirius so much. I'll be home soon."

"We're not kids, mum. Have fun," James said, saving a special smirk for Lily. "As much as I love you in my clothes, you will look even better in...what do muggles call them? A ball gown? You'll look like...what do they call that muggle fairy tale? Cinderella?"

"Yes, James." Lily smiled at him before turning to go to Agatha. The pair walked towards the apparation point. "Why aren't we in your car?"

"Charles is actually driving, I hope it's alright,"

"Driving?"

"He got a permit for it to become a flying vehicle." Agatha rolled her eyes. "Men can be like children, honestly he's just like that new hire at the ministry in the muggle department. Sweet boy, he's married to Molly Prewitt and can't even tell you how many kids they have already." Agatha laughed. "I'm a bit jealous, I have to admit." Agatha latched on to Lily's arm.

"Well, you'll have a full house over the holiday."

"I know, but we better hurry to the store."

Twilfit and Tattings was an upscale shop in Diagon Alley. The window display was an elaborate set up of artificial snow and luxurious dress robes on eerily realistic mannequins. "I'm going to talk to the front desk. They're supposed to be delivering James and Sirius robes, but now Remus and Peter are going. They each have a set, they're parents delivered them, but since Sirius got disowned Charles has been under a lot of scrutiny…"

"I understand," Lily said. "I will browse by myself until you're down."

"Nonsense, I can assist your lovely companion while you speak with Edgar at the desk." She looked over Lily, trying to hold back a grimace when she spotted the mens jacket and maroon scarf. "My name is Eleanor, and follow me miss." With a sweeping gesture she set off towards a display of ladies dress robes. Her own were silver and flowing, sparkling because of the lights as she moved. "Now, what are you interested in?"

"Something simple, not too extravagant." Lily looked at the robes, pulling out a modest black dress. "Black isn't the right color for a Christmas dress, but perhaps something similar."

"I don't think that style suits the occasion at all." Eleanor tore the plain dress away from Lily and rested a feather light hand on her shoulder. "If you don't mind me asking what's your relation to Mrs. Potter?"

"We're not related…"

Eleanor looked at Lily's left hand, then at her coat and a smile pulled at the edge of of her lips. "So, you're her potential daughter-in-law?"

"Excuse me?"

"That aristocratic nose, high cheekbones, vibrant hair, stunning eyes...I can only imagine the value of the blood pumping through your veins. Now, please take off your jacket and scarf, so I can get a better sense of your shape." Lily shrugged them both off then, with a flick of Eleanor's wand they went to the coat rack. "I love your outfit, very...unique."

Lily bit her lip as she looked down at her favorite jeans and comfortable sweater, both had been purchased at a muggle store. "I am dating James Potter," she said.

"Really? What a catch, now that I know that I have the perfect dress for you." Eleanor plucked a dress off the rack. "It will match his robes." She handed it to her with a smile on her face. It was gorgeous she had to admit, a beaded red lace bodice that flowed into a pale gold skirt made of some sort of airy fabric that appeared to be tulle.

"I usually stay away from red…" It was a lie, as a member of Gryffindor she was forced to wear it, even though it looked terrible on her.

"Whomever told you it clashes with your hair, they lied." Eleanor flicked her wand and brought over a mirror. "It compliments your hair and brings out the warm undertones in your skin."

"It's a little over the top," Lily said.

"The dress robes the Potter boy is wearing will match."

"Isn't there something more understated?"

"Try it on, I promise," she urged.

With a sigh Lily nodded her head and followed Eleanor to the dressing room. Getting into the dress was a challenge with all the extra fabric and heavily beaded bodice. However, once she got it on she was surprised how light it was. She looked in the mirror and shook out her hair.

"Lily, Eleanor said that you were trying on a dress."  
"Yeah, it's a little big…" Lily opened the door, picking up the gown. "I think-"

"It looks perfect, if you like it."

"Yes, thank you."

"No problem, we have a lot of extra time. We can head over to the Leaky Cauldron before we go home, I'm a bit hungry and it's the last meal for two weeks I can eat without having to watch James and Sirius shovel food into their mouths."

Lily laughed, knowing that with families like theirs James and Sirius had impeccable table manners. Etiquette had been ingrained in them since they were small children. After the dressing room door shut she sat down, bracing her hands on her knees. The words from Eleanor rang in her mind. How could she do this? Date James and pretend to be a pretty pureblood? Taking a deep breath she unzipped the back of her dress and let it fall to the ground. Once her jeans were back on she felt more herself.

Agatha curled her hands around the cup as she watched Lily pour cream into her tea. "Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"No," she answered.

"Why did you tell me you weren't coming for Christmas?"

"I got into a fight with James," she admitted. "We do that, a lot, actually." She stirred her tea and then blew on it. "Then the incident at Hogsmeade happened...You know about that, right?"

"Yes, the Ministry is trying to figure out how to prevent something like that from happening again."

"A Death Eater stunned James, seeing him like that terrified me...Then when I woke up in the Hospital Wing he was waiting at my bedside." Lily pushed her cup away and tucked back a lock of loose hair. "We're a lot alike, James and I. The both of us are stubborn, sure of ourselves, love the last word and don't like admit what's actually on our minds."

"Well, I for one am glad. Everything we said in those letters were true." Agatha smiled.

"James asked why I wasn't coming home for Christmas...It was the same day I sent you that letter telling you I had changed me mind...I called your house a home Agatha." Lily squeezed her eyes shut as she clenched her hands into fists.

"You should consider it your home."

"But it's not where you live, it's the people and I feel like I'm betraying my parents."

"Charles and I are not replacing your parents. Loving someone else doesn't diminish the love you have for them. Let me ask you this, you think of your roommates at Hogwarts like sisters, am I right?"

"Yeah," she said.

"Even though you're fighting with Petunia, loving...Is it Alice and Marlene?"

Lily nodded.

"Loving them like a sister doesn't discount Petunia. Just like having thinking of Charles and I's house as a home, doesn't make you love your parents any less."

"Thank you," Lily said, wiping away tears with the back of her hand. She knew at the moment in time she may have lost her parents, but she gained a new family that was willing to let her in with open arms.


	18. Chapter 18

Lily sat in front of the desk in the Potter house. A mirror had been placed, leaning against the wall. She opened her bag of cosmetics, scowling at them and dreading the moment when she had to put on her dress and leave to go to Potter Manor. The boys, on the other hand, didn't seem to care and were busy doing Merlin knows what.

Her hair was already up in an interesting up-do that was a complicated nest of curls that Agatha helped her with. She was applying lipstick when her door opened. With a lazy smile and messy hair James was propped against the door frame.

"I'm not done." She turned around and saw him in trousers, dress shoes and a t-shirt. "And neither are you."

"Sirius refuses to get dressed and Peter is following his lead."  
"Remus?"

"Already dressed, sitting and reading."

"Of course," Lily said, looking in the mirror at her carefully applied makeup. "Can you leave or shut the door?"

"Why?"

"I have to get dressed." She got to her feet to walk over where the dress was hanging.

"You might need help." He replied with a shrug, walking over to her bed. "Aren't zippers tricky?"

"A little." She looked over her shoulder with a half-smile before turning her back on James and loosening the tie around her waist before letting it drop to the ground. Unhooking the dress from the hanger she stepped into it. "So do you want to try it?"

"I thought you would never ask." James got to his feet resting his hand on her lower back as he brought it up. "I like it when your hair's down."

The door creaked open, "Lily I have the gloves and-" She looked at her son bent, chin rested on her shoulders and hands on her hips. "James, what are you doing in here?"

"She needed help." He backed away.

"The zipper was stuck," Lily lied.

"Why don't you finish getting dressed James? And get Sirius out of his trainers," Agatha ordered. Under her watchful he left and Lily pretended to be fixing her makeup. "I'm not blind, the two of you weren't really do anything or at least I hope." She laughed. "I have to be kidding myself if I think that won't happen. Don't get me wrong, I like the fact that James found someone like you, but make smart decisions."

"I will, I promise." Lily hugged herself as Mrs. Potter opened a small box.

"I thought you could borrow one of my necklaces, family heirloom. Do you mind?"

"No." Lily shook her head.

"Nothing fancy." Agatha clasped the small oval ruby that rested in the hollow of her neck. Lily looked in the mirror in front of her. "Is something the matter?"

"Are James and I crazy?"

"What? No," Agatha said.

Lily spun around to look at her. She looked like royalty in her periwinkle dress robes and glittering jewlery. "Eleanor thought I was a pure blood. When she heard I was dating James she didn't care that I was wearing jeans and his jacket, because being with a Potter is apparently a golden ticket."

"Lily…"

"I think I love him Agatha, but I can't lie to myself."

Agatha stepped forward and embraced the tearful witch. "I know exactly what you're thinking and it is not worth crying over." She held her at arms length and reached behind her for the rag Lily used to touch up her makeup. Folding it in half she wiped away the tears. "The Potter's have been one of the mostly controversial families in terms of blood status."

"Why?"

"It was years ago, centuries probably when one of Charles' ancestors married a muggle named Reginald Potter or that's how the story goes. Her parents were so angry that they threw her out of the house, not knowing that he was nobility. When I was engaged to Charles everyone thought that I would tarnish the Potter name because my grandmother was muggleborn. After a confrontation with his aunt I almost broke it off."  
"The two of you are so happy, though."

"Now, we are. Although we fought for weeks after the engagement, even after we got married until Charles finally convinced me that he didn't care if I was a squib, he loved me for me."

"Things have changed, I don't know your family, but if they're anything like the purebloods I've met…" Lily paused for a second, looking at the door. "That aren't Sirius...Once they find out-"

"Stop right there. No one can make you feel inferior, unless you give them permission." Agatha looked her over. "We need to get ready to floo. Put on your gloves and meet us downstairs."

"Spiked or unspiked?"

Lily whirled around and saw James standing there with two crystal glasses. They'd been at his grandparents manor for an hour, the other guests hadn't even arrived when they flooed in. "Spiked, I'm going to need it."

"Thought you said that. Gramps is pretty cool, so both glasses have something special in them." James slipped an arm around her as he took a drink. "We're going to have company, you're supposed to help us welcome the guests."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Your pretty face will distract them from Sirius." He kissed her, his mouth tasting of whisky and strawberries from the punch. "Please don't say you're embarrassed about being with me after what happened in your room." He tucked a curl behind her ear.

"No, your mom just told us to make smart decisions."

"If dad walked in us like that he would have shut the door."

"Like what?" Lily asked, looking up at him through her eyelashes as she took a drink. "Maybe you'll have to remind me."

"Don't mind if I do." James took the final drink of his punch before moving to stand behind Lily. His chin rested in the crook of her neck, one hand at the waist pulled her into him and another rested lightly on her shoulder. "Does this ring any bells?" He rested his lips on her neck, slowly working his way up.

"James, I have no desire to be a great grandfather anytime soon. Please step away from the delightful girl." Edgar Potter stood in the doorway of the library where they were previously hiding out. "Now, before you go greet our guests I would like a proper introduction."

"Grandfather, this is Miss Lily Evans. The brightest and most beautiful girl to ever grace the halls of Hogwarts," James said as he spun around, his arm going back around Lily's shoulder, not even missing a beat because of being caught.

"It's...nice to make….your acquaintance Mr. Potter," Lily stammered out, taking a swig of the remaining punch in her glass.

"My father died twenty years ago. I'm not going to call you Miss Evans, call me Edgar." He smiled brightly. "And while you are stunning, Lily, James never met my wife when _she _was at Hogwarts." A bell chimed and he looked around. "Please, go to the door. Right now Sirius is there alone and he has been a little too enthusiastic about the punch."

Lily laughed as James led her to the entrance hall where Sirius was chatting up relatives, a ridiculous grin plastered across his face. Standing beside him, she stepped closer to James and smiled equally as bright as everyone entered. For the most part they ignored her, more interested to converse with Sirius or James only giving her a cursory glance once they saw James' arm around her waist.

"Is that everyone?" she asked about half an hour later. "I'm starving."

"I'll stay here for a bit longer, I haven't seen your lovely family friends yet." By the look in Sirius eye Lily knew he wasn't being sarcastic. "Pull Peter and Remus out of the shades and keep make sure Lily doesn't wilt." He smirked. "Beside when that leggy blonde bird comes, I want to be alone."

"Who's that?"

"Nicolette, one of my father's friend's daughter. She goes to Beauxbatons," James explained.

"Ah, didn't Marlene say that she was coming?" Lily asked.

"They usually come later, we eat first then we have the ball part. The McKinnon's aren't usually here for the meal." He smiled at her. "You're doing great," he said as he guided her into the dining large hall where tables were set up.

"I think your relatives hate me," Lily said. "As soon as they see me next to you they turn the other way."  
"They did the same thing to Sirius. All they're doing is testing the waters before they speak to you, that's all." James pulled his arm away as they stood in front of the table where Peter and Remus were sitting. Under the watchful eye of many relatives, he pulled the chair out for Lily. She smiled at him, pulled her gloves off, resting them beneath her napkin.

"So…" Lily said glancing around the room. "Who's that?" She asked looking at a girl with dark hair and a maroon dress looking bored out of her mind as she sat at a table with three men.

"Charlotte, that blonde bird's sister," James replied. "Most eligible witch."

"What?"

"She graduated from Beauxbatons three years ago and went straight into the Healer's Academy. Now, she works in one the best hospitals in France."

"Without a ring on her finger." Those words came from behind, Lily saw a blonde girl in a pink dress smiling as Sirius pulled out a chair for her. "My name is Nicolette." She extended her hand as Lily turned to face.

"Lily," she told her and took the hand, shaking it gently.

"She's my sister." The blonde looked over Lily. "And you are the James' infamous date." Nicolette hadn't let go of the hand, just frowned and reached for the other one. "I know you two have a year and a half left of school, but James never brings a girl to things like this. I half expected you to have a ring or be…" Her eyes landed on Lily's flat stomach.

"No." Lily pulled her hand away, eyes wide.

"It's a different scenario," Remus spoke from across the table.

"Really?" Nicolette's mouth arranged itself into a neat little smirk. "Well, I for one am glad that James finally is dating someone. I always thought he was using that girl he knew as Hogwarts as a cover for being in love with Sirius and Sirius was projecting his feelings for James unto me." Nicolette laughed, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

James flagged down one of the people serving and grabbed a glass of punch, Lily and Sirius did they same before they all drank it in one gulp. "Lily is staying over the holiday," he told her after regaining his composure.

"What? No girl that isn't a relative has ever crossed the threshold of the Potter house. Unless…" she looked Lily over then let out a short laugh before speaking, "Your the orphan muggleborn that's staying with Agatha!"

Lily pushed away from the table, throwing her napkin and gloves on the table. James grabbed her arm. "I knew this was a mistake."

"Wait, I'm sorry...my friends tell me that I need to...Not be so blunt. I never think twice about what I'm saying. Most people find it rather endearing." She looked at Sirius.

"I need air," Lily muttered as she got to her feet. One look from her was enough to keep James from following her. As she was walking outside she stopped when she saw a girl with short hair. "Marlene!"

"Lily!" She rushed over and enveloped her tightly. "You look hot, but what about me?" She pulled away and spun around. The dress was skin tight and glittery. "Just kidding, let's sit with the boys." Marlene gripped her hand and motioned to pull her toward the table. "What's wrong?"

"I'm done," Lily whispered.

"With what?" Marlene questioned. "Lily, don't do this. I know you. You did the same thing when you made Prefect. You thought everyone hated you and that you were doing a terrible job…" Marlene looked at James, who was leaning across the table to talk with Remus. "If I had someone that looked at me like James looks at you, I wouldn't care what people said. They want you to doubt yourself." Marlene smiled at her. "If James doesn't care about any of the stupid things, then you don't either."

"It's not that," Lily spat out. "I'm the the orphan muggleborn that's living with the Potters."

"Nicolette," Marlene said. "My cousin goes to school with her, nice girl that loves attention." She laughed, then looked across the room. "Poor Charlie, I hope her parents realize that she's never going to marry one of them."

"Why? They seem nice."  
"Charlie is all work and no play, the exact opposite of Nicolette. If she marries someone it will be the guy that's willing to work the graveyard shift with her at the hospital." Marlene looked at Lily. "Do you want to have some fun?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"Rescue mission," Marlene said. "Go over there and start chatting up the guys. I'm going to find my brother."

"Your brother?"

"Trust me, just get one of those boys to dance with you. Turn on that charm." Marlene pushed Lily forward as she scurried away.

The redhead crossed the room and took a seat at the the table with Charlotte and the boys. "Hello," she said. "Nice Ball isn't it."

"Quite," Charlotte responded, looking Lily over. "Do I know you?"  
"I'm a friend of the Potter's and I was just talking Marlene McKinnon, such a sweet girl, how no one will dance with me."

"Dinner hasn't even been served, it's still cocktail hour," one of the men replied as he adjusted his bow tie.

"There's music, isn't there?" Lily asked. "What about you?" she asked a blonde man with dark blue dress robes. "Please?"

"I don't like to make a girl beg." He got to his feet and held his hand. "My name is Augustus."

"Lily," she replied.

"Enchanted."

She was on her feet and he guided her to the emptiest part of the room in front of the band. He pulled her close as they attempted to dance to the music. "I'm terrible, two left feet."

"Really? Then why did you want to dance so badly?"

"I have my reasons," she replied, looking behind her she saw Marlene pulling Mr. Bowtie out onto the dance floor, then Charlotte was accompanied by the last man. Why would she want to force her to dance with him?

"I see, I would like to thank you. My mother has been trying to set me up with Charlotte Montbrai for years, but between you and me that girl is never going to settle down. She's so pretty, but wastes it in that hospital."

Lily felt the smile slipping from her face, but then she started once again as she saw Remus cut in with Marlene. Then, she saw why she left Charlotte alone. Marlene's older brother came up and Lily swore she had never seen a girl happier than Charlotte was in the moment.

"May I cut in?" Augustus reluctantly released her and soon James replaced him.

"I promised I'd never leave you."

Lily bit her lip to hold back a smile and rested her head on James' chest, pulling him closer. She wished that she could look in a mirror right now and see the joyous expression on her face that could rival Charlotte's.


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: Please re-read! I was wondering why it was so short and I cut off an entire chunk. **

* * *

Going home was probably the best part of the night. Between the meeting the entire Potter clan, putting up with the Marauders and dancing most of the evening Lily was dead on her feet. Once home she unpinned her hair, shook the curls out and using a cold washcloth to take off her makeup. She was still in her dress robes when she heard the fire place. Confused she headed to James' bedroom, he was sitting on the bed, tie hanging around his neck, shirt untucked, belt off and shoes off.

"What's going on?"

"Remus is going home," he said. "Full moon is on the twenty sixth and he wants to see his family before that."

"Oh," Lily said going to sit behind him. "How do you do it?"

"What?"

"Stay with him when he's a werewolf."

"If you can't be with someone at their worst, you don't deserve them at their best." James rubbed his eyes.

"What does he do when he doesn't have you?"

"There are ways...some better than others," he explained. "His parents knew how to handle it, they've dealt with it since he was a kid." He put an arm around her, rubbing his arm. "Aren't you cold in that dress?"

"No." Lily moved closer, tucking herself into the curves of his body.

"We'll go to be with him."

Lily rested her head on his shoulder, trying to bury her face in his neck. "I'm supposed to go to see my family tomorrow, I don't know if I can handle it."

"I can go with you," he offered.

Lily shook her head, then looked up at him. "I miss them so much, but...I don't want to see my cousin Amanda or Vernon. You and your parents feel more like family than my own relatives."

They said no more, just sat on the bed next to each other listening to Sirius and Peter in the next room. "I don't want to be alone," Lily whispered.

"Stay then," James said.

"I'll get my night gown."

"No." He released her and walked over to the dresser, tossing her a shirt and flannel pyjama pants. "They should fit." James walked over. "Want me to unzip it?"

"Thought you'd never ask." She held her hair, up James taking extra long to do the simple task. As it fell to the ground she unhooked her bra and slipped on the oversized clothing. When she turned around James was slipping off his trousers, leaving his t-shirt he had on earlier. "That's not fair, if I show you mine you have to show me yours."

"Yeah, yeah," James said collapsing on his bed.

Lily looked at the made bed where Remus slept when he was here.

"What are you doing? Come on," he said, patting the empty space beside him. "If you sleep there you might as well go across the hall."

With a smile she slipped in beside him. The bed was not the four poster ones in the dormitory, but it still good sized, however it was snug with the two of them. "In my living room we had a pull out couch and on Christmas Petunia and I would sleep on that." Her smile faltered a bit. "We haven't done that in years, though, since my second year at Hogwarts."

"Well, I don't mind you sharing your tradition, but I hope I don't too used to it." He positioned his arm under her neck as she rolled over to face him. James seemed perfectly comfortable and soon his eyes fell shut, peace falling over her face, but his glasses were still on. Holding back a laugh she tried to slip them off, he moved a bit, but his eyes didn't open as she rested the glasses on the nightstand.

The clock chimed what she guessed was midnight and she still hadn't fallen asleep. "James?" she whispered. He stirred a bit and she used her free hand to brush a lock of hair out of his eyes. "I think I love you." Lily rolled over, molding her body into his curves, positioning his arm over hip.

"You think?" His words tickled her ear. "I know Lily."

"How long?" she asked.

"Last year," he whispered. "You were sitting beneath a tree with Alice and Marlene. Your hair was in a braid and you were laughing when you shook it out. When a first year was goofing off on a broom you didn't think twice about going over to help him when he fell on his arm."

Lily remembered the moment, but she didn't remember James being there. Moving her hand she interlaced her fingers with her. "At Hogsmeade I suspected it, but tonight when you cut in when I was dancing with Augustus….Is that silly?"

"No." He pulled her closer kissing her cheek. "Good night, Lily."

"Good night, James."

* * *

For once Christmas felt like Christmas to Lily. There was a certain peace that came with awaking to silence, her heartbeat and breathing naturally adjusted to James. James kept an arm wrapped around her waist holding her close, inhaling the scent of Lily.

"Wormtail, we have to wake Prongs. Mum and dad were up an hour ago." Sirius opened the door to the bathroom a bowl filled with water in his hands. He, however, did not notice the sleeping red head obscured by the slumbering James and thick blankets. "Rise and shine!" He tossed the water onto the bed, Peter laughing the whole while with a camera poised to catch James' reaction.

A flashbulb went off as both parties popped up James' hand muffling Lily's shriek. "Bloody hell! Padfoot, what made you think that was a good idea?"

"Happy Christmas?" Sirius muttered, holding back a laugh.

"I'm drenched," Lily moaned, burying her head in James shoulder.

"We didn't think you'd be here..." Peter said, nearly blushing at catching Lily and James in bed together.

"Well keep it to yourself..." He ran his hands through Lily's now damp and tangled hair. She was about ready to fall asleep. "Thought you were an early riser?" James started kissing her face until she pulled away with a small squeak of protest.

"Really?" Sirius asked. "Do you need another cold shower?"

Lily lifted her head, issuing him her best prefect glare as she tossed aside the covers. James laughed as she got to her feet, head held high as she left the room. The boys followed her down the stairs, threw the kitchen and into the family room where Charles and Agatha were sitting on the couch with cups of tea and napkins containing scones on the laps.

"Happy Christmas!" they chorused, lifting their cups in a mock toast as they looked at the teenagers entering the room. "Sit down, have some tea, take a scone…" Charles said.

Sirius collapsed on the other end of the coach, Peter took an armchair and James pulled Lily unto his lap in the other armchair.

"Lily, why are you wearing James' old pyjamas?" Agatha looked her over with a weary eye.

"She was cold, who wears a dress to bed in the middle of winter?" James asked as he kept his girlfriend from falling forward while she poured herself a cup of tea and grabbed a scone. "Besides, she looks adorable."

"J_ames_," Sirius whined with an eyeroll. "We are all quite aware of how you think Evans looks."

"Jealous?" Lily questioned, recalling the comment that Nicolette had made last night.

"No," Sirius huffed. When, in reality, he was a little peeved that James-his best mate-was keeping things from him. He would leave them alone for a few minutes and they would practically be on top of each other. That much he expected from James, but Lily….well it was _Evans_, the girl that seemed to love to shatter his mate's heart into a million pieces.

"Why don't we open packages?" Charles was sensing the slight tension in the room. Agatha was appalled when she relayed what she walked in on between James and Lily, it was clear seeing them this morning that something else transpired last night. Seeing them was like looking into a pensieve of them the start of his and Agatha's relationship, he could only hope that Lily would be able to handle the pressure that came along with being the fiance-and later wife-of a Potter.

Agatha used her wands to pass out the packages, putting a pile aside for Remus who decided at the last moment he wanted to be with his family. The gifts were mainly standard gifts. Lily couldn't wait to try on the new black coat Agatha got for her and was nearly brought to tears when she opened the small box that contained the family heirloom she borrowed last night. Peter received standard gifts that anyone would expect-sweets, a sweater scarf set from Agathat and Quidditch books. Sirius were surprisingly practical, things that he would accept from the Potter's at random times, but needed since he was cut off.

James' gift were also what would be expected, but one caught his attention. The wrapping was not the neat job, but clumsily done. Pulling back the paper he saw a small wooden chest, opening it he saw nearly a dozen letters tied with red ribbon. As he went to loosen it, Lily stopped him.

"You can't open them yet," she told him. "They're open when letters." Lily had contemplated what to get him for weeks, Marlene had a whole list of things that were great gifts for boyfriends, but she wanted something he would truly appreciate. Alice had given her the idea in the end.

"I don't understand." He thumbed through them.

"Each is made for you to open at a different time. Like when your angry or stressed or sad…" Lily swallowed a bit. "It's for when we get in those arguments and won't talk to each other."  
"I love it." He kissed her cheek. "You still have one more and it's mine." He gestured to the pretty package wrapped in purple paper.

Lily pulled back the paper and saw that it was small box, almost like one of the jewelery boxes she had when she was younger. Opening it she saw her favorite scarf there. "James! You owled Madame Warren, thank you!" She kissed him profusely, happy to see one of the last presents her mother gave her here.

"That's not it." He tugged back the scarf reveiling a small corked vial that was hanging off a leather cord.

"I don't understand."

"I had help with this," he started, "have you heard of a Pensieve?"

"Yeah…"

"Marlene and Alice…they had memories of your parents from when they visited you, I had one from the trainstation two years back...I knew that they were the only thing you really wanted."

He couldn't say anything more as she latched onto him, head resting on his chest. James wrapped his arms around. "Hey, I didn't mean to upset you…" He could feel tears seeping onto his shirt.

"Sorry, everyone," Lily said as she pulled away from James. "It's the best present, ever."

"Mum and dad helped me execute it, I just had the idea," James explained.

After the presents they relaxed, playing many games of Exploding Snap and Wizarding Chess. Eventually they got dressed in jeans and jumpers, foregoing any shoes until they went outside. The four teens were in the middle of snow ball fight when Charles recieved an owl. He looked himself in his study for a meeting over the fire. It took ages and by the time he emerged everyone else was sipping hot chocolate at the table.

"Agatha, would it be okay if I went to my cousin Amanda's for dinner? I thought I'd take the Knight bus," Lily said. "I didn't really want to, but I think it's important to see them."  
"You're right. We'll have you for the rest of the holiday," Agatha said. "I'm happy you asked to go, it'll be good for you."

They chatted a bit as Charles sat at the kitchen table, hands curled around an untouched mug of hot chocolate, a morose look crossing his face. "I'm afraid you can't," he told her.

"What?" Lily asked. "Agatha just-"

"There was an attack, a muggle church...No one was killed miraculously, but several were injured. The ministry wants everyone to stay put."

"That's not fair," James said. "Lily is a muggleborn-" He was quieted by a hand resting on his shoulder. "Don't you want to see your family?"

"Yes, but…" Lily didn't know quite how to explain it to James. As much as she wanted to see them-and dreaded interacting with Petunia and Vernon-her going there could put their lives in jeopardy, at least with this new development. "I'll send them a letter tomorrow, Petunia will never forgive me but it will be safer."

Charles nodded, glad that she saw it from the ministry perspective. Lately, Voldemort and his followers were becoming less and less predictable. With the stunt they pulled it was safer to stay in one place and have aurors keep a close eye on things. Even Christmas couldn't stop the war.


	20. Chapter 20

Returning to Hogwarts was an almost surreal experience for Lily. Once she was back at the castle she knew that she would have to separate herself from James. After the ball she spent every night in his bed, even when he went away with Sirius and Peter to Remus. She couldn't help but feel worried knowing that it would be three humans against a werewolf.

On the train she dodged prefect duty once more and sat in the compartment with the Marauders. It wasn't long before Alice, Marlene and Frank joined them. "I take it you survived Christmas?" Alice questioned when she saw her friend tucked tightly next to James.

"Thank you," was all she said in reply.

"What are you talking about?"

Lily pulled on the leather cord around her neck to reveal the small vial with the swirling blue liquid. Alice just gave her a huge smile, as Frank looked at Lily in confusion as she tucked it inside her sweater.

The train ride was rather uneventful and it wasn't long before everyone fell asleep. Well, almost everyone, James and Sirius could not seem to sleep and spent the entire train ride chattering about Quidditch plans, even waking up Peter to go over some new plays.

When they arrived at Hogwarts, Lily felt...conflicted. It wasn't like at the beginning of the year, it was much different now. She had James now and as much as Nicolette's words still echoed in the back of her mind, but after the rest of the Holiday she couldn't let anyone get to her.

Once classes started them Lily attacked them with a renewed vigor, but she didn't let them dominate her life. Whenever she didn't have Prefect duties and James didn't have Quidditch they spent the time together. If he had practice she spent the time with Alice, Marlene and Athena.

As Winter faded into Spring, Hogwarts found itself thrown into an awkward state. The first years weren't entirely clueless but the seventh years did not even want to be enrolled anymore and the sixth years were restless. Lily found herself religiously reading the Daily Prophet and any newspaper she could get her hands on. Every time she got an owl delivered from the Muggle Post Office she breathed a sigh of relief. As much as she argued with her sister she did not want her or any of her other family dead. After what happened on Christmas that seemed to be an all too real reality.

It was April when Lily was at her desk penning a letter to her Cousin Amanda with a sugar coated and politically corrected version of the happenings at Hogwarts, careful not to break her cover as a Holmstrom Academy delinquent.

"Lil, you need to hurry if you want to wish your boy toy good luck!" Marlene shouted.

"Just a second," she yelled back, a smile playing at her lips. If you told her a year ago that James Potter was her boyfriend she wouldn't believe it. "Potter will have to wait another minute."

"Lily, don't tease the poor boy," Alice said, walking over to her roommate staring at her in the mirror. They were in matching Gryffindor shirts, hair pulled back with curled gold ribbons.

"Before you go you need lipstick, I made sure they were your colors." Marlene handed each a tube of lipstick, they humored her by applying it smacking their lips together. "Gryffindor is going to rip those Badgers to shreds!" Marlene said.

"Let's go," Lily rolled her eyes not believing that it was the final Quidditch game of the year. Quickly the girls descended the steps, exited the Common Room and hurried down to the pitch. "Save us seats," she told Marlene as she grabbed Alice by the wrist. The two marched their way to the dressing room knocking on the door. From behind they heard shouts, stomping and clapping. Once it settled down they resumed their pounding on the door. It popped open to see a second year. "We're Potter and Longbottom's good luck charm," she said. "If you don't let us in you're going to have a very unhappy Captain."

He stepped aside and Alice laughed. James was quickly spotted standing next to Sirius who was bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Hey, I heard that the Captain needs a bit of Felix Felicis."

"Luck potions are banned," James said as he stepped forward.

"Oh, darn it." Lily kissed him on the side of his face. "It's magical, won't come off." She kissed him straight on the mouth, placing her hands on either side of his face to pull him closer. James braced himself on her hips, suprised by this very public display of affection that she normally shied away from. Granted, the guys on the Quidditch team weren't really a crowd but people only saw this on accident. Occasionally they kissed in front of the Marauders or her roommates, but usually it was just them with their arms around each other.

"Captain," one of the boys said. "We need to go out."

"One minute," he replied, in between a kiss from Lily.

"I better go, we can finish later," Lily said as she snuck a glance at Alice and Frank. She had given him a very chaste kiss on the lips before a tight embrace, no they were standing an arms length away, both with smiles beaming. Eventually that would become her and James, but right now they were still in the experimental stage of the relationship and could not get enough of each other. "You will win, I can feel it."

"I know," he said kissing her once more. "I'll be looking for you in the stands."

"Don't, keep your head in the game."

"Too late…" He leaned down once more, but there were several protests from team members. Sirius grabbed Lily and Alice, pulling them out, giving them a smirk and a wink before shutting the door. In the stands the students waited eagerly for the game to start. It seemed far too long before both teams appeared seemingly out of nowhere and flew a lap around the Pitch. Gryffindor was especially excited and started screaming once they saw those red and gold robes.

Hufflepuff had made a huge comeback from last year's losing streak, but they still were no match against the Gryffindors. James being made captain as a sixth year was clearly a brilliant move on the part of last year's captain. His plays were ingenious and utilized the skill set of every player. The Hufflepuff team didn't know what hit them most of the time and they severely underestimated the young Seeker.

Lily held her breath as she watched James dive, swerve and race away from the other team, launching the Quaffle towards the goals at every chance. In fact she was so busy screaming her lungs out as the Chasers were doing a very odd manuever, then the next thing she knew there was a shout of pure glee…

"Quinn has the snitch...GRYFFINDOR HAS WON THE CUP!"

Lily's face broke into a smile as her friends hugged her tightly, screaming. "Go down there!" Marlene urged, shoving the redhead forward. Soon enough what seemed to be the entire House stormed the pitch.

Lily fought her way through the crowd to James. He had fought hard, that was clearly illustrated by the dripping sweat, wilder hair than usual and dirt smudges on his face from a nasty spill he took. "Told you I'd win." He let his broom drop to the ground as he pulled her in for a kiss.

"Never doubted it for a moment," she replied letting out a laugh as she wrapped her arms around him. James punched at the air while his teammates screamed, only Lily kept him tethered to the ground.

Soon enough they were forced to disperse, ordered to go to the Common Room to carry on the celebration. There were various bottles of all sorts of drinks, snacks and sweets covering every surface of the room. One of the seventh years stole the ancient phonograph to play the Twisted Sisters albums a few of the fourth kept in their trunks.

It wasn't long before the Common Room was transferred into a party. James coaxed Lily onto the makeshift dance floor that was raised off the ground by transfigured coffee tables. "We aren't even dancing!" she shouted.

"That's the point," he whispered into her ear, using one arm to pull her closer. "My room is going to be empty for a while."

"I'm getting a drink." She jumped off the dance floor heading to where Sirius stood. He immediately thrust a cup into her hand. "What's in this?"

"Drink up my lovely Lily."

She raised it to her lips, taking a tentative slip. "I should give you detention for having alcohol, but this is good." She passed him a smile. "Try to be more secretive, though." Lily was about to turn around when someone bumped into drenching her shirt with the drink.

"I think you've had enough," James said, coming up beside Lily.

"It was an accident, I need to go change."  
"I have a t-shirt in my room." He reached for her hand and before she could protest he was already pulling her toward the stairs. They barely made it to the top before Lily leaned against a wall as James pressed his lips to hers. The pair was like that for several minutes, Lily's hands combing through his hair as James' hands wandered up her shirt.

"Can I get that shirt?"

"Tease," he muttered, kissing her again.

"I'm trying to get you in your room," she replied, her hands flat against his head, gently pushing him forward. Lily led him to the sixth year boys dorm, shutting the door after him. Once they were alone she stripped off her shirt and let out a laugh as he pulled her close. "I love you."

"I know you do." His hands wandered lower as he kissed her. With his hands securing her hips, she hopped up to wrap her legs around his waist. "Merlin, Lil."

"Do you love me?"

"Do you really have to ask?" he walked over to his bed, falling backwards onto it as Lily let out a squeal of surprise. "So…"

"We can't do this, not now," Lily said, rolling off of James. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he answered as she laid on his side to face her.

"It's just-"

"You don't want to be remembered as the pregnant Prefect," James muttered as he sat up. "I understand." Getting off the bed he walked over to his trunk and pulled out a t-shirt. "Let's stay here for a bit."

Lily slipped the shirt over her head as she watched him dig a bit further down in his trunk before pulling out a shiny silver flask. "We can have our own party," she said.

"Exactly." He opened it and took a swig before passing it to her. James couldn't believe the girl in front of him. His entire life Lily had always been little Miss Innocent. Everybody loved her-from the teachers to the students- she was brilliant, beautiful and kind. With him Lily seemed real, she still was stunning, but she was flirty and a bit reckless.

They were laying side by side on the bed, propped up on pillows, when there was banging on the door. "Come on Captain, we need you down there," a slurred voice called out.

"You better go."

James crawled off the bed and out the door. She heard them stumble out before she got to her feet. She heard a door shut then she saw Alice holding herself as she walked down the hall. "What's wrong?" Lily called out, running out of her friend. "We can talk in here." She gestured to the boys dorm as she looked over her friend. She sat on the bed holding back tears as she hugged herself. "You didn't break up with Frank, did you?"

"No, of course not." She shook her head. "He asked me to marry him?"

"What?" Lily asked as sat down beside her. "Really?"

"He wants to wait until next summer to get married, by then he'll be graduated."

"Graduated?"

"He got in Lily," Alice said. "He got into the Auror academy." She bit her lip struggling to hold back tears.

"You'll have a few months before you both start."

"No, they changed the dates, the academy starts a week after he graduates." Alices let out a choked sob and hugged her friend. "I'm so happy for him…"

"It is hard to get in, but it's not a surprise. You and Frank have talked about becomign Aurors for years."

"It's different now. I don't want forever with him, but I want to marry him someday Lily. I want him to be there when I graduate, I want him to reach his twentieth birthday!" she shouted. "Is that so much to ask?"

"No," Lily replied as she rubbed circles on her tearful friends back. "Have you talked to Frank about this?"

"I can't let him know I have doubts. He needs my support."

"Alice, you can't hide things from him," Lily said. "And I know it's hard for you, but Frank is determined to help with the war effort." _Anyway possible, _she thought as she recalled him speaking about the Order of the Phoenix. Even if he hadn't got into the Auror program, Frank would be far from safe. At least if he went to the Academy he would get the proper training.

"I know, but I'm scared."

"Me too," Lily whispered as her friend cried on her shoulder. She resisted the urge to do the same. But crying about her parents wouldn't bring them back. Crying for those people Voldemort killed on Christmas would not have protected them from sharpenal. No, she knew that when push came to shove she would do anything to stop him.


	21. Chapter 21

Alice and Lily kept quiet about what happened during the Quidditch celebration. In fact they were the soberest of the oldest students, so Lily ended up having to kick out everyone before helping drunk Quidditch players to their rooms and disposing of the evidence before McGonagall could see anything. That Monday in Transfigurations, though, she made it quite clear that she knew what had happened, but she had no way of proving anything.

On Tuesday she sat in her customary spot besides James with her other friends around them. Alice and Frank were strangely quiet sitting an odd distance apart. Lily wondered if she told him how she felt, as she thought this her eyes wandered to James.

"Lil, are you alright?" James askedvas he noticed her gaze.

"Fine," she replied.

"Hope you're ready for DA," he told her. "Rumor has it that Wolfe is letting the sixth years practice with a Boggart."

"Why? We dealt with them our third year." Lily looked over James.

"It's fun," he said.

"Facing our worst fear is your definition of fun?" Remus remarked looking very disgusted. "Sirius, how do you feel about heading to Honeydukes?" he questioned.

Sirius just smirked and clapped his friend on the shoulder. Lily rolled her eyes knowing she should intervene, but it would be futile. The teachers would realize Sirius was ditching class and give him detention anyway. Remus most likely would be pardoned as Professor Wolfe would assume that he was sick.

"We should head to class, unless you're going with them." Lily got to her feet, a hand lingering on his back as she gripped her bag in her free hand and walked towards the door. Like she expected James wasn't far behind and he hooked an arm around her waist, Lily squealing as she was pulled to a stop. "James people are going to start talking them if you keep on following me into empty corridors."

"Let them," he said and looked around before planting a kiss on her lips. "The guys already say you have me wrapped around your little finger."

"They're right about one thing." Her hand drifted to his on her waist. "We should get to class, before we have to deal with the first years." With that she clasped her hand in his before walking to the Dark Arts classroom. They were the first ones there Professor Wolfe wasn't even present yet, so they sat down at one of the middle desks.

"Since we're alone, maybe we could start where we left off?" James asked.

"You're not alone Mr. Potter. Please, detach yourself from Miss Evans before I am forced to pry apart after I remind you that this is Defense Against the Dark Arts. We practice defending ourselves, not snogging the opposite sex," the Professor remarked dryly.

James scooted away in his chair and the Professor cleared his throat as he walked across the room and tapped the desk at the front of the room. "We can control ourselves," he muttered as he plopped in the chair.

"Miss Evans can," he said before turning around and writing notes on the board. Gradually the rest of the class filtered around the pair. Alice and Marlene sat on either side of her as she eyed the trunk standing in the front of the classroom.

"On your feet," the professor shouted. As soon as they scrambled to a standing position, no sooner did they do that were the tables magically pushed to the side creating a wide aisle. "I'm sure you've heard the rumors, today you will get to practice on a Boggart again. If you remember not all of you got the chance to practice with it, just Gryffindors and Slytherins. The reality is that this lesson will come in handy for you and the seventh years, more so than the third years. In a short time most of you will be facing some of the most unimaginable horrors this world has to offer and knowing your worst fear will come in handy. Get in line." He paced in front of the room while they stood in a crooked formation. "Do you all remember the spell?"

"_Riddikulus_," they chanted.

"Good, good, but first we need someone to do a proper demonstration. Miss Evans, come up here."

"Professor, I doubt I am the best student to do this," she replied. Defense was never her strong suit.

"Nonsense, if I remember right you did quite good the first time around."

Lily bit her lip as she walked to the front of the room. She couldn't even remember what she was scared of then, snakes? Or maybe it was her sister...Now, she couldn't even imagine what it would be. "I'm ready, professor."

He said no more as he opened the trunk, there was a flash of a shapeless black smoke before it began to form. Lily froze as she saw a man with that ridiculous mask that covered his head, a death eater. A death eater like that day at Hogsmeade. "He's next, mudblood," the figure said.

Lily shook her head and willed herself to fight him. "_Riddikulus!_"

The boggart didn't go away, Lily couldn't think of anything to change it to. Then, from behind her, she heard another voice shout. "_Expecto Patronum!" _James. It was James. A very realistic stag ran forward running around the figure who looked very confused.

"Mr. Potter impressive use of the patronus charm, but-"

"_Riddikulus!" _Lily shouted as the death eater disappeared into a cloud of smoke, forming a cyclone and whirling around the stag. The class laughed as the figure of light's head whipped a back and forth before they both disappeared.

"Good teamwork," the professor said. "Now, since you are so eager to prove yourself why don't you come up here Mr. Potter." The trunk was now shut, but his hand poised over the latch on the lid. Lily turned around to go next to Marlene As she passed a smile to James. "Please remember that unless the Boggart turns into a dementor the patronus charm does not have much use."

James strutted to the front of his line, his eyes lingering on Lily as he stood in front of the room. His head snapped to the front as the boggart was released and began to take shape. He stumbled backward, wand out mouth forming the words, but he froze. It was his family, his friends and...Lily. James couldn't do it. Seeing Lily lifeless in front of him was too much, it was as if he was reliving that day all over again. He knew it wasn't actually her, but it took every once of self-control to not run over there to try and pull the fugue into his arms or at the very least turn around to find the real Lily.

"_Riddikulus_," a small voice said as she stepped forward. The scene soon disappeared in a puff of glitter .

James whirled around and saw Lily with her wand poised. He pushed past the crowd of people and marched out the room. "What are you doing James?" Lily questioned as she walked toward him. "Storming out really isn't your thing."

"I could have done it," he itold her.

"Are you mad?" she asked. "You helped me, I helped you."

"It's different Lily," he said. "I'm supposed to-"

"No, we're supposed to help each other, that's...that's how this works James." Lily shook her head. "If it was Sirius would you be angry at him? Or Remus?"

"Lily-" he reached for her but she pulled away. "You have to understand. Don't you here what everyone says? They all think that I follow around like a lost dog-"

"My worst fear wasn't seeing you dead? Is that why you're upset?"

"No!"

"Yes, it is. Are you that stupid that you didn't realize it was a death eater? Like the ones you and I faced?" Lily walked forward. "You know that you terrify me, right? Because I hate loving someone so much when I know that they could be tore away from me any day. I don't care that you're angry now because we always do this." She gestured between the two of them, both in defensive positions. "And I for one am going to stop being so damn stubborn. Come to me when you're going to stop too."

"Lily…" James reached for her hand as she turned towards the classroom.

"No, you're perfectly happy as long as I'll snog you and take off my clothes and wish you good luck….You're fine as long at the end of the day you can hold me and tell yourself that you saved my life. You like being the hero and I thought I loved that about you, but maybe I'm wrong. Because even Superman needs saving every once and a while."

"Who's Superman?"

"That's not the point! Swallow your damn pride and talk to me when you can realize how stupid you're being." Lily pulled her hand away from James and walked back to the classroom.

James took a deep breath and followed her waiting by the door until the Professor noticed him. "I"m feeling under the weather, I think I should lie down."

"Mr. Potter, you and I know there is nothing wrong with-"

James accioed his bag as laughter filled the classroom again. "I'm going to head back to my room."

"Mr. Potter if you leave my class I will be forced to give you detention."

"Do it, at least skipping class will help me salvage my reputation." With that being said James walked down the corridor. He wander a bit before heading to Gryffindor tower when he entered his room he saw Sirius and Remus sitting on the floor, a few bottles between them along with scattered candy wrappers. "You're enjoying truancy."

"Butterbeer," Remus said. "Want a bottle? We got one for you and Peter."

"I want something a bit harder after class today." He sank to the floor beside them and reached for a licorice wand. "Remus, who's Superman?"

Remus looked puzzled as he reached for a chocolate frog. "It's a muggle comic book character. He flies around and saves the world. Why?"

"Lily said that even superman needs saved."

"Can you stop talking about Evans for once?" Sirius groaned as he got to his feet before digging around in his trunk for a bottle. "Here, drink this and then we can have a nice conversation."  
"What's this?"

` "Pumpkin juice, now can you stop asking stupid questions and drink up?"

"It's not even ten," James said. "And you really need stop with the drinking Padfoot." He handed it Remus. "Hide that."

"You drive me to drink every time you talk about Evans, what happened this time?" Sirius sank to the ground as he feigned interest.

"I yelled at her because she stepped in to help me with the Boggart."

"Are you serious?"

"I'm Sirius and he's James, we've been over this a million times mate," Sirius said. "Did you tell Evans how stupid that was? I mean you're the guy in the relationship."  
"Exactly what I said."

"James, don't you think you're...overreacting?" Remus asked.

"No, I'm supposed to protect her, that's how these relationships work."  
"Do you remember last year? When you hexed Snape?"

"I am not Snape. I do not need a-"

"A girl's help? It's _Lily_. She's brilliant," Remus said. "Besides, I doubt anyone will say anything against you after you won the Quidditch Championship." At that point the lanky boy got to his feet. "Lily's right, it feels good to tell you what I'm thinking and you know what James?"

"What Moony?" he questioned with a scowl on his face.

"Pull your head out of your arse."

* * *

The spring air had a chilled edge. Lily pulled her jumper tighter as she muttered, "_Lumos" _to herself. Tonight was her night off, but she offered to switch Benji after she heard him complaining about an exam. Besides it was the perfect way to avoid Janes.

"Lily?" It was David Goldstein. She was supposed to have Prefect duty with the Ravenclaw girl, Olivia. "Isn't it your night off?"

"What about you?"

"Olivia's sick," he explained as they began the walk around the outside walkways by the lake. "So, why do I have the pleasure of your company?"

"I need to clear my mind," she answered. "Listen, I'm sorry for blowing you off after that disastrous Hogsmeade trip. I haven't really seen you except in classes."

"I understand Lily, I've seen you with James." He dug his hands further in his pockets. "Even nice guys can't compete with knights in shining armor."

Lily rolled her eyes and crossed her arms tightly as she looked the lake mirroring the night sky. "I'm going to ask you a hypothetical question and I want you to answer you honestly."

"Alright."

"If you needed help-say someone was hexing you or you were scared and couldn't complete the task at hand-would you object if someone like me helped you?"

David stopped and walked over to the railing as he took a deep breath. "No, _I _wouldn't object if the person was smart and capable and I knew that they were helping me because they wanted to." He turned to look at Lily. "I'm a lot different than Severus or James."

"I know that." She sighed and leaned against the railing, of course he would know what happened today. She should have guessed that David was smart enough to put two and two together.

"I'm not close to Severus, but from what I gather he's prideful and not used to having people stick up for him." David looked at Liky's blank face as he loosened the scarf he was wearing before tugging it off. "You've probably analyzed that situation already and are far more curious about James."

"Yes!" she exclaimed. "I mean you're a guy and don't have a problem with it and I asked a few others...but James was so indignant."

"Lily you need to realize who James is. I know this isn't an excuse, but he was raised with traditional values. I know you live with the Potter's and however progressive they may seem, they still hold firm with the old ways. Chivalry and etiquette may as well be law with old Wizarding families, do you understand that."

Lily nodded her head as she held even tighter to herself as a gust of wind blew. "We should hurry and finish our rounds."

"Wait." David held out his scarf. "Take it, I'm dressed for the weather."

"Funny," she muttered. "Are you sure taking this won't compromise my virtue?"

"Cheeky," David said as he draped it over neck. "Besides, I think Potter has already done that."

"He hasn't, I'm still a virgin."

"Too much information." David laughed as Lily knotted the Ravenclaw scarf around her neck. They finished their round and as they split up to go their respective towers David grabbed Lily's armst try to see things from his perspective.

She just nodded and turned left toward Gryffindor Tower. She held out her wand, the small light coming from the tip leading the way. As she approached the painting she saw a figure sprawled beneath it. "Nice try, but I wash my hair with soap." James stood to his full height a good head or so taller than Lily. "I knew this was the only way I could talk without you disappearing up the girls' staircase."

"It's past curfew, I could give you detention." She attempted to push past him, but stopped her, his hand enclosing around her arm in a gentle but firm grip.

"I love a woman with authority."

"No, you really don't." Lily tried to tug loose, but to no avail. Her wand still grasped in her hand she uttered a quick charm that would make her arm temporarily slick. James was forced to let go. "We can talk now."

James opened his mouth, but paused a moment to use the lighting spell that had been put out when Lily used the other charm. "Wait, whose scarf is that?"

"David's, I was cold and he was warm,"

"Merlin, Lily."

"We're friends, are you still going to want to date me after I sullied my honor by being alone with another boy."

"What in the bloody hell are you talking about?"

"Nothing."

"Listen, I was waiting out here to say sorry. I told Remus what happened and he told me to stop being stupid in so many words. We have to stop fighting over stupid stuff."

"Eloquently put," Lily replied. "David told me I shouldn't get angry because it's how you're raised?"

"Lily," his voice was a warning tone. "You've met my parents, you _like _my parents and now you're saying-"

"I'm not saying there's anything wrong, but Agatha and Charles have different values and expectations than my parents. You're a pure blood and I'm a muggleborn."

"Not this again," James moaned.

"What?"

"How you always bring blood into _everything. _I could care less." He stepped forward, his hands resting on her upper arms.

"James, all I was pointing out is that you were raised differently. My parents were always always telling me that I could do anything and..." She shook her head and took a step away from him as his hands dropped. "If I punched you, what would you do?"

"You wouldn't punch me." James looked at her unamused expression and sighed before answering, "I'd walk away."

"If Sirius did it?"

"I'd punch him back, any guy would say the same thing."

"Fine." Lily rolled her eyes. "I just want you to understand that we're a team. I never meant to emasculate you." She held back a snort at that. "Like you said Ighting over stupid stuff." She stepped forward to kiss him.

James happily accepted the gesture, wrapping his arms around Lily to dip her ever so slightly. She laughed as she pulled her lips away from his. "Can I at least give David back his scarf and tell him to stay away from my girl ?"

Lily just rolled her eyes at what she knew was his attempt at a joke. The only response she gave him was another kiss.


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: Sorry, if this is a bit rough. It's late and I've been struggling to finish this chapter for a few days. It ended up different than I pictured it going and got a bit on the emotional side. I hope you understand everything that the characters are saying, if something's unclear feel free to let me know if I can clarify it any better. I'll have a note at the end of the chapter to explain some of the content.**

* * *

"Mum I passed!" James shouted as he ran through the house searching for Agatha. Behind him trailed a grinning Sirius and a frowning Lily. "So did Sirius, isn't that great?"

"What about Lily?"

"First test I failed," she muttered as she came in. "I'll be the only one who can't apparate now."

"Don't worry," James said as he wrapped an arm around. "The Examiner said that I had the best side-along apparition he had ever seen."

"Thanks," Lily muttered as she pulled out a chair and flopped down. A plate of chocolate biscuits was on the table and she grabbed several. "It was even that bad I bit of my hair got pinched off, I just couldn't concentrate."

"I can help you, you can retake the test in a few weeks. Until then you can just made do." Agatha passed them a smile before flicking her wand to get a cup and bring over the tea pot. "I take it you want some?" She looked at the boys. "Sit down."

"Allow me." Lily cast a quick spell to pour the tea into their respective cups. "We're no longer underage Agatha. We can all do magic now." The tea was sloshed around a bit, but it was mostly alright. Lily lifted the cup to her lips and took a drink. "Where's Mopsy?"

"She's tidying the rooms upstairs, poor thing is so nervous. She worries about you lot constantly." Agatha set her cup down. "Don't worry I'm not going to get all teary eyed again, it's just your last real summer I'll have with you." Her voice was strangled as she looked down at her tea cup. Taking a deep breath she looked back up.

"We'll make it great," Lily said. "You know how you said that you like chaos and lots of people...I wanted to see my friends this summer, I was wondering if they could come over."

"Of course, we have spare rooms and I would love to meet your friends." Agatha took a drink of tea. "Perhaps, it would be best if you too visited Remus. You know to-"

"Why?" Lily asked.

Agatha lowered her eyes, coloring forming on her cheeks. "To prevent any more...incidents. We love having you in our home Lily, but there are ground rules."

"I think I should make my exit," Sirius said. "Thank you for the tea." He got to his feet and grabbed several biscuits and fled the room before

"Mum, we're not doing anything," James said.

"Now, you aren't. Over Winter Break you two spent every night in James' room." Agatha looked at the teens who had guilty expressions on their face. "I know darn good and well you don't do that at school. Until you two graduate I would like you to refrain from engaging in certain activities." The older witch scanned the faces of the two teens in front of her. "I know it's easy because loving someone feels safe. Right now, that's not something that can be taken for granted, I understand that."

The teens didn't say anything for a few moments, just nodded before murmuring there affirmations.

* * *

Lily was putting a pin in her hair when the door swung open. "You should learn to knock, I might have been undressed."

"That was the point," he said as he sat on his bed.

"Aren't we supposed to refrain from engaging in certain activities?" she asked as she sat beside him before sliding on the pair of sandals that rested beneath the bed.

"Watching you doesn't count." He reached over and moved her hair away from her shoulder. "Neither does this." James leaned in to kiss her neck, but she pulled away from him. "What's wrong?" he questioned as she pulled his hand away. "I thought you liked that."

"I'm not in the mood," she said as she got to her feet, glancing down at the floor. "Can we please leave? I just want to go to the cemetery and come back home."

James stood up and wrapped his arms around her. She didn't pull away, just hugged him back. "I'm so stupid," he muttered. "I knew exactly what we were doing and where we were going, it didn't register to me that-"

"It's been a year I should be over it. I shouldn't cry-"

"It's up to you to decide when to stop crying. If I lost my parents I…." He couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence, just held Lily a little tighter and ran his hand through her hair. "Listen, we're going to leave and head to a flower shop for a bouquet of flowers. Then we're going to go to the cemetary and I don't care if you want to stay for two minutes or two hours. After that we can head to Diagon Alley to go to Honeydukes, Remus is always telling me that chocolate helps."

Lily let out a chuckle and took a step back, her hands resting on James biceps. "You are amazing. If I knew you were like this I would have fallen in love with you sooner."

It was then the pair bid goodbye to Sirius before apparating to Cokeworth, England. When they opened their eyes Lily looked around and let out a laugh. They were on the edge of the town, the main drag only a block away. "This is the best I could do, sorry," he said.

"This is probably better, no one saw us. Come on."

"Don't you want to get flowers first?" James asked. "Isn't there one around here?" He looked around. Before one caught his eye.

"That one is good, not very expensive either," Lily said.

"I'm paying, so the money doesn't matter."

"Do you have any muggle money?" she questioned and James frowned. Charles had approached her the day they came home to ask if they would need any money. Lily had given him her own money to exchange, but she suspected that he merely deposited it into her account and changed his own money because there was quite a bit extra. "Come on," she said and opened the shop door. A bell jingled and they were hit by a wave of floral perfumed air. "Hello?" The place was organized chaos there was a maze work of shelves covered in potted plants, vases and various small gift items.

"Welcome to Petals, how may I help you?" They heard the exuberant voice before they saw the woman who possessed it. She was quite a bit younger than James anticipated, around they age with a perky ponytail and a quirky apron over a sundress. "Lily? Lily Evans is that really you?" The woman said as she rushed forward to envelope the redheaded witch.

"Yes," she stammered out as she took in the woman trying to place her.

"It's Bobbi, Bobbi Middleton? I was the year between you and Petunia." She just stood there beaming while Lily tried to process the information.

"Wow, you look fantastic! The last time I saw you, you had blonde hair and-"

"Wore too much makeup, I know, but that was two years ago. I'm even going to uni now, just helping mum out at the shop during the summer. It's going to be busy, what with the wedding and all."

"Wedding?" Lily questioned. "Anyone I know?"

Bobbi eyebrows furrowed as she looked at Lily with concern. "I thought you knew. Petunia's getting married on the thirtieth."

"What?" she said as James hand found it's way to her shoulder. "I knew her and Vernon were engaged, but...why wouldn't she tell me? Why wouldn't Amanda tell me? I've been writing them."

"I dont' know, I really am sorry Lily. How about a bouquet on the house? Mum won't mind when she hears it's for you."

"It's for my parents," Lily murmured. "Today was the day…"

Bobbi just nodded and led them to the front counter. James arm drifted to their waist as they walked and when they stopped she interlaced her fingers with them. "What type of flowers would you like?"

"It's cliche, but mum's favorite flower was the rose. Dad didn't really care much, he actually liked yellow flowers."

"Do you have yellow zinnia's and those dark crimson roses?"

"Yes," Bobbie said. "You really know your flowers."

"You can thank my mum for that," James said. "I haven't introduced myself, I'm James Potter." With his free hand he reached across the counter to shake hers.

"Pleasure to meet you, I'll prepare the bouquet."

Lily looked at him with raised eyebrow. "Why those flowers?" she questioned.

"Dark Crimson roses are a symbol of mourning, yellow zinnia's mean daily remembrance. My grandfather puts them and forget-me-nots on my my grandmother's grave. They mean true love."

"Oh, you're mum taught you that?"

"She said if I ever sent a girl flowers they had to be the right ones. She might not be able to interpret the meaning, but it might be a sign of something if I want to send a girl a flower that means 'disappointment' instead of 'you're cute'."

"You never cease to amaze me," she said softly. "And you know what else? Agatha has raised you to be the perfect boyfriend."

"Don't remind me," he muttered. "You know how much crap Sirius gives me?"

Lily just laughed as Bobbi reappeared with a large bouquet wrapped in white tissue paper. "It's beautiful, really I insist on paying."

"No, it's what friends do." She passed the bouquet over and James took. Lily just smiled and pulled her wallet out of her purse and dropped a few pound notes into the little cup that only had coins in it. "Thank you, and don't be a stranger Lily. Petunia might be awful, but you still have friends here."

"I know, at least I know that now."

* * *

James sat on the bench that resided next to the sidewalk between the church and the short fence of the cemetery. He went with Lily to lay down the bouquet, but she asked to be left alone. It had been nearly an hour, Lily was sitting on the ground with her legs folded beneath her off to one side. Her vibrant hair fluttered in the summer breeze as she kept a hold on the hem of her dress. She looked so beautiful, so fragile, in this moment. James wanted nothing more to walk over their and scoop her into his arms.

"Good afternoon, young man," a deep voice spoke.

James turned around and saw a man clothed entirely in black except for the white collar around his neck. "Hello," he replied slowly, stiffening a bit as the man sat beside the bench.

"I haven't seen you around town before, are you new?" he questioned. "You know we have a youth group that meets every Tuesday, but if you want to talk before then my door is always open."

"Um...I'm only visiting. My girlfriend wanted to…" He didn't want to finish the sentence and gestured to Lily who was now kneeling beside the headstone, pulling up any weeds that accumulated around it. "I couldn't let her come alone."

"She's never alone," the priest said, turning to James. "Is that the Evans girl?"

"Yes, why?"

"I haven't seen hide nor hair of either of them since the funeral. They just up and left."

"Lily's been at school most of they year, my mum works for the Ministry to help kids that have lost their families and she's been staying with us."

"How kind of her."

"Yeah, I think I'd go mental without her," James said. "She just has a way with people."

"Her mother was like that. Why don't you want for her, but before you leave stop by my office I have something to give her."

"Sure…" James trailed off, realizing he did not know how to address the man.

"Father John," he told him.

"James Potter," he replied and stuck out a hand. The priest took it before bidding him goodbye, leaving James alone once more.

It wasn't much longer before Lily rose from her spot next to the gravestone, wiping away tears with the back of her hand before moving her hair to one shoulder. "Can we just forget out about the plans from earlier? I just want to go home and be alone for a bit."

James reached for her hand, squeezing it tightly before looking her in the eyes. "I understand, but the pastor-"

"He's a priest," Lily corrected.

"Priest, said that he had something to give you and wanted us to go to the office before we left."

Lily shook her head. "I don't know what. I haven't even been here since the funeral, the last time I went to church was Christmas." She tugged free from James hand and wrapped her arm around his side, resting her head on the shoulder. "I'm bad at religion James. The only reason I agreed to go to church with my parents is because it's a tradition."

"You don't have to explain," James told her. "We don't have to go."

"Isn't a sin to blatantly ignore a priests' request?"

"You fell in love with a sinner." James leaned into kiss her. She let go of his waist to grip the sides of her face, bending James forward as she bent backwards ever so slightly.

"I'm no saint," she whispered. "And I'll go in as long as you're with me."

James just laughed, pecking her on the check before bring down her hands, taking the left into his right as they walked toward the church. Lily led them through the tiny entryway and into the sanctuary, skirting past the pews to the back behind a wall and down a small hallway before coming to a door. She wrapped on it softly.

"Come in," the voice said.

The couple tentatively opened the door seeing the man at a plain desk. "You wanted to talk to me," Lily said.

"I just wanted you to have this." He slid a slim leather bound book across the desk that was obviously worn. "One of the members found this a few days after the funeral, I hadn't seen you or Petunia since."

Lily's eyes filled with fresh tears as she released James hand, grabbed it, and held it tightly to her chest. "Thank you," she said. "I thought everything was destroyed in the fire and now…" Lily let go and looked at the front cover, tracing her fingers over the imprinted words. James leaned over her shoulder to see the words _Bethany Crawley _in the lower lefthand corner.

"What is it?"

"Mum's bible, Crawley was her maiden name. She got this as a gift for her for First Communion."

"I don't understand," James said.

"Bethany Evans was a very active member of the congregation. I knew that her daughters would like to have this. I called Petunia to ask her and she thought that you would appreciate it more." He looked at Lily who was doing her best to cry. "Perhaps try reading that, your mum underlined her favorite verses. You know that it is never too late to seek guidance, He will help those who open their hearts to Him."

"I know and, um, I will consider what you've said. I don't mean any disrespect Father, but the fact that it's a bible has no impact on me. To me it's a part of my mother and a sign that her spirit lives on." Lily sighed and wiped away her tears. "My mother had a lot of faith and I wish I had a thimbleful of that faith, but if you knew what I knew...I think you would understand the doubts I have." James hand want to her back, rubbing small circles in an attempt to comfort her. "There is so much evil in this world. I have seen good people do horrid things and people that I thought were dreadful human beings do amazing acts of kindness." With this she looked at James. "I believe in love. I think it is our most powerful weapons against hate, but love is more delicate. I can't put all my love and hope and faith into something or someone that I have even the slightest mistrust or disbelief in. Can you understand that?"

"You don't need to explain yourself to me," he said. "I respect what your telling me, but Lily there is a verse in there that I think would help you. It goes something like this: you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

"Once again, no disrespect, I may have faith, just not in the same things you have. For me it's not about church or religion or God...My mum had a few a quotes from this." She held up the bible. "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, conviction of things not seen." At that she reached for James hand again.

"We need to go," he murmured as Lily tugged his hand towards the door. They said nothing as they walked down the lane to a secluded spot. Soon enough they were back at the Potter house, by then Lily had tears flowing freely down her cheeks. "Tell me exactly, what you're thinking."

She inhaled a shaky breath as he used his thumbs to brush away tears. Lily looked at her feet and walked to the edge of the house, leaning against the side of it. A little more than ago James and Charles apparated here after the Quidditch game and she thought they were intruders.

"Lily," James whispered, his hand had moved to her hair. He was gently stroking it as he bent down to look her in the eyes.

"You can feel the breeze, but you can't see it or taste it or smell it…And the ocean may be controlled by the moon, but there is _nothing_ more breathtaking than the way the waves keep on coming towards the beach even though it's continuously pulled away…" She squeezed her eyes shut, and bit her lip before taking another shaky breath. "Love is something that you can only feel and we all search for it no matter how many times we're sent away...Do you understand? Am I making any sense?" She opened her eyes again, the startling green iris standing out against the tearstained face, her lips red from being bitten.

"Yes," James replied.

"I believe in people. I believe in good triumphing over evil. I believe that death….you can't fear it because it's inevitable and...well, it's like the tale of the three brothers, you have to welcome it like a friend…" Lily tilted her hand back, to look at the sky, then back at James. "I don't even know what I'm saying...Todays been crazy."

"That's alright." He didn't pull her in for a hug, even though it was the only thing he could think to do. She wasn't finished, he could tell by her slight movements.

"I believe in you and us…Isn't that enough?" She stepped forward, embracing him tightly as she muttered the last sentence a few more times.

Finally, James wrapped his arms around her when he was sure she wouldn't pull away. "Yes and you want to know something?"

"What?" The words were muffled by her face buried in his shoulder.

"I believe in you and I have faith that you will help stop the war."

Her head moved to the to look at him and he smiled as he lifted the hair clinging to her wet cheeks off her face. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," he murmured. "And you want to know something else? I promise to be by your side every step of the way. I love you Lily Evans."

Her face crumpled with tears, but James could swear he felt the corners of her lips tug upward as she pressed her head into his chest once more and embraced him tighter.

* * *

**AN: One reason this was harder to write, was because I was planning on Lily getting her mother's bible, but there wasn't really going to be much impact from it (just a little foreshadowing and something that was going to come into play further along the line). Today, however, was a bit freaky as I was going through a bookshelf in our spare bedroom when I came across a bible that had my dad's name on the front cover. He's been dead for about six years and he wasn't the most religious person, so I don't even know if he read it, but all that really matters to me is that it was ****_his_****. Also, after I wrote it, I realized that it might not be too out of place as the series itself as some religious undertones in the series itself (I found out a few weeks ago that the quote engraved on Lily and James' tombstone was actually from the bible). Plus, I just watched the sad Glee episode where Kurt's dad has heart attack, so that may of influenced. Props to you if you read both of my ridiculously long note and can identify the inspiration of Lily's little bit about the breeze and the ocean. They were inspired by two different things and I tweaked the wording a bit. **


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: This chapter was a bit more fun to write, less sad, but there is a bit of anger. James and Lily sort of got out of hand and made me wonder if my rating should be upped. Nothing too bad, but let's just say they don't want to keep their hands to themselves. **

* * *

The next day Lily awoke with the sun. She walked past James' bedroom and wanted nothing more than to slip in beside him. Both Charles and Agatha were gone, so now was there to interrupt him besides Sirius and he could be combated with a silencing spell and locking charm. After standing in the hallway for a few moments she decided against it. James was grumpy in the morning and she knew he would be in a better mood if she was accompanied by some chocolate biscuits and an extra sweet cup of tea.

Lily bounded down the steps, halting at the final one when she saw the scene. Sirius was awake. It wasn't even eight yet and he was out of bed. "Hullo," she said softly as she walked into the kitchen area. Mopsy was already there, wringing her hands and hiding behind the extra tall counter. "What's going on?" she whispered, getting to the height of the house elf.

"Miss Agatha said that you were sad, Mopsy was going to make a special breakfast, but Mister Sirius was here...He yelled at Mopsy, did Mopsy do something wrong?"

"No," Lily said and hugged the small elf in her arms. "I'll take care of Sirius, you find something else to do, alright?" Lily questioned. The elf merely nodded, took a step back and disappeared with the snap of her fingers. With a sigh the young witch filled the kettle and put it on the stove. "Would you like a cup Sirius?"

"No," he muttered.

"I'm famished, would you care for some eggs?"

"No."

"Fruit? Biscuits?"

"God damnit!" Sirius slapped his hands against the table and Lily jumped back against the cabinet. Shocked by his anger and choice of a mostly muggle curse. "Can you just shut up for five minutes?"

"Are you mad about yesterday? I know I sort of hogged James, but I was a mess-"

"You think I'm that childish that I care if you shag my best mate? That I can't be alone for five fucking minutes? Huh?"

"What in Merlin's name is wrong with you?" Lily shouted. "I'm trying to be a friend and you _never _speak to me like this."

"Lily, go whine to your boyfriend."

She pursed her lips and marched over to the kitchen table, standing in front of him. "I know you're used to people playing into this delinquent image, but I know how you are Sirius and I'm going to stay here until you tell me."

"Sod off," he said and got to his feet. Lily grabbed his arm. "Let go or-"

"You'll what? You're just like James in some respects, you would never-"

"I just want to be alone, alright?"

"James is going to be just as adamant as me." Lily released his arm and perched herself on the one of the chairs. As she sat down she eyed the single sheet of parchment resting beside a large ivory envelope.

"As much as you hate to hear this, there is a difference between you and James. He's my brother and you're the girl he's shagging." Sirius laughed. "I know you think you're something special to him, but a year ago he was going to forget about you. Then you showed up on his doorstep, poor pathetic Lily. He's always had a soft spot for pretty vulnerable girls." His mouth twisted into a smirk and Lily remembered her argument with Regulus all those months ago…

"This isn't you, please, Sirius I'm your friend."

"Just because I got drunk with you once, doesn't make us buddy-buddy. I've gotten drunk with every guy on the Quidditch team and I don't want to pour my heart out to them."

"Just tell me what the letter says." Lily pointed to the parchment on the table. "I'll tell you a secret, it's not really a secret, but...You know my sister's wedding is in less than a month and I didn't know it was happening."

"I'll top it," Sirius muttered and reached for the letter, waving it in the air. "My Uncle Alphrad died a month and a half ago. Regulus didn't even have the decency to tell it to my face." He let out a bitter laugh as she slapped the letter on the table. "Jokes on him though, my Uncle Alphrad left me his entire inheritance, all the money he has. I didn't get any of his precious antiques or the estate that I know mummy would fight over, but he left me every last knut he had in the bank."

"Sirius…." Lily began, but was lost for words. Instead she stepped forward with open arms and awkwardly placed them around him.

"No." He pushed away from her and stomped up the stairs.

Lily frowned and wrapped her arms around herself. The tea kettle began whistling on the stove, pulling her out of thought. After yesterday her mind was all befuddled and dealing with a furious Sirius wasn't exactly what she wanted to deal with. As she prepared the tea she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. "If it'll put you in a good mood, I'll spike the tea as long as you provide the booze."

"Just cream for me," a voice still rough from sleep called out.

"James," Lily said with a smile. "Did Sirius and I wake you?" She averted her eyes, seeing him in his boxers and an ancient t-shirt littered with tiny holes.

"No, the tea kettle did. I've learned to tune him out." James chuckled as he took a step forward. "Why aren't you looking at me, I've seen you in less."

"You look ridiculous." Lily handed him a cup of tea. "I'm surprised that shirt isn't in the rag pile." She rolled her eyes and lifted herself up on the counter.

"Why would Sirius and you talking wake me up?"

"We were having a shouting match," she muttered. "You should talk with him. He's having a hard time." Lily poured herself a cup of tea and wrapped her hands around it. "Apparently his uncle died a month and a half ago, and he found out this morning after he got a copy of the will from his Uncle's lawyers."

"Shit." James slammed the cup on the counter, tea sloshing everywhere. "It was Alphard wasn't it?"

"Yes."

"Alphard and Andromeda are the last members of his family that still treat him decently." He shook his head and then looked at Lily. "Listen, forget anything he's said to you. When Sirius is upset he either will make a joke out of everything or be so act so angry that he won't stop until you feel just as bad as him."

James walked over and kissed her quickly before heading back upstairs, leaving Lily to drink her tea in solitude.

* * *

Two days later James and Lily had the house to themselves. Sirius had been invited to his cousin Andromeda's house for a week or so, and Agatha had been called away to conference in France. The pair didn't know when Charles was coming home, with a new wave of attacks he was getting called away at all hours of the day and night.

Lily had just stepped out of the shower, dressed in a flimsy night gown that was damp at the shoulders from the loose braid her hair was in. Turning the light in the bathroom off she headed down the darkened hallway to her bedroom. At one time the room seemed inviting, now it seemed rather lonely. With a frown she backed out, not even bothering to turn off the light. There was no way she could handle being alone again. The night after visiting the cemetery she did want to curl up by herself, the next night when she wanted James, him and Sirius were off gallivanting much to the dismay of Charles and Agatha.

The door was slightly ajar and she knocked once before entering. "Could you use some company?" She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the door frame.

"Always," he replied as he set down the novel he had been reading moments prior. "What do I owe this pleasure? You've been going to bed early."

"My room is lonely and your bed looks more inviting." She walked over and sat at the end of his bed, folding her legs beneath her.

"Lily…" He sat up all the way and leaned closer to her. "Don't tempt me."

"You're mum is gone and Charles doesn't care," she said. "It's hard being by myself."

"You sleep alone at school all the time." He moved across the bed to sit beside her.

"The room has three other girls," she said. "We slept together over Winter Holiday and it was nice."

"But-"

She turned her body and then pulled him closer to her, planting a kiss on his lips. "I thought I fell in love with a sinner."

"Merlin," he muttered and placed a hand on the back of her head, the other on her upper thigh. "If mum finds out..."

"I'm fine with just snogging," Lily said, pulling her lips only a centimeter away from his.

"Just when I think I know you…" He moved both hands to her shoulders and she let out a shriek as he collasped against the bed, with her sprawled across his chest. "Is that sinful enough for you?"

"Mmmhmm…" her mouth was already on his, hands on either side of his head. James' hands rested on the small of her back pulling her even closer than she already was. As she moved her legs to straddle him, he sat up and she struggled to maintain their kiss, eventually giving up with a short laugh. Lily's hands traveled south resting on his hip bones before pulling on the hem of his shirt.

"Are you sure this is the girl that blushed at my boxers?"

Lily's hands tensed around his biceps as her body stiffened. She looked behind her and moved one hand to his mouth. "Shut it."

He pulled it away. "What's the matter?"

"I think you're dad's home, didn't you hear the floo?"

"No," he said as Lily scrambled off of him. They both heard footsteps on the stairs as James tried to put his shirt back on, happy that Lily didn't get too carried away.

"James, is that you?" Charles called out as he entered the upstairs. He saw the light flicker and went he looked into his son's room he saw the petite shape of Lily on the spare bed, James stepped forward. "What's going on?"

"Lily came in here to read, she fell asleep," he lied.

"Is that why the light flickered?"

"It was the bathroom light," he covered.

"I see." Charles sighed, rubbing his temples. "I don't have the patience for your games. Listen, I expected you two to take advantage of an empty house. I won't tell Agatha, but don't try to fool me, I'm not stupid. Lily is dreadful at faking sleeping, your hair looks like you've discovered electricity and your shirt's on backwards." He chuckled, shaking his head. "I was young once, you two are adults. Just don't be so obvious next time." Charles patted his son on the shoulder before turning on his heel towards his bedroom, but then stopped and turned his head. "If Agatha finds out somehow, I absolutely do not condone this behavior and gave both of you a stern lecture. Understood?"

James did a mock salute and smirked at his father.

"Lily?"

The young witch was glad for the cover of darkness, her face burning. "Understood, good night Mr. Potter."

"It's Charles and please shut the door for Godric's sake."

James did just that before walking over to his bed and flipping on the light. Lily stared at him, cheeks tinged with color. "That was mortifying."

"It's my dad, you heard him he doesn't care."

"He probably assumes I've shagged you and half the guys at school loads of times with how we acted," she muttered.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, come here." He patted the side of the bed and she walked over slipping beneath his arm. "Besides, have you heard the rumors about me?"

"You're a bloke, it's different." She sighed. "If I'm virgin, I'm a prude, but if I have sex I'm a tart."

"Says who?"

"Have you heard Sirius talk? Don't pretend you're any different." Lily frowned and hugged him tighter. "I didn't intend to come in here and do...this, but when I'm with you…" She looked at him. "It just happens, it feels natural...I probably sound like one of Marlene's soppy romance novels."

"I know what you mean." James laughed a bit. "You've changed, though, you used to blush when I kissed your cheek."

"You make me sound like some innocent schoolgirl. You saw me shirtless before I got to see any of you."

"I'll show you whatever you want." He wiggled his eyebrows, and Lily laughed wondering how long he practiced that in front of the mirror.

"Can we just sleep? We can do the other stuff when Agatha leaves for work and Sirius is distracted, but when she comes home…"

"Such a prude," he teased.

Lily pulled away smacking his arm before grabbing his hand to tug him to the top of the bed. They wiggled underneath the covers. Lily tried to turn away and make plenty of room, but James pulled her close, molding her body to his. As she drifted off to sleep her last thought was a wish that every night could be like this.


	24. Chapter 24

**AN: Please, please review. This is one of my longest chapters (seven pages, around 3500 words).**

* * *

The next morning they awoke. Lily had pulled away from James in the night, he was on his stomach, half on top of her. "James?"

He mumbled a word of acknowledgment before reaching over to pull her closer, as if she were a very large pillow.

"You're crushing me."

"How nice, shut up," he mumbled.

Lily did her best to push him away, but he pulled tighter and it was hard to fight against him. He had at least fifty pounds on her and marathon studying sessions didn't exactly get her in shape the same way did Quidditch did with James. "Potter," she growled.

"Bloody hell, what is-" He propped himself up on one arm. "Lily…" He adjusted his body so he was looking her directly in the eye. "I forgot I had a bed partner last night."

"I didn't," she mumbled. "Can you please off me?"

"Why?" Placing hands on either side of her, he shifted his weight to that before leaning down to kiss her. "Is that better?'

"A little, but you have morning breath."

"I can never make you happy."

She didn't respond just smiled at him, keeping quiet until his arms began to quiver ever so slightly at holding this position. "How long are you going to stay like this?"

He opens his mouth to speak, but Lily grabs his arms and takes him by surprise, rolling him over and soon they are a tangle of limbs and blankets and smiles. "Time to get up," she murmured.

"No." His arms tighten around her and she lets out a shriek as he tried to repeat the action. "I wanted to sleep, but this is alright."

"You're ridiculous." Finally she is able to break free and stands by the side of the bed, smoothing her wild braid and adjusting her nightgown. "I'm going to get dressed, you can be a lazy lay about."

He perked up. "You might need help."

"Take a shower and fix your hair," she ordered.

"Yes, mum."  
"I'm not anything like Agatha."

"Believe me, I _know_." James looks her over with his signature smirk.

With a roll of her eyes she returned to her room, unhappy with herself for not completely unpacking and doing laundry. Agatha had insisted that Mopsy do it, but Lily didn't mind doing laundry, especially since she was of age now. Digging through her trunk she found a suitable skirt and shirt that was casual enough to wear at home.

By the time she made it downstairs, James was sitting at the table with Charles. His hair looked like he ran a wet comb through it and he exchanged pajama pants for a pair of shorts, leaving the same shirt on.

"I was going to give you this last night, but you two were busy." Charles slid an envelope with Agatha's postal box address printed in dark purple ink, the letters having a distinctive curl.

"Burn it," she muttered.

"What is it?" James asked.

"My sister," Lily said. "Can one of you read it? If it says 'freak' then I'm going to rip it into a million pieces then ignite it and-"

James tore it out of her hands and opened the envelope. He quickly scanned the words sighing. "She says that she's angry at you for not choosing a normal life, but she realizes she's being childish by not inviting you to the wedding." He looked up at Lily. "She sounds angry that you didn't come for Christmas."

"I explained that to her, give it her."

James handed it to her before helping himself to the fruit and toast on the table. Charles watched the exchange in silence seeing Lily's facial expression as she read the letter in whole. "You never did tell me what happened when you went to visit the cemetery."

"Nothing much," Lily started as she folded the letter. "I know what you're asking, though. I found out about my sister's wedding through an old friend that was working at the flower shop that James and I got a bouquet from." At that she reached for the tea pot sitting on the table, Charles _accioed _her a cup, her own wand left upstairs. "Speaking of flowers, did you have any hand in raising in James? He could tell me what practically every flower meant. _Marlene _can't even do that."

"Evans," he muttered, a mock glare being sent from across the table.

"I taught him Quidditch," Charles said, folding the Daily Prophet in half. "He's a rather insufferable boy, only Agatha had the patience for him." He shook his head and passed Lily a mischievous look, one that James had perfected over the years.

"Whatever," James scoffed. "I can't wait until Sirius is back. Revenge is in store for the two of you."

"Oh?" Lily said. "I sleep in my own bed tonight, then."

"You were the one that came to me," James said.

"That is quite enough," Charles interjected. "I may be turning a blind eye to your...sleeping arrangements, but they are not something to be discussed at the kitchen table. You don't here Agatha-"

"Dad, too much information." James shook his head. "Please."

That response was enough to put everyone in a good mood. They all talked casually about summer plans, Charles not due in the office until eleven since he was called in late. "Dad," James began. "Sirius will be coming home in two days, so I was having Remus and Peter come over on the twenty-ninth. I don't know how long they'll stay."

"Sounds good, your mum should be home after Sirius and she'll be over the moon to have the three of you home again."

"James, do you have anything planned on the thirtieth?" Lily gave him a pointed look, hoping that he would pick up on the subtle nuances.

"Not really."

"I need a date for the wedding."

James spit out the fruit he had just picked up and gave Lily a look that was equivalent to a puppy being kicked. "I'll do anything but that. Your sister will burn me at the stake."

"She's not _that _dreadful. Remus went with me to the funeral and he was fine." Unable to reach his hand across the table, Lily settled for a soothing smile instead. "I can't apparate, and it's much too far to drive. Taking the train is a pain and the Knight bus makes me nauseous."

"Go with her James," Charles said.

"Why?" he groaned.

"You're my boyfriend," she explained slowly.

"And I'm not comfortable with Lily going alone. You know how things have been, I want all of you at least traveling in pairs." Charles paused for a moment before speaking again. "Also, it's one of those unwritten rules. I'll forgive you since Lily is the first girl that lasted long enough to meet us," he teased.

"Fine, but I'm not wearing a tie. Do you know how many detentions I got for not wearing that infernal contraption?"

* * *

"When are you going to start standing up to Lily?" Sirius asked as he stared at James upside down, draped across one of the beds in James room.

"It's my mum," he muttered as he played with the fabric draped across the neck. It was a bow tie. "Bloody hell," he cursed. "Remus!" he shouted. "Where did he go?"

"Maybe I could help," Peter piped up from where he was sitting James' desk. "They're not that hard."

"If they're not that hard why have you been letting me struggle for fifteen bloody minutes?" James whirled around, shooting a very angry look at the small boy.

"It's funny?" Peter gave James a sheepish look with a shrug of her shoulders. He got up to help James, but stopped when the door flung open with Remus entering followed by Lily.

"Are you almost ready?" she questioned, arms across her chest. "Let me do that, Peter. I thought that he was more than capable of dressing himself."

"Lily." He turned to face his girlfriend, hands planted on her hips. "Come on." He grabbed her hand.

"Just let me help you…"

"Lily," he whispered softly. "Relax." He wrapped his arms around her. She softened slightly, enjoying the moment until Sirius threw a pillow at them. "Mate, come on, this is my room."

"My teeth can't handle another cavity," Sirius said.

"I feel a bit queasy," Peter admitted.

Remus just sat, smirking, in one of the extra chairs in the room, shaking his head at his friends' mock disapproval and the fact that James finally found a girl he treated like a decent human being.

"Look away then," Lily said, wrapping her hands around the ends of the loose bow tie, using it to pull James closer. There was more protest and two more pillows thrown. "You don't have to wear one, it was part of our deal." She pulled it off and threw it in the direction of Sirius. "My family already thinks we go to a school for the criminally deranged, you might as well look the part." She ran a hand through his hair. "That's better."

"Go," Sirius groaned.

* * *

It was a few minutes later when Lily and James stumbled towards the park, shaky from their multiple apparitions. She was relieved to see a sign proclaiming a the Evans-Dursley wedding. "Are you alright?" Lily asked when she noticed James gripping her arm tightly still.

"Yeah, that just took a lot out of me."

"We'll get sat down and I'll see if there's some water." She smiled at him, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

"Don't worry about me." He took a deep breath and lifted the hand from her elbow and rubbed the back of her neck. As his eyes scanned the park in front of him he paused when a blonde girl in ruffled dress began to wave vigorously at them. "Who's that?"

"My cousin Amanda."

"Lily!" the girl yelled as she rushed over to the pair. "It's so good to see you. We all were sad when you couldn't at Christmas." She reached over and pulled Lily into a tight hug, tearing James hand away from her. "Is this your plus one?" She questioned and looked James over warily. Lily had to admit that he did not look like the heir of prominent family. His hair looked liked he'd just alighted from a broom, shirt rumpledand exhausted from the journey. "He goes to school with you doesn't he?" She pulled away and watched as James placed a possessive arm around Lily's waist.

"Yes, I am attending as Lily's guest. Yes, I go to school with her. My name is James Potter and I'm her boyfriend."

"They let you date there?" She passed them an incredulous look, hands planted on her hips. "Can I speak with you _alone_?"

"We should really get seats and Petunia is probably wondering where you are." Lily probably looked the part of the madwoman with her loose hair blowing in the breeze and her eyes shining with anger.

"Sorry," she replied slowly. "Are you like our Lily?"

James quirked an eyebrow at the question and Amanda's usage of 'our'. "In some respects, but we are drastically different people." He paused when he felt Lily squeeze his hand. Looking down he saw his usually cheeky girlfriend staring at her feet. "We're both stubborn as hell. I suppose that's a good thing, though. I've been in love with her for years, if I wasn't so persistent we never would have gotten together."

Amanda, though, wasn't actually listening to him. Her head was tilted and she had a forced, patronizing smile on her face. She quickly provided an excuse and dashed off. James looked at Lily. "Did she even listen to me?" he asked. "What was that about 'our Lily'? And why did-"

"Just play along, it's easier," she said. "Please."

"I'm not pretending to be an idiot to make your sister happy."

"They don't think I'm an idiot, they think I'm a bit unhinged, that's all."

"I'll show them unhinged."

"No, you won't." She squeezed his hand tighter and pulled him toward where wooden folding chairs were set up. They took a side on the right, the side designated at the bride's family. James sat slumped, arms folded across his chest. "You don't understand," she whispered as people filtered in around them. "Most of my relatives don't believe what Petunia's told them, but Amanda's always been closer to her and who knows what Petunia's fed her."

"Then why are we here supporting someone so vindictive?"

"She's my family. I have aunts and uncles and cousins, but I don't really know any of them. My sister is the last person I have left."

"No, she's not." James unfolded his arm and reached for her hand. "My family is your family, you know that."

Lily squeezed the hand back, wondering how she could have ever thought him to be an awful human being. He had his mother's capacity for love. Agatha who never seemed to be content unless her house was full and someone in delighted in the fact that Sirius and Lily called her house a home. "I love you." At that point people hurried to their seats and music began. The bridesmaid dresses were hideous and Petunia's dress looked like some sort of fancy French pastry. Vernon's mustache was curled-the ends probably dipped in wax-and his buttons looked like they were going to pop off. One thing, though, was that Lily had never seen happier people. She always thought that Petunia loved Vernon for his money, but her sister had not smiled she did in a long time. When they kissed she looked over at James and wondered-hope-that that would be them someday.

The reception was in long building not far from the seating. The dinner was a fancy meal with several courses. James and Lily were escorted to a back table with relatives that passed them strained looks and talked to them in soft tones. Lily took it with a grain of salt and James was so furious he about broke his fork stabbing a piece of chicken. He'd never had anybody talk to him like that, even when he was younger. With parents and a name like his, he got respect everywhere he went. If on the off chance someone was rude, all James had to do was mention his father-Charles Potter, Head of Magical Law Enforcement-and they would immediately quiet.

"I have to go to the restroom, will you be alright?"

"I am perfectly capable of being civil," he snapped.

"Be back soon." Lily found the restroom quickly and when she was washing her hands she saw a bit of tulle underneath the handicap stall. The door flung open and saw Petunia in a different dress. This one still had a tulle underskirt, but it looked considerable more manageable. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," she replied stiffly. "I'm surprised you made it."

"Of course," Lily said with a smile and stepped closer to her sister. "I was surprised I was invited."

"Don't be like that," she hissed.

"Like what?"

"You chose your freakish world over me."

"You gave me an ultimatum."

"I don't want to do this. It's my wedding day, it's supposed to be about me." With a haughty look she stood a little straighter. "I was going to wait to do this…"

"What? Officially disown me?"

"No, I was going to offer to take you in once more. After how you've acted today I don't know why I'm offering this...Vernon and I are purchasing a house. It will have a guest room and it will be yours, if you take it. The school is quite good."

"The school?" Lily asked.

"You couldn't possibly ask for us to send you to that peculiar school. You'd have to go to a normal one." Petunia's face lost it's harshness. "I miss you, you know. No matter how I act, I would love for you to be with me again."

"Like I said the day of the fire, the price is too high." Tears were pricking Lily's eyes. "I want you in my life Tuney, but you can't ask me to turn my back on everyone else to be with you. I have friends that I have lived with, ate with, attended classes with for six years. I have people that have treated me like their own child...I have a boyfriend Petunia. I never knew I could love a person like that. Do you understand?"

"Leave then," Petunia ordered.

"What?"

"That's all you're good at, leaving."

"You're the one that made it impossible to be with."

"No. We were best friends, but then you started doing all those odd things and spending all the time with that weird boy. Once you got that letter you tossed me to the side like a piece of rubbish." Petunia's face looked pinched as she attempted to hold back tears. "Even when you were gone, I still had to listen to everyone rave about. Oh, the _pretty _Evans girl, the _smart _Evans girl, the _nice _Evans girl. When I met Vernon that changed. Mum and dad were proud of me, I finally did something better than you."

"Life isn't a competition."

"I never said it was. Just take your boyfriend and go."

"Petunia, _please. _I'm here now," Lily pleaded. Her sister was _there_, right in front if her. She couldn't lose her again.

"I can't deal with this today. Just leave, I'll write you." Petunia seemed to deflate, bracing herself against the sink while tears leaked out if her eyes. Lily tried to place a shand on her arm, but Petunia wrenched away from her touch. "Go."

Lily reluctantly left the room trying to hold back the tears. As she neared the dining room she saw James walking towards her. "Where have you been? Your relatives are positive that your participating in illicit activities in the room."

"Can we just go?"

"No, they're rather dreadful, but-"

"James, I can't-"

"Are you crying?" He stepped forward and placed a hand on her shoulder, bending to look her in the eye. "Merlin, what happened?"

"Petunia wants me to leave, she doesn't want me here." Lily wrapped her arms and herself and walked forward. James quickly caught up with her, trying to wrap an arm around her shoulder. "Godric, James, I screwed up. She hates me."

"I'm sure she doesn't hate you."

"She told me that I left her first." Lily continued walking, paying no mind to the arm that was gripping her tightly. James kept quiet as they walked out of the reception hall and into the park, then down the road. At this point he stopped, pulling her along with him. "I came to support her, but I just ruined everything.

"Lily…"

"Why do you even deal with all this?" she asked. "I'm always a mess. If I'm not crying, I'm stressed out or angry…"

"That's not true."

"Oh, yeah I'm forgetting about my most redeeming quality which happens to be showing up in your room and making a fool of myself." She laughed and pulled away from, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Just shut up," he said. Lily glared at him. "What? Being nice clearly isn't working."

"You can't just tell me to shut up."

"Why not? You're not making any sense."

She rolled her eyes.

"I happen to like when you come and sleep with me. I'm just afraid if I ask you to, you'll call me a sex fiend or something along that line."

"Whatever."

"It's not whatever!" he shouted. "Can't you see that? You think that showing me any part of you that's not miss innocent prefect Evans that is positively perfect in every way is wrong. Don't you get that I love everything about you? How you put everything on the line when your angry? The way you smile when you're about to kiss me?" He was trying to look her straight in the eye as she bit her lip and wrapped her arms ariund midsection. "Never apologize for how you feel. When you cry you think that your letting yourself down because you're being weak. You Lily Evans terify me because I have never met anyone like you." He grabbed her arm and dared her to look him in the eye. "When I see you like this I think you're stronger than anyone I know, because you trust me enough to let me in. Remember when you got your mum's bible?"

She nodded, swallowing harshly in an attempt to keep tears at bay.

"You said you believed in me. I've never had anyone say that before. My entire life I've lived up to my expecting of a cocky, priveledged brat. No one has expected any more from me, because _I'll grow out of it like Charles did." _

Lily wrapped her arms around his neck. "What about The Marauders?"

"They're my best mates and they trust me, but it 's completely different. You're the first person that holds me accountable, expects more from me. I love you and that scares me shitless the same way."

"It's different for me. I want to protect you from everything, but I know your going to walk into the line of fire." He held her tighter at that. "Merlin, I had to find the one girl just as hard -headed as me."

"James?"

"What?"

"Can you take us home?"

* * *

**AN: I hope you understood where James was coming from. I always imagined him with an air of entitlement and Lily as someone who wouldn't stand for it. Although, I do hope that his speech doesn't come off too cheesy.**


	25. Chapter 25

**AN: This story is getting much longer than I anticipated. I started this after a failed Camp NaNo that had a goal of 35, 000 words. After thirty days of writing this it got just over 50,000. I hope you stick with this story that is becoming a monster in length, as James and Lily haven't even gotten out of Hogwarts yet. Please Review.**

* * *

Once they got home, the pair acted like nothing happened. Lily said that she wanted to read, but instead sat at her desk staring at the window while James and Sirius tried to out do each other with complicated tricks on their broom while Remus and Peter through a Quaffle around.

That night Lily took a shower and then tried to concentrate on the book that failed to hold her interest earlier. The hands on the clock read eleven when her eyelids began to droop and the door opened. There stood James with wet hair and a grin clothed in pyjama pants and that infernal t -shirt. "My bed is empty."

"Only sex fiends ask to share beds with innocent young ladies."

"I didn't deny it." He walked to the bed and Lily playfully smacked him with her book. "Ow, what was that for?"

"Your mum's home."

"Peter won't tell and I think you're much more attractive."

Lily rolled her eyes and scooted over do he could have the right side of the bed. James watched as she read, leaning over to rest his head on her shoulder, reaching over to play with a slightly curled lock of her hair. "I'm trying to read."

"You haven't flipped a page in five minutes." He place a kiss on her collarbone and worked his way up as Lily attempted to ignore him. By the time he kissed the skin beneath her ear, she was as red as her hair and had begun to shy away from him, biting back laughter. "Someone's ticklish." His hand went to her side and she shrieked. "Quiet." He covered her mouth with his hand. "Sirius is going to decide a fire drill's in order if you're not quiet." He pulled the book out of her hands and she climbed onto his lap, her limbs wrapped around him. With a grin she kissed him with such a force he was taken by surprise.

"How are we going to do this at school?" Lily left one arm limply crooked around his shoulder and with the other she playfully ran her fingers through his hair. Sighing she laid against his chest. "Are we doing this all wrong? I mean we've been dating six months."

"There is nothing wrong about this." His hands went to her hips, pulling her even closer and reciprocating the earlier kiss. "As much as I love this, we can take a break some nights. Besides with your head girl status you get a private room. We better hope that the the head boy either won't care or is unobservant."

"I don't know if I'll get head girl," she said. "You don't have to be a prefect to get a head position, you could even get it."

James laughed. "With my track record?"

"You're not the same person you were two years ago." She rested her hands on his shoulders and looked him straight in the eye. "Can you hand me my wand? I don't want to get up."

James lifted one hand and muttered a few words. Nothing happened so he repeated the action and in a split second they were cloaked in darkness.

"How did you do that?" Lily rested her head against his chest, looking up at him with all the curiosity she could muster. Sixth years worked on wandless magic in DADA, but never got very far .

"Remus, he's brilliant at it."

"You'll have to help me." Her voice was becoming thick with sleep.

"That comes at price." He ran his fingers through her hair. He knew Lily was paying no mind to his words, just registered the slight vibrations from his chest. "Night, Lily." He smiled as he easily unwrapped her arms and maneuvered her legs. It never ceased to amaze him how light she was, as she was taller than most of the girls at school. He situated her and then rolled on his side, putting an arm in top of her waist. As he lay there, he felt the feather light touch of Lily's hand on his. At that he shut his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The days of summer bled into one another. Each day it seemed the Marauders accepted her more. Sirius was civil, but he was James friend, not hers. Remus was getting back to how he was at the beginning of fifth year. Peter didn't seem so nervous around her.

By the middle of July the two Marauders went home with promises to come after their Hogwarts letters were delivered. James and Lily were aware of the fact that Agatha knew. The older witch stopped saying anything to them, just pursed her lips when the couple came down together with Lily wearing one of James t-shirt over her own pyjama pants. Sirius, however , began to make a game out of it by the time he realized that James frequented Lily's bed more than his own. Pranks ended up being nonstop to the point where the only bed Lily could sleep was the spare bed in James room.

It was early morning when Agatha was up with Charles. "What time are the girls coming?"

"Girls?" he questioned. Charles was slumped over the breakfast of eggs and sausage that Mopsy had fried, his hand curled around the handle of tea. Last night he hadn't came home until nearly midnight and now he was expected to be there in less than an hour.

"Lily's roommates," Agatha explained. "She said they were fine staying in one room, but I have to transfigured beds, shrink furniture and resize the room."

"Oh." Charles finally took a drink of his tea before setting the mug down and starting to stretch. "Remus and Lily are quite good with things like that, and you know James is best at Transfigurations." Charles sighed and pulled off his glasses to rub his eyes. When he looked up he saw the disappointed face of his wife. "I have to work, you know that. It's been like this since we first got married, we both have demanding jobs."

"I miss you. You're gone all hours of the day and night. Do you know what it's like laying awake in bed waiting for you to come home?"

"I'll start sending-

"Forget it, you better leave, you're going to be late." Agatha got to her feet and as she walked past Charles, he got her arm. "Don't. And please stop encouraging James and Lily. They've spent practically every night together. After I go to bed they sneak across the hall. Don't you know?"

"Just let them," Charles said.

"Let them?" Agatha was shocked. "It's dangerous letting them get that close. I love Lily like a daughter, but they're teenagers. Even we weren't so keen on each other. What happens when they go separate ways? Lily's a bright girl-"

"They'll get married?"

"Married? James turned of age less than five months ago and you're speaking of marriage?"

"At the rate they're going-"

"Charles, it's different from when we were their age."

"You're right. James is going to be auror, now that's not for sure but I know he is the exactly the type of candidate they want. If he goes to training and they aren't married do you know what that'll do to Lily? You remember what it's like." Charles pushed away from the table. "She will be completely in the dark and James won't have any way of contacting her other than blacked out letters where they only thing that she'll be able to read is 'I love you' and his signature."

"Is this about us?" Agatha asked. "I thought we-"

"The Minister wants me to travel abroad. It will be at least a month," he said. "I won't be able to contact you other than to tell you I'm alive."

"You're a Department Head."

"He wants me back in the field, working with the Head Auror." He looked away as he saw Agatha's face crumple, memories immediately flooding back to her from all those years ago. "If-heaven forbid-something were to happen to us, I know Lily would help him keep his wits about him. You can never be so certain about life these days."

"No, you can't." Agatha walked over and embraced her husband, something she had not done for weeks. "I...I have to finish getting ready for work. You better get to the office."

Charles watched as his visibly shaken wife went up the staircase. He pinched the bridge of his nose and tried his best to compose himself. How could he take the job? It was exactly the type of he set out to do when he became an Auror. Instead he got stuck with a series of relatively safe, yet important assignments that eventually led to promotion after promotion until he was in charge of Magical Law Enforcements. His life, though, was so much more than work now.

With a sigh he walked into his office and climbed into the fireplace.

* * *

Lily was in her room, pouring over a volume she took after Charles' study. She was waiting for her friends to get her. The window was open, breeze rustling the curtains. Down below her window she could hear the boys outside doing Merlin knows what.

As she flipped a page she heard the fireplace. With a smile she shut the book and raced downstairs. "Lily!" a voice shouted. Marlene. She sprinted faster stumbling towards Marlene as she ran into the study. "Godric, I missed you." Her arms wrapped tightly around her friend. When Lily pulled away she took in her friend. The pixie cut was now gone, her grown-out hair trimmed into a chin length bob that of course looked stunning on her. "So, this is the infamous Potter house. I imagined something a bit more foreboding, like the Potter Manor."

"You've met Agatha."

"That I have," Marlene laughed. "Am I dreadfully late?"

"You're first," Lily said. As she helped her friend with the bags she had the fireplace crackled and out stepped Alice, who immediately began to brush off the soot. "Alice!" she exclaimed as the blonde stepped forward wrapping her arms around her.

"Where is everybody? I thought James and his lot would be here."

"The boys are outside, so brace yourself."

"Boys? That's what you're calling them now? Usually you pepper their description with a few colorful adjectives that only Remus is spared from," Alice said.

"You seem better," Lily said.

"I am, Frank had a break before he started his in the field training, so I saw him a last week." Alice had a forced smile pinned to her face and Lily could tell there was more to that story. "Can we bring our stuff up to your room or are we going to stand here all day?" she questioned.

Lily just smiled at them and shook her head. Marlene and Alice chattered for a few minutes before the fire place crackled again and Athena appeared. She dusted off her skirt and stepped out with a slight flounce. "Hello," she said with tentative smile on her face. Lily pulled her in for a hug immediately. "It's good to see you all." She turned to Marlene and Alice. They stood for a few moments before they both gave her a slight hug. The girl who had occupied the bed in the right corner of their room silently for five years, was actually their friend now.

"Let's go upstairs before Sirius decides to pop in."

"Sirius?" Athena asked as she followed Lily out of the room and towards the stairs. "He's here."

"He lives here, just like me. Didn't you know that?"

"Of course." She made an odd sound before tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Agatha offered to put you in guest rooms, but she did a bit of charming to my room yesterday." Lily led them to the room where four beds sat in the middle of the room, the heads all turned towards the center. "It's a tight squeeze, but I thought you would like it better than two of you being stuck down the hall."

"Reminds me of camp," Athena said as she set her bag down by one of the beds and sat on the mattress. "Except the summer camp I went to was an all girls camp. Although, some of the bolder girls used to sneak guys in their cabins from across the lake." Her eyes went to the floor where a pair of old shoes James used as slippers and one of his ratty Quidditch shirts strewn across the floor beside her bed.

"I wore it to bed last night, Alice does that with Frank clothes all the time."

"How cute you're blushing," Marlene said as she perched on the bed beside Lily's. "Tell us the truth."

Lily's face felt like it was on fire as she kicked the pile underneath her bed before crossing her legs and looking around the room. She made a mental note to chew James out earlier. Last night things had gotten a bit out of hand after he kicked off his shoes and climbed in next to Lily. Before she knew what was happening his shirt was coming off, then her nightgown, then his pants...It would have gotten much further if Sirius hadn't executed one of his famous pranks that ended up with Peter pounding on the door.

"A lady doesn't kiss and tell," she finally told them.

"Lady?" Athena said with a crooked grin on her face. "Interesting definition."

"Better question is what Agatha thinks," Marlene said.

"She just gives us disapproving looks." Lily looked around at the faces of her friends. "Charles came home when we were together one night and we tried to cover it up. He said as long as we remembered to shut the door he didn't care. And that if Agatha found out about us, we were already lectured by him."

"Seriously?" Agatha asked, her mouth opened. "The Potters, they may be open-minded, but…"

"Charles is the adult version of James," Lily said. "Enough about this do you want to unpack? I'll take these back to James room." She grabbed the clothes and left the room heading across the hall. James' room was messy, mostly because he had guest and now Peter was staying with him instead of Remus. She placed the shoes next to his trunk at the foot of his bed and folded the holey t-shirt.

"It won't wrinkle," James called from the doorway as he walked forward. "Who found it?"

"Athena," she said, sitting down. He sat down beside her, turning her head to pull her in for a kiss. "No, not now."

"Why?" He turned away, lifting his hand as the door shut and locked. "Problem solved."

"For the duration of my roommates visit we can't do this. Might as well start now."

"Five minutes from now?" James asked. "They'll be here for a week. I'm going to have to share a room with Peter instead of with you."

"If you didn't leave your things in my room, my roommates wouldn't be imagining a scarlet letter on my chest."

"What are you talking about?"

"Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne...Ringing any bells?"

"Muggle books? Lily you know I don't read those."

"I'll get you a copy, it's a classic." She kisses him and then pulls away. "It'll give you something to do at night."

"I hope it's dirty."

"You never cease to amaze me." Lily pulls her wand out of her pocket and the door flies open. "I'm going out for fresh air around ten tonight, just so you know."


	26. Chapter 26

**AN: I feel like I always end with a bit of fluff in my chapters. However, big step for James in this chapter. I wanted to include a few more scenes but it's over 3000 words and I try to aim for them to be over 2000, but under 3000 as a personal preference, because I hate reading 10,000 word chapters off the computer. Oh, a review noticed that I said Lily couldn't do wandless magic, but she has done it before, I clarified that in this chapter, mainly because I completely forgot that. Please review!**

* * *

The time passed quickly and Lily never thought she could have more fun. Her friends kept her up late into the night after spending all day doing a variety of activities. She awoke earlier than usual and slipped out of bed, pulling a cotton robe over her nightgown before heading down the stairs. As she stood at the basis of the stairs she saw Agatha kiss James forehead before giving a tight hug goodbye. Waiting until she heard the floo she walked over to James who was sitting at the table. "Morning," Lily said.

"When are the girls coming down?" he questioned, grabbing her hand to pull her closer.

"Still sleeping. I feel asleep when Marlene and Athena were still gossiping. The two of them are thicker than thieves now."

"Fun," he muttered. "Want your letter?" He gestured to the pile of Hogwarts Letters that cluttered the normally clean table. They were going to wait for everyone to come over here after they received these letters, but they were unusually delayed this year.

"Did Agatha open yours or were you waiting?" She pointed to the one with his name in the green, swirling script sitting in front of him.

"It's heavy," he whispered. "Like when I got my Captain Badge fifth year."

Lily withdrew hers from the pile as she gave him a perplexed look.

"Captaincy is different from Prefecture, I thought you knew that. Prefect's get badges every year, because they change every year. A Captain's badge is passed down, the badge I wear is the same one that's been worn for decades. It's either revoked and confiscated or passed down, that's the only way someone gets one."

Lily stared at him, her face breaking into a slow smile. "Do you know what that means?"

"No, I….I can't open it."

"Then you open mine, I'll open yours. It's a little like your favorite game." She ruffled his hair before snatching the letter. James snaked an arm around her waist, causing her to fall on his lap. Opening the letter she withdrew one sheet of thin paper. "Congratulations, Mr. Potter on your position as…"

James tore the letter and the envelope from her hand, the metal badge clattering against the table top. "James, aren't you excited?" Lily jumped to her feet, placing her hands on either side of his face and pulling him in for a kiss. Instead of fighting for dominance he just sat there. "James, what's the matter? I know there's a badge in my letter, I don't care if I'm just a prefect and-"

He got to his feet, doing his best to get away from her without using any excess force.

"Talk to me," she pleaded, grabbing his arm. "Please."

"Open yours," he said. "I need some time to think."

Lily watched as he walked away, going down the unlit hallway as she slid a finger underneath the envelope. When she withdrew the badge her heart skipped a beat. She half-expected to see the Gryffindor colors, a "P" and the word 'senior' beneath. Instead, she saw her Head Girl badge with the crest of Hogwarts and her name engraved at the bottom. Tears pricked her eyes as she saw the one thing she wanted since she found out about this position first year. Dumbledore believed in her, all the Professor's did. She set it down and grabbed James, holding to her chest. They believed in him too.

It was a rare night at the Potter house. Both Charles and Agatha were home and they were using the dining room for an informal dinner. It was much too large to use for ordinary occasions, but with eight teenagers they needed the extra space.

"So," Agatha began as she set her wine glass down. "I have errands to run in Diagon Alley and Charles is free this weekend, do you lot want to come with us or wait with your parents?" she questioned.

"I'd rather go with my friends," Marlene said. "Even if Alice keeps me from the clothing stores until the boring stuff is bought."

All of the teens murmured similar agreements. Charles, though, listened to none of them. His eyes zeroed in on Lily and James, both pushing food around their plates and sitting unusually far away for a couple that seemed to be permanently in the lustful teenage honeymoon stage. "Lily, are you Prefect again?"

"No," she answered softly. Heads turned with curious looks. "I'm Head Girl this year."

They all offered hearty congratulations and wondered why she didn't tell them earlier. Lily bit her lip and looked over at James who refused to meet her eyes. "What?" he asked, looking up to see everyone staring at him again. "I didn't get my captaincy revoked, Dumbledore would have to pry it from my lifeless hands."

"Tell them," Lily whispered.

"I got Head Boy," he reluctantly admitted. Around the table everyone looked at him. Sirius was practically choking on his food; Peter stared at him with wide eyes; Remus had a little smirk; and the girls just bit their lips and gripped their forks tightly not knowing how to react. "May be excused?" he turned to Agatha, already getting to his feet.

Lily reached for her water glass, throat feeling suddenly dry. It didn't help and she forced herself to finish what was on her plate. Desert came and she politely accepted the treacle tart, it got stuck in her throat knowing it was James' favorite. Once the plates were cleared she slipped away from everyone else and Mopsy passed her plate as soon as she entered the kitchen. "Mopsy likes him, make him smile Miss Lily."

"Of course, but drop the Miss, okay? My friends just call me Lily." She gave the house elf a huge smile before heading contemplating going upstairs or the study. With a sigh she turned right and saw her boyfriend sitting on his father's desk, fight dangling and hands tightly gripping the edge.

"I brought you a treacle tart." She handed him the plate and said no more as she pulled the chair that was sat next to the coffee table to sit in front of him. He said nothing, just cut off a large piece and popped it in his mouth, obviously still hungry. "Want to talk?"

"Don't patronize me."

"Just treating you like you treat me. Remember that conversation we had after the Boggart incident? We're a team, you and me. This year we'll have to work together even more as Head Boy and Girl."

James still wasn't responding, by now he had finished and his elbows were propped up on his knees, head cradled in his hands.

"How about I make you a deal? I let you get away with the over-protective tough guy act in public, as long as you-"

"I what? Let you? Tell you how I feel? What crap line are you going to spew to me Lily?" he asked. "Listen, I just don't feel right about taking the position. It should be David or Remus. No one is going to take me seriously." He looked her straight in the eye. "Don't feed some line like that people will listen to me because I've been in their situation. They'll tell me sod off, that I've done worse and ask for a little leniency."

"You're the one who's feeding me the bull shit lines, _Potter_." Lily crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair, eyeing him carefully. "Remember the night of the wedding? What you told me?" The smugness left her expression and she leaned forward. "You said that I was the first person to believe in you, to really trust you...I had a hard time accepting that, I've seen Charles and Agatha, the Marauders...but it's not just that. It's what you said about everyone just expecting you to mess up, then writing it off as something that's inevitable." She looked up at him, reached for his hand, but he pulled away. "You said that I was the only one that held you accountable and you loved me and it terrified you. Do you want to hear a secret?" she asked. James still didn't budge. "I'm terrified of loving you too. At first I thought it was because I wasn't good enough, but that's ridiculous, you tell me that every single time I bring up blood. Then, I thought it was because I couldn't handle the thought of losing you and that's partially it. But the real reason?" She forced a laugh out, in attempt to stave off the emotions she felt.

"Lily…" James spoke, lifting his head to look her in the eye.

"Let me continue. I expect you to own up, be responsible for your actions, but you don't expect anything from me." She saw the look of objection on her face and held up a hand to pause him. "What I mean is, when you look at me you see Lily. You see the girl-"

"If you're going to describe any of our escapades, spare me please," James groaned, but gave her his signature smirk as he ran a hand through his hair.

"You've been given a gift. Don't you see that this is your destiny? Dumbledore and all the professors trust you, believe in you. It's proof that you changed, that you're not that dreadful boy that delighted in malicious pranks, you're the man I love." Lily got to her feet went to sit beside James, throwing an arm over his shoulders like he normally did for her. She felt even better when his hand slid under her arm and enclosed around her waist bringing them closer together. Closing her eyes she rested her head on his shoulder.

"What about you?" he inquired.

"I came to talk about you, I didn't want to make this about me."

"It's true what you said about me, but what about you?" James maneuvered his head, the position may have been awkward, but he could kiss the top of Lily's head this. "The only reason I don't expect so much from you, is because you expect perfection from yourself. You don't need someone else to tell you when you need to get your act together, well most of the time." He thought back to before they were dating, when he found her before the sun was up in the common room trying to do homework, but was so frazzled she couldn't think straight.

"I had a plan for myself, you know. It was going perfectly until fifth year. I wasn't going to get into a committed relationship, become attached to a person that might only be temporary. Once I finished school I was going to train to become a Healer, then meet a nice man. We would eventually get married, wait a year or two and then have kids." Lily pulled closer to his side. "Then you came along. You had always been there antagonizing, but my parents died and you were there and you weren't the same." She took a deep breath and steeled herself for his reaction at what she had to say next. "I don't know if this is going to last forever, but right now it feels perfect."

"It'll last forever," James said.

"How can you be sure?"

"I need you," he told her, pulling his arms away and spinning around to face her, one leg folded on the desk. With a light hand he caressed her jaw and then pulled her in for kiss. "I'd like to think you need me, because we're a team."

"We are," she murmured, fingers resting on his jawline. "I don't know what I'm meant to do with my life James. I may have a year of school, but it seems like everything's just…" She blinked slowly, tears gathering. "I just get so distracted and I haven't…my magic. Since my parents died I don't trust it anymore. That day with the Boggart, when I saw the Death Eater, I thought I couldn't do that spell because it shocked me and I couldn't think of anything...I doubted myself. When I was younger, before I even went to Hogwarts, I used to do this trick with a flower...or at least I called it a trick back then, I could make the petals open and close. Now, I can't even turn off the lights without my wand."

"You were tired and that day in class doesn't count. For some reason you always psyche yourself out in Dark Arts."

"I guess you're right."

"Lily, I don't know if I believe in destiny and fate. Maybe, you don't know what life has planned for you. All I know is that you are brilliant, beautiful, stubborn and quite possibly the most compassionate person I've ever met. I do now that I like loving you and that you like loving me, have you ever thought-"

"If you say that my _destiny _is loving you or something even close to that I swear-"

James put his hands on her shoulders. "No, I'm saying that you're meant to care for people, help them. I don't know how you're going to do that, but you're pretty damn good at getting me to talk to you. So, maybe being a Healer is the best job for you." His hands drifted to her lower back and pulled her in for a hug. "I really want to go to bed."

Lily laughed and pushed off his chest. "It's only seven."

"I know," he said, speaking very slowly. "It's been a few days."

"And it will be a few days more." She gave him a kiss on cheek and a little wink. "I'm going upstairs. See you tomorrow."


	27. Chapter 27

**AN: This chapter has a dash of everything. Some fluff, minor James/Lily disagreements and also a bit of Sirius/OC that's mainly set up for later. If you want some cute-fluffiness re-read Chapter 19, there's a new section I added that was supposed to be there when I first published the chapter. It helps the story flow better now. Please review!**

* * *

Summer was coming to a closer all too fast. Diagon Alley was a rather ordinary expedition that James and Lily used as a chance to occupy any deserted corners they could find. It was three days before they were leaving for Hogwarts and everyone was packing up, getting ready to head home to spend time with their families.

Sirius sat in the study with everyone else, watching as the girl hugged and said their goodbyes. James stood close to Lily, ever since the day they had gotten their letters their relationship got even more peculiar. Remus told him it was nothing, but the two were practically attached at the hip.

"I left the book I was reading in your room," Athena told Lily as Alice climbed into the fireplace. Quickly she scurried out the room. Making a split decision, Sirius followed her up the stairs. He stood in the doorway to Lily's room as she searched underneath the bed. When she got up, she paled. "Sirius," she said.

"When are we going to talk?" he asked.

"About what?" she asked, rather coyly, her book tucked beneath her arm as she tried to walk past Sirius. He grabbed her arm. "Please, just…"

"I thought you were different, but you won't even look at me since…" Sirius looked at the girl in front of him. The girl he had resisted for years just to rebel against his parents. At Hogwarts they barely acknowledged each other; Athena drifted into her own little group of older Gryffindors and Ravenclaws. However, at home it was a different story. Whenever he wasn't at James', his parents would always invite over 'good families' that would have a 'positive influence'. Athena was the only girl that remotely intrigued him. She was a pretty pureblood, though her family wasn't Slytherin, but Ravenclaw. They claimed to be descendants from Rowena herself and had pretty good proof of it.

"It's not that I don't want to, my parents are a lot like yours. Getting sorted into Gryffindor was almost too much for them, you know that."

"I do, but you're of age now."

"That doesn't matter," Athena said. "I can't turn my back on them, I love them. Sirius, I may not agree with them, but my parents are different than yours."

"Fine, then date me."

"I can't, don't you understand?" Her hand reached up to grab his face to make him look her straight in the eyes. "Alice and Frank, we're not them. James and Lily? I'm not strong like her. She's a true Gryffindor, the sorting hat was going to place me in Ravenclaw, but it puts you with the House whose traits you admire most. Bravery is one of those, you have it, I don't." She shook her head. "I'm not even going to try with you. I promised my parents after what happened to you I wouldn't associate with you. I didn't know you'd be here."

"This is my home, everyone knows that."

"My parents didn't. I respect their wishes and...Don't tell anyone this but after graduation I'm leaving England."

"What?"

"They don't want me here." Her eyes flitted across the room, trying to avoid his gaze. "They are sending me to one of those Universities in Eastern Europe and hoping I attract the right type of man. I know they want me to get married before I go, but with the war...Things are changing left and right."

"You're wrong."

"What?"

"Stay, stay in England. Tell your parents to sod off."

"I don't have any money and most of my friends-"

"I have money, my uncle made me his heir when he died. We could get an apartment-"

"No." Athena's voice was firm, she took a step back from him and, as she went in the hall, she froze. "James."

"I came up here because Sirius followed you up," he said. "Lily was going to come up, but he's-"

"It was nothing," she murmured. "Thank your parents for me again."

James watched in curiosity as she attempted a smile, the action very forced. He also noticed his best friend with his hands balled into fist as he leaned against the door frame to Lily's room. "Let's go downstairs, the everyone's gone and Lily'll spend the afternoon reading."

James watched as Sirius took a deep breath and walked towards the stairs, then down them before taking a turn to go outside.

* * *

"Merlin, Lily, why do I have to wear my uniform on the train?" James questioned as Lily adjusted his tie. Today was their final first day of Hogwarts, they would board the train for the last time, but this year they would do it together.

"You're Head Boy, you need all the respect you can get," she answered, before planting both hands on his shoulder and spinning him around to face the mirror in her room. Standing behind him she rested her head on his shoulder and grinned. "Besides, I love a man in uniform."

"What a coincidence, that's how I love my women."

"You only have one, if you didn't…" her voice trailed off as her eyes narrowed as the focused on James' chest in the mirror. "Where's your badge?"

He pointed to his Captain badge proudly displayed on his robes.

"The other one," she said, reaching across to dig into the pocket of his robe.

"Mum and dad want us downstairs in five, so stop your snogging," Sirius commanded as he walked over dragging James by the sleeve of his robe, Lily gripping him tightly as she followed the two. She wondered if it would always be like this. It wasn't that she didn't like Sirius, but it seemed to her that James and him were a package deal.

It wasn't long before they were at Kings Cross and had to make their goodbyes. Lily made her hugs with Charles and Agatha long, giving them each a kiss on the cheek before James dragged her away from his parent making some comment about charming them. Sirius did the same, and James rolled his eyes managing the shrunken trunks of both his and Lily, while she held onto his arm.

"Have you seen Marlene and Alice? Or Athena?" she asked both of the boys. James craned his neck to search, but Sirius just stiffened at the last name. "Are you ever going to tell us why you followed Athena up the stairs?"

"Lily we better board the train," James said. She frowned and would have pulled on his arm, but she saw the look him and Sirius were sharing.

"Of course, I take it our stuff is staying with you?" she questioned Sirius. "And I know it'll be a tight fit, but get my friends in the compartment too." She added this mainly because she wanted to see the interaction between Sirius and Athena. Besides, Alice didn't have Frank this year and Marlene would probably end up on a fifth years lap by the end of the train ride if she wasn't busy yelling at Sirius.

"See you in a few, mate," James said as they found an empty compartment and arranged their trunks on the luggage rack. With now free hands he interlaced his fingers with Lily. As they walked they received looks, which was odd to Lily because they had been together at the end of the school girl. "Head Girl status," James whispered to her. "And you have incredibly dashing Gryffindor Quidditch Captain on your arm."

Lily just laughed as she walked forward to the end of the corridor where Olivia was about ready to enter the room, the Ravenclaw turned around when she saw Lily. "Congrats on Head Girl," she said. "I wouldn't wish that on anybody but you."

"Thank you."

"Jamie?" she said with a teasing edge to her voice. "As cute as it is that you can't detach yourself from her, this compartment is only for Prefects." She pointed to her badge.

"Darn it," he said. "Well, I'm not a prefect, but I think this will do." He reached into his pocket and withdrew his Head Boy badge.

"Did Remus agree to go along with this? He's already in there wearing his Senior Prefect badge."

"It's his," Lily assured her. "I promise."

"What's this world coming to?" she questioned with a tsking sound as the three of them entered the room. Most everyone was in here and eyed James warily as Lily led him in, clutching his hand like a life preserver. They took a seat on one of the benches on the wall.

As they waited for everyone to come in, James hand released Lily and he put an arm around her shoulder. If Lily didn't know better, she would think the ever-arrogant James Potter was nervous. She, however, ignored and began to chat with those around her. James watched with a smirk on his face seeing his girlfriend in her element. Once the train started she took a deep breath and turned to him. "That's your cue."

"My cue? I thought my job was to stand here and look incredibly handsome. You're the brains, I'm the brawns."

"They know me, they don't know you. Pretend they're the Quidditch team."

"_Lily_," he whined. "I can't treat them like the Quidditch team. That involves cursing, threats and making the youngest ones on the team cover their ears so I don't corrupt their innocent minds."

"They're fifth years and up, so…"

"Fine." He got to his feet, running a hand through his hair as he paced around the room. "In case you haven't heard the rumors, I'm Head Boy. No, I didn't steal Remus' badge or am some sort of lovesick boyfriend...You're stuck with me for the duration of the year and I'm going to be brutally honest, I don't know what the hell I'm doing." He laughed as he looked around the room. "I guess that's why I have Lily. If you didn't know I am dreadful at doing things by myself, all those winning Quidditch plays...I didn't write them single handedly, you can thank Peter for that."

"While I may not know what I'm doing, you're just going to have to trust me. I've made a lot of mistakes in the past, but that's because people tell me that screwing up is fine as long as I learned from my mistakes. I'm done with that though. I'm not perfect, but I'll sure as hell try to be. Although, the only thing I know how to do is run a Quidditch team and I think most of you can agree I do that pretty damn well. If I do that I need cooperation, honesty and a bit of open-mindness. That being said there's always Lily."

She got to her feet and stood beside him, standing to her full height, which was James' nose. "Now, that the inspirational speech is done, let's talk business…"

* * *

The sorting ceremony and welcome back feast was much the same as every year. Lily spent the time laughing with the members from her house she hadn't seen in a weeks. It was nice to be back, so different from last year when she still felt lost. Now, she was at Hogwarts with a Head Girl badge pinned to her chest and a boyfriend sitting too close for decency's sake. In a year she had no idea where she'd be, but she wanted to remember this moment and closed her eyes.

"Tired?" James' voice tickled her ear as he leaned forward.

"No," she answered, opening her eyes.

"The first years left, we can go at any time."

"No, she can't," Marlene objected as Lily's other two roommates giggled. "I'm happy that you're Head Girl, but that means we have an empty bed and no Lily."

"Marlene," Alice calmly began. "It means that there will only be three beds and additional room."

"As much as I like you Lil, I'm happy that there's more closet space," Athena said while waving around a piece of pie on her fork. "Promise to come visit."

"I'm still a Gryffindor, and who can stand being alone with James?" she joked, but grabbed her boyfriend's arm and leaned even closer practically putting herself in his lap. This earned them a napkin being thrown by Sirius. "Do you want to do that to the Head Girl?"

"Just did, sweetheart," he retorted with a lazy grin. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing," James replied, wrapping an arm around her waist. "Let's go."

"This isn't exactly-"

He gave her a quick kiss. Lily pulled away and rolled her eyes before murmuring goodnight to everyone around them. They had been given slips of paper with the instructions to the room and the password to get in, that they would only be able to read. It wasn't long before they came to the portrait of a very dignified woman. "Password?" she asked in a cool, even tone.

"Lemon sherbert," Lily read off the paper, a smile crossing her face as she was positive that Dumbledore got to pick the first password.

"Enter," the woman replied as the portrait hole opened. James let Lily go forth and followed her in.

"Wow," he said, "but where are the beds?"

"Sitting room for Prefect meetings," Lily explained as she gestured to the couches. "Looks like they re-did it in Gryffindor colors. Last year the heads were Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, looked like a disaster." She sighed. "I'm going to unpack, then turn in. We have an early morning tomorrow."

"Yeah," James said.

When Lily came out of her room forty five minutes later, James was sitting in the couch still in uniform, or at least partway. His socks and shoes; belt and tie; and robe were all missing, he was only in a t-shirt and slacks. "Testing out the couches?"

"I didn't know if I could come in your room."

"It really doesn't matter to me," she said. "You're more than welcome to test it out."

"No," he said. "After tonight I wasn't sure if I was allowed to touch you."

Lily let out a chuckle and sat down beside him. "You can be _so _dramatic at times, James. I didn't want-"

"Come on, you were practically in my lap all night and then-"

"We just need to set an example in front of the others," Lily said. "I shouldn't have overreacted, but it was nice tonight. Everything just feels, right, you know?"

"Yeah," he said. "Listen, I know we have our own rooms and we're not supposed to...how do they put it? Fraternize?" he asked. "But my bed is too big for one person and you're room looks awfully drafty…"

With a roll of her eyes she grabbed his hand and tugged him toward his bedroom. She half expected an invisible wall to be there, but she walked right through the doorway and released James' hand as she collapsed on the bed. Shutting her eyes, she ignored whatever James was doing and curled up on her side. By the time he turned around he saw her fast asleep.

"What am I going to do with you?" he questioned and walked over, scooping her into his arms. "You are so very lucky that you are this light," he whispered to her, struggling to pull back the covers one handed and not drop her, before he realized he could use magic. Setting her on the right side of the bed he muttered a few words, turning off the lights and curled around her. As he got closer to sleep he felt Lily move around a bit, her hand enclosing around his. James smirked, wondering if did this in her sleep or if she was playing him. Although, it didn't really matter either way. He thought back to what she said about everything feeling right, perhaps for once in a long time things would be going their way.

* * *

When James awoke in the morning he rolled onto his left side and stuck out an arm. There was nothing there. The bed was mostly cold, the covers tossed aside. "Lily?" he called out as he groped the nightstand for his glasses. By the time he stumbled out of bed and towards his door, he saw Lily fully dressed and ready flouncing around the living room. "What on earth are you doing?"

"Breakfast starts in ten minutes, we're supposed to be there early to help prefects hand out schedules and we-"

"Can you please use shorter sentences until I'm awake?" He rubbed his eyes, pushing his glasses up his face and let out a yawn. "I'll be dressed in five…" Stumbling a bit he retreated back to his room and, true to his word, he reemerged dressed with his book bag hanging off his shoulder.

"James, is that exactly what you wore yesterday?" She stepped forward to help adjust his tie and smooth out the rumpled robe. "You really shouldn't leave your clothes on the floor, they'll wrinkle."

"Yes, mother, can we go?" he asked dryly, taking her bag as well before grabbing her hand.

"I am perfectly capable of carrying my bag." She said and held out her free hand.

"I was raised to be a gentleman, but take it, are you hoarding bricks?" He swung it over to her dramatically.

"Funny," Lily said and kissed his cheek. "Let's go if Sirius or Marlene beats us to the Great Hall, the innuendos will never stop."

"Uh huh," he replied.

"Honestly, are you ever fully awake before nine?" she questioned as they came to the Great Hall. Hardly no one was there since classes didn't start for another hour, still they situated themselves at the table. Lily filled a plate and poured a cup of tea while James slumped forward, resting his head on his forearms.

She ate in silence and James finally sat up, pouring himself a glass of water and heaping his plate with bacon and eggs. Soon enough her old roommates came, followed by Remus and a conversation was struck. Eventually Sirius and Pete came down, acting much like James did. Everything was fine until a first year came up to James.

"Excuse me-"

"Who are you?" he asked the boy, turning in his seat.

"Uh...I'm a Gryffindor."

"No, _who _are you?"

"Ricky Fredrickson," he replied with curious eyes.

"Ignore him," Lily interrupted. "What was your question?"

"It was about Potions," he said. "I heard-"

"Sorry, to interrupt, but your first class is Charms, Potions begin on Wednesday. Everything should be clarified by then, is that good enough?" she questioned. "I didn't mean to be rude." She presented him with a disarming smile and the boy just nodded. "Good, now James here is good to talk to most of the time, just avoid him in the mornings and the night before Quidditch games."

The boy just managed a smile before scurrying away to a group of first years that began laugh when he came back and she swore there were coins being passed around. "Look, a group of mini-Marauders," she said affectionately and then turned to Sirius. "Stay away from them."

"No promises, sweet cheeks." The long haired boy replied. Lily rolled her eyes and James patted her shoulder. It was just like home.


	28. Chapter 28

**AN: I'm sorry if you hate this chapter. It's mainly a transition chapter, because I didn't want to jump straight to Christmas since they just started school, but that's when everything will start picking up. Give me another chance, the next chapter will be half filler- half beginning of Christmas break with a bit more action. Please Review. **

Lily arranged her skirt neatly as McGonagall busied herself with files. Three weeks into the school year and the only moments of rest she found when she went to sleep at night in James' bed. "Would you care for a cup of tea Miss Evans?"

"No, thank you," Lily said with a polite smile.

"Let's get to business then, I assume you know what this meeting is about?"

"To discuss my future plans," Lily answered and as she said this several files, all with a different organization's stamp. "What are these?"

"Applications, I expect them to be filled out and returned to my office a week before the deadline," she instructed.

"What are these places?" Lily looked through the folder. Some of the schools were in London, but some weren't even in Great Britain. "I just want to be a Healer at St. Mungo's. When I was little I wanted to be a doctor, but since second year that's been my plan."

"Miss Evans I am going to be very straight with you. I have seen too many bright students, not just young ladies, throw away their future. You could make a great impact upon this world and I think you should brighten your horizons."

"I can't leave England, not-"

"Is Mr. Potter a factor in this decision?"

"No, but I have plans after graduation," Lily said slowly, not meeting the Professor's gaze as she organized the file folders into one pile. When she looked up, McGonagall's lips were pursed. "I gather you know what I am talking about?"

"Of course," she said. "But the organization you wish to join is not active only in London, there are branches that are stretching further as we speak. Fill out those applications."

"Thank you, professor," Lily said. She got to her feet, bid goodbye and walked back to her room, pressing the folders tightly against her chest. Distracted by the thoughts flying through her head she kept her head down watching her feet, this proved to be alright until she smacked into something or rather someone causing the files to go flying. "I'm sorry, I should have been watching…"

"Lily, it's fine," the boy said.

"Michael?" she asked looking at him. He seemed to have grown into his height, his hair cut short making him looking more mature. "It's great to see you, I heard the Hufflepuff prefects talking about the tryouts and that you made the team."

"Yeah, I'm hoping to give James a run for his money."

"I don't know about that, all the spare time he has is spent pouring over that damn playbook with Peter." She knelt down on the floor and he followed her lead helping her gather all the papers. "I don't know why I'm bothering collecting these."

"Do you know a good spell?" he asked.

"No, McGonagall wants me to fill out all these applications, but I don't want to leave England. I just want to practice medicine at St. Mungo's, it's one of the best wizarding hospitals in the world."

"Then do it," he said. "Who could stop you? Aren't your test scores perfect? You were Prefect and now your Head Girl, not to mention the fact that all the professor's love you. Slughorn will write your recommendation in liquid gold."

"He's a Slytherin, it would be silver," she teased. "Besides, if I go somewhere else I can't…" Lily stopped herself, was she supposed to tell other people about the Order? Frank had told her last year, and Michael might already know…"

"It's James isn't it?" he questioned, handing her the last of the papers as they both stood up.

"Everybody assumes that," she said. "I love him and he's a factor, but not the sole basis for my decision. I would hex him into the next century if he turned down the Auror Academy for me."

"Good to know you have a healthy relationship," Michael joked. "I'll see you around, are you going to dinner?"

"Dropping files off first," she said with a shrug. "Is it okay if I give you a hug?"

"Sure." He stepped forward and slipped an arm around her shoulder. "See you around."

Once Lily got to her room, though, threw the files across the bed and laid across the bed. This year it took a much shorter amount of time for her workload to catch up with her, it was the Head Girl duties. She thought being a prefect was hard, but it was even harder helping the _entire _student body while trying to keep the drama to the minimum.

She didn't know how much time had passed when she heard her name being called. "In here," she answered. James, carefully, carefully entered her room.

"You weren't at dinner," he said and pulled the chair from the desk over to the bed. "I know we're not really supposed to take food out, but I fixed you up a plate. The Head Boy said it was okay."

Lily popped up and sat cross legged on the bed as James handed her the plate of food. She didn't realize how hungry she was. Last night she was stuck with the late shift of night patrols, in the morning she had to deal with a sick first year at breakfast, at lunch she was scrambing to finish her Charms homework and barely had enough time to eat the apple she grabbed. "You are amazing."

"My mum's owl also dropped off letters."  
"Is Agatha mad I haven't written her letters that aren't more than a paragraph long?"

"No." He handed her a thin envelope that had the muggle PO box wrote in dark purple ink. "Do you want me to read it first?"

"I can do it," she muttered. "She sent me letters after the wedding, but I could never get more than a paragraph into them. I didn't want to make her even angrier so I wrote bullshit responses." Lily tore open the letter and took out the sheet of paper. Furrowing her eyebrows she looked up at James. "I think she suffered some sort of head trauma. There's no usage of freak, odd, peculiar, weird, normal or even average. She just wants to make sure I see her over Winter break."

"That's almost three months away."

"I know, but she wants to make sure I don't come up with a bullshit excuse."

James raised an eyebrow.

"My words, Petunia is a lady. When ladies disagree they say it with their eyes or thinly veiled insults."

"You're a lady too." James says with a smirk.

"You sure about that?" Lily returns the smirk and hurries to finish her food. In no time the plate was empty and she was getting to her feet. "How about I go brush my teeth and you get comfortable? I'll be back soon?"

"Isn't that supposed to be my line?"

"Maybe." She leaned forward and kissed his forehead, ruffling his hair.

"Merlin, Lily, can't we just-"

"No."

She left the room and James sighed as he pulled off his shoes and socks, throwing his tie off along with his robes. Lily would lose it when she saw his clothes in a pile on _her _floor, but he would fix it in the morning and accioed a pair of pyjama pants.

Time ticked by and he wandered around her room. She hadn't spent much time in here, neither of them had spent much time in their quarters, but Lily slept in his room. In fact she didn't even do her homework in the bedroom, why would she have folders? He walked over to her desk and saw them arranged haphazardly. One was on top, an application for St. Mungo's, the others were for schools he had never even heard of. He looked at one, a dark blue folder with white letter...it was something he'd recognize anywhere and a knot began to form inside his throat. Auror Academy. Lily was bright, resilient...a perfectly capable candidate, one the ministry would love to have. Accept for one thing it was perfect, he couldn't protect her if she was an auror too. He set the folder down and sat on her bed wondering how Frank could do it. Alice, sweet Alice, was following down the same path as him and he was happy with her decision.

"James? I expected you to be…" She crossed the room and sat beside him. "Tell me."

"The applications on your desk."

"McGonagall gave them to me, she wants me to keep my options open, not just apply to St. Mungo's." Lily snuggled against his side, bringing her legs up on the bed.

"There was one for the Auror Academy."

"I didn't see that, I thought they were all for Universities or Healer training programs."

"You have no desire to become an Auror?"

"No," she said and felt James become less tense. "Why would I pursue a career in my worst subject? Something that I don't even enjoy?"

"You like to challenge yourself," he supplied.

"True." She got closer to him, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist as he used his arm to secure her beside him. "But I don't want to keep secrets from you. Can I tell you something? Something that I don't think very many people know about?"

"What?"

"Dumbledore is starting this volunteer organization, he's calling it the Order of the Phoenix. From what I understand it's basically an army that's fighting the Dark Lord." Lily was speaking slowly as she tried to look James straight in the eye, he was looking forward, his hands clenching into fists. "I want to join. I want to be a Healer, but _need_ to help take him down. He killed my parents and now he's going after innocent people because of their blood."

"You don't need to defend your reasoning to me," he replied softly. "I respect what you want to do, but…"

"What?"

"I can't...I want to make sure you're safe. After what happened in Hogsmeade, I couldn't handle seeing you like that again."

"You think seeing you stunned was easy? Besides, that in the past. I love you, but I can fight my own battles. I'm stronger than you think I am."

"You always think that I undermine you."

"Because you do."

"This is back to the boggart again, isn't it?" he asked. "Yes, I don't want you to get hurt, but I don't want Sirius to get hurt either. Seeing him after his parents disowned him like that killed me. And Remus, he needed our help our he was going to kill himself of someone else, that's why we became-" He stopped himself, took a deep breath and looked Lily straight in the eye. "That's why we became animagi."

"I knew it," Lily said. "I've been trying to figure it out. Remus said that animals won't get hurt, but I checked the registry."

"We weren't of age and he needed help sooner rather than later."

"You can't protect everyone you care about."  
"I sure as hell can attempt to."

"Or die trying?" Lily asked, by now she pulled away from his arms and was resting her hands on his knees. James didn't say anything, just enveloped her in his arms.


	29. Chapter 29

**AN: Please review. This story seems like it's getting monotonous as the action I promised is in this chapter had to be pushed back. I made a timeline and there will be roughly 45 chapters total, but updates will be getting spotty come Wednesday. By then I will have started my senior year which means scholarship and college applications on top of homework in addition to extracurriculars. **

* * *

"Marlene," Lily whined.

"You can't hold still, this isn't a muggle photo. And fix your hat," her friend ordered.

Lily did as she said, but James grabbed her hands and swung her around. The camera flashed several times as they spun, James arms moving around her waist, eventually pulling her close and giving her a kiss. "Is that good enough, McKinnon?"

"Perfect. My photo album will be complete, but I'll get you a copy," Marlene teases. "Can we get inside? It's freezing."

"You're the one that caught us out here. I was trying to lure James away from that damn Quidditch pitch."

"It's almost lunch time, come on."

James kept an arm around Lily's shoulder as they both followed Marlene inside to the Great Hall. It was a Saturday with hardly anything going on, teachers were gearing up for end of term exams so there was hardly any homework. As a result the Great Hall was packed. The three teens squeezed together at a table and helped themselves to the piles of sandwiches arranged on plates, most likely made with the extra meat from last night's dinner.

In the middle of eating, Lily had a letter dropped onto her plate. She groaned when she saw the purple letter and tore it open unceremoniously. After scanning she threw it across the table and took a drink of her pumpkin juice.

"What is this time?" Marlene questioned.

"Vernon's made dinner reservations at some posh restaurant the night we all go home for Winter Holiday." Lily frowned as James grabbed it to read it himself. Letters from her sister are the only letters she lets him read, Agatha's have been of a more...probing nature since she learned they now have private rooms.

"She doesn't actually mention me by name, just that 'boy you brought to my wedding that Aunt Myrtle despised'. Why don't you bring Remus? He had a rather disarming nature. I would suggest Sirius, but he's rubbish with muggles…." James bites his lip. "David, everyone loves David, right Athena?" James turned to seventh year he was neatly arranging vegetables on her plate.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she answered, flipping her dark hair over her shoulder.

"Sure…" James says and Lily swats his arm before he continues on his playful rant, "better yet that kid you went to the pizza parlor with."

"He has a name," Lily told him in a singsong voice.

"I know, but look on the bright side at least he's not your brother."

Marlene and Athena exchange looks before staring at the bantering couple, trying to figure out what James means. "You are coming with me," she says evenly. "Unless you can talk your mother out of me going to the ball."

"No!" Marlene shouts, a little too quickly. "I...Well, Scott and I are going to need your help."

"Scott?" James questioned. "Wait...that's your brother." A smirk crossed his face. "Last year Charlotte owled me after the ball to ask about him. Are you trying to enlist the help of the Marauders?"

"Possibly," Marlene said. "But I'll need Lily's help, and Athena's, can you ask you mum about adding her to the guest list?"

"What about Alice?" Sirius inquired as he weasled his way onto the bench beside James. "You four birds are always together."

"Can you come up with a better noun?" Alice questioned. She had came down with Athena, but sat at the table eating nothing, just tensely holding a letter. "Besides, I'll be spending Christmas with Frank. Our families are getting together Christmas Eve." The hand not holding the letter gripped the edge of the table so tightly her knuckles turned white.

"Are you alright?" Lily asked.

"Fine, but..." She shook her head. "It's Frank, I can't tell you anything else." Getting to her feet she walked briskly out of the Great Hall, trying to avoid drawing attention of the other students.

"So, let's talk about this Scott and Charlotte thing," Lily said, switching the subject and trying to act as normal as possible to detract attention from Alice. She wasn't like James, if she followed her out Alice would turn bright red and lock herself in the bathroom. "I have a feeling I'm going to be used as bait for those blokes Charlotte's mum is trying to set her up with."

"Can you blame her?" Sirius gave her a smirk and James hit his shoulder. "What? I don't care if she's your girlfriend, I have eyes."

"Black, can you please try not to divert the conversation?" Marlene questioned as she tucked hair behind her ear. "Anyways, Scott was transferred to France and Charlotte moved out of her flat a few months ago."

"Wait, wait, are they even engaged?" James interrupted. Lily was about to ask him why he was objecting, when she remembered Charlotte's parents.

"Not exactly," Marlene said slowly. "Her parents just thought she wanted more independence...Things are rather delicate at the moment, especially since Augustus got declared one of the Wizarding Worlds most eligible bachelor's by Witches Weekly and he has his sights set on her."

"If his eyes were hands, I would have hexed him so fast he wouldn't know what hit him," Lily said as she leaned against James. "And he was so rude. I mean I'm used to James' arrogance…" That was all it took for the conversation to start drifting off. Before long they were all howling with laughter and it was enough to push it all out of their minds. From Alice to the dinner to the ball…

* * *

Winter arrived much too quickly. Lily was packing a small suitcase Agatha had sent her so she didn't have to take her trunk home, but could take home everything else she needed. As she packed she looked at the applications on her desk, swallowing harshly. The only one she had sent in was one for St. Mungo's for early acceptance, if she was admitted, her actual entrance to the program was contingent on her NEWT scores. Many schools and training programs implemented it, to get more students through to have skilled people to fight the war. The stress these early acceptances brought was well worth being able to enter the program of your choosing three months early.

"Lily! Lily!" James shouted. He sprinted into her room waving around a piece of Ministry letterhead.

"What is it?" she inquired as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to her feet and spinning her around. Before she could ask again his mouth crashed against her. "James, I have to pack, I'm glad-"

"I got in!"

"In?"

"The Auror Program! I enter in June, three days after graduation." He hugged her even tighter. "Dad said I was going to get in, but it's more real now. I mean, I have to still get five NEWTs, but I can do that. I know I can."

"James, that's spectacular, but...How do you know already? Frank didn't learn until April."

"They need more Aurors," was his only explanation before kissing her again. "Merlin, I'm so happy." He hugged her tightly again. "Everything is so perfect. We're on track to win the Quidditch Cup again, my grades are perfect, my future is set up." He looked at his silent girlfriend. "Don't worry, I mean before I planned on getting an apartment with Sirius, but I want you to come with me."

"With you?" Lily shook her head. "Training is brutal and you'll be gone most of the time, I-"

"You'll get into St. Mungo's, I know you will." He kissed her cheek. "Lil, don't you want this?"

"Of course I do, but I think we need to take a breather, everything is up in the air right now and it's just a lot to take in." She ran a hand through his hair, trying to meet his eyes. "I'm so happy for you."

"Well, I'll be equally as happy for you. I'll talk to mum and dad about choosing a flat for us." "Us?"

"Of course, we proved that we can live together. Don't tell me that-"

"If the word you're going to bring up with starts with an 'm' and rhymes with "Harry', then I'm going to end this conversation now. I have to finish packing and we have to leave for the train in a half an hour."

"It's not that crazy, my parents got married when they were nineteen." "They were engaged for a year and had been dating for almost three years before that. Agatha told me."

"So? We're not too young, especially now."

"It's just a big jump," Lily told him and pulled away from him, walking to her trunk and taking a stack of clothes. "I would be willing to make it, though," she whispered. James brought over books, knowing which ones without her asking her.

* * *

The train station is the same as last year. Charles greets them along with Agatha, he loads their luggage in the car before Agatha and Lily separate from the group, heading to the apparation point. Diagon Alley is surprisingly empty, few people wander about the street, most are already in shops. The air has a chill to it, cold enough that Lily pulls her knit cap over her ears and slips on her gloves, but it is to be expected for December.

"War scares people," Agatha said, her arm still on her foster daughter.

"I know," is Lily's answer as she passes her a grateful smile. "I know I have to get a dress for the ball, but could you just pick one up? I'm really not in the mood."

Agatha takes a deep breath as they pause in front of the dress shop. She passes her a smile and turns, heading in the direction of a small cafe. "We can wait on your dress robes if you tell me everything that's on your mind."

A faint smile crosses the red-head's face as they open the door, the heat welcomes them in. Inside there are quite a few people compared to the lack of foot traffic on the street. The two witches say no more to each other as they order a pot of tea and plate of biscuits to split between the two of them.

"Can you promise to let me tell you everything before you react?"

"Of course, I'm just glad that you're willing to talk to me, James will only speak with Charles," Agatha says as she tips a bit of cream into her cup.

"Well, James will probably want to tell you this, but he got accepted into the Auror program."

Agatha's reaction is unexpected. Her hand tightens around the delicate tea cup, her lips purse after she takes in a quick breath of air. It takes a few seconds for her to compose herself. "Thank you for telling me, I might not be able to contain myself with him." Agatha's hand finally loosens a bit. "I'm proud, but worried. Godric knows that I spent many sleepless nights when Charles was training, being his betrothed wasn't good enough to be privy to information."

"He wants me to move in with him, I think he wants me to marry him."

"Lily…" Agatha's faces arranges itself into a bittersweet expression with sad eyes and a mouth forcing itself to be upturned. "I always wanted a daughter, but you are so young."

"Nothing has been decided," she quickly adds. "He seems so sure I'll get into St. Mungo's, but as much as I want to be a Healer, I just want to fight. If I marry him I just know that it will..."

"Make him worry about you that much more," Agatha finishes.

"Exactly." Lily reaches for the cream and pours it into her cup, stirring it around before reaching for a biscuit and nibbling on the chocolate edge. This morning was a frenzied mess with trying to wrangle the first years, on the train her stomach was in knots from the conversation with James. "I love him, at least I think I do, but I just...he helped me pick up the pieces after my parents died. He still sees me as that girl and I want to be with him more than anything, but…"

"Will you be able to handle being apart?"

"Yeah," Lily said. "I have a feeling you went through this with Charles."

"Of course I did, I see myself in you. But Lily you will always be family even if you aren't with James."

"This is actually the first time I've even thought breaking up with him and it just feels stupid to be worrying about things like this. We're in the middle of war and I haven't even finished school yet. NEWTs have been moved up to the end of March, I have my interview for St. Mungo's when I get back from break...To top that all off I've got Head Girl duties and I'm sitting here thinking about James." She pushes her cup away from her and chomps on another biscuit. "I feel like everything's all jumbled about in my brain and you know what's odd? When I'm with James, things seem clearer, the answers are easier to find. He may be an arrogant toerag at times, but he has this way of seeing things that is so different from mine...for him everything is black or white, but it helps me find the right shade of grey."

Agatha lips curled upward at Lily, glad her son found the right girl. To her it seemed they were moving too fast, but who wasn't this day and age?


	30. Chapter 30

**AN: Nearly 5000 words, action and of course plenty of James/Lily. Please Review.**

James sat on Lily's bed as she wandered around the room in a cotton robe agonizing over what to wear. Every few minutes or so she would hold a dress or an outfit against her body silently asking what James thought.

"I really liked that purple jumper and skirt."

"It's too casual," Lily said as she held a blue dress to her body. "Now, I know it's chilly but I have tights."

"I love that dress," he said with a smirk.

"Merlin, you're right it'll make me look like a tart." She tossed it aside and picked up a black dress. "How fitting would this be? I wore it to two funerals, do you think it would make me a seer if I wore this tonight?"

James got to his feet, tearing the dress from her hands and steering her towards the bed. With a gentle push she fell onto it and watched in curiosity as he pulled another black dress out of the closet along with a sheer blouse. "Would this work?" he asked.

"If you hand me that gold belt that's hanging up." Lily said with bemused expression on her face. "This is perfect, now what shoes?"

"Uh…" He reached into the pocket of this trousers. "The pumps you wore for the feast at school," he recited off a piece of paper.

"Was it Athena or Marlene you asked?" Lily was on her up already, the robe she wore pooling on the floor around her feet as she slipped on the dress.

"I know you stress out and I'm rubbish with things like this," he said. "Marlene told me if you ask to tell you this." He gestured to the outfit that she was busy getting into. It seemed that since they shared the Head's dorm they threw propriety out the window.

"How do I look?" She tightened the belt around her waist after putting on the sheer blouse. "Normal enough?"

"No, extraordinary." James walked over, placing her hands on her hips, smirking.

"What did I say about your lines?"

"That they're charming."

Rolling her eyes, Lily put on the antique necklace Agatha gave her last year and did her best to hide the leather cord from the vial she kept around her neck.

"You know the pensive is kept in my dad's office."

"I'm not ready," Lily said.

"The memories can be watched more than once."

"Can we just go?" Her voice is high and the words tumble out fast. When she starts to hold herself, James quickly puts an arm around her thin shoulders and rubs circles on the top of his arm. When she pulls away they both bundle up with hats and scarves and gloves. Lily slides on a layer of a lipstick and James double checks that his wallet has the 'funny money' Charles got for him. Once the routine is finished, James passes her a smile as she hooks her arm through his and his hands fly to hers that is clutching him tightly. Only the flutter of James' eyes warn her that he's beginning the apparition and when they stumble onto the street he does his best to steady her. "Thank you."

He doesn't say anything in response. It would be futile to as Lily thanks everyone for just about everything. As a result, James has long since stopped asking her what for. It's most likely for keeping her from falling, but it could be about a multitude of things. In fact he wants to thank her-even though he dreads the thought of this dinner- it means that for once in his life someone depends on him, trusts that he's not going to muck things up in his usual ways.

"We're going to be late," Lily mutters, holding him tighter to pull down the street.

"Dinner's at six-thirty."

"Petunia thinks if you're not ten minutes early, you're late." They walk briskly, ignoring the freshly fallen snow and how that combined with the street lamps makes it almost glow. The street seems so alive with all the people wandering up and down the streets. Apparently there is some big Christmas event in town square, one that Lily can only vaguely remember, because by her first year they pushed the date up.

By some miracle the arrive at the posh restaurant in the the nick of time. They pause at the host station, the man there giving them a quick once over, seeing Lily's pink tinged cheeks and James' mussed hair. "I'm sure the two of you came out on a romantic whim, but we're booked up."

"We have a reservation." James stands a little a taller, acting every bit the heir of the Potter fortune. "My girlfriend's sister and husband," he explains.

"Vernon Dursley," Lily adds.

"Yes, yes, come along." His tone is rushed and he looks a bit scared as he leads him to a table close to the back. Lily hears Petunia's tittering laughter before she sees her. Her sister looks different in a horrid printed wrap dress, her hair styled in tight curls, painted fingers wrapped around the stem of a wineglass.

"Hello," Vernon says grudgingly as they both come to the table.

"So sorry for being late, James and I hit a bit of traffic, forgot to take in account the Christmas ceremony." Lily is struggling with the buttons, then realizes her gloves aren't off.

"Relax," James whispers in her ear, using the guise of helping her with her jacket to get close to her. Lily just nods, taking a breath to steel herself as James pulls out a chair for her. Suddenly, she is glad that he has been raised like he has, that his mother has drilled etiquette into him. Even if refuses to wear a tie or comb his hair properly, he at least _acts _every bit a gentlemen.

"Vernon ordered the special for everyone. It sounded divine and we didn't know when you'd arrive." Petunia reaches for her husbands hand, interlacing fingers before resting the clasped hands on the table.

"Perfect," James replies. Beside him Lily is tapping her her fingers on her thighs, much like she did last year in the DADA final. To get her to stop fidgeting he grabs her hand and smiles at the couple across the table. "I apologize for not making a proper introduction earlier, my name is James Potter."

"Well, my name is Vernon Dursley." He takes a drink of his wine. "Potter, eh?" Vernon questions, narrowing his eyes. "Common enough name, but I haven't heard it in awhile. You from around here?"

"Close," he replied. "I go to school with Lily."

"She's staying at your house?" Vernon looks suspicious, doing his best to quickly assess him.

"Yes."

Lily's grip tightens around his, green eyes becoming wide with panic. "His family is very accommodating," she adds. This seems to be mostly ignored as it interrupts the interrogation.

"So, how did you get sent to the academy?"

"Sent?" James voice raises a few decibels.

"They know all about _Holmstrom_," Lily tells him, a desperate edge to her voice realizing that this night will turn into a disaster. How could James ever play along with being a damaged idiot? Lily was able to pretend that she had some sort of deep seated issues for a few hours at family functions if that meant that Petunia and her would be at peace. Besides, if you actually looked up Holmstrom Academy (the muggle cover for Hogwarts) it was only listed as a place for 'unique students'.

"Right…" James reaches for his glass of ice water, taking a few gulps. "It's a long story, one I wouldn't want to bore you with. My old school didn't challenge me and I would always get into mischief. Holmstrom was a much better fit."

It's a relief when the food comes. Somehow they maintain a level civility, James and Lily dodging probing questions. Lily mainly stammers out half truths, while James flashes his charming smile providing them with bull shit answers that Vernon seems to accept. This is another side to James that Lily has not seen in ages. This is the side of James she saw when he was 14 or 15, strolling into Transfiguration fifteen minutes late calling Professor McGonagall 'Minnie'. This is the James that folded intricate paper birds charmed to flutter around Lily's head, obscene pick-up lines written on the wings. And yet it reminds her why she finally relented and let herself fall in love with him.

Desert is brought to the table and Lily savors every last bite of the chocolate cake, while Vernon still isn't satisfied. His interrogation of James is unsuccessful as of now. "So, what are your plans for the future? Petunia says that you want to be a magician."

James practically chokes on cake and Lily takes it was an opportunity to jump in. "Tuney was joking, he wants to be a policeman." Policeman she figures is a good muggle equivalent to an Auror.

"What in the blo-" James stops himself and drops his voice law. "What is that?" he asks.

"I'll explain it later," Lily hisses, hoping that Vernon and Petunia don't hear. "His father is one as well."  
"How nice, right Vernon?" Petunia asks.

"I suppose," he says. "What about are your plans?"

"A nurse," she utters softly. Her stomach is a bundle of nerves again and she cannot lift up her fork pushing away the plate she grasps James hand that's resting atop the table.

"Where are you applying at?"

"You wouldn't have heard of it."

"Tell me." His voice is enough to make her shrink into her chair, her hand tightens around James, looking at him. James wonders where his fearless Lily is. Then a memory flies back to him. It's DADA, fourth year, Professor Wolfe calls on her to perform a rather difficult spell. She gets to her feet, but freezes after she lifts her wand. As much as she wants to prove herself to the Professor, she only knows that she'll fail.

"It's called St. Mungo's," James interjects. "Lily has an interview there in January," he explains. He realizes, though, the mistake made. As popular the hospital is to wizards, it is invisible to muggles. "It's a private hospital in London. We're moving out together right after graduation, my training is going to start three days after."  
"You're moving in together?" Petunia's voice has raised three octaves as she she shoots daggers at their clasped at hands. "That's...That's just not right."

"You and Vernon moved in together before you were married." Lily's voice is small, but as much as she wants to disappear, she will not let her sister discount the relationship of her and James.

"There were extenuating circumstances and we were engaged," Vernon snaps. "Two seventeen year olds should not be living together. When Petunia talked about the bad influence of the school I didn't think it was to this point."

"What are you talking about?" James asks through clenched teeth.

"It's entirely inappropriate, can you think of what the neighbors will say? And having to explain it to the family?"

"Living together does not imply fornication." Lily's voice has more power to it, sitting a bit straighter as she does her best to reign in James anger. "His parents are fine with it." Which is a lie because they have not exactly spoken to them yet, but they _do _have Charles on their side.

"I'd like to meet these parents," Petunia replies haughtily. "Maybe, I'll send someone from the agency to see if it's a fit home." After saying this she softens a bit, leaning forward towards Lily. "I only want what's best for you, what mum and dad would want. We can both admit we've been terrible sisters, and I want to make it up for you."

"I'm an adult," Lily states. "I love James and there is no way you are tearing me away from the people that have treated me like family since the day they've met me."

"How good can these people be? Probably drunks, the lot of them. If you know what's right you'll come with me and Petunia."

"My parents _aren't _drunks." James' face has turned an interesting shade of purplish-red and he is clutching Lily's so hard his knuckles have gone white. "They've been better for Lily then _you ever _have been."

"James…" Lily says softly.

"You gave her an ultimatum, her life or you."

"I'm giving it to her again," she says evenly. "Lily, this isn't some trivial decision, this is your _life_. Heaven knows that you're bright, I'm reminded of that at _every _family function. You can't throw it away on some whim." Petunia passes her a forced smile, patting Vernon on the knee. "We started dating when we were both in high school, but didn't even _think _about moving in until we were engaged. You're young, you have all the time in the world. What ever happened to your plan?" Petunia inquired. "You know, the one where you abstain from meaningless flings-"

"James is not a meaningless fling," Lily responds tersely.

"You're _17_."

"You're point is?" James questions. "I can't believe how bloody naive you are. Your parents were murdered a year and a half ago and you're spouting rubbish about having all the time in the world?"

"Murdered?" Vernon interrupts.

"I might not have fit into Lily's plan that she concocted years ago, but things change. We want to be with each other and Merlin only knows how many years we have. For Godric's sake we're in the middle of a war!"

"War? What war are you talking about?" Vernon questions, narrowing his eyes. "He's mental isn't he?"

"You've ruined _everything_," Petunia told her sister. "I've put up with this for far too long. I was always jealous that mum and dad fawned over you, but it was pity. You may be smart and pretty, but deep down you are a freak. I'm glad you found your match, you deserve each other."

"Tuney!" Lily shouted, pulling her hand free from James as she jumped to her feet. Her sister was trying to put on her jacket as Vernon marched to the front to pay the check. "I'll tell Vernon that James didn't have his medication or make something up, I can fix this." Lily reached for her sister, but Petunia yanked her arm free as if she could catch the plague from her touch. "Petunia, _please, _mum and dad wouldn't-"

A sharp slap interrupted her sentence and James was on his feet a moment later. "Do not speak of them," she ordered. "You know what they would want. Stop lying to yourself, _freak_. Someday you're going to wake up, realizing that you turned down the only thing that could help your miserable life. Move in with that tosser, fornicate, have bastard children for all I care, but do not sully our parents name by claiming that what you're doing is what they want."

Lily was cradling her cheek as ugly tears cascaded down her face."They would want us to be happy," she whispered.

"Have a good life then, I don't want any of it." With that Petunia spun on her heel, walking towards her husband.

As she watched her sister leave, she tried to reign in her tears as people were staring, open mouthed at the confrontation. Quite honestly she wanted to curl up in a ball, go to sleep and never wake up. Not only had her sister left her, but she was sobbing mess in the middle of a public restaurant.

"Come here," James said, wrapping his arms around her. "Let's go home, alright?" He brushed hair out of her eyes, before wiping away the tears that accumulated on her cheeks. "She's not your only family, you have me and my parents and Sirius…" he let out a laugh, pulling her towards the table only letting her go long enough to put on his coat, before helping her into hers.

"Why do you have to be so bloody wonderful?" she muttered as he did his best to put on the 'heir to the Potter fortune act' to escort out of the restaurant. If he acted like some pompous pureblood, they both knew that most everyone would leave them to their own devices. "And why do I have to be so bloody desperate to please someone that hates me?"

"She's confused and hurt," he replied. "And you…" He tilted her face up to look into glistening green eyes. "You are amazing," he said. "All you want is your sister back, she's one of the last pieces of your parents you have."

Lily held his waist tightly as they walked down the street. She noticed just how beautiful the night was. The bright white snow contrasted the dark of the sky, the only light was from dim streetlamps and the thin sliver of the moon. The night would have been more stunning if it wasn't so quiet, too quiet. Dinner had been dragged on forever, the ceremony would be done by now and people _should _be littering downtown.

"We have to go."

"Now? We're in the middle-" James stopped himself looking around. "Are you alright-"

A scream pierced the air, followed by a loud boom. Immediately the pair pulled their wands as a green skull illuminated the night sky and people began to fill the street once more. "What are we supposed to do?"

"Go home," he said.

"What about...I...James, you know….Apparating isn't…" Lily was literally shaking, if she couldn't compose herself long enough to finish a sentence, how could she Apparate? Suddenly, she was pulled out of her bumbling thoughts when a death eater was approaching them, wand raised. "_Alarte Ascendare!"_ The man flew straight up into the air, only to fall down.

"Wicked spell," James complimented. "But you really have-"

"_Bombadora!_" the Death Eater yelled from his position on the ground, producing a small explosion that was powerful enough to knock them off their feet. Whether or not they wanted to stay and fight it looked like they were in it for the long haul.

"You alright?" James muttered.

"Once piece, mostly," Lily answered, James pulling her to her feet once he was up. However, it was not long before another explosion brought them to their knees and they saw more Death Eaters advancing. In the middle of the group stood a gaunt man surveying the damage with great satisfaction. "The Dark Lord," she whispered, her feet carrying her towards the man that ordered her parent's killed before she realized it was a bad idea.

"Lily!" James called out, desperately trying to grasp at his girlfriend as she walked forward.

"Get them out of here!" a voice behind them. James turned and saw a smaller group of witches and wizards that looked only a few years removed from school.

"_Stupefy_," one of the Death Eaters muttered, it's effect causing Lily to knock onto the ground. Now weakened, she was clearly exposed and closer to the Death Eaters than anyone else.

"_PROTEGO!" _Out of James wand produced a bright white light that surrounded Lily and called attention to himself. Before he could even turn another spell hit him, the light oddly colored as it hit him, pain blossoming across his body...Another explosion and he was pushed to the ground, a nasty cracking sound occurring as he hit the ground.

"James…" Lily ran to him-or rather limped to him as one of her heels seemed to be broken-as the group of wizard's advanced on the Death Eater's. Time stood still as she knelt beside him, doing her best to hold herself together as she assessed the injuries. "No…" Blood coated her fingers as she touched his head, tears stinging her eyes as she looked over the rest of him. "Wake up, please, I promise…" Tears streamed down her face as she attempted to recall any healing spells that would be of any help.

"Lily, you need to get up," a voice urged.

The redhead turned around, craning her neck at the tall figure. "Frank?" she asked, taking in every inch of his broad frame and tired face. "Help me, I...He can't…"

"Are you hurt?" He knelt beside her as he gestured to a witch from across the street.

"He is, you have-"

"I know." His tone was gentle and soothing, the same tone he employed when he was a prefect speaking to first year. "Lily, you need to get up and let someone look at him. Alright?"

"I can do it."  
"No." His hand went to her elbow as the witch came over, loose hair spilling over shoulder.

"What happened?"

"I don't know...There was an odd colored light, he hit the ground and there was an explosion. Merlin, we're going-"

"They left, but we shouldn't stick around much longer," Frank said, as he pulled Lily to her feet. He had to stabilize her because one shoe was was completely broken, the other still in it's full glory. "Can he be moved?"

"Agatha couldn't handle this. I had to patch up Sirius before-"  
"Get her out of here, Longbottom." The witch ordered. Lily took in her face and recognized it immediately. Emmeline Vance. She was a fifth year when Lily was a first year. She was pretty and bubbly and helpful...Still beautiful, but she had a harshness about her...the robes she wore were threadbare, covered in fresh blood.

"I can't leave him."

"Yes, you can," she snapped. "I can't deal with hysterics while I deal with trauma." She waved her wand over James and the bleeding appeared to have stopped at least momentarily.

"Lily, we're going to Apparate to Order Headquarters now. James and Em will be along as soon as possible." She didn't have a chance to object as the world rushed from them and soon enough they were in a large room, tall windows obscured by thick curtains, dusty chandeliers lighting the room. "Sit down, I'll fix up your injuries before James and Em come back."

Other people were filtering around, some on cots, some at tables with papers, some seated on the floor like Lily. "I'll be back in a few I need the kit." He patted her on the arm as he got to his feet.

Lily inhaled a shaky breath, holding herself as she tried to get her wits about her. Here she was safe at least, but James… She hated that she needed him so much, but she wanted nothing more than his arms to enclose about her and tell her everything would be alright. Now, though, she had to be the strong one. Sitting her she realized just how hard it must be on him.

Frank Longbottom was a welcomed surprise and she was glad that he was the one that came to her rescue. Although, he wasn't the same Frank. He showed her the same gentle manner he always had, but nothing about his face seemed soft anymore. Her mind flitted to Alice, how her face seemed to take on the same expression every time she got a letter from Frank. Would this be her and James in a matter of a year? She always thought that her and Alice were drastically different , but perhaps not.

"'Ello," a baritone voice greeted. Lily swiveled around to see a man clad entirely in muggle attire from his jeans to his flannel shirt. The only thing that affirmed the fact he was a wizard was the dented watch on his wrist that told time with stars instead of numbers. "Looks like you got yourself into a bit of a scrape." He squatted beside her, a large hand touching her jaw to get a better look at the cheek Petunia had slapped.

"You don't know the half of it." Lily swallowed harshly, doing her best not to push him away and futilely call out for James."Frank's just being overly cautious."

"No, he's not on. Besides, he can't stand the sight of a pretty thing like you hurt, reminds him of Alice." He pulled his hand away, comparing the mark on her cheek to her other injuries, looking very suspicious of it's orgin, especially with it being combined with her red-rimmed eyes.

"I am Alice's friend," she admitted. "Frank always offered to watch out for me, knock some sense into James if he ever hurt me."

At the mention of his name, the man perked up. "James has finally got himself a girl! You wouldn't happen to-"

"I'm Lily Evans," she supplied, a blush creeping up her cheeks. How could a complete stranger know of them?

"Sorry, for being a complete git, I'm Fabian Prewett." He gave her a grin and it finally clicked. He was one of the Prewett twins that graduated three years ago; they were known for their harmless antics, swoon-worthy looks and, of course, their unrivalled skills as Beaters. "Is it true that you used a wicked good spell to send one of the snakes flying?"

"Yes." She didn't have the opportunity to speak again as a Frank appeared, pulling Fabian away as he knelt beside her.

"Fabian, how about you make yourself helpful?"

"It's Gideon! Honestly you call us your best mates," he huffed.

"Very funny, Em should be coming prep a space for James." Frank opened the kit and set to work on Lily's injuries as Fabian dramatically made his exit. As Frank wrapped her ankle, Lily studied his hands as something glinted in the dim lit of the chandeliers. Frank noticed her gaze and sighed. "I didn't plan to marry her, it just was a way to keep the both of us sane. It was two months of living hell." The wedding ring was formidable looking, just plain antique silver and very thick.

"James wants me to move in with him after graduation, marry him."

Frank sighed as he finished the ankle and opened a small jar of some awful smelling poultice. "The two of you make a good team." Those are his only words as he patches up all of the little wounds with great care. "If you love him don't hesitate for moment. Secrets can kill a relationship and you'll have regrets for the rest of you life." His eyes wandered over to what Lily assumed was Gideon, as he looked identical to Fabian, though he was dressed in standard wizarding attire. "She was nineteen, his fiancé," Frank said softly. "It was before the Order was truly formed, but if He wants you dead it's only a matter of time."

Lily only nodded, understanding completely. "Thank you, for everything."

"Of course." He placed a soft hand on her shoulder. "Lily, you don't have to do everything for yourself. Letting people in can be hard, but dealing with things you have to deal with alone will send you over the edge." Frank shut his eyes for the briefest of moments before looking back at her. "Alice, was always that person for me. I thought that I would have to brave this alone, but everyone here knows what I'm going through."

Lily didn't know how to respond, she leaned against Frank, using him for support.

"When you asked me that day in the bookshop if anyone could join the Order, well I was a bit surprised. I've always known you were brilliant, but I didn't think you had it in you. Today, I was proved wrong."

"How? I'm a blubbering mess, I was already in pieces before the Death Eaters arrived."

"Just how you reacted." Frank looked over his shoulder. "James and Em are back, why don't you go see him?" Getting to his feet he helped Lily up, an arm going around her shoulder to guide her. The 'cot' that Fabian set up was a blanket on the ground with rolled up cloth to hold him James' head.

"I gave him a potion a few moments ago, but he should wake up soon." Em said. "These got knocked loose." She handed Lily the spectacles normally on James face, recalling the first time they slept together at Christmas.

"Will he be alright? I don't think I could handle it if…" Lily just shook her head and knelt beside him, attempting to smooth his hair.

"He'll be fine." Emmeline's lips remained in a straight line as she stood beside Frank.

"He has a Quidditch game a week after break. He was planning on having over the team to practice…" Lily swiped away a few tears that leaked out of her eyes. "Agatha won't let him, Charles…"

They backed away, leaving her alone with James, as she took his hand in hers. She held back a laugh when she realized that the situation was like Hogsmeade again, the roles reversed, though. That day, when she woke up, was the day that she relented...The day she admitted how much he meant to her. How fitting would it….

"Lil…" James' slurred as he came to, pushing himself to sitting position. Flinging herself against him she embraced him tightly, burying her face in his chest, inhaling his scent and staining the shirt with her tears. "Merlin, don't break me…"

Pulling away she realized what a mess she was and for some reason couldn't help but laugh as she handed James his spectacles. He gave her his lazy, crooked smile and ran a hand through his hair. This was the boy she loved…

"Marry me, James Potter."

He kissed her on the lips in such a way she knew what his answer was.


	31. Chapter 31

**AN: Please review. Also, try to suspend disbelief a bit and realize that this set in the late 1970s, in the Wizarding World. **

* * *

They did not return home until half past ten. James, even though he was awake, still had to be finished patched up. Fitted with a sling, stitches on his head and an array of bandages, he and Lily looked like a matching set. After they were put back together they were ushered over to another corner of the large room to give a statement to Gideon. Apparently, some of the members were suspicious about them showing up out of the blue. It seemed ages before Frank reappeared.

"We're flooing, apparating, even side-along is dangerous with James' condition."

"Are you coming with his?" Lily asked, clutching to James' good arm.

"I want to talk with Charles," he said. "Besides, if you come home with James looking like that Agatha will have a coronary. If I'm there at least I can explain." Frank put a hand on Lily and steered them both towards the fireplace. It was a matter of seconds before they were engulfed in green flames and transported to Charles' office. Frank stepped out first, the couple following suit. "How long before they come down?" Frank sat in one of the more comfortable looking chairs, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Any minute," James informed him, brushing the ash off of his shoulders as he collapsed on the loveseat, pulling Lily with him. "Shouldn't have done that," he muttered, rubbing his chest. "Emmeline thinks I bruised my ribs."

"You what?" It was Agatha, a robe thrown over her pyjamas, looking at her son with wide eyes. "What happened to you?" Rushing over she petted his hair and made soft noises. "I am very angry, but right now…"

"Honey, he looks like he's already been attended to and we have a guest." He gestured towards Frank, who was now sitting ramrod straight, a series expression pinned on his face. "Why don't you take them up to bed, I'll talk with Frank."

"We can manage," Lily insisted.

"Darling," Charles drawled, by now it was quite clear he wasn't quite all the way here. "You aren't even wearing shoes."

"She has me," James said.

"You're half dressed," Charles retorted. It was true, Emmeline had torn away most of his clothes, he was only wearing a blood stained t-shirt, dress shoes and slacks. A few moments passed, he sighed and pinched his nose. "Go to Lily's room, Merlin knows you won't sleep in separate beds."

Lily blushed and James grinned as they staggered to their feet, making an interesting looking couple. Both were leaning on each other for support, as Lily tried not to touch James' bad arm, or push too hard on his ribs. As she did this, he tried to make sure she wasn't putting too much pressure on her sprained ankle, even though Lily said that a bee sting hurt worse than the sprain.

By the time Frank had left and the Potters were back in bed, Lily was on the opposite side of the bed so she could curl against the side of James that was uninjured. Her breathing was soft and rather slow, a comfort to James. Absent mindedly he played with Lily's hair as he stared at the ceiling. He thought about her proposal, his non-verbal affirmation. He wanted Lily as his wife, now, not later. It felt natural with her, why should they put it off until they're older? He waited six years for her, he wasn't going to let her go now.

Taking a deep breath he wished the dull pain at the back of his head would go away. Emmeline had told him that despite the nasty blow to the back of his head, there appeared to be no concussion. He had actually came to a few moments after Frank and Lily left, but after that Emmeline patched him up well enough to stabilize him. Once they got to head quarters she gave him a pain potion so powerful it knocked him out again while she did some of the more ghastly spells, Emmeline could never tolerate screams of pain.

Some time during the night he did eventually fall asleep and woke up in the morning to Lily's hair tickling his face, her breath hot. "James?" she murmured, hands brushing against his cheek.

"Mmm hmmm…"

"Time to get up."

"Holiday, no classes, sleep in."

"It's nearly eleven."

His eyes popped open as he saw a fully clothed Lily with wet hair hovering above him. The traces of last night were pretty much gone, except for a few minor scrapes and bruises. "Godric, why didn't you wake me?"

"You hit me with a pillow. Come on, Mopsy made scones and I just brewed a fresh pot of tea. Sirius has been awake for an hour, so he'll be-"

"Lily, love, could you shut up?" he groaned, moving himself to a sitting position. "I have the worst headache and it's not even from a hangover."

"You can't stay in bed all day," she murmured, pulling her hand away from him.

"I wasn't planning on it. In fact I might head over to Diagon Alley."

"Why?"

"Christmas shopping."

"I'll go with you."

"No…" James shook his head and grabbed at Lily, his hand ending up on her forearm. "Were you serious yesterday?"

"I'm never Sirius, I'm Lily," she joked.

"I'm not playing around. I have to know if you hit your head as hard as I did and-"

Lily leaned forward, putting a finger on his lips. "I wouldn't joke about something like that. I was being sincere, sorry if-"

"Don't apologize," James interrupted. "Why did you propose, though? I convinced you to think about marriage a day ago and the next thing I know you're asking me to marry you."

"It was something Frank said to me. He told me that if I love you not to hesitate. Gideon Prewett's fiance was nineteen when she died. If something was to happen to one of us...Well, I would want you to be my husband, not my boyfriend."

"Yeah, you're right." James threw the covers off of himself and jumped out of the bed, ignoring the pain. He turned around and kissed Lily on the cheek as a second thought. "I need to get dressed and get going, is Sirius in his room?"

"Yes, but your parents said-"

"Forget what they said Lily." James was doing his best to mask his pain, taking off the sling and tossing it on the floor.

"You need that."

"I really don't, Emmeline Vance likes to play by the book, you remember when she was a Prefect."

"You're really hurt."

"You think Quidditch practice is a walk in a park? The bludger does this much damage-"

"You have a game a week after we get back from holiday. What happens when-"

"Don't worry about me."

* * *

Sirius dragged his feet as he followed James. "Prongs, this is taking forever, why did I have to come?"

"Haven't I explained it already?" he questioned. "Now, come on." James grabbed Sirius' arm, tugging him towards a store with glittering jewels displayed in the front window.

"Couldn't you force Remus to go with you on this wild goose chase? He's better at this soppy stuff than I am," Sirius complained as James grabbed his arm to pull him inside the shop. They got about a two meters inside the door when they were spotted by an older witch decked out out in Christmas robes.

"What can I do for you gentlemen? Matching bands? You know I've been seeing more-"

"No, no-" James began.

"Prongsie, you _did _take me to Slughorn's party…" Sirius said, clapping his hand on James' shoulder as his friend dropped his arm.

The woman's smile didn't falter, but she did gesture towards a display of mens rings.

"No, Sirius is my best man, I need a ring for my….Well, I guess she's my fiance now."

"Of course…" The woman tilted her head and looked at him for a few moments. "I know you. Charles Potter's son, am I right?"

"Yes, ma'am," he replied. Of course he would be recognized, everyone knew his father and James was always being told he was identical to his father, at least when his father was a teenager. He just hoped that those horrendous gossip magazines had something better to talk about than his engagement. As much as he loved Lily, he could only imagine the headline 'Potter Bloodline Tainted with Mud'.

"Come along." She led him through the store until she walked behind the counter and signaled him to come to a case shiny, new rings with huge jewels. "Something like this has been all the rage among young witches. Would your fiance like something like this?" She pulled out a ring with a delicate band, with a large diamond in the middle framed by three diamond chips on each side.

"Something not as extravagant; she'd love something simple, sturdy."  
"Sturdy?" she questioned.

James walked away from her, perusing each of the cases as Sirius occupied himself looking at lamps with crystals hanging from the shades that stood in a remote corner. "Can you pull these out?" he questioned, pointing to case far from the one where she started originally.

"These aren't exactly _traditional. _There not even…"

"I don't care, she's not exactly...Well, she likes to _think _she's traditional but between you and me she's the one who proposed. I know Lily'll love something like…" He stopped himself as she set the tray of rings out. Plucking one off of it, he grinned. "This one, Padfoot, come here," he shouted. "Sorry." He cringed realizing it wasn't exactly proper etiquette to shout in a place of business, even if he was the only customer.

"It's fine," she said. "Are you sure that's it?"

Sirius was now next to James looking over his shoulder as he held the ring up to the light. "Not exactly an engagement ring, but knowing Lily she'll love it."

"Yeah…" James examined it a bit more. The diamond shaped ruby sat on an antique gold band, etched with carvings reminiscent of feathers. He tried to remember that poem Lily loved. It was by a muggle woman...Hope is a thing with feathers. James let out a small chuckle, this ring was a symbol of hope, hope for a future that he so desperately wanted with the woman he loved.

* * *

Lily let out a shriek of annoyance as she unzipped her garment bag. "I don't see why I have to get ready, _now_. The ball's not for another two hours."

It was Christmas eve, a few days since the dinner from hell with her sister. Since then James had been acting increasingly strange. He would disappear for periods of time, had owls coming in frequently and she could tell he was lying to her. Now, he was making her get ready two hours early for no particular reason.

"Lily are you going to stop complaining?" It was Sirius, he opened the door, his head popping inside.

She grabbed a pillow off her bed and threw it at him. "I could have been naked."

"You weren't."

"James would have murdered you."

"I'm his best man, he would never do that."

"Best man?" Lily questioned as she tugged the dress off the hanger and laid it across her bed to stare at it. Agatha had taken her measurements and picked up a dress at Madame Malkins, she hadn't seen it until now. She was rather surprised at how perfect it was with the lace cap sleeves, sweetheart neckline and natural waistline. It was light gold in color, a thin belt at the waist.

"I meant best mate, you know me, I had a bit of a pre-party by myself."  
"Charles locked up the liquor and Remus confiscated your flask." Lily crossed her arms over her chest, narrowing her eyes at him. "Leave, and send James back in her. I can make him do anything, if-"

"Please don't finish that, I don't need to know details about James intimate life." Sirius shut the door, leaving Lily alone. She dropped the robe and reached for the dress and held the silky fabric against her body.

"I'm coming in," a voice called. James.

Lily paused, not bothering to try and hide, just turned around to watch as he appeared. He was dressed in his dress robes, a dark red bow tie at his neck. For once his hair was mostly neat, or at the very least did not look like he had just alighted from a broom. "I'm rubbish with zippers, help me?" she asked, unzipping the back of the dress to step in it. James walked over and moved her her loose hair to one shoulder as he placed a light hand on her shoulder the other closing the back of the head.

"I like the curls," he commented, moving them back to where they were.

"Are you going to tell me why we have to go so early?" She sat on the bed and reached underneath for her heels. "Does your grandfather need help setting up?"

"No, mum's handling all of that."

"Oh," Lily replied. "Can you get my necklace off the vanity?" She tightened the strap around her ankle as James grabbed the necklace and climbed on to the bed behind her. He moved her curls again and leaned in close as he worked the clasp. "Thank you," she whispered. "Can we talk? Things just seem odd, if you're upset about me-"

"No, of course not." James moved to sit beside her, putting an arm around her shoulder. "A bit shocked, I never expected that from you." He looked down at his watch. "Listen, everything will make sense soon enough, now we need to get to leave." Getting to his feet he pulled her up, grinning. "Just trust me, Lily."

She let him pull her downstairs, putting on their winter cloaks as the wind and snow made it almost unbearable outside. After putting a spell on her shoes to keep them dry, the pair was off. Lily let James apparate them and before she knew what was happening they were on the street...In front of the Minstry of Magic. "What is going on?"

"It's actually quite simple." He pulled her towards the entrance, standing beside the building. "You know how you asked me to marry you?"

"Oh my Godric!" Lily stared at him. "Are you serious? We can't get married now."

"Of course not _now_. I'm not ordained…"

"James Charles Potter….We just can't, alright?"

"Why not?" James pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "I just need you to sign this and we can have one of the-"

"We're seventeen! We're in school!"

"Lily, we're seventeen. That's means we're of age. When you're of age you can apparate, use magic, drink alcohol...get married."

"But why? You don't need to prove-"  
"I'm not trying to prove anything!" he shouted.

"Is this about the fact I proposed to you? I thought we finally-"

"This is about the fact that I care about you and I want the Ministry to recognize that. It's like what you said, Gideon Prewett's fiance died when she was nineteen, I don't want that. Honestly, marriage is just a piece of paper." He waved it around. "But it's proof that I didn't waste six years of my life waiting for a girl that hated me."

"I never hated you," she whispered.

"Good." James smirked and dug into the pocket of his cloak, pulling out a small box. "You forgot something very important when you proposed to me." He opened the box up, showcasing the ring. "So, I thought I better do it. Will you marry me?"

She looked up at him through her lashes, a smirk crossing her face. "In five minutes, I'm not ordained."

With a laugh James pulled her close, planting a kiss on her cheek. Lily moved to kiss him on the lips, but as she pulled him closer they were interrupted. "Mate, you're up next. If you want Lily to be the next Mrs. Potter you better get in here now!" Sirius demanded.

"Come on." He pulled her closer to give her another kiss, but that was cut short.

"You'll have enough time for that afterwards!" a familiar voice shouted. Lily looked up and saw Marlene.

"What is she doing here?"

"We needed two witnesses, I thought it would only be fair if you had your maid of honor, at least I assumed it be Marlene," James admitted before they were both pulled inside the Ministry. It wasn't long before they were in the office, signing the paper and reciting the standard vows for a civil ceremony.

Every little girl dreams of her wedding, but Lily never dreamt hers would be anything like this. But then again her life went nothing like she had planned. If you told fourteen year old Lily Evans that at the age of seventeen, over Winter Holiday, she would be marrying James Potter on Christmas in a Ministry office, she would have laughed out of disbelief. But this was her life now. As James slid the band on the finger she saw the briefest flash of words engraved on the inside. "Love is as strong as death," he whispered. It was then she wrapped her arms around him, forgoing the kiss to simply just feel James around her. In that moment her destiny became clear to her. Voldemort may have been able to kill her parents, but he could never stop her from loving them. She could stop this war because she was not afraid to die, not if it was for the person she loved.


	32. Chapter 32

**AN: There doesn't seem to be a lot here content-wise, but the stopping place was good and there was over 3,000 words and I usually like to have a max of 2500.**

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When the four teens arrived at the Potter Manor the place was in a frenzy. Athena, Peter and Remus were under directions from Agatha and were running all about trying to get everything ready. Lily smiled as James took her coat from her and hung it in the closet.

"We better report for duty," he said.

"I'm going to help grandfather with the punch," Sirius said as he tossed his coat inside too. "Would you like to help me, love?" He put an arm around Marlene, who rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, maybe if I get drunk enough we can come up with another plan. We can't use Lily to distract the guys if she has a wedding ring. Athena isn't _completely _dreadful at flirting…" she muttered.

James just laughed as Lily leaned against the wall. "I never saw it before, but they're perfect for each other. Most girls hate Sirius' charming disposition and slightly excessive drinking…"

"Slightly excessive?" Lily said as she leaned against him. "You know, if anyone can put up with that tosser, it's Marlene. She's always chasing after boys." Looping her arm through his, she rested her head on his shoulder. Right now she wanted nothing more than to go back home and curl up next to James either in bed or in front of a fireplace. Wiggling a bit she moved her hand to interlace her fingers with his and stared at her hand. "Wait, where's your ring? If I'm off the market, so are you."  
James just laughed and kissed her temple. "I couldn't handle more than one girl," he said. "Besides, I didn't think you'd want to advertise it at school. I thought we'd keep it under wraps like Frank and Alice."

"We already blew the secret," Lily muttered as her eyes went over to their friends entering the room.

"What secret?" Peter questioned as she straightened his dress robes. Remus and Athena came in behind him. The former looked half-awake, while the latter looked every bit a vision of perfection in her flowing blue dress robes.

"I don't know, mate, she doesn't tell me anything." At this James lifted up their clasped hands to show them the ring on his finger. A smirk crossed his face as Lily rolled her eyes.

"Lily!" Athena shouted, running over to envelope her friend who stiffened, surprised at her usually more reserved friend's outburst. "Oh, you look beautiful, a blushing bride. Let me see the ring." Tugging James' hand free she turned over her friend's hand to view the ring. "Should have known James would choose a Gryffindor ring." She scoffed dropping the hand.

Behind Athena, Remus walked over and gave Lily a hug as well. "Congratulations, Mrs. Potter."

"Merlin, I know why Agatha _insists _we call her by her first name, it makes me feel ancient," Lily replied. "But thank you Remus, this whole marriage thing was sprung on me and I don't forgive you for keeping it from me."

"James informed us this morning, I was wondering why Sirius seemed a bit more barmy than usual," Remus told her. "I'm just glad that you're with him for the long haul, he needs someone like you to keep him-"

"What?" he interjected. "If you excuse me, Lily and I are going to wait by the door to greet guests."

"Actually, Marlene and Sirius will do that. Remus, Athena head to the main room and make sure that the food is set out, along with drinks. James, can you head upstairs? Your father just got in and after the day he's had, he probably doesn't want to be alone." Agatha walked over to Lily, putting an arm around her shoulder. "Take a walk with me, sweetheart."

Everyone split up to their respective parts of the house as Agatha took Lily to an empty room she guessed was used to entertain guests at some point as there were two small couches and a piano in it. Sitting down she ran a hand through her, realizing she probably looked like a disaster after all the apparating she had done.

"You look beautiful," Agatha said as she sat beside her. "I'm proud to call you my daughter."  
"Thank you." Lily looked at her and tried to figure out the emotion on the older witches face. The smile she had was faltering and her eyes looked wet. "What's the matter?"

"Oh, nothing," she said. "I'm happy, so happy for the two of you I can't adequately describe it in words." Agatha wiped away the one tear that dared to fall before speaking again. "No mother wants her seventeen year old son getting married when he still has five months left in school, but I understand."

"I wish you would have been there," Lily told her. "It was nothing special, just a civil ceremony with Sirius and Marlene as witnesses, but I know my parents…" The younger witch reached up to wipe a tear that fell as well and laughed. "We're both falling apart. Godric, I never thought it would happen, truly."

"I know." Agatha wrapped her arms around Lily and pulled her close. "There are extenuating circumstances, but I promise you that you will have a brilliant reception when James has his two week break from training. I'll get you a white dress, there'll be cake and music and dancing and so many people."

"I don't need all that," Lily said.

"Well, I want you to have it. Honestly, I didn't know if you would marry James, but I came prepared." Agatha pulled out a ring from her pocket. It was a solid gold band, the color gold similar to her own ring. "It was my father's, I knew James wouldn't think about getting a ring for himself and he should have one to wear tonight. I'm not going to try to hide the marriage from Charles' family."

Lily just nodded clenching the ring tightly in her fist. "Thank you, for everything."

"Well, I'm just glad that he has you." Agatha hugged her again, pressing a kiss to the top of her forehead. "Remember that no one can make you feel inadequate, unless you let them."

"I know," Lily answered as she pulled away and uncurled her fist to look at the band. "I'm going to find James." Getting to her feet she inhaled a shaky breath and willed herself to remain calm. She walked around the house, passing a smile to all the early guests. It was forever before she spotted him. Rushing over she planted a kiss on his lips. "I owed you one," she said and grabbed his left hand, slipping the ring on his finger. It was perfect fit.

"What is this?"

"Mum thought you needed one." She slipped her hand in his and turned it to look at the ring.

"Mum?"

"Agatha," Lily quickly said. "I meant-"

"I know what you said." He slipped his hand free and put an arm around her shoulder, preferring this positioning as it brought her closer. "Be careful calling her that to her face, she'll burst into tears."

Lily was about to respond when James face broke into a smile. "Charlie!" He exclaimed as blonde fled to them.

"Have you seen Scott? Marlene's busy making sure Sirius isn't making a complete fool of himself..." She began to rub her temples, muttering to herself in French. "My mother is already trying to set me up with men that are practically _ancient._" Crossing her arms over her chest she began to mutter what Lily assumed was a string of creative curse words.

"Well, I just so happen to have a charming and polite friend. His name is Remus and if Scott doesn't come he can pretend to be your suitor." James reached out to put a comforting hand on her. She laid her hand in top if his but recoiled quickly. "Does my hand feel funny?" He took it back and watched curiously as she reached for Lily's hand.

"When did that happen?" Her worried expression shifted to one of amusement as she crossed her arms over her chest. James still looked rather confused.

"Today," Lily answered, a smirk crossing her face as she understood what she was asking. "James sprung it on me."

"She proposed a week ago," James added, finally aware of what Charlotte was referencing. "So she can't _really_ say that I caught her off guard."

"Merlin..." Charlotte muttered as she shook her head. "Hide that ring from mother she'll be pushing that Augustus bloke on me, are you even related?

"No," James admitted. "His dad is a good friend of grandpa's. I'm glad that Lily has a ring on her finger, I didn't like how he looked at her last year."

Lily laughed and shoved his shoulder lightly. "Jealous much?" she questioned. "Besides I was flirting with him. I have a way with boys." Interlocking her hands, she leaned on James' shoulder, placing a light kiss on his cheek. "You don't have to worry about that anymore, though."

"I will always worry." He slid an arm around her waist as they continued the conversation with Charlotte. Guests were now coming in a steady stream and they were often interrupted by different people wanting to spark a conversation. Thankfully, only a few people commented on the new accessories adorning James and Lily's hands. Soon enough they were joined by the rest of the Marauders, Lily's friends and Charlotte's sister. Once that happened the drinks started flowing. James placed a cup of spiked eggnog in his and Lily's hand, while Remus managed to switch out the drink in Sirius' hand for a virgin version.

"Excuse me, miss, I am looking for a Charlotte Dumont, have you seen her anywhere? A beautiful young lady," a man said that Lily didn't quite recognize, but by the look on Marlene and Charlotte's face she knew it was none other than Scott McKinnon.

"Where have you been?" Charlotte immediately wrapped her hands around one of his biceps. "I've been hiding all night to avoid those ridiculous men my mother parades me in front of."

"Relax, Charlie." He pulled an arm around her to put her at ease. Lily took in his features that were similar to her best friends. His hair was dark, even cropped short she could see the curls beginning to form. While he cleaned up nice, she could tell by his hands that he was used to hard work, just the sort of man that Charlotte would choose. "James, a little birdie told me that there's a second Mrs. Potter in here tonight."

"Perhaps." He slung his arm around Lily, planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek. "Finally, convinced this one I'm not a complete tosser."

"Any tips for convincing parents?" Scott asked. "With me being transferred to France, and us moving in together it just makes sense."

"Oh, Lottie you _have _to let me plan your wedding or at least help with the color scheme. I'm thinking something in pastel, it looks the best with my skin tone and I _am _going to be your maid of honor," Nicolette began. "However, trying to make your groom presentable will be a challenge, as will finding a dress maker that's good at expanding charms…"

"Hey!" Scott and Charlotte protested.

"Is she insinuating what I-" Lily whispered to James.

"Yep," he answered. "You're just lucky she hasn't asked you how you hide it."

"_James_…"

"Well, it's only natural for people to assume," Athena interrupted. "Sorry," she tacked on with a shrug of her shoulder. Lily only took a swig of her eggnog, a scowl crossing her face. Of course pregnancy was the only reason she would get married at seventeen.

"As long as I'm the godfather, I don't care," Sirius interjected with a shrug of his shoulder. "Lily, love, I don't think that eggnog is the best for the baby, take my punch instead." He thrust the pink liquid into her hands, taking the mostly full cup from her with a smirk.

"Padfoot, please keep your voice down if you're going to use those type of jokes," Remus admonished, but then lowered his voice even further. "And Peter is here, if you talk any louder he'll be getting ideas and we both know he can't keep his mouth shut for long."

Eventually the group broke up and the rest of the night passed without much event. Lily spent most of the night dancing with James, occasionally with Sirius or Remus or Charles, but if anyone else tried coming near her, he played the husband card and pulled her closer as she rolled her eyes at his stunts.

Lily was sitting on the couch, talking with Marlene and Athena before they flooed home. Both of them had taken advantage of Edgar Potter's copious amounts of liquor, drinking a bit more than was safe to apparate, but were fine to enunciate their destination. As she gave each of them a hug and wished them a happy Christmas she caught James out of the corner of her eye, leaning against the wall.

"Are you tired?" he questioned.

"Fine, but I'm probably a touch more sober than you."

"I only had the eggnog," he said. "Sirius switched the drinks around so much it was like playing Russian Roulette to find the one that actually was spiked."

"You know Russian Roulette, but not-"

James had crossed the room and by now he was in front of her, placing a kiss on her lips he quieted her. "How tired are you?"

"Why?"

"Too tired to floo or apparate?"

"Charles said that we were all staying here tonight," Lily said, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion. "The house elves are prepping rooms for us as we speak."

"Mum said we could head back to the house if we want." He held out a hand for Lily. Once she took it, he pulled her to his feet. "She figured that we would want to be alone tonight. I know it's Christmas, but…"

"Can you apparate or should we floo?" Lily questioned, a smile playing at the edges of her lips. James looked a bit surprised and kissed her once more. "This'll be the last time for a while that we're really going to be alone with no interruptions."

"Yeah, let's floo so we won't have to bother with coats." He wrapped a hand around her wrist her and tugged her towards the fireplace, Lily practically giggling as he grabbed a handful of floo powder and said, "Potter house."

They both were a bit tipsy from the alcohol they consumed, in conjunction with being so tired everything seemed like a joke. It was Lily's turn to lead and she pulled him upstairs to her room, taking out her wand to lock the door. "Just in case," she said as she pulled the pins holding curls away from her face. They fell in a wild cloud, frizzy hairs resembling a halo in the dim light. "Let me do that," she said when James fumbled with his bowtie. In one swift move it was off and her nimble fingers moved to his buttons.

"I've never seen this Lily," he said.

"You don't know nothin' yet." She laughed again as she finished the shirt and realized his suit jacket was still on. He shrugged that and the button up off, standing in front of her in a white t-shirt. "Merlin, why is this taking so long?" Her hands fumbled with his belt and it was James turn to throw back his head in laughter as he helped her.

Once his pants were off he stopped Lily from hooking her thumbs in his boxers. "Your turn," he said. She didn't turn around, but he wrapped his arms around her, feeling for the zipper. Soon enough it was in a puddle at her feet.

Stepping out of it she tugged at the hem of his t-shirt. They both paused, breathing deeply as the looked over each other, savoring the moment. It was always a frenzied rush where awkward moments seemed inevitable as their limbs tangled together, mouths mashed against each other and hands tugged at shirt hems or waistbands. If, by some miracle, things went smoothly they would be in the middle of heavy snogging when there was a knock on the door by Sirius or a first year or a prefect. Of course they would get impatient, pounding in the door harder as they were in the middle of getting dressed and they would look embarrassed when they saw James messier-than-usual-hair and askew glasses accompanied by Lily with swollen lips and rumpled uniform. This, however, was different.

James looked her over, seeing every inch of her body. Pale skin seemed to glow even with the bad lighting. Her breasts swelled ever so slightly over the top her bra, scantily cut underwear showcased hipbones.

Lily smiled as she rested a hand on his chest. The hours of Quidditch practice left him with defined muscles on his stomach and arms, but it was in such away that he remained lean and not overly burly. Her perusal was cut short by James grabbing her around the waist. She wrapped her arms around his neck, hopping up to wrap her legs around his waist. He carried her the short distance, setting her on the bed. Giving her a smile as he looked at her, dark red hair splayed across the bed, arms out with a wide smile on her face. Positioning one leg on either side of her, he leaned down giving her a kiss, his mouth wandering further south resting on her collarbone.

"This is going to get in the way." He tugged at the edges of her bra and continued his kisses stopping in between her breasts, right before he hit the material.

"Well, this is in my way." She hooked fingers around the waistband of his boxers. James pushed her hands away and gave her a smirk. Lily narrowed her eyes at him, propping herself up on her elbows. "Don't I get any say?"

"Of course you do, Mrs. Potter." He smirked, leaning in to kiss her again.

"You're insufferable and I love you." Her hands went back to his waist, as he reached behind her. It was an awkward tangle of limbs as they removed the final articles of clothing. Lily, though, would not have traded it for the world. James Potter was hers and she was his.

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**AN, again: Please review! I want to know if you like the direction the story is heading, and if you think the characters/plot is believable. I get that it's starting to stretch a bit, but you'll understand even more once they get back to Hogwarts.**


	33. Chapter 33

**AN: Please Review! Sorry, I haven't been updating very fast. School is getting hectic, but I have to do something while I procrastinate on my Government homework. This is, once again, a bit fillerly, but things are going to start picking up once they get to Hogwarts. Trust me, you aren't going to like me very much after they've been back for a few months. **

Waking up beside each other in the morning was perhaps one of the perks of sleeping together. It was three days after Christmas and their holiday together would be over in a matter of mere hours. Despite the fact Lily woke up with a kink in her neck and arm half asleep, she still smiled when she felt James arm around her waist, his body curled around her as they both slept on their side.

Carefully detaching herself from him she rolled out of bed and walked out of the room down to the kitchen. Mopsy had already started a pot of tea, so she poured two cups adding a heaping spoonful of sugar and good amount of cream to one cup, the other only dribbling a bit of cream into. With that in hand she piled a plate with muffins made two days ago and went back up to her room.

James had rolled onto his back but other than that he hadn't seemed to have stirred. Smiling, she used her wand to flick the lights on and grabbed her cup of tea before opening her trunk. She set the work, packing the muggle way, knowing James would tease her incessantly before she would relent and use her wand to get him to shut up.

She was done with her breakfast and mostly done with her packing when James began to came to life. He squinted at her, fumbling around for a bit until he had his glasses on. "What are you doing?"

"We leave in an hour, you know Dumbledore made the departure time earlier. It's ten," she told him, lifting her wand to float his breakfast beside the bed. "You still need to pack and get dressed."

"I have some jeans somewhere and I can steal one of Sirius' shirts," he mumbled. "Forget to get my things ready for Mopsy to wash."

"Uniform," she said as she walked over to the closer where she had her own clothes hanging, as to prevent them from getting wrinkled. "You know you're-"

"Supposed to set an example, I know, I know…" he mumbled taking a swig of his tea, scowling and then turning his full attention to his muffin. "How about you be a brilliant role model and I'll just stand beside you and look dashing."

Lily rolled her eyes and shut the door with a flick of her wand before changing from her pyjama's into her uniform. As she was tying her tie, James came up behind her. "How about I do that?"

"If I wanted to look like a wazzock." She spun around to face, as he clapped his hands over his heart.

"I've been wounded," he replied dramatically. "Even my wife doubts my abilities."

"_James_…"

"I'm getting dress, but I refuse to put on the tie. It feels like there's a nose around my neck."

Lily rolled her eyes as she smoothed out her uniform, using a spell to make sure it wouldn't get too rumpled on the train ride. Carefully using an _aguamenti _spell she got her hair wet before braiding it tightly. As she watched herself in the mirror, her ring caught the light. "Are you keeping your ring on?"

"Why not?" James muttered, already dressed in his wrinkled uniform.

"Because, won't it be peculiar?"

"How?" he questioned, trying to smooth out his hair. Once he got it flattened, he scowled and raked his hands through it. The effect looked like he just got off of a broom. "I can take mine off, but no one will give a second thought to yours. It's not even a diamond."

"Do you want to take it off?" Lily asked, pretending to busy herself with placing bobby pins to better to keep her hair in it's braid.

"Not really, I kind of like it." He said, his mouth twitching into a smirk. "Does that sound odd to you?"

"Not at all," Lily said. "Keep it. Dare anyone to say anything."

"Cheeky little monkey." He grabbed her, pulling close for a kiss.

"James, I just got my uniform-"

"Oh, I'll even do the spell to straighten up your robes, relax."

Lily just pushed him away, and did a spell to shrink her packed bag. With a sigh James did the same, grumbling as he threw things into his trunk. Watching from the other side of the room, Lily whispered a spell to heat up her now cold tea. James had just finished shrinking his this bag when there was a pounding at the door.

"Come on you two lovebirds," Sirius shouted. "We have to get going, throw on some clothes."

Lily waved her hand, and the door flew open. Sirius' fist was poised in the air, ready to knock again. "We're already dressed," she replied dryly. "Now, we were going to head downstairs."

"Well, we have to leave now, Agatha is driving us in that muggle contraption of hers." Sirius shook his head. "She doesn't even fly it, do you know how boring it is to ride in that thing?"  
"Yes, Sirius I do. For the first eleven years of my life I was regularly a passenger in one of those muggle contraptions," she said. Behind her James laughed, happy that being around the Marauder's had rubbed off on her.

"Let me take our bags and load them up, come on Padfoot," James interrupted, grabbing both of the shrunken bags, before placing a hand on Sirius' shoulder and steering him towards the door.

Lily let out a chuckle and walked over to the closet to pull out her winter cloak along with her matching gloves and scarf. Goodness knows she'd be wandering around the platform, checking to make sure all the younger students got on the train, not only that, but the carriages never seemed to stave off the cold, no matter what charms were used.

As she was bundling up, there was a knock at the door. "Can I speak with you?"

"Charles," Lily said, looking over James' father. He wasn't his usual jovial self, with mischief making his eyes shine behind his thin gold-rimmed glasses. "Sorry, if I'm making us run behind." She pushed a lock of hair that slipped free from her braid.

"No, I just never congratulated you. I told James." He smiled and raked a hand through his hair. "We Potter men are famous for our sense of humor, but talking about the important things makes us run the other direction." He laughed. "Agatha'll never tell you how happy she is, because no parent dreams of their son getting married at seventeen, no matter how wonderful the girl is. But I understand, we both understand." Taking a few steps forward he wraps his arm around her, in the same manner James would. "I always wanted a daughter, hoped she would balance out his personality and it looks like I got my wish."

"My parents would say the same thing." She hugged him a bit tighter, shutting her eyes and burying her head in his shoulder. He was so different from her father, her father wasn't a large man, but he was broad shoulder and wore solid colored flannel shirts on the weekend. The smell of tobacco clung to him from his nightly cigarette that his mother despised, but the spicy scent of his soap helped to hide it. Charles Potter was thinner and taller, he always wore Oxford shirts and trousers that were slightly wrinkled. His smell was sharp and clean….If she tried hard enough, though, she could almost pretend it was her father.

"Are you alright?" he asked when they pulled away.

Before Lily could answer James burst in the room, but paused in the threshold seeing Lily with her green eyes brightened by tears. "Lily, love, have you seen my Quidditch jacket?"

"Yes." She took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut to chase away the tears, as she repinned the smile on her face. "I put it in my trunk, I borrowed it when we went out in the snow."

"That's fine, dad can I take my wife now?"

"Of course." Charles watched, managing a smirk as his son threw an arm around Lily. As they walked towards the door, he put a hand on James' shoulder. "Watch out for each other."

Charles couldn't come to the station and Agatha loaded them into the car. Sirius played with radio the entire ride into the station as Agatha tried to coax them all into a civil conversation and James interrupted her to smack Sirius' head and complain about the music. Lily leaned her head against the window, her eyes scanning the snowy landscape.

At the trainstation Sirius and James leapt out of the car waiting for Agatha to pop open the trunk. Lily climbed out and wrapped her scarf around her neck before tugging on her gloves. "Boys, don't rush off," she ordered, tugging on each one of their shoulders. Giving them a smile she fix James' hair and straighten Sirius' robes to no avail. "Stay out of trouble, you've done a good job so far." Opening her arms wide she hugged them tightly, then gave them each a kiss in turn. "I love you," she whispered. "Go on."

"I'll wait for Lily, Sirius reserve a compartment for us."

"No, go," she urged, then walked over to Lily. Without a word she embraced her. "Charles and I didn't want to ruin Christmas, but...He's getting assigned to field role again, he turned it down at first, but now...Things have changed Lily and the Ministry is running me ragged, there are so many displaced children. If something was to happen to...Just be there for them. James has never really handled a loss, other than his Charles' mother and he was too young to remember that. Sirius…"

"I know." The memory of the night he was disowned filled Lily's mind. She thought of the half empty bottle of mead and Sirius laughing, despite the tears that stood in his eyes.

"It's a lot to ask, but you are stronger than you think." Giving her kiss on the cheek Agatha pulls away.

The words echo in her mind as Lily crosses the barrier, twisting her ring around her finger as she walks through the barrier. Nervousness bubbles in her stomach, but not the same way it did her first year at the beginning of the term. She knows what lies ahead on the other side of the barrier, but today what makes her even more nervous-scared really-is the fact that in five months she'll be crossing through that barrier the last time as a Hogwarts student.

"Lily!" a voice shouts. Scanning the crowd she sees Frank waving at her with his other arm slung around Alice. "How are you?" he asks.

"Fine." She forces herself to stop nervously playing with her ring. As she crosses her arms over chest she notices Alice's hand, now adorned by a slim, gold band. "I have no idea where James is though."

"You'll find him," Alice replies quietly. "We should go." These words are even quieter as she turns in Frank's arm, pecking him on the lips. "Be safe. You have to be here at the end of the term."

Frank doesn't respond, just pecks her on the lips, placing a hand on her shoulder before pulling her in tighter. Finally, words leave his mouth, "I"ll try." At that, Alice clings tighter to Frank and-even though they're in the middle of a crowd-Lily feels as if she's intruding on a private moment.

"We better go and find Marlene before she gets into a trouble," Alice says as she takes a step back.

"Yeah, you should." Frank manages to smile and he steps forward to give Lily a side hug. "Best of luck, I know you'll ace your OWLS."  
"Thank you," she whispers, "For everything."

"Don't mention it, you'll return the favor some day."

Lily just nods and walks away from Frank, leaving him alone as she trials behind Alice. The ring suddenly feels heavy on her finger, she thinks that everyone can see it like a neon sign pointing straight at her, but then she realizes that Alice is wearing one too. She wonders how many more are in their situation. War changes things, it can drive people closer together or further apart.

Walking down the train Alice and Lily stick closer in companionable silence. They are about to enter a compartment when footsteps get faster and someone grabs her left wrist. "Lily, James said that we're supposed to have a prefect meeting." It's David.

"Try finding Sirius," Lily suggests. "I hate being alone on train rides." Twisting around, David lets loose of her wrist, not even paying attention to her fingers.

"Sirius?" Alice asks.

"Peter will be there too, so will Marlene and probably Athena."

Lily lets David lead her to the Prefect's compartment and as they walk he chatters on about his break. She tries to latch on to details, but they all escape her. "Enough about me, how was your break?"

"Perfect, unexpectedly perfect."


	34. Chapter 34

As Lily stood in front of the mirror, James lounged on his bed. She was trying on her fifth outfit in the past twenty minutes and his glasses were slipping down his nose as he poured over Quidditch plays.

"Does this look too posh?" She pushed her loose hair atop her head, extending her leg to look at the heels.

"You look lovely," he muttered, dropping his quill to look up at her through his lashes. "Are those even your clothes?"

"No, well the shirt is. I borrowed the shoes from Marlene, the skirt from Alice and the necklace from Athena." Lily's hand went up to play with the single strand of pearls. In less than a week it would have her interview with the Director of Admissions for St. Mungo's training program.

"Stop worrying, if they don't love you because you wear pearls instead of diamonds or a skirt instead of trousers, then it's their loss."

"Easy for you to say," she muttered. "All you have to do is make sure you ace your NEWTs and now that you actually study."

"Relax," he said softly.

"Maybe you should take your own advice." Lily nodded towards his playbook as she let her clothes fall to the floor. The Quidditch game had thankfully been pushed back a week due to inclement weather, but James was a bundle of nerves. It was Saturday, the day he was supposed to be playing a brutal game against Ravenclaw. Instead he poured over his playbook and every Quidditch related book he could.

"I managed to book the pitch today," he said.

"Is that why you're in your Quidditch gear?" Lily questioned, by now she was back in her uniform, despite it being Saturday. Walking over to her trunk she dug out the jacket of James she stole along with crimson scarf. "Here, you're going to need this under practice robes."

"Thanks." Getting off the bed he walked over and kissed her on the cheek. "Do you have something to go to?"

"I'm supposed to lead a study group for a few third years, but I'm heading to the library to finish the essay for History of Magic."

"Well, I'll take the long way to the pitch and go down with you." James slipped the coat over his practice clothes and knotted his scarf around his neck before grabbing Lily's satchel. With a smirk Lily grabbed his playbook and pressed it tightly against her chest. The pair left their room and walked down the hall, so close that when they turned corners their shoulders bumped together.

At the library they exchanged items, Lily giving him a smile as James ran a hand through her hair. They promised to meet up at dinner because, knowing James, he would run his team into the ground and stay out longer despite the snow. And, knowing Lily, she would stay late to not only help the third years she promised, but also a panicking fourth year or a fifth year boy who clearly wasn't interested in studying, just the girl doing the tutoring.

Nonetheless, Lily set up shop at one of the larger tables in the back of the library. She spread out the history textbooks, a long roll of parchment, fresh quill and a large pot of her favorite ink. With a deep breath she opened a book and continued the essay she had only gotten paragraph into it on Thursday when James distracted her.

She didn't know how much time had elapsed when she heard footsteps come up to her table and someone clear their throat. "Just a moment," she replied, not even looking up as continued she continued, using two more sentences to complete her thought. Brushing her hair out of her face she looked up, expecting to see one of the Penelope, the small third year girl who was always early. She couldn't have been more wrong. "Sev." Lily looked over her once friend. She had avoided him as much as possible, only getting glimpses of him in their shared classes. He looked better than when they were friends. His hair was pulled back, a touch shorter and the grease removed. The robes he wore were neat and pressed, the black not looking as harsh, as his skin wasn't as sallow as it used to be.

"I know you want to throw those books at him or perhaps begin a shouting match, but I only came to ask a question."

"What?" She tried to keep her voice cool and detached, but by now her anger had subsided to a dull ache, craving the friendship she once had.

"Is it true? You married him." He gestured to the ring on her finger.

"Yes." Lily gripped the quill tightly, biting her lip. James and her hadn't exactly announced it to the world, but all it took was one gossipy student that took a long look at his left hand and in less than a day it would spread like wildfire throughout the school.

A look crossed Severus' face, one she could not quite identify. A look of regret, of sorrow…"I really was sorry," he said.

"You say that, but...Sev, you chose them over me." She didn't clarify the pronouns, but he knew who she was referring to. "I know it's selfish to ask you to choose, but it's what we stand for."

"Lily…"

"No." She shook her head. "You were my best friend, losing you and then losing my parents was the hardest thing I've ever went through. James was there the entire time."

"He was the one-"

"He changed," she snapped quickly. "Can't you see that all of us have changed? I'm not angry at you anymore, but I am hurt." She slapped her quill down on the table and pushed her free from her face to buy her time to gather her thoughts. "Everyone has to make decisions, Sev, but the thing is, we don't all have to walk down each other's paths. So, I promise to stop judging you, can you do the same for me?"

"Of course." His voice comes out soft, his eyes side as he looks her over. "You'll always be a part of me."

Lily squeezes her eyes shut and when she opens them Severus is gone. Clenching her fists tightly, she tries to push all thoughts of him out of her mind. After all this time, she still sees that scared little boy who sought refuge in the park when his father got too belligerent. He needed someone to care, she used to be that person. That day by the tree, though, changed everything. Lily knew she had to stick to her convictions, no matter how remorseful he looked, deep down he believed she was worthless. He had shown her his true colors...Looking down at her hand she smiled. James had eventually shown her his. Her husband was no longer that bully by the tree, he had grown up in a matter of a few months.

"Lily? Are you ready to start?" a small voice inquired. In front of her Penelope had finally arrived. She set her stuff on the table and took in the Head Girl. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," she answered, taking a deep breath and pulling a hair tie from her bag. Placing a fake-cheery smile on her face, she hoped she could deceive the young Hufflepuff. "Let me put away my essay, by then the others should be here."

* * *

By the end of the week, Lily was a bundle of nerves. The conversation with Severus flitted around her mind as she tried to concentrate on her upcoming uniform. Friday afternoon she was excused a few minutes early from her last class of the day. She changed quickly and then rushed to the Headmaster's office. "Peppermint Imps," she stated and then entered the room. Professor Dumbledore was sitting at his desk

"Ah, Miss Evans or are you going by Mrs. Potter now?" he asked, his eyes twinkling.

"Either is fine," she responds, cheeks tinged pink.

"Well, we shouldn't keep your interviewer waiting, should we?" he questioned. "You know how to use the floo." He gestured to the fireplace. "Best of luck, but do try to remember that while we have control of our lives, sometimes we try to conform to a destiny that is not befitting to us."

"What are you saying?" Lily asked. "Are you talking about-"

"You and Mr. Potter? No, no!" He laughed loudly. "I'm just giving you a bit of unsolicited advice, that's all."

With a smile Lily stepped into the fire-place and said her destination as green flames swallowed her. It was a matter of seconds before she stumbled into St. Mungo's hospital, the receptionist not even giving the fireplace a glance. Stepping up the desk she brushed off the ashes and smoothed her hair before speaking. "I'm looking for a Madame Doge."

"Here for your interview?" She asked in a bored tone, but doesn't wait for an answer. "Walk down that hallway, you'll find it eventually."

Following the direction of the woman's gesture, Lily searched for the room, reading the name plates as she went. As she stopped in front of them, her hand lingered in the air over the doorknob, trying to clear her mind. A million things cluttered her thoughts, but she had to concentrate on this if she actually wanted a future.

"Good day, I take it you are Lily Potter?" the woman questioned, a quill poised over a piece of parchment before Lily could even take a step forward

"Yes," she replied, holding a hand out. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Well, let's begin this interview. You're a student at Hogwarts?"

Lily gave a nod in response.

"Your house?"

"Gryffindor."

"I see...you were Prefect for two years before you became Head Girl." The woman smiled at her. "You have near perfect OWL scores….Why do you want to become a Healer? Your file shows great strength in many areas."

"Honestly, I've always pictured myself doing it. My mother was a nurse and loved her job. She always said that each day was a challenge that she embraced wholeheartedly." Lily looked down at her lap, biting her lap. "Last year she died, I want to become a person that she can be proud of. Becoming a Healer is something I know I can do. Charms is what I'm best at, but I love Potions and Herbology. I love being around people, helping them."

"Very admirable," Madame Doge murmured. "But you said your mother was a nurse?"

"Yes."

"I take it that Potter is not your maiden name?"

"No…" Lily wanted to avoid this topic. "I just recently changed it."

"We charm the records so when things get updated at the Ministry or at the schools we know automatically." She set down the quill, folding her hands on the desk. "You do know that we're not allowed to ask blood status on applications, right?"

Lily nodded.

"I'm going to leave out what you said about your mother being a nurse, because after reading your file with the recommendations and even the copies of the essays provided by your teacher I know you are a qualified candidate. One that St. Mungo's would be fortunate to have in their program."

"I'm not ashamed to be muggle born, I'm proud of it," she said. "My parents were good people, but they never got a chance to finish out their life because of the Dark Lord." Lily's hands were balling into fists, her nails digging into her skin. "Write down that both my parents were muggles. That my dad was an accountant, my mum a nurse."

The woman looked taken aback as she slowly picked up the quill. "Do you realizing what you're asking me to do? St. Mungo's may technically be a separate entity from the Ministry, but we're still monitored. Everyone we admit has to pass through a check by someone at the department that regulates the training programs and universities."

"So be it." Lily unclenched her fists, turning them over so her palms rested face up on her knees. "All my life I've had a plan for myself, when I went to Hogwarts it didn't change drastically. When I was younger I used to be terrified of veering off the path I'd set for myself, but not anymore." She flipped her hands over and looked at the ring on her finger. "If I don't get admitted because I'm a mudblood," Lily spat the word out, then looked at the woman, daring her to object, but she didn't even flinch. "Then I in no way want to be trained by St. Mungo's."

"Your passion is admirable," the woman whispers. "If I write this down you will not be accepted for early admittance, only the….well, the ones' that we determine the most qualified. Students with high grades, positions of leadership, glowing recommendations…"

Lily knew what she was saying, students like her. Students that had the same qualifications, but "pure" blood. "Then I want to withdraw my application now."

"Just wait and see, perhaps with a name like Potter and her application then they'll just skim over my interview notes."

"Why do you care?"

The woman bit her lip, sighing before dropping the quill and folding her hands neatly again. "I was a lot like you. Getting a position like I have now, here, with muggle parents is difficult. I thought things had changed from twenty years ago, but we're just falling into the same old pattern. Someone, though, made a point of looking through the rejected applications when I applied. He contacted each one of us that had gotten rejected because of blood status and made it possible for us to be admitted."

Lily didn't say any more, just murmured a thank you before rising to her feet and exiting the room. Where did that pride come from? Perhaps, James had been rubbing off on her, but she didn't want someone rejecting her because of her blood status, it was a part of her. A part that she would not deny.

* * *

She lied through her teeth when she returned and people asked her about the interview. If she told James it would make him angry and he wouldn't be able to focus for the Quidditch game. The next day he left her room early, most likely heading to the Gryffindor Common Room, then ushering his team towards the Dining Hall before rushing them towards the Quidditch pitch.

When she woke up Saturday morning, his side of the bed was empty and cold. Pulling the covers around her shoulders she walked to her room where she grabbed her robe, throwing it over her nightgown before grabbing clothes and heading to the girls' dorm. In their Athena and Marlene were busy painting their faces and twining red and gold ribbons through their hair. Alice was nursing a glass of pumpkin juice, a plate of eggs and sausages sitting on her lap.

"How did your interview go? You never did say anything?"

"It went fine."

"Did it now?" she murmured, no hint of accusation in her voice. "I was speaking to Frank, he let it slip what you asked him last year."

"I can do both."

"And run yourself ragged. Frank barely has time to eat, let alone sleep or bathe. Between Auror and Order duties he's nearly killing himself."

"That'll be James."

"And me," she whispered. "I got my letter too," she said.

Lily looked at her friend. Delicate, soft-spoken Alice was going to be an Auror. It was a profession she could see James and Frank entering, but not her. Although, Lily knew she was quick witted and it was painful to be at the end of her defensive spells.

"What about you?" she asked.

"The interview was fine," Lily emphasized.

"Someone let it slip that the Ministry has more control over St. Mungo's than before, that their reinstating old hiring practices."

Lily drew her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on top of them. She wondered if she could do it. From across the room Athena and Marlene giggled, unintentional fingerprints of paint smudged on exposed skin. "We have to be on the pitch in fifteen!" Marlene yelled. "Come on, Lily, you don't even look like a Gryffindor, might as well be a snake."

Lily didn't say anything, but slowly unfolded herself, sitting up straight before reaching into her bag to pull out the jeans, red sweater and canvas jacket she stole from James. Silently she walked to the bathroom, getting dressed and braiding her hair into two tight French braids, golden ribbons woven through them and tied securely with smaller red ribbons. She sat silently as Athena did her makeup. Before long her and Alice were lead out to the field.

Silently she stood against the door to the locker room, waiting to hear silence before knocking. When James opened the door she wrapped her arms around his neck and kiss him long and hard. "Win," she whispered.

"I will, for you." He tugged on a braid. "Lil, I gotta go...but are you alright? You've seemed off since yesterday."

"Don't worry about me, focus on the game." She smiled at him so widely, daring him to say anything contrary.

In the stands though, Lily attempted to focus, but no matter how exciting the game was it didn't capture her attention. Sure, she cheered loudly at all the proper times, but her mind wandered consistently. Marlene had gripped her arm, pulled her close. "Lily!"

James was standing in front of her, broom in one hand, his other extended towards her. "Told you," he said as she pulled her free from Marlene. "We're going to the finals, we're unbeatable."

Lily just smiled and embraced him tightly, wishing what he said was true. She wished he really was unbeatable.


	35. Chapter 35

**AN: Please review! I know updates are more spread out, but I want confirmation there's still people reading. Plus tell m. What you think about this chapter, I had to rewrite it several times. And yes, what happens did have to happen.**

* * *

The owl flew into the Great Hall just as Lily rose from the table, following James who was engrossed in a discussion with Sirius. She had been trying to get them to move for ten minutes and at this rate they were going to be late to potions. With a sigh, she examined the letter and quickly stashed it in her robe pocket when she saw it had the Ministry seal. Instead of reading it, she latched on to James' arm and admonished the two of them for dallying. Sirius ruffled her hair and launched a set of complaints her way as he threw an arm around her shoulder and began to relay the tale he had been telling James. With the two of them on either side of her, they nearly halted to a stop as they descended the staircases down into the dungeons. It seemed to be ages before the finally arrived at the open door of the Potion's classroom.

"I see these two have not had a positive influence on you, Miss Lily," Professor Slughorn said as they walked toward the tables, Lily seated next Remus a row ahead of James and Sirius. Remus laid a hand on her and as she bit back a comment. She may have admired Slughorn as a teacher, but she despised that he called her 'Miss Lily'. Most of the teachers still called her Miss Evans, but Professor Slughorn decided that calling her that just helped her avoid mistakes.

"Well, you see Horace," Sirius began. "Lily makes the mistake of trying to have a positive influence on us."

"You're lucky I'm not deducting points from Gryffindor for your tardiness or cheek, Mr. Black." His tone was one of obvious displeasure, one that he commonly employed when he spoke to him, ever since first year when he was sorted into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin.

The Professor turned on his heel and began to write on the chalkboard before instructing them to copy down the notes on the history and extensive list of usages the Potion they would be brewing was good for. The Professor just told them to get out their Potion Books to annotate the recipe when there was a knock at the door. Every head turned as Professor McGonagall entered, her complexion pallor, eyebrows knitted in worry.

"I need to Mr. Potter, Mr. Black and Miss Evans," she said evenly.

The class turned and stared at them, wondering what trouble James and Sirius had gotten into and why Lily was grouped with them. James and Sirius hopped to their feet, participation in silent discourse as Lily reluctantly stood up.

"You will not be returning," she said softly.

There were murmurs among the class and Slughorn tried to calm them. Confused, Lily neatly arranged everything before putting it in her satchel. "Can you give me the notes tonight?" she murmured to Remus. He just nodded before watching her trail after the other two. Once they were out of the dungeon and in an empty corridor, McGonagall stopped and looked at them. "What's going on Professor?" Lily tried to read her face, wondering how she could look so worried if her voice earlier gave no clue.

"There was an incident at the Ministry."

Sirius immediately stiffened, any trace of mischief in his face gone. James instinctively reached for Lily, his hand tightening around her wrist, as if he had taken an anti-gravity potion and she was the only thing keeping him tethered to the ground. "Is it my father?" The voice James used sharply contrasted his grip. He seemed so much younger, so uncertain, all of his confidence had left him.

"No, he was out of the country, he'll be coming in soon. He wants-"

"Why is he coming?" James looked up at her through his eyelashes, eyebrows furrowed. Lily looked him over doing her best to loosen his grip he had.

"Mr. Potter….James," the Professor said with a shake of her head. "I think it would be better to hear it from-"

"Tell us." Sirius tone was too quiet. Fear welled in Lily's chest at hearing it. She had seen Sirius in all types of grief, from when he was disowned to when his uncle died, but this was different.

"I don't think-"

"Bloody hell! We have the right to know!" Sirius shouted.

"Sirius, just…" Just what? Lily thought, she couldn't tell him to calm down, it wouldn't do any good. Beside her James' hand was like a vise, as he tugged her closer towards him.

"My deepest condolences, your mother, she's….She's gone."

James hand squeezed Lily's wrist so tightly she thought it would snap in two, then all the tension faded from him. releasing her, he stumbled back a step before turning around and resting his head against the wall before sinking to the ground where he turned to face them. Sirius followed his lead, drawing his knees towards his chest as he shook his head.

"Where Charles meeting them?" Lily's words were barely more than a breath, as she tore her eyes away from her husband and his best friend.

"Dumbledore's office." McGonagall's tone was still the same as it had been earlier, but their was a strange look in her eyes and the same emotion was written across her face.

"I'll make sure they are there, will they be leaving?"

"I presume so."

Lily gave her a short nod before going over to the boys before kneeling beside them. Neither of them were crying, Sirius had his hands clenched tightly bracing himself against the wall as he stared straight ahead. James expression was blank, one leg to his chest and the other flat. "Dad will be here soon." She lightly touched James' knees. "You are both going to be gone, so you need to pack."

"Don't patronize me," Sirius muttered as he scrambled to his feet before marching away.

Lily watched as he left before moving closer to James' slipping around his stiff body. "Go to him, I'll pack up your stuff, alright?" She reached up to brush hair out of his eyes. One thing she couldn't comprehend was how his eyes were so dry. Tears were pricking at the corners, her eyes beginning to turn. "James, honey…" She kissed his cheek, the other caressing the side of his face. "Please, talk to me." Grief was different for everyone, but she did not act like this after the death of her parents. This near catatonic state that James was drifting toward terrified her. Not knowing how to handle this she did her best to rest against his side, burying her face in his robes and trying to keep tears from falling.

"Lily, please get off of me."

"James?"

He pushed away from her, getting to his feet. "You're right, I better see how Sirius is..." A dazed look crossed his face.

"Do you want me to pack a bag for you?"

"Yes."

Lily clenched her eyes shut as she watched him walk away. She almost preferred him being unresponsive than being in denial. Looking around the hallway she saw the discarded bags and picked them up along with hers. One of them was Sirius' and it wasn't like he was studying or would be for a while.

When she got back to the Head's quarters she dropped the bags and leaned her back against the door. Images of Agatha flashed through her mind. She took a deep breath and remembered the words she had said to her the day her parents died, I_ can't promise you everything will be alright, but you'll have a place to stay until it's time to go back to Hogwarts_. Agatha had given her so much more than she could have asked. She was a second mother to her.

Choking back a sob she walked over to James' room and folded clothes putting everything into a satchel. As pulled it shut a thought flitted across her mind, as Agatha known something was going to happen. At the train station she had said, _I'm glad he has you_. She always worried over Charles because of his career, but still...Shaking her head she threw the bag over her shoulder and hurried towards Gryffindor tower. She heard a loud din of voices when she entered the Common room that immediately quieted when they saw her.

Before she could make her way to the boys staircase she saw Remus descending the staircase, shaking his head. "James isn't up there," he said. "Just Sirius." He looked her over and saw the bag in her hands. "What's going on? I've never seen him this bad, I mean he was pretty shoken up after his Uncle Alphred's death, but this...It's like…" He looked her straight in the eye. "Merlin, it's Charles isn't it? Agatha was acting rather peculiar."

"No, Charles is fine."

"Agatha?" he questioned, shaking his head. "Where's James?"

"I don't know, he wouldn't talk to me for the longest time and then said he was going to find Sirius."

"Godric…" he shook his head. "Are you holding up? It can't be easy."

"No, I have to find him. Can you try to get Sirius under control?"

"Why don't I just tame a Mountain Troll?" he replied, but nodded before going up the staircase once more.

* * *

Lily found James a while later, sitting in the Quidditch stands with a broom, robe and Quaffle laying beside him. Guessing by the sheen of sweat on his forehead, she guessed he was channeling all of his sadness into anger and all of that anger into physical energy. Despite the cheeks tinged red from exhertion, now the heat had fade and he was shaking from the cold."Here." She pulled his jacket out of the bag, his robe was strewn aside lying on top of his broom.

"Thanks." He shrugged the jacket on as she sat down beside him. "I don't think I can leave, there's too much to do."

"Your dad's probably a mess and will need your help with everything." She had learned long ago the way to make James do something, was to make it seem like others needed his help. As she said this, Lily leaned her head on his shoulder, tucking her arm under his. "It's hard I know, but just trying to move on with your life makes it worse."

"Mum wouldn't want me to sit around and do nothing."

"It's healthy to mourn." She reached up and brushed a lock of hair away from his face. "Believe me, it's easy to deny and pretend that she's still alive, but it's going to catch up with you. It'll hit you harder than a Bludger to your stomach." Her breath hitched as she paused to stop herself from crying. "But all of us do, alright? We know what you're going through." Running her hands through his hair she kissed him gently. James stayed sitting, saying nothing. "I'm not going with the two of you tonight, I'll handle everything here and come as soon as I can."

James said nothing more, but pulled her close to him until she was pressed tightly against his chest. They stayed like that, the pair of them sitting close to stave off the bitter January cold.

* * *

Word spread like wildfire throughout the castle. Most of it was speculation, but someone had heard her speaking with Remus in the Common Room. As a result both Olivia and David stepped up to cover the patrol shift along with Prefects from Hufflepuff and even a Slytherin. Lily mainly stayed in her room, forcing herself to eat one of the packages of biscuits that James hoarded in order to avoid going to the Great Hall. By eight, though, she couldn't stand it anymore.

Throwing her school robe over her pyjamas she wondered around the castle until she came to the Astronomy tower, climbing the staircase before settling herself in the windowsill. The night was clear, the moon a fat crescent. Burying her hands in her pockets she felt the stiff texture of the envelope. Biting her lip she withdrew it, breaking the seal with her index finger.

_Mrs. Lily Potter_

_Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizadry_

_Dear Mrs. Potter,_

_Thank you for expressing interest in St. Mungo's Healer Academy. The Admissions Committee has given a careful consideration to your application._

_The Committee regrets to inform you that we are unable to place you in the summer training session. You have been a competitive applicant, however, we have had many students with similar qualifications applying for admissions this year. Therefore, many desirable candidates have been turned away. You may apply again for regular admission._

_We thank you once again for your interest in our Academy and wish you success for all your future endeavors._

_Sincerely,_

_Carlina Trevor_

_Dean of Students for St. Mungo's Healer Academy_

With a scowl she crumpled up the letter and chucked it down below. As she did this the wind blew, knocking a slip of paper loose from the envelope. D_o not give up, Lily. I have already sent in your application for the regular session!_ She shoved the note in her pocket, it not helping in the least bit. Now, though, she wondered if becoming a healer was the right thing for her. So many people she had known had died. She was no longer interested in picking up the pieces, she wanted to do something. It had to be a sign from the universe, hadn't it?

Lily blinked back tears, the rejecting and Agatha's death seeming to bear down harder on her as each moment passed. Why would she come in to her life only to be taken from her? Agatha was right, loving her like a mother didn't make her mum any less important. She thought of James, what Agatha had said to her. _As for my son, he hates to admit, but he wears his heart on his sleeve...He acts like everything is insignificant, because he cares too much. All of his jokes, his pranks, his witty remarks and confident attitude is an act._

Tears began to fall as she thought of her, thought of James and Charles and Sirius. She knew how James felt, or at least could imagine as she too had lost her parents. But Charles? If she lost James she would be a wreck. And Sirius? Agatha was the first woman that really acted maternally towards him...

Footsteps echoed through the room and Lily tried to swallow her tears, rubbing furiously at her eyes. "Sorry, I-" She looked up and saw Remus standing there.

"Don't apologize." He walked over and sat next to her in the windowsill. "Why didn't you go?"

"I needed to take care of things and I wanted to give them some time," she replied, still trying to wipe away the tears.

"You weren't at supper." He withdrew a napkin wrapped package from his pocket. "Just got it from the kitchens, don't tell."

Lily laughed as he handed it to her. She peeled back the covering to reveal a hearty sandwich before setting it aside. "Thank you, Remus. I'll eat it later, I'm still not hungry." She sighed.

"Other than the obvious, what's wrong? The Lily I know usually acts much different."

"I just don't know what to do, it's James, you know? He's always been there for him and now I have to do that for him, but-"

"James is good at playing the hero, any other role is rather difficult for him." Remus looked her over, seeing her shoulders begin to tremble and slipped an arm over her shoulder in effort to help with the cold. "I only hope he doesn't make rash decisions, however, he will have you as a Healer if he gets himself into any trouble."

"What if I told you I was thinking about not becoming a healer?"

"What are you talking about? James said that you had an interview for early admissions."

"I did, but I let it slip my parents were muggles. Apparently I inadvertently disqualified myself for a position of early acceptance." She rolled her eyes. "My interviewer already turned in my application for regular admittance, but I think I'll withdraw it."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better I would be rejected straight away." Remus sighed, shaking his head. "Prefecture, test scores, none of those count for me. I'm blacklisted as soon as they find out the truth."

"You're joining the Order, aren't you?"

"Where else would I go?" he sighed.

Lily sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. After that they sat in the complete silence, the only sound being the wind whipping threw the trees. The nice thing about Remus was that he appreciated the silence. The two of them could sit without saying a word and still feel like their conversation was being continued. Some time must of passed because they heard voices whispering and the declaration of prefects. By now Lily was mostly asleep and Remus was contemplating the best way of waking her up.

"Lupin, it's time to head back to the dorms," Olivia said, her eyes assessing the drowsy red head leaning against him. "How is she?"

"As good as can be expected, more than I can say for James and Sirius."

"Well, get her back to the Dormitory, the temperature is dropping as we speak," David said as he appeared. "Come on, Liv, we still have one more place to check before we can go to bed." The pair exited as Remus shook Lily.

"We need to get to bed."

Lily frowned at him. She despised the idea of heading back to the large Head's Quarters alone. The idea of sleeping in the bed without James made her feel uneasy, the only nights they were apart anymore was when it was a full moon. Those nights were filled with fitfull sleeping, most of the time she just stayed up late into the night reading until she fell asleep. James would come in as dawn broke, seeing her still clutching a book, spread out across the bed.

"We have a spare bed in our room, if you get up early tomorrow no one has to know," Remus replied.

She smiled up at him, glad that he could tell what she was thinking. The pair walked to the dorm, quietly slipping into Gryffindor tower. Lily wrinkled her nose at the state of Sirius' bed and grabbed the extra blankets from the bottom of the dresser and curled up on top of the comforter. The last thing she thought of as she fell asleep was that she hoped James was doing alright.


	36. Chapter 36

**AN: Please review! I've got the writing bug again and a bit of spare time this weekend, so tell me what you think.**

* * *

Piling her hair on her head, Lily stared in the mirror. She adjusted the black sheath dress before clasping the pendant around her neck. It had been three days since the death of Agatha, three days since she had seen James. The day after they let her work in the library instead of going to classes, hating the fact that she was she such a hypocrite for not following the advice she had given James.

Silently she slipped her cloak around her shoulder before walking down the hall to Dumbledore's office. Surprisingly, he was absent. Without saying a word she grabbed a handful of floo powder and in seconds was in the Potter house. It was surprisingly cold and devoid of noise. Frowning she called out, looking around the house. Walking up the staircase she headed to her room. Pulling back the curtains she saw James and Sirius high in the air on their brooms, throwing a Quaffle around as they did dangerous maneuvers. The funeral was in less than an hour and they were dressed in ripped jeans, muddy trainers and faded t-shirts. Not even thinking of how shabby they looked, Lily thought they would be freezing. Jogging downstairs she pulled their respective cloaks out of the closet and raced outside.

"Are you two mental?" she shouted. "Get down here! It's freezing!"

Up above the two figures did not slow down. Muttering to herself she withdrew her wand, held up into the air and performed an incantation, in a matter of seconds bright sparks shot upward.

"Bloody Hell!"

"Merlin's Beard!"

Lily heard this exclamations, though, she did not realize they were in the middle of a complicated play. The Quaffle slipped from one of their hands and as Lily was busy pocketing her wand, it plummeted to the earth.

"Evans!" Sirius shouted.

Looking up she saw the object coming toward her, but did not have time to do anything but let out an exclamation of surprise. In a split second it impacted, hitting her face and causing her to lose balance.

"Lily…" James said as she dived to the earth. "Godric, I'm so sorry. Are you alright?" Kneeling down beside her he tilted her chin up. "Is your nose alright?" He lifted the hem of his t-shirt to wipe the trail of blood that was dripping down her chin.

"Fine," she muttered. "What in merlin's name were the two of you doing? Out here without coats on an hour before the funeral? Where's Charles? He would never-"

"Are you going to get her to shut up, mate?" Sirius asked. "I don't need to listen to her nagging."

Lily narrowed her eyes at Sirius as she picked up James coat and draped it over his shoulders. "What's with him?"

"Nothing, but you should no better than to do something that stupid."

"Stupid? You're calling me stupid? The two of you are trying to simultaneously break your necks and get frostbite! Sorry for being concerned...And don't feed me any of that nonsense about my actions being uncalled for, James has done the same spell at practice before." She took a deep breath, huffing. By now James let his t-shirt fall back down, but was still centimeters away from her.

"Are you alright?" James asked again with a steady voice.

Lily gave him a curious look. "I'll probably have black eye with my luck, but the two of you need to get dressed. We have to be at the funeral soon enough."

"Maybe we aren't going," Sirius said.

"James aren't-"

"Dad said we didn't have to go," he replied softly, looking over Lily. He delicately ran a thumb under her eye where a bruise was most likely starting to form. He didn't say anything as he took in her face, touching a loose tendril of hair. "We will though, come on Padfoot."

James got to his feet, picking up Sirius cloak and throwing it at him before grabbing both brooms with one hand, the other clapping his friend on the shoulder. Lily watched him walk away, pausing just before they got to the storage shed. "Mopsy should be around somewhere, she can help you."

Lily stayed on the ground, clenching her eyes shut, willing herself not to cry. Where was James? Who was this man?

* * *

They arrived at the church in Godric's Hollow moments before the service commenced. Lily stayed separate from James as they sat on the pews. She was surprised at how impersonal the service was. The eulogy was generic, though delivered by Charles. The only signal that it was her funeral was a photo of her laughing, one arm slung over James' shoulder and the other hand pulling Charles into the frame.

Afterward she found herself separated from the boys. Most people did not give her a second glance, much less talk to her. Finally, she was able to navigate her way through the crowd to find Charles. Unlike his sons, as soon as he saw her he embraced her tightly, guiding her to a mostly empty area.

"You made her so happy, you know that, right?" he whispered in his ear. "At one point in time there was nothing Agatha wanted more than a daughter, but then she was lucky to have James. Seeing him married was one of the happiest moments of her life." He kissed her on the top of her head. "You've seen James and Sirius, they're in a bad place right now, they need help."

He pulled away and tried to manage a smile. Tears stood in his eyes as he looked over Lily. "You're a lot like her, you know that? It's only natural that James followed in my footsteps." He forced a laugh out, ran a hand through his hair. "We're heading out to the cemetery now, why don't you head back to the house? The boys have probably already headed there. They were such wrecks, I told

"Yeah, I better make sure that they haven't gotten themselves into mischief." Lily wiped at her eyes, but tears didn't fall. For some reason they hadn't fallen except for a few stray ones here and there. The closest thing they got was in the backyard with James. After embracing him tightly she pulled away from Charles and walked outside to the apparition point.

It took only a matter of seconds to get their, but when she went to open the front door she found it locked. Puzzled she pulled out her wand and muttered the special incantation Agatha had taught her to open up the door. Cautiously she walked forward, wand still drawn. She didn't find anything until she went upstairs and found a note stuck to her door. _Sirius went to Andromeda's house, I'm heading back to Hogwarts. I'll explain everything later. With Love, James._

Lily pulled the note off and gripped it tightly. James hardly ever signed his notes like that, unless he knew Lily was angry at him or not feeling well. Shaking her head she went downstairs, penned a note to Charles and went by floo back to Hogwarts. Once again the office was empty, and she hurried out of it and to the Head's room. The funeral was late in the day, by now most everyone was at dinner and as a result the halls were empty.

Muttering the password to the room she walked in, immediately she heard someone fumbling around. "James?" she called out, walking toward his room. She found the room in a state of pure chaos, the drawers to his dressers pulled open, trunk stuffed to the brink. James was sitting on the floor at the foot of his bed, propped up by his trunk. "What's going on?"

His body shook, he looked up at her, tears down his face. "Go away," he said.

"Let me-"

"Go!"

"Not if you don't tell me what's happening." She knelt beside him, lifting her hand to wipe his tears and stroke his hair, do something that could be of some comfort to him. Instead she found her hands being pushed away.

"I want you to stay here. You'll be safe."  
"Safe? What are you talking about?"

"I'm leaving, Lily. Sirius is too, we have to do something, we can't just be at school _waiting_."

"The Auror Academy won't accept you without NEWTS."

"Who said anything about going to the academy?" he muttered, getting to his feet, attempting to brush away the tears that continued to fall.

"You have to!"

"Says who?"

Lily wondered how he could take a chance and just throw it away? She watched as he tried to contain the mess, mumbling to himself. Getting to her feet she reached for him. "Please, let's just talk-"

"I'm tired of talking." He shook her off and walked over to the dresser to grab the remainder of his clothing. For some reason he couldn't seem to fold a pair of pants. Lily grabbed for it, but he tried to tug it away. In the midst of the struggle she leaned forward and accidentally let go. James hands slipped, hitting her on the cheek again. "Lily...it was an accident."

She took a step back, shaking her head. "In good times and in bad, does that ring any bells?" She held up her hand. "Does this look familiar?"

"Lily..."

"I get it, okay? I've gone through it..." Tears started to collect in her eyes. "I love you, but I can't do this. You can't..." She shook her head and turned as tears started to fall. James yelled after her, but she kept on walking. As she left the room in the direction of Gryffindor tower she kept her eyes on her feet, until she ran into something.

"Lil, what's wrong?" It was Alice. The petite girl looked at her with concern as she reached for her friend's arm. "What happened?" She used her other hand to tilt her chin up. "Godric, you're a mess, come here." She threw an arm around her shoulder using it to guide her down the hall.

"It's just James, the bruise was an accident. Him and Sirius were playing on their brooms with a Quaffle and I tried to get their attention."  
"That tells me part of the story."

Lily wiped at her tears. "He wants to leave Hogwarts and he wants me to stay here. James isn't acting like James anymore. It's like there's a stranger in his place, he hardly has said two sentences to me, leaves the funeral early and I find him packing!"

"Oh." Alice stops and hugs her friend. "I understand." She squeezed her tighter, staying like that for a bit until Lily's tears began to slow down. "Frank is a bit like James, but he just tries to keep everything from me. He thinks that he always has to watch out for me, what he doesn't know is that I can spot a lie or deflection before he even opens his mouth." She laughed at that. "Don't give up on him."

"I can't go back there, he won't listen to me. I don't even know if Sirius is back, even if he was they'd just leave on their brooms together." Lily shook her head.

"It's not your responsibility, come on." Alice pulled away, but kept her arm looped with Lily's. The pair walked down the corridor, heading to Gryffindor tower. Out of the corner of her eye, Alice saw a familiar figure descending the boys staircase. "Lil, I'll be up in two minutes. Marlene and Athena should already be there." Rushing over to him she halted him with a hand. "Remus, can you go to the Head's dorm?"

"Why?" he asked. "I need to find-"

"It's James, Lily said he's-"

"Leaving? I know." He pulled a note out of his pocket. "There was an owl pecking at my window when I went upstairs from Sirius." He waved it around. "Merlin, leaving Hogwarts is the worst decision possible.'

"James is packing while we speak."

"What?" Remus shook his head. "I've tried giving him space, but this has gone on too long."

* * *

James was standing in the middle of this bedroom, waving his wand around to finish the last of packing. He was tired of doing it by hand and his trunk was a mess as a result. When most everything was done he walked over to his trunk and detached the two badges from his robe. With a sigh he laid them out on the nightstand. As he took a step forward he saw that he somehow missed a shirt on the floor. It was the holey Quidditch shirt Lily complained about, but when he picked it up it smelled of her soap. She must have worn it when he was gone. Clutching it tightly he shut his eyes. Leaving Lily would be hard, especially now. How could he stay at Hogwarts when his mother's murderer was still roaming the streets? How could he go to Auror training?

Loud knocking tore him away from his thoughts. "Sirius," he muttered, walking out in the room they used for Prefect meetings. When he opened the door he saw Remus march in. "Moony, what are you doing?"

Pushing past James he headed to the bedroom. "I was hoping Alice wasn't right." He kicked the trunk for effect.

"Alice?"

"Yeah, she happened to find a very distraught Lily. Apparently, her _husband_ has her head up his arse and got the bright idea that dropping out of school and completely ignoring her was the right thing to do in reaction to his mother's death." Remus bit his lip, trying to regain his composure. "We all loved Agatha, I know you miss her, but just stop and think for a second, please."

James followed Remus, tossing the shirt to the ground that he previously held. "Don't even try-"

"Why? You left without saying more than two words to Peter or I. That night when I find Lily she's a mess because she not only lost Agatha, but you won't-"

"Just stop."

"Prongs, is it so hard just to tell _anyone _what's going on. People look up to you, what kind of message is it going to send to the first years if the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain _and _Head Boy quits?"

"Stop!" he yelled. "Don't understand I'm tired of this! I never wanted to be Head Boy, alright? I don't want to be a role model, because I'm rubbish. After six years I finally _marry _the girl I spent so much time chasing after, but I can't even be a decent friend, let alone husband." He ran his hands through his hair, sinking to the ground. "I'm not even a good son." He squeezed his eyes shut, hands holding the shirt the even tighter.

"Prongs…"

"I hit her, it was an accident, we were fighting over a pair of pants and she let go…" He shook his head. "I have to go."

"You can't run away from your problems."

"I can't stay here, though."

"Why?"

Both of the teens turned around to see Lily crossing over to the bedroom. Neither knew how long she had been there, but it was clear that she had heard quite a bit. "Can you leave us?" James asked.

Remus looked them over before exiting without another the word. The couple waited until he disappeared before Lily sat beside him. "I can't make you do anything, but I'm asking you not to leave Hogwarts."

James got to his feet, holding his hand out to help her up. Once they were both standing he wrapped his arms around. "I'm sorry." He hugged her tightly. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing and I hate that."

"It's alright, but don't _ever _push me away."

"I miss her, Lily...I'm scared that if it's that easy to lose her, I could lose you too and-"

"I know." It was her turn to hug him tighter. He buried his head in her neck and Lily could feel him relax, she could feel dampness on her exposed skin. "We'll stop him. I promise."


	37. Chapter 37

**AN: Half substance, half filler. On the bright side they will be officially out of Hogwarts. That means more action, more drama and of course more death (I'm pretty sure all are canon, so no surprises there)**

* * *

Time seemed to pass painfully slow at Hogwarts. James and Sirius-both of whom begrudgingly agreed to stay after Alice informed McGonagall of their plans-threw themselves into Quidditch. James put aside his school work, and took extra patrol hours, covering almost all of Lily's shifts. His theory was that she still needed to pass the NEWTs, he was just at Hogwarts to make everyone else happy, as he decided against entering the Auror Academy when he could start fighting wizards straight out of school with the Order. One thing he didn't know, though, was Lily's plan for the future

Lily eventually sent a letter to St. Mungo's withdrawing her application, this she kept under wraps. The only people that knew were Remus and Dumbledore, as she talked to the headmaster (who was also in the Order). In a few classes-like Herbology or Defense Against the Dark Arts-the curriculum would prove invaluable down the road. However, she knew in a few classes that what she was learning would not be of any use after her NEWTs.

Potions, unfortunately, became one of these classes. Sitting beside Remus she waited for the class to end as Slughorn used the last few moments to hand out papers. She found hers floated to the desk, like everyone else, but hers was face down. Next to her Remus a smile played on his lips as he filed away his 'O' paper. She flipped her's over to reveal an 'A'. Biting her lip, she folded it in half before James leaned over his table to whisper. "Another 'A', I think I'll need some tutoring Mrs. Potter."

Spinning in her seat she rolled his eyes. "If you come to our room before midnight."

"Yeah, yeah…" He laughed. For a second it seemed that old James was back, she wondered how long he would stay.

The bell rang and Lily folded her essay starting to slip it into her bag when she heard the teachers voice. "Lily a word please?" he said quietly, pulling his glasses off.

"Hey, I'll see you at dinner." James walked over, kissing her on the cheek quickly. "Sirius and I will be at the lake until then."

"I have class in fifteen."

"I know, but just in case." He gave her a smirk, hand lingering on her arm before exiting with his two friends.

Sighing Lily took a step forward as she stepped in front of Slughorn's desk. He wasn't paying attention, digging through a box of files hovering by his desk. "E, the lowest grade you ever received on one of my assignments." He put his glasses back on and looked her over. "It has been two and a half months. I know last year I told you if you needed anything I would be lenient, but I expect more from you. I expect from the both of you."

"Both of us?"

"I'm not stupid," he said. "James may have a Head Boy's badge, but that does not give him an excuse to go gallivanting all over the castle or skip class."

"Maybe you should talk to him, not me. I'm his wife not his keeper," she remarked.

Slughorn looked at her. "Your cheek is not appreciated. I'm only saying this because the two of you have bright futures ahead of you. Futures that are riding on the test scores, I would hate to see-"

"He's not going to be an auror," Lily replied.

"What are you-"

"I'm not going to be a Healer." Lily looked up at the ceiling, feeling tears pricking at her eyes as she thought about her rejection. "They turned me down for early acceptance and I decided it wasn't for me."

"Lily," Slughorn said, shaking his head. "That doesn't mean you can stop trying. This is unacceptable."

"What's unacceptable is that innocent people are dying and I'm supposed to be memorizing Potion theories!" she shouted, then took a deep breath gripping the desk. "I apologize Professor, what I've been through is not excuse. I know I'm supposed to be a role model for other students."

"Tell you what, you edit that essay and agree to tutor the third years, in exchange I'll write you a glowing letter of recommendation and pull some strings to get you into that school in France."

"Don't think me ungrateful, but I've made my decision. This life is wasn't I planned, but I'm _trying _to make it work. Everyone, though, is determined to think of me like I'm the girl I was two years ago, I'm not her anymore, Professor. Honestly, that girl two years ago would think I was throwing my life away getting married at seventeen and not going to college-"

"Hey, can I grab my book?" It was James, he stepped through the door, staring at Lily as he walked back to the table. He reached beneath it to pull out the playbook he had taken out when the Potion was brewing.

"Mr. Potter, we were having a private conversation."

"Part of it was about me," he muttered then looked over Lily. "Are you about done?"

"Are we?" Lily asked.

"I expect you to correct your essay and come here on Wednesday to help with the tutoring, regardless if you are in need of a recommendation or not." Slughorn shut the file he previously scanned before placing it back in the box. "And I understand that the times are a changing."

* * *

James didn't say anything to her until he came back that night. He wasn't scheduled for patrol, that duty fell to a Ravenclaw fifth year and a Hufflepuff sixth year. When he came into the room, he saw Lily sitting on his bed wearing only a t-shirt, her wet hair gathered on her shoulders.

"Hey." She gave him a smile and set aside her book, trying to subtly communicate she wanted him over here.

"Can we talk?"

"Since when do you talk?" she teased, a smile playing on lips.

"You're not going to the Healer Academy?"

She bit her lip and got to her feet crossing the room. "How about we don't talk about this right now?" Gripping his arm she leaned in for a kiss, wanting nothing more than to go back to Christmas or just before.

James slipped free from her grip and enclosed his hands around her wrists. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know."

"You gave me a bad time because I wasn't speaking with you about my mum, but now you're hiding things?"

"I wasn't trying to, I just thought…" She shook her head. "If I told you I got turned down for early acceptance, I'd have to tell you why because it's part of the reason I withdrew my application for early."

He shook his head, releasing her wrists before clenching his hands into tight fits. "The ministry, right?" He let out a curse before taking a deep breath. "I heard about some of the stunts they're trying to get away with, St. Mungo's was free from their blood status discrimination. Dad will-"

"Don't you understand?" Lily questioned. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to try to fix it. What happens to the muggle born that didn't marry the only son of a Department Head? The only way to change this is to fight and that's what I'm going to do, right by your side.'  
"No."

"James, you can't tell me what to do!"

"I don't want to lose you!"

"Are you that thick headed that you don't think I feel the same way?" Lily pushed past him.

"Where are you going?"

"My room, all we're going to do is fight tonight."

"I'm not going to bed angry," he said as he followed her into the meeting room. "Mum said it was the worst thing to do."

She walked over and stared at him. "I was going to tell you, I just...I didn't know how to do it, that's all."

"Well, since neither of us need perfect NEWTs can we go to bed?"

"James…"

He reached for her hand, pulling her close to him. The thin shirt did little to obscure her heart beat or soften her ribs. James though was covered in layers. "This is a series conversation."

"We have enough time to worry about the future." He kissed her neck. "Let me be angry at you tomorrow, okay? In three months time we'll be dueling dark wizards, all I want now is to be with you."

She let him get reacquainted with her body. This was the first time in weeks, months, that they had been this close while awake. Not wanting to pull away she pushed off his robe and then reached for his buttons. "Is this many layers necessary? It's almost April."

"It's a challenge."

She lifted her eyes to look at him. This is why they were together. The two would never get bored, she knew that now. Both of them were too stubborn to give up, too opinionated to be complacent.

That night, they let themselves forget everything but that moment.

* * *

By the time June rolled around time no longer seemed to be crawling by. Lily dreaded the day she would have to leave Hogwarts. The last few weeks seemed to be the most spectacular. Late night jaunts to the kitchen while studying for NEWTs, desperately trying to get extra points, going to the Quidditch games, sneaking to Hogsmeade with their entire year, going on patrol with James…

Even in the midst of all the hubbub they were preparing to begin their life after college. Owls came in frequently delivering letters about their apartments and job offers. The latter was mainly for Remus who was struggling to get accepted anywhere, because somehow his "condition" got out. After they completed their NEWTs, James, Sirius and Lily were itching to get out. By some miracle they made it to their final day of school.

Their last morning, they didn't even bother to go to breakfast. The trunks had been packed for what seemed to be ages so they were able to lay in bed until it was time to depart. In a few short hours their life would change drastically, in fact they wouldn't even be heading home. A deposit had been sent in and the keys owled by Frank to apartments. The Potter house had been empty since February, when Charles went abroad, and they weren't planning on going back.

"Can you imagine what it'll be like?" James asked as Lily curled against his side.

"How long before our first assignment?" Lily turned in closer to him, breathing in his scent and trying her best to memorize the moment.

"We leave late tomorrow morning." He pulled her close, her head buried in his neck. "You, me, Frank, the Prewett twins... Remus will crash at our place while we're gone as he tries to find a job, Sirius and Peter will be based in London."

"Athena will be shipped off to France or Switzerland, Marlene will be at home while she waits to hear back from the Prophet and Alice will go to training."

"Yeah."

They stayed next to each other before their clock chimed nine. At that they reluctantly separated and put on their street clothes, uniforms would not be needed. Lily slipped a sun dress on with a pair of sandals, James dressed in a ratty t-shirt with faded jeans. The pair did not looked like a couple that had been married for almost six months, they didn't even look like adults. Even so James shrunk their trunks to a more manageable side, piled them atop each other and attached them together before dragging them behind him, his other hand tangled with Lily's.

The entrance hall was a mess as everyone waited for carriages to go down to Hogsmeade. The two, now former, Heads let the prefects handle the rambunctious younger kids. They wished it would be possible to fly, floo or portkey home, but sadly they had to take the train.

Once on they settled into the compartment with all their friends, trying to avoid talking about the inevitable. Marlene was her usual over the top self, Sirius joked around, Peter stuttered, Remus remained mildly amused, Alice observed, James laughed and Lily...Lily tried to distract herself.

When the train halted to a stop Alice hugged each of them in turn.

"We live down the hall," Lily reassured. The apartment they got was a few doors down Frank's as it was an apartment that many auror and Order members lived.

"I know," she whispered. "Stay safe."

Lily hugged Marlene and Athena at the same time, not wanting to let go. The latter she wished she'd befriended earlier, now she was being whisked away to another country to start a life away from England. As she saw the dark haired girl leave, she caught Sirius watching her head towards her family. Marlene didn't notice and kissed him goodbye before running towards her parents.

James held Lily's hand tightly as he returned their trunks to normal size before entering the muggle part of King's Cross. Once outside the pair hailed a taxi to take them to the new apartment.

Once there they each grabbed a trunk before entering the building. It was a wizard haven in the midst of muggle London. It proclaimed "no vacancy" and appeared to be a broken down brick building, at least to anyone that wasn't a wizard. Underneath the glamour was a standard looking building with a sign proclaiming modest priced apartments.

Inside it was white walls, clean grey carpet and a room with a sign saying post boxes outside it."Almost there." They stepped on the elevator and rode to the second floor before heading to room 245.

"Is this it?"

James nodded, withdrawing a key before unlocking it. "Home sweet home." Pushing open the door, they peered inside. It was a short, narrow hallway, to the right was a doorway to the kitchen. When they stepped forward they saw a small living room, on the right side held two bedrooms and a bathroom.

"I like it," she whispered, setting her trunk down and reaching for his hand.

"The only furniture is this." He pulls her across the room to kick the oversized, dilapidated couch dominating the the space.

"The apartment is ours and we have a place to sleep tonight." Lily smiled at him. "Besides, I think it's a futon."

"Dad is going to bring over furniture when he gets back from Bulgaria," James muttered. "I'll move our trunks, do you want to go beg for some bedding from Frank or Gideon?"

"Let's pull the bed out first." Lily said, then reached for his wrist when he tried to pull out his wand. "The muggle way." She walked over and the both tossed aside the cushions before unfolding the frame. Soon enough a thin mattress with a see through fabric attached at each corner with elastic. "Now, I'll put away the trunks." Taking her wand out, with a few swishes the master bedroom door flung open and their luggage flew in afterward.

James laughed shaking his head. "Can we go beg for bedding for tonight? I only have one blanket and I don't feel like going shopping or to the store."  
"What about dinner?"

"Take out," he said. "We can bum food from the twins for breakfast, come on."


	38. Chapter 38

**AN: Please review. I love to hear to your opinions about the events that took place and know that people are still reading. Thank you to all that do review, I don't have time to respond to all of you because most of the time I read reviews on my phone and it's too difficult to navigate the site to send messages.**

* * *

"Do I look like hell? I feel like hell." Lily asked as she leaned on Gideon Prewett for apparition. The near silent man helped steady her as they transported back to England. The pair just finished a reconnaissance mission for the Order.

"Yes," he finally answered when they landed at their destination. "But Potter will be so happy to see you, you could be covered in dragon dung."

"Thanks," she huffed, not yet letting go as the wandered to pub a few blocks away from the alley they were at. "I'm starving, does this place have good food?"

"Best fish and chips in town."

"Are you sure you aren't Fabian?" she asked with a sideways glance attempting to get a laugh out of him, or at the very least a smile. Apparently she and his brother were the only ones that could muster one up after the death of his fiance.

"Can't even tell the difference between us? And you call us your friend." He smiled at her, tightening his grip as he guided her towards the establishment. "Are you sure you're alright? That hex you took was rather nasty, I can take you home."  
"We won't have anything but bad tea, instant coffee and a box of stale biscuits, besides James would be worried sick after we agreed to meet him here." She nodded towards the wooden sign as she reached for the door with her free hand. As they walked in, those tending the bar and the men at the nearest table stared at them. They did make a pretty odd pair. Lily's hair was fighting against the restraint of a French braid; her pink flannel shirt, jeans and hiking boots flecked with dark spots she could not distinguish between blood or dried dirt until closer inspection. Meanwhile, Gideon looked the same state, but he wore black pants tucked into black shoes with a denim shirt.

"Do you want to get cleaned up? I'll order food from the bar, it's my turn."

"You sure?" Gideon asked.

"I want to be here when James arrives, go on."

"I meant do you think you should be walking on your ankle?"

"Fine." She rolled her eyes. "If someone comes by when you're gone, I'll order, if not you can when you get back." Propping her head on her hand she watched him navigate through the crowd. She noticed that the bartenders mostly stayed behind the counter but there were a few younger workers milling about. They were late teens, early twenties at the latest. As she saw them it was peculiar to think that they were her age. In fact, one of them could have easily been her if she was a muggle or her life at Hogwarts had gone according to plan.

"Pardon me," A blonde girl with an impossibly high ponytail stood at her elbow. "Here you go." She laid a napkin with something scrawled on it next a squat glass filled with pink liquid and a thin straw.

"I haven't ordered anything yet."  
"A guy at the bar ordered for you. Curly brown hair, your two o'clock," the girl informed her with a smirk.

"Me?" Lily asked.

"He said, and I quote, 'get me a Vodka Cranberry for the pretty red head', what can I say, some guys go for the outdoorsie type." She shrugged. "Just glad he's not hitting on me tonight."

"I'm waiting for friends, can you take this back?"

"No can do, I just got it from the bartender and I hate to throw out good drinks. Can I take an order while you're waiting?"

"A pitcher of the lightest ale you have, three baskets of fish 'n' chips and some soup."

"Beef stew okay?" The woman asked, pulling a pad out of her pocket and scrawled down the information, waiting for a nod of confirmation from Lily.

Once she was left alone, she rested her head on her arms and stared at the drink. Sirius would probably finish it one gulp when he got here. In the meantime, though, it stood there taunting her.

"Rough day?"

Propping herself up she saw the curly haired man from the bar. "I guess." How could she tell him she spent hours traipsing through the woods, dodging Dark Wizards and using magic to defend and camouflage her.

"Maybe I should have sent over a cup of tea instead."  
Lily shook her head. "I don't really drink that much." _Anymore_. She thought back to the night when Sirius came after her parents came home and more recently when Alice graduated James decided it was time for a bar crawl.

"Work tomorrow?"

_Could he not take a hint_? "Not really." She laid her left hand out in plain view and started drumming her fingers on the table. He looked like he was going to say something, but before she could she waved her arms. "Love, come here!"

Across the crowded room Gideon gave her a perplexed before walking over. After looking at the man, he placed a hand on her shoulder. "Hullo." He extended his free hand to the other man. "Names Gideon Prewett, I see you met my lovely friend. Do you want to join us while we wait for her husband?"  
"Husband?" he asked.

"Real nice bloke, but he has a bit of a temper…" Gideon leaned forward, grabbing at the mans hand to shake it. "Come on, sit down."

"No thank you, I really must take my leave now."

As the man scurried away, Gideon sat down beside her. Laughter was bubbling to the surface between them, between the exhaustion and the awkward moment Lily couldn't even attempt to contain it. "Alright there?"

"Yes, thanks for that. I couldn't believe his face!" She let out another laugh. "I ordered a pitcher and food for everyone."

"Thanks, good thing you did it now, the bartender said some band is going to be playing here later."

Soon enough the food, pitcher and glasses were delivered. Lily and Gideon dug in, eating in silence. She was glad that Dumbledore decided to partner her with with him. The Order liked to pair an experienced member with someone who was just starting out. This mainly stemmed from a disastrous string of events that Sirius and James caused two weeks after graduation. One thing they liked to do was make married couples partners, as they were usually a good matchup for dueling.

They both were halfway through their baskets when the band started playing. Distracted, Lily didn't even look at the door. "Could I have this dance?"

Spinning in her seat she saw James. Jumping up she wrapped her arms him tightly. "You look dreadful."

"So do you my lovely Lily-flower." James kissed her on his lips, his stubble scratching against her face. "Is this for me?" He sat down in an empty chair, as he grabbed a basket of fish and chips with hand he used his free one to secure Lily's waist and tug her onto his lap.

"We're in public place, Padfoot." Sirius slapped the back of his head slightly before reaching for the bowl of stew.

"Do you know how long it's been since I've seen her."

"He means, do you know how long has it been since he's had a decent meal," Lily clarified. "It's a good thing James never was on his own as a bachelor, the only thing he can make is instant coffee."

"Not true," he objected. "My toast is pretty good."

"Once we got the muggle appliance, before that you made a pile of ash." Lily rolled her eyes as she lifted herself off of his lap, doing her best not to put any weight on her feet. As she did this she saw James watching her. "I had a bit of a mishap, rolled my ankle when I was dodging a hex."

"Still got out better than James and I." Sirius poured himself a glass of ale and drank half of it in one gulp. "Well, the first time that we went out together."

"Are you talking about what happened with that motorcycle?" Gideon questioned. "When the two of you were dodging policemen?"

Lily rolled her eyes as she leaned on her husband and listened to their conversation. She absentmindedly wondered what the old her would think of this. It was three months after she graduated. She had no real job, she was living in an apartment with her husband (whose inheritance provided their source of income) and had no plan of furthering her education. Yet, she had never been happier. She never had felt like what she was doing had a purpose before this.

Soon enough they left, James paying the tab before walking as a group to a secluded spot to apparate home. Once in the building they walked upstairs to their flat, unlocking the door. James walked in first then turned around as Lily shut the door and bent over to unlace her boots. "I'm not leaving until Thursday."

"I'm just helping Remus with the Patronus message system," she answered. "But he's still trying to track down werewolves, I don't know when he'll be back."

"That means we at least have tomorrow." James smiled as he waited for her to take off her shoes, kicking his trainers off. "To be alone I mean."

"I know what you meant." She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him. "Can we just be lazy? That sounds good right now."

"We'll need to go to the store, we can't live off of take out."

"We can try." He kissed her neck, before wandering up to her ear. "There's this good place that'll deliver burgers, apparently they're the best in town."

"Are you really talking about food right now?" Lily asked.

"Give me something else to think about."

"I think I can do that." She laughed, pushing off of him before unbuttoning her flannel shirt, standing in front of him in her tank top. Reaching for his shirt, she pulled it off pressing her palms to his chest which was suprisingly warm.

"Not here, we have a bed now." He grabbed her hand and tugged her gently towards the bedroom. There were some benefits to having their own place.

* * *

The sound of retching awoke James. Feeling the bed next to him, it was still warm, but Lily was missing. Stumbling out of bed he made his way to the bathroom where he found her kneeling in front of the toilet. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, the food must not have settled with me last night." She wiped the back of her mouth.

"Are you sure it was the food? You had two glasses last night and we all know you're a lightweight." As he said this, he knelt beside her and brushed her hair out of the way, reaching behind him for an elastic that was littered all over the counter. Gently he tied her hair and rubbed her back.

"James…" she started.

"You probably have the flu, want some tea?"

"Yeah, I'm going to take a shower."

He kissed the top of her head, giving her a smile before leaving her in the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later she emerged and tenatively took the cup James handed her. "It's instant coffee isn't it?"

"Tea kettles are a rather terrifying device." He smirked. "No, I made tea, I followed the directions on the box."

"Thank you." She lifted it to her mouth as set a box of biscuits on the table and grabbed his own mug before sitting next to her. Reaching inside she ate a biscuit whole, they being her favorite ones. "I don't think chocolate good's for an upset stomach, but I'm rather hungry."

"We'll go to the store, get you some safe food."

Lily tried to ignore the odd feeling in her stomach and set down the food she was nibbling on, wash down the bite in her mouth with the tea. A wave of nausea hit her again and she raced back to the bathroom. James followed her with a great worry. "How about you go back to bed? I'll run to the store, do you want me to see if Alice or Sirius can come over?"

"I'll be fine, I promise," she answered. "I'll go with you."  
"You can barely keep down tea," he said. "Dad used to get like this after he had a hard day at work, exhaustion does funny things."

"I'm fine."

"Lily, I'll be back in half an hour." He pressed a kiss to her temple before reaching for an elastic. "Remember how we would fight over you taking care of me?"

She rolled her eyes, but begrudgingly agreed as she followed him out of the bathroom and sprawled out. As he shut the door behind him, she suppressed yet another wave of nausea, gripping the sofa's arm tightly.

* * *

Three days later, James had left on a trip abroad. Lily's nausea hadn't seemed to have gone away and she had found herself becoming more fatigued no matter how much sleep she gotten. At Alice's insistence she made an appointment with a Healer that had a private practice. They could do all the same tests, but it was quite a bit cheaper and sympathetic to the Order's cause.

After an assistant took all the necessary samples for the tests, she left Lily alone in the room to wait for the doctor. It seemed to be ages before the Healer finally made an appearance. "Hullo, Miss," the Healer said. "Although, I surmise that it is missus, Mrs. Potter?"

Lily nodded.

"Do you want me to deliver the news delicately or tell it to you straight?" the woman questioned as she pulled a chair out from a desk and sat in front of the cot where Lily was seated.

"Am I sick?"

"No." She shook her head and laughed a little. "Far from it."

"The after effects of a curse?"

"No, Mrs. Potter you are pregnant. Congratulations." The Healer passed her a grin, but her face fell when she took in her patient's face. "Is this not welcomed news? From what I gather of your situation, it's not the most opportune-"

"Are you certain?"

"Yes," she responded. "You're not very far long, about eight weeks, perhaps nine."

"How long until…" Lily clenched her eyes shut. "My mother...I saw her medical file after her death. I knew about her history...She always talked about how lucky she was to have my sister and I...Do you understand?"

"You may see it as a disadvantage, but being young reduces your chances of miscarriage."

"How long before I know if…"

"About 12 weeks, if you make it until then there's a good chance the baby will make it to term." The Healer took in her expression and sighed. "Don't wait until then to tell your husband, the two of you are in this together."

"What happens if I tell him and…" Lily shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself.

"He'll help you get through it."

"This has to be a sick joke from the universe. I can I, in good conscious, bring a child into this world in the midst of a war?"

"Maybe it's a reminder to look towards the future."


	39. Chapter 39

**AN: This is a heavier chapter, I was going to put another filler chapter, but I wanted to clear up any confusion that you all might have had from that last chapter. This chapter, as well as the one before it, is set about three to five months after graduation. James and Lily are both eighteen.**

* * *

She kept the secret as long as she could. One thing she did not anticipate, though, was Remus and his unusual habit of reading people like the book. James was gone on an extended mission with both Prewett twins. Remus had said he needed a place to stay, but she suspected that James wanted to make sure she was alright.

The were sitting down at the kitchen table for breakfast. Remus had offered to make, after a bit of an argument they did it together. Lily stared down at her plate, hunger gnawed at her stomach, but she was scared to eat. It wasn't much, just eggs, toast and tea, but for the past few days she had managed to stave off morning sickness with plenty of water and crackers.

"Is something the matter?"

"No." She took a tentative bite, her stomach seemed fine, but when she reached for a second it protested and she dropped her fork.

"Lily, I hope you know that I am not as oblivious as your charming husband."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You claim to be feeling fine, but you haven't done any active field work that puts you into any real danger. Which leads me to believe that Dumbledore suspects something. Also, every time I'm here for breakfast you never eat more than a few bites and you always claim you're tired. Not only that, but you've been married since Christmas."

"Don't tell James, please," she said. "I'm waiting until I'm twelve weeks along."

"Fine, but you can't exactly hide it from him for ten months, go missing for a day or so then come home with a baby."

"I wasn't exactly planning on that.

"Lily, I respect your decision, but it's James we're talking about."

"I know." She rolled her eyes and then they set to work, busy themselves with making potions. As they spent time brewing, they poured over maps and old magic books, strategizing for the order. As the minutes, then hours, passed by they said little to each other and did not stop working. At one they took a break where they set out bread, cold cuts and cheese along with pumpkin juice.

Lily made a sandwich, eating as fast as possible, hungry now that nausea had subsided. When she reached for her pumpkin juice the glass slipped from her hand as she was about take a drink.

"I'll get a rag." Remus jumped to his feet. "Still feeling sick?"

Lily's back was bent into the shape of a question mark as a hand clutched her stomach, face knitted together into pain. "No…" She bit her lip, her hand clenching as another wave of pain shot through her abdomen. "I think I have a cramp." Stumping to her feet, she pushed past Remus, walking to the bathroom.

Ten minutes, passed then fifteen before he heard from her again. "I need James."

"What's wrong?" he asked when she appeared again. Her skin was eerily pale, hands trembling as she stood in front of him. "Are you alright?"

"I think I should go to the Healer's." She walked toward him, hand grasping as his shoulders. "Can you apparate with someone?"

"Someone injured?" he asked. "Yeah, I learned to, come on."

* * *

James was pushing through the glass doors and running to the front desk a while later. "Can I help you sir?" the receptionist, taking him in. James looked extraordinarily young with his too long hair, ripped jeans, faded shirt under worn flannel shirt. Not even the stubble added enough years to his appearance to make it look like he was in sixth year at Hogwarts, let alone a graduate of the school.

"My wife, I got a message saying she's here, but they didn't say why."

"Name?"

"Lily Potter," he said, leaning across. "Where is she?"

"Calm down, please."

"I don't even know if she's alive, okay?"

"She is." The woman looked up at him. "Why don't you go down to room 234? Her Healer should be there and you can direct any questions to her."

He mumbled a response and hurried through the halls. As rushed through the hallways he tried to block out all the other times he had come here to see his father after a bad mission. Finally he came to an open room where a woman in a white jacket was arguing with Sirius and Remus, the latter had his arm on the former's shoulder.

"Why can't I go in there? I'm practically her brother in law, isn't that immediate enough for you?" Sirius shouted.

"Padfoot, mate, please…" James said stepping forward. "Healer…" He looked at her nametag. "Matson, I'm Lily Potter's husband. I was at work I didn't know…" Words tumbled out of his mouth, but then he didn't know what else to say. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"You have my condolences-"

"Condolences? The receptionist said that she was alive!"

"James, Lily is...she's doing well enough," Remus said.

"Bloody hell! Will someone tell me what happened?"

"James?" a voice called out. "Charles…" The door, which was previously ajar, opened up and there was Lily standing in a shift dress. Her hair was messily piled atop her head, eyes rimmed in red, and skin strikingly light.

"Love…" He opened his arms and she stepped into them. "Merlin...Lily, I…"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry James." She sobbed into his chest, arms tightly around him grasping fistfuls of his thin t-shirt. "I should have told you, but I didn't want...I thought…"

"Please, just tell me what happened." He kissed the top of her head. When he looked up he saw his father there. "Why is dad here?"

"I needed someone and they wouldn't let Remus or Sirius in, he was the only one I could think of that could get here that they would let in."

James took in his father's face. In the past few months it had aged considerably, the sorrow in his eyes had mostly left. After more than twenty five years of marriage losing Agatha was the worst thing he could go through, but somehow he had made it. Now, though, there was a renewed sadness in his eyes. "Son, I don't know what to say besides that I know how much it hurts to be in your shoes."

"What are you talking about? Lily…"

"I killed him, didn't I?"

"Who?"

"Our baby…" she sobbed, her head momentarily lifted to stare at James before burying her head into his chest yet again.

"Baby?" He looked over at his friends, Sirius looked just as confused and heartbroken as James.

"I found out earlier today," Remus replied softly.

"We should leave them alone," Charles spoke, stepping forward to stand in between Remus and Sirius, a hand landing on each of their respective shoulders.

"That's not-" the Healer began.

"I said we should leave them alone." Charles narrowed his eyes at the Healer, looking every bit the head of Magical Law Enforcement. The Healer shrunk and nodded, gesturing them towards a waiting area.

James guided Lily back into the room. She pulled away and led him towards the cot so they could both sit beside each other. "Godric...James, I wanted to tell you, but…"

"But?" he encouraged, a hand rubbing her back. "You can tell me anything, especially something that important."

"I was scared that this would happen." Lily shook her head. "My mum had trouble and I thought that most purebloods have trouble too since they usually don't have more than one child."

"We're in this together, alright?"

"Godric! Why are you so nice? Why aren't you angry at me for lying to you? For killing our baby?"

"You didn't kill it." James leaned forward to envelope her, but she pushed away.

"I didn't want it!" Lily shouted. "Not now, we're in the middle of a war, James. I was just so scared that something would happen to you more than usual, but then I had to worry about this other tiny human growing inside of me..."

"Shh…" James reached for her again and this time she relented. When the words first left her mouth he was a bit shocked, it still hadn't sunk in that Lily was pregnant. They were eighteen, how could they deal with something like this? The prospect of _having _a child was terrifying enough, but losing a baby at eighteen? "It's not your fault, love. There was nothing you could have done differently."

They sat on the cot in complete silence until they heard a knock at the door. Marlene was standing there, a paper bag in hand as she looked over the couple. "Sorry, do you want me to come back?"

"No."

"Remus sent me message at the prophet asking if I could bring clothes. I had an extra set at my desk, I think they should fit you." She set the bag down on the table next to the bed before taking a few steps back .

"Thanks, Mar," Lily replied pulling away from James. "The Healer said I could leave tonight and I didn't want to go in this." She lifts the hem of her dress and forced a laugh that sounded more like a choking sob.

"It was nothing, Lil. I better go back, make sure Sirius isn't-" Marlene didn't bother to finish the sentence, just scurried out of the room quickly.

James reached down for the bag and pulled out a blouse followed by a casual skirt. He was about to open his mouth to comment when she ripped them from his hands. "Do you want me to shut the door?"

"Could you leave? See if the discharge papers are all finished?"

"Yeah." He left the room without protest, wandering the halls to find the Healer. He did find her eventually, bent over the counter as she dictated notes to a quill hovering above a clipboard. "Excuse me, Lily wanted me to make sure the discharge papers were ready."

The Healer looked up at him and the quill paused. "Yes, but I'm sure you have other questions."

"Yeah…" He rubbed the back of his neck and looked in the direction he had come from. "Do you know why Lily wouldn't tell me she was pregnant in the first place?"

"She was scared, I recommend just being there for her now." The Healer passed him a sympathetic look. "But don't try to be strong, men often try to ignore their feelings or let them get pushed aside in a situation like this, but you have just as much right to be a sad as anyone else."

"Thanks." James ran a hand through his hair and walked over to the counter to brace himself against. "It hasn't sunk in yet."

The Healer just took him in, knowing that at times it was better to say nothing. Things like this were hard, she knew James and Lily, what they did for a living. Losing a child, though, was hard. Especially when it was a child that never got a chance to truly live. Silently, she stopped the quill from writing mid air and scrawled her name at the bottom of the paper before handing the folder to James. He took it just as quietly, eyes glazed over with unshed tears. When she'd seen him less than an hour ago he looked so young. "Your wife is free to leave whenever. I'd recommend not leaving her alone in case there are any complications. We performed the standard spells for the procedure and gave her potions." The Healer swallowed as she handed him a slip of paper. "If she needs a pain potion, here's the prescription for it. Owl me any time of the day or night if either of you has questions and they don't solely have to be for a physical reason."

"Thanks," James mumbled againn when he turned around he saw Lily slowly heading toward him. Instead of rushing toward her and wrapping her in his arms he placed a gentle hand on her elbow. She shrugged it off and took hold of his entire arm, rested her head on his shoulder. "Let's go home."

Lily didn't say a word in response, just moved his arm so she was underneath it, burying her into the side of his shoulder.


	40. Chapter 40

**AN: So, I was going to attach the beginning to the last chapter, but it would have made it a bit long for my tastes, but the two parts were a bit short to let stand alone.**

When she woke up, the left side of the bed was empty. She reached out to touch the rumpled sheets and found that they were cold. Clenching the sheets she rolled onto her side and saw a note on the night stand. _I'm so sorry that I left you, but there was an emergency and I didn't want to wake you. Much love, James. _

Crumpling the note she curled into a ball and squeezed her eyes shut. It had been two days, James had promised to stay with her until she was ready...or at the very least let her know when she was leaving. Getting to her feet she pulled the sheet off the bed and wrapped it around her. The apartment was a bit chilly, that meant James must have left pretty early if he didn't use a heating charm. They always used one when in the morning to fend off the autumnal chill, but it drained their energy to keep one going continuously.

In the kitchen she put the kettle on and rummaged through the cupboards to find food. As usual they were pretty barren: boxes of biscuits, tea bags, instant coffee, cans of soup and boxes of pasta. She grabbed the biscuits and dumped half of what was left on a small plate. As she poured the hot water into the cup and added the tea bag there was a knock on the door. Flattening her hair, she dropped the sheet and gripped her wand tightly. "Who is it?" She called out, her hand resting on the door knob, expecting to hear one of the Prewett twin's or Alice.

"James?" The voice was male and clearly confused. "Uh, it's Luke Fisher, I was…"

"Go away," she said. "I have no idea who you are and if you don't leave in ten seconds I will hex you." Lily counted to thirty before looking through the peephole, then opening the door to peek into the hallway, he was gone.

With a sigh of relief she headed to the kitchen, wrapped the sheet around herself again and plucked the tea bag out of the water. Taking a tentative she winced at the bitterness, she shouldn't have tried to do it the muggle way. Pocketing her wand on the counter she grabbed the plate and headed into the living room where she plopped on the couch.

Once she downed half her tea, masking the taste with an overly sweet biscuit before accioing a spell book. The Order's best defense was creative usages of rarely used spells, it took Death Eaters by surprise and gave them an advantage. A few pages in there was another knock, but this was a recognizable voice. "Lily, it's me Frank. Can we talk? I think there was a misunderstanding."

Lifting her hand she muttered a few words and the door flew open. She hid a smirk behind her book, glad that she was able to do that again. Her small lived victory was ruined when the door shut and he walked in. "Merlin, are you alright?" he questioned, sitting on the coffee table in front of her. "It's freezing in here, did you forget the heating charm?"

"James been doing it." She pulled the sheet tighter around her as she crossed her legs. "And I'm fine."

"You look like a mess."

"That's what every girl wants to hear."

"Lily, seriously are you alright? If you need anything Alice and I are just down the hall." He reached over to pat her knee.

In return Lily rolled her eyes and brought her knees to her chest. "Thanks for your concern, but I'm a big girl. I've dealt with-"

"Worse? It gets tricky when you start comparing pain. Telling yourself that you don't have a right to be hurt because you've been through worse is pretty dangerous."

"Thank you Frank."

"Hey, what happened to the Lily I know? She just so happens to like me and finds my protectiveness endearing."

"Because I just had a strange man knock on my door and now you're here questioning my well-being."

"James really didn't tell you about Luke?"

Lily shook her head as she leaned back on the couch, winding her hands around fistfuls of blanket.

"He was in Bulgaria, near Durmstrang, but Voldemort's getting more powerful so he came to England, but he needs a place to stay. James offered the spare room, but that was before...everything."

"You can say the word," she muttered. "And I'm still upset that he didn't at least put it on the note."

"It was at about two in the morning, Fabian needed some backup and James volunteered."

"Of course he did." Lily rolled her eyes. "Why did I go and marry such a nice guy?"

Frank laughed, patted her knee again before getting to his feet. "Well, Alice should be done practicing interrogation on Luke, I'll go over there and stall long enough for you to get dressed."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That Lily Potter doesn't usually like to be seen by strangers in her pyjamas. In fact there was a time that you wouldn't let me in the door if your sweater didn't match your trousers."

"You and Alice are married, that makes us practically family." Lily smiled. "And thanks for worrying about me."

Frank passed her a smile in response, she got up and wrapped him in a hug. When she pulled away he left without another word and she went into her bedroom, digging around it for clean clothes. She took out a tank top and her a pair of ancient jeans before throwing one of James' jumpers on top. After washing her teeth she threw her hair in a top knot and went to sit on the sofa.

A considerable amount of time had passed, she was now into chapter two of the spell book, when there was a knock at the door. Using her wand she flung it open and didn't move her eyes from the page. "Hello?" a cautious voice called out.

"Walk forward about eight metres," Lily yelled.

"Sorry for the misunderstanding, I assumed James would have told you."

"Never assume anything." She set the book down and got to her feet. "My husband left early this morning and didn't want to wake me. Besides, things around here have been...strained to say the least" She took a deep breath and bit her lip. "Why don't I show you the bedroom? We recently transfigured some furniture and added some odds and ends to make it look habitable. However, the only person that stays here is our good friend Remus on occasion." _Like after a full moon, when all of the Marauders have a reunion after traipsing around in the remote woods. _

"Thanks so much for this, you're doing me a huge a favor. I promise I'll try to find my own flat as soon as possible."

Lily crosses her arms over her chest, leaning against the doorway as she watched the man set down the satchel he was carrying and use his wand to expand it. In a few moments he is unpacked, turning to look at her. He has the same glint in his eyes James and Sirius used to have. His hair is silky and blonde, eyes the color of of sea glass. He wears a jumper with linen trousers, but somehow makes it look completely casual.

"Why did you really come?"

"Excuse me?" he asked. "Are you going to interrogate me to? Frank promised me that Alice just did that because she was in Auror training."

"What did my husband say to you?"

"Uh, I really don't-"

"I know James, I know him very well. Now, tell me what he asked you to do."

"I wasn't supposed to come for another week, but my job in Bulgaria was finished. I got an owl two days ago late at night asking me if I could come early. He didn't say why, just-"

Lily face turned into a mask of anger as she her fists balled up. "Pardon me, just…" Her hands went to her head as she walked to her bedroom. Tearing off James' jumper, her wand clattered to the ground. She cursed as she picked it up and along with the sweater, holding it to her chest. Luke probably thought she was mental after seeing that episode, but she really didn't care at this moment in time. She had to have a discussion with James. It was one thing asking Frank or Alice or Sirius or Remus or Marlene or even Peter, but asking a complete stranger to come and live in their spare room so he could _watch _her. She was a grown woman!

Lily sunk to the ground, her back leaning against the bed. Had James really seen her as that damn fragile? She thought about the hospital, how when she came out his hand lingered on her elbow. Maybe he took her asking him to leave when she got dressed...She rested a hand on her stomach, knowing there was nothing in their anymore. James avoided the topic, like he had done with Agatha's death. She wondered how long before he would snap this time?

Composing herself got to her feet and walked back out. Luke was in his room, unpacking things a bit tidier. Taking a deep breath, she channeled her three years of Prefect trainining. "Sorry, I just had to do something real quick. I would offer you a tour but this isn't exactly Potter Manor. The bathroom's just next door, kitchen's down the small hallway. You can help yourself to anything in the kitchen, but there's not much. James is rubbish at cooking and I can't manage anything more difficult than scrambled eggs or tea."

"Duly noted." He nodded his head, as his eyes looked over her quickly. A smirk caught on the edges of his mouth. "You know, you're not what I imagined at all."

"Oh?" Lily wrapped her arms around herself, feeling self-conscious when she realized she was standing in front of him in only a tank top.

"Yeah, I've only talked with James a handful of times, but he's so serious. When I heard he was married I imagined, well, I imagined someone _different_."

Lily furrowed her eyebrows. "Are we talking about the same man?" She let out a laugh, shaking her head. "James isn't serious." When she realized the play on words, she let out an even louder laugh.

"I don't understand what's funny. I mean, James is all business especially compared to Black."

A smile played on Lily's lips. "One of the reasons I married James is that he always helps me keep my mind off of things. He uses humor like it's a weapon. Quite honestly it's frustrating."

"Are you sure?"

"He's changed a lot, things have happened…" Lily let's her voice drift, wondering when was the last time she truly heard him laugh. Searching for the last time he tried to _make _her laugh or came up behind her when she was busy. "I need some air. If you have any questions while I'm gone, Sirius should be home by now and he spends most of his free time here…"

"Alright, should-"

Before he could even open his mouth Lily had turned around and a split second later he heard the door shut.

* * *

It was a weeks before James and Lily were left alone. They threw themselves into the Order, the both of them assigned to missions abroad. At times it felt like they were still at Hogwarts, stealing moments to be alone and taking delight in silencing and locking spells. Other times it felt like they had gotten back to the routine after graduation and before Lily had gotten pregnant.

In this moment, though, they felt like adults, not teenagers pretending to be. Granted, eating take out on their sofa in their pyjamas didn't exactly scream grown-up, but Lily was glad that they were actually together. She leaned against James, nestled underneath his arm as he balanced a plate on his knee, awkwardly trying to eat with one hand.

She thought back to Luke's comment about him being so serious. At that time she hadn't seen it, but after spending weeks with him it was clear to her now. He wasn't the same boy she met first year who broke the rules about flying on the brooms, or the boy third year that broke the detention record or the by fifth year that thought sending her dozens of love notes during class was a brilliant idea...he wasn't even the same person who married her on Christmas eve. He, however, was still James and Lily knew she had changed too. After the things they both went through, they were lucky to have each other. Although, deep down she knew that they were both to stubborn to give up on marriage.

"Are you done?" she asked, forcing herself away from her thoughts.

"Yeah, but it's my turn for dishes, Lil." James leaned forward ever so slightly, tensing his arm to keep her from sliding as he grabbed her empty plate and set it down on the coffee table

Lily quirked her lips up a bit. "That wasn't why I was asking." She shifted herself on the couch so she could face him.

"Lil, I'm-"

"Don't you dare say tired." She leaned forward and planted a kiss on his lips. It was sort of awful, both their mouths greasy from the chinese take out, but she ignored it. "It's been three weeks, you don't still think-"

"No, Lily, I just wasn't sure you wanted…" He let his hands drift to her hips. She smirked, taking it as a hint, and moved one leg on each side until she was straddling his lap. "You just haven't been straightforward lately, so I never know-"

"Not this again." She pushed off of him and leaned back on the couch. "I thought we were past this."

"We don't just get over what happened, please-"

"Since when are you the rational one?" she muttered.

"Lily…" He reached putting an arm around her to pull her close. "I didn't want to do anything wrong. I was scared-"

"The great James Potter scared?" she mocked.

"Were you always this cheeky?" He tightened his grip and kissed her on the cheek. "I thought the girl I married was the sweet thing that-"

Lily cut him off with another kiss, her hand going to the neck of his shirt to pull him close. They would be alone all night, this was an opportunity not to be wasted. Through her actions she tried to make that clear to him, loosening her hands she placed one flat on his chest, the other running it's way through his messy hair. It was harder now that he was getting it cut shorter, but she loved the way it felt.

"Merlin…" he said when they the stopped for air. "I knew there was a reason I married you. Let's go." He got to his feet and Lily held out her arms. Her arms went around his neck when he bent over, her legs encircling his waist.

As he walked he stumbled a bit and Lily just laughed. When she met his eyes she saw they were filled with joy, a smile crossing her lips. Maybe, just maybe her James wasn't completely gone after all.


	41. Chapter 41

**AN: Please review! Kind of filler-ish, but I think you'll appreciate the second half. It was totally unplanned, but it was fun to write.**

* * *

Life fell into a pattern after that. They threw themselves wholeheartedly into the Order and had to sneak moments in to be with each other. It was always frenzied. They would be tired and aching, but as soon as they came into the empty flat shoes and socks were off, articles of clothing flying as they hurried to the bedroom. Lily was thinner now, James could make out every rib, count the vertebrates on her back. Her collarbone seemed to become accessory that he would pepper with kisses. James waxed as Lily waned. The work he did was more strenuous than even the most difficult Quidditch practice he had been put through. Gone was the lankiness and slightly round face from his teenage years. His shoulders were broader, more defined, his face thinner with an ever present stubble. Now he cut his hair short, adding a few years to his age, making him look like he had actually graduated.

Today wasn't one of those days, however. It getting to be Winter and the old house where the Order was stationed wasn't warmed yet. "You forgot a jacket," James said as he knelt beside her.

"I wasn't thinking, when Luke came by and told me there were casualties…"

"I know." He ran a hand through her loose hair and pulled her into to a kiss after she had the coat on. "Can you do me a favor?" James shrugged off his coat, then his shirt to reveal a bare torso marred by a number of scratches and gouges. "Shrapnel, don't ask me how they did it."

Lily sighed and opened up the bag she had brought with her. It was two in the morning, James had been called out at midnight for back up on what was supposed to be a routine patrol. She pulled out a blanket and laid it on the ground.

"Nope." He stretched himself across her lap giving her full access. "Work your magic before the real injuries get here."

"Yes, sir." She muttered and took a flask out along with a rag. He hissed when the alcohol touched his wounds.

"You're a witch, why are you you using that muggle stuff on me?"

"James, I needed to clean the wound. If what happened was cursed then charms or spells won't work?"

"Then you use the muggle way…" James voice was cut off by a poultice being smeared on top now, he hissed at the cold and the renewed sting, but that was cut off by the feeling of his skin being pulled back together after Lily murmured, "_Episkey."_ His skin was hot, then suddenly cold and then felt Lily's hands run over his bare skin. They felt so soft and delicate, he reached back. "Thank you."

"No problem." She leaned down to press a kiss on the back of his neck, her eyelashes hitting the skin, making it feel like a butterfly landed there.

"Uh, sorry to interrupt, but…" It was Luke. He always had perfect timing. The couple was just grateful that he finally moved out, but somehow he always managed to walk in on them at the worst times.

"It's fine." Lily looked up at him through her lashes, trying to tease him. From his position James huffed and pushed up, looking at Luke. "Let me fix that." She grabbed his t-shirt and muttered a charm to take out the blood. "Are the others here?"

"Not yet, some of the others want your help…" Luke ran a hand through his hair.

"Merlin, mate, my wife isn't that terrifying." James kissed her cheek loudly, twining a hand through her hair.

"Hey now," Lily protested. "Why don't you find Padfoot?" She gave him a smile as she got to her feet trailing behind Luke to help set up makeshift, transfigured cots. It wasn't long before people tumbled in, some in good shape, others bleeding and broken. Lily painted on a straight face as she helped them, never flinching at the the burns, bruises or gashes.

She knelt beside a frantic looking man with a shock of red hair, bandaging his arm, unable to fully heal it. Then, she moved to his head. "Never thought you'd see an office worker like this."

"Huh?" Lily asked.

"Arthur Weasley, you're the girl that married Charles' son."

"Yeah." Lily took a damp cloth and cleaned the dust and dirt off his face before pulling out her wand. "_Tergeo_." With that spell the dried blood was cleared away before she healed it up with a quick spell.

"You're going to give Molly a run for her money." It was Fabian, or at least Lily assumed it was. He was dressed very muggle like, down to his vintage band t-shirt. "She's always has her hands full with Charlie and Bill, both of them are real adventurers and I just _know _those twins will be up to as much mischief as Gid and I."

"How many kids do you have?" Lily wiped her hands on a cloth before muttering a spell to make sure they were devoid of blood.

"Right now? Five." He laughs. "All boys, all rambunctious, well the twins are newborns so they aren't terribly rowdy."

Lily smiled as Arthur spoke, relaying stories to her and Fabian. By now most of the people had been helped or could fix their injuries themselves. She let herself get lost in the tale of Charlie and the stuffed dragon, then in the story of Bill, who at nine was a master a puzzles. As he spoke she felt an aching in her chest, one that she had not felt before. She thought back to how it was to have a tiny human inside of her.

"Lily…" Fabian laid a hand on her shoulder. She looked up. "Are you alright?"

Tears had filled her eyes, but she widened her smile and nodded. "Of course. You're kids sound amazing, they're lucky to have such great parents." She'd never met Molly, but always assumed she was something like Agatha.

"Come over sometime, the both of you." He tilted his head towards James. "We're going to have Gideon and Fabian over anyways and Molly always says the more the merrier."

"Agatha always said the same thing." Lily looked at Arthur, Fabian backed away, trying to avoid this conversation. "I have a question."

"Go ahead."

"How on earth do you do it?" Lily questioned. "Balance work and the Order and a family...James and I can barely manage our marriage with Order."

"Practice, lots of practices." Arthur smiled, patting her hand. "Remember the invitation, Molly will be delighted to have someone else to feed."

* * *

They did remember the invitation. It was January, though, by the time they made it to the Weasley Burrow. Lily and James made an effort to look nice, Lily in a dress and boots, James in a sweater and khaki's. They held hands tightly as they appeared in the fireplace. "Mum! Dad! There's people in our floo!" As they older boy ran out of the room a small child toddled in.

"Hello," Lily said. "What's your name?"

The small child blinked at her before scampering out. "That's Percy," another boy said. This one had longer hair, a wicked smile and a shirt with a dragon on it. "My name is Charlie are you Lily and James?"

"Yes," Lily answered. "It's nice to meet you."

"You're pretty, you're hair's like ours."

"It is." Lily smiled brightly as she got down to his level. James watched seeing her interact with the child.

"Oh, Bill said you were in…Arthur is around here somewhere…" Molly Weasley was like a whirlwind. Vibrant curls billowed around her face, a stained apron covered a green dress, she balanced a baby on her hip. "Would you like to meet George? At least I think it's George, Arthur helped me dress him and I have this whole system down..." A bell went off somewhere in the house.

"Do you mind helping with the boys? Usually my brothers are here by now and they love to play…"

From behind them James let out a laugh as two boys grabbed at each leg, he spun them around. "Hey now, I think your mum wouldn't appreciate roughhousing in here….Molly, can I bundle them up and take them outside before dinner?"

"Please," she said and another bell went off. "I have to…"

"Give me George." Lily held out her arms for the baby boy. He grinned good-naturedly at her. It was a good fifteen minutes later before Fabien and Gideon flooed in. The first thing they saw was Lily sitting with Percy while the twins played on a blanket. "Beat you here."

"That you did," Fabian said. "Where are the two monsters?"

"With my husband in the snow, Arthur joined them and Molly's finishing dinner."

"Lily's nice," Percy said.

"That she is." Gideon sat down on the couch and a second later he had the child on his lap. "You fit right in here."

"James does," she responded. "I should have known he'd be great with kids, I mean him and Sirius are practically children."

"Don't doubt yourself," Gideon said and watched as Fabien swooped in to pick up the twins, balancing one in each arm. "Katie always wanted a big family. I said 'we'll see'." He ran his hand through Percy's hair, the child not even paying attention to the adults, too caught up with the pictures in the book.

"Percy come with me to see your mum," Fabian said, noticing the tone shift with the two on the couch. As he walked forward, the toddler stumbled off the couch and padded over to man whose leg he was now clinging to.

"You know when I was sick? I was pregnant and lost the baby." She frowned. "I was so upset at myself because I was _relieved, _I thought that it wasn't possible to do everything, then I heard Arthur and Molly talk…"

"Hey, Lil, my sister and her husband, they are super human. My sister thrives in this chaos, she was born to be a mother or at the very least a leader of a small nation." Gideon laughed at his own joke. "Don't ever hesitate, do things now or you'll regret waiting."

"Frank told me the same thing, that's why I proposed to James."

Gideon's eyes lit up at that. "I promise not to tell Fabian, he would _never _let him live that down."

"I should go see Molly, can you make sure James and Arthur are alright? I've heard stories about your brother-in-law and if half of that is true I don't entirely trust him and James with small children."

"Yes." Gideon patted her shoulder before heading to the door and stealing one Arthur's jacket before slipping out the door. Lily wandered into the kitchen where she could see Fabian settling the twins into wooden high chairs.

"Could you help me get everything set up?" Molly was waving a wand around as pots and pans and food went flying threw the kitchen. "Just setting the table, Gideon is helping the twins and Percy…"

"That's Fabian, Gideon went outside to check on our husbands."

"Good plan." Molly pointed her wand at her, then had to quickly redirect the action. "Although, Arthur tells me you're quick good at Healing."

"Somewhat…" Lily opens cabinets, but Molly just waves her hand and one flies opens revealing the dishes. "Thanks, what size plates?"

"Big ones." Molly smiles as everything is neatly arranged in bowls and platters that litter the counter.

Lily piles her arms full of plates and then looks at Molly who flings open a drawer with a wave of a hand. Lily balances the armload as she piles silverware on top. "I'll come back for cups."

A smile quirks at Molly's lips. "Just like Arthur."

"The muggle way of doing things has been ingrained into me." Lily knew that's what she meant and from Molly and Arthur it was basically a compliment. Arthur was intrigued by everything none magical, but he didn't treat her like some freak show.

"Let me help." Molly levitated a stack of glasses into the dining room onto the table. In no time everything was ready. "Let's sit down while we wait." Molly sat down at the head of the table, the other reserved for Arthur. She put the twins on either side of her. At the other end, Percy was sitting on a transfigured books to make him tall enough with Fabian next to him, Arthur would be at his elbow.

Fabian was holding a mock serious conversation with Percy who was busying himself with straightening his place setting. Lily let out a laugh and Molly looked at her. Before anything could be said there was a loud clamor as Bill and Charlie raced James into the dining room. "Watch it!" Lily shouted as incredibly cold hands gripped her shoulders. "Have fun?"

"I'm starving." James kissed her on the cheek. "It smells wonderful, thank you for inviting us Molly, Arthur." He sat down next to Lily, putting an arm around her shoulder.

"James, let me sit next to her," Charlie whined.

"Buddy, how about-"

"It's fine Arthur," James said as he relinquished his wife and scooted over. "Come on."

Charlie happily climbed onto the chair, beaming at Lily before telling her everything that went on outside. Across the table Bill sat between Fabian and Gideon. The night passed with lots of good food and laughter. As it whined down, Molly dished out pie to everyone and James and Lily snuck looks at each other over Charlie's head. The little boy seemed to be entranced by the 'pretty lady' with red hair and green eyes, especially after he learned that James and she were married 'just like mum and dad'.

That night when James and Lily were home they laid in bed, not talking, not sleeping, just holding hands. Lily laid her head on his shoulder. "You know how I was saying I wasn't ready for a baby?"

"Yeah."

"I'm still petrified." She kissed him on the cheek.

"Oh…" James looked at her. "I understand, but...whenever you're ready to have kids, so am I."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"It's not the kids part I'm worried about, it's the whole pregnancy thing and the Order and…"

"Hey, I know you like planning, but we just have to roll with the punches, right? If you stuck to a plan we wouldn't be here right now, together." He moved his arm around her shoulder to pull her closer.

"This time, though, I want you there every step of the way, no secrets."

James just held her tighter, tucking his head into her neck.


	42. Chapter 42

**AN: Please review, they make me very happy. Also, things might not be 100% realistic in this chapter, but keep in mind that this story takes place in the 1980s, Lily is accustomed to the wizard's way of doing things and this is a fanfiction.**

* * *

James interlocked his hands with Lily's as they approached the Potter house. It had been ages since they went back home, but Charles was constantly abroad. New responsibilities came with his position, that included contacting and meeting with foreign dignatiaries. Tonight, was celebrating his return to England after three months away. Almost all of the Order would be there, along with their families and Ministry employee's that were sympathetic to the cause.

"Do I look good?" Lily asked as they halted in front of the house. The pair had apparated, a bit out of practice to coming to this specific location, so they ended up down the street.

"Ravishing…"

"James," she squealed as she kissed her neck. "Saying I want a family does not give you permission to-"

He silenced her with a kiss. "I know, I know, it's just things are finally beginning to feel normal again. We should probably be worried, but…"

"We're adjusting to the chaos, now come on." She tugged him towards the door and they walked right in. As they moved toward the noise of voices Lily felt something hit her legs and looked down. "Mopsy."

"Oh! It's been so lonely here Miss Lily! Now Mr. Charles is back! So is Mr. Sirius and Mr. James!" The house elf pulled away and did a little dance. "I know you're not staying, but things haven't been the same since Miss Aggie…"

"I know," James replied sadly. "Thanks for holding down the fort." He smiled at the creature before pulling Lily towards all the people. They immediately took drinks from their position on a table.

"Mrs. Potter, may I have a word?"

The couple turned towards an elderly man in sweeping robes. James squeezed her shoulder. "Good evening professor," James said politely, then turned to Lily, "I'm going talk to Padfoot, I saw him around here somewhere."

As he walked away, Dumbledore smiled. "I want you two to realize I'm not your teacher anymore. Call me Albus, or at the very least Dumbledore, that's what they all call me behind my back."

"Of course, Albus." Lily took a quick drink, hoping that the beverage was alcoholic (it was) before crossing her arms.

"Well, I was consulting with some of my acquaintances and they need a qualified person to work for them. You could consider it a long term Order mission."

"What exactly is it?" Lily tilted her head.

"Well, I have muggle contacts as you may guessed. One of them is a director for a clinic near where there has been quite a bit of unexplained activity of the magical variety...Having someone from the Order there would be most beneficial."

"Why me? I'm hardly the most qualified, why not one of the Prewett's or even Luke." At that her eyes shifted to the man who was busy entertaining Arthur's oldest two sons by throwing food in the air and catching it in his mouth. "Forget the last suggestion."

"Your mother was a nurse, correct?"

"Yes."

"You had aspirations to be a Healer?"

"Yes."

"The job is at an emergency medical clinic. The director knows that I help coordinate volunteers and thought I might know someone that won't shy away from the work they do. That will be willing to jump into the deep end."

Lily stood there open mouthed, flattered that she came to the Headmaster's mind. Her whole life she dreamt of going into the medical field, it was only recently she switched. But then again, she hadn't entirely. Most of her free time was spent pouring over books and she was always the first one summoned after a mission gone bad. "I would love to do it, I want to discuss it with James first, but it's fairly definite."

"Of course, it will be in a Muggle clinic, but I think you will pick up knowledge that will come in handy."

"Yes, I'm always telling Order members that they rely too heavily on magic."

"Fear of the unknown can turn much too quickly into hatred." The professor smiled. "Sorry, for monopolizing your time, I'll let you get back to your husband."

Lily just smiled and swirled her drink around in her glass, things were going well after all.

* * *

It was a week later when Lily was pinning back the hair framing her face. James leaned against the doorframe as she pulled her loose locks into a ponytail, smirking when he realized she was acting exactly the same way she did before her St. Mungo's uniform. "Do I look like a muggle?"

"Yes." He held out his arms to her. "I like you better in my clothes, though."

She rolled her eyes as she tried to straighten her shirt and looked down at her slacks. "I'm not going to be tracking Death Eaters through the forest or on a stake out, I'm going to be in an office."

"I know." He kissed her her forehead, already being yelled at once for smearing her lip gloss. "So are you going to be working today or is it an interview?"

"Working, I think."

"I'll be with Peter today, I don't know exactly what we're doing, but don't wait up." He rested a hand on her cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too." She kissed him this time and hugged him tighter. "Be safe, promise you'll come home."

"I promise, don't worry." When they pulled away, James reached for her hands. "I will always find a way to come back to you."

Lily squeezed her eyes shut and tugged her hands free. Ever since she went back on missions after her miscarriage, her and James were always together. They were a great team and he got injured far less when he was with her. "If I'm working, I'll be home about five, so I'll be here to patch up any injuries."

"Go." It was his turn to roll his eyes as he watched her grab her purse, stash her wand inside and then grab her peacoat. With a sigh he left the bathroom and collapsed on the couch, waiting for his friend to come.

Meanwhile, Lily was navigating her way through London after apparating. Glancing down at her wristwatch she saw she was five minutes early when the building came into view. It was two stories and greyish blue. Outside there was a wooden sign framed by neatly trimmed bushes that were covered in snow. With a deep breath she clutched her purse tightly and power walked inside.

The clinic was basically empty. No one was in the waiting room yet and behind a counter stood a woman with black hair wearing pink scrubs. She glanced up at her before gesturing to someone in a white a coat covering blue scrubs. "If it's not an emergency, appoinments don't start for another hour, even walk ins," the man said.

"Oh, my name is Lily Evans." She smiled at the man and held out a hand. It was Dumbledore's suggestion to use her muggle name, as it may be more recognizable. When the man looked at her with confusion she pulled away.

"I see, nice to meet you. Are you here to sell something or visit someone."

"I have an interview today with the clinical director."

"Oh," he muttered, running a hand through his hair. "Steve told me about you, he said you would start today." The man scanned her quickly. "Listen, maybe you should come back. This place is going to be packed in forty five minutes I don't have time to train someone like you."

The man turned around and Lily did her best to keep her mouth from dropping. _Someone like you_...Her hands balled in anger, as she told herself he was a muggle... "Why?"

The man turned on his heel, raising an eyebrow at her after exchanging a look with the woman in pink scrubs. "I'm sure that you're perfectly smart, that you aced biology and chemistry…"

She decided it would be best _not _to tell him that she had never taken those subjects.

"But I was promised someone that was mature and experienced, okay? I don't need someone whose squeamish at the sight of blood…" He looked down at his watch. "Steve had an unexpected conference come up and he left me in charge, I have enough on my plate." The man turned away from her. "Angie, I need to go to the hospital real quick to grab those files with the information about the temp nurses. I'll be back in fifteen." He turned his attention back to Lily. "Actually, could you stay here until I get back? I assume you can answer phones."

Lily looked at him incredulously, but the nurse tossed him keys and he raced out of the clinic. With a huff Lily attempted to control her anger as she looked at Angie. "Is he always that dreadful?"

"He's one of the best doctors we have on staff," the nurse retorted. "Now, I'm supposed to take inventory, one of our nurses is sick, can you watch the phones and the front desk?"

Biting her lip Lily went behind the counter and took a seat at the desk. Time seemed to tick slowly as she let her emotions subside. The peace, though, was quickly shattered. "Can someone help?" a woman's voice called. Before long two people emerged from the hallway, one was a blonde woman supporting a man who was clearly hurt.

"Angie!" Lily shouted. "Come quick!" She quickly went to the other side to help support him, guiding them both down the hall and finding an exam room. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"It was a motorcycle accident, my neighbor called me just before I got in my car to leave for work."

"Okay, what's your name?"

"Tina, his name is John."

"Tina, I know it's hard but I need you to relax." Lily looked down at the man. "John, can you hear me? My name is Lily, I'm going to be helping you today."

"Yeah…" his voice was raspy. "It's my legs and my…"

"How did you get here?"

"I drove him, I couldn't wait for an ambulance."

"Alright…" Lily looked around the room for supplies. "Angie!" she shouted louder as she walked across the room to get supplies. She was helping to stop the bleeding from his head when the nurse came in.

"What are you doing?" she demanded. "Get away from the patient, _now_."

"Broken leg, multiple contusions, possible internal injuries and likelyhood of a concussion," Lily rattled off. "I called for you."

Angie turned her attention to the patient, then looked at Lily. "Don't just stand there, scrub up, take care of her," she lowered her voice at that, "then page the doctor and come back, _now_."

Lily did as she said, cleaning the blood off her hands as she prepped. The next few moments passed in a whirlwind, before long Tina was quieted, filling out paperwork. She was wearing gloves, helping Angie and John was beginning to stabilize. It was in the middle of this that the Doctor reappeared, looking at her in surprise. "I'll go back…"

About forty minutes later an ambulance arrived to transport John to a hospital. The doctor looked at Lily, then at Angie. "Can you get her some scrubs? She can't go around the rest of the day covered in blood."

"The rest of the day? I thought I was leaving."

"Do you have somewhere to be?"

"No."

"Listen, I have to admit I misjudged. Now, I really should be lecturing you for breaking procedures, potentially putting yourself and the clinic at risk, but you covered our arses today. We're way too understaffed at the moment and the next nurse can't make it in until ten-thirty."

"Alright."

The doctor's lips quirked up in an imitation of a crooked smile. "Where'd you learn how to do all this?"

"What do you mean? I screwed up, I didn't-  
"Most doctors in their residency can't handle blood like that, I almost threw up the first time I saw something like that."

Lily bit her lip and considered what to tell him. Saying, '_Oh, I fight the Dark Lords on weekends, it's not big deal,' _or, '_my husband and his friends come home looking much worse' _didn't sound like the right thing to say. "I was a Prefect when I was at school, I got used to handling stressful situations and you know teenage boys."

His eyebrows furrowed. "Football accidents aren't like that, I played in a league for years."

"Boarding school can be brutal." Lily turned and walked toward Angie who was coming out of a supply closet. After taking the scrubs, she turned around to see the doctor's eyes on her. She never did learn his name.

She ended up leaving late. The first thing she did was take a shower, then do a cleaning spell to get the blood out of her clothes. Angie had given her cleaning instructions for the best way to get blood out of clothes, but of course it was a muggle technique. Molly, though, had taught her the a fantastic spell that worked nine times out of ten. After that she ate a plate full of biscuits and a pot full of tea before crawling in bed in one James oversized t-shirts. It was about nine when she drifted to sleep.

"Love?" She heard. It was just after midnight. Opening her eyes she saw James in boxers and an undershirt. "How was your day?" He folded himself around her in attempt to get warm.

"It was good." She didn't want his front against her back so she rolled over, sliding her arms under his. Now they were face to face. "This guy was a complete arsehole to me."

"I'll beat him up." James leaned forward, pressing his lips against hers. "How could anyone be mean to you?"

"He took one look at me and thought I was completely clueless, but I proved him wrong."

"Of course you did." He brushed her hair behind her ear, it was still damp from the shower. "I am so proud of you."

"Where did that come from?"

"You're happy," he said. "I always thought you'd become a Healer."

"I'm a nurse's assistant at some understaffed emergency clinic, that's not exactly monumental."

"Lily…" James kissed her. "Yes, it is."

"How was today?"

"Let's not talk about it." He held her tighter and laid there in silence before sleep claimed them.


	43. Chapter 43

**AN: Please review. Right now I feel like Shakespeare writing the last scene of Hamlet, if you catch me drift. This is still much more fun to write than my English Midterm paper, so do not fear the updates will stop. I'm going to try to update as much as possible this week, because next week I will be a counselor at Outdoor School (camp during the school year) where we're completely cut off from everything. As in, I won't even have an alarm clock with a radio. So enjoy while you can!**

* * *

Three weeks later Lily had been accepted. She was at least five years younger than everyone else there, including the doctor from the first day. His name was Adrian Graham and had been volunteering at the Emergency Clinic since he was a resident at a partnering hospital.

She was organizing color coded rows of sticky notes that were the result of a phone ringing off the hook for an hour before she could transfer everything to a calendar. She smiled at the ball point pen in her hand, such a simple thing, but something that muggles took for granted. There was no feathers in her face, sharpening of quills or pots of ink, just a simple click.

"Tea?" a voice asked, holding a paper cup in front of her. Adrian.

"Thanks." She took a sip and closed her eyes. "This is wonderful, I haven't had a cup all day."

"Running behind this morning?" Adrian asked as he grabbed a folder designated for him with a blue sticker.

"I guess you could say that." Lily took another sip, thinking of how she woke up. James was draped across her after coming home at two, every time she moved he clung to her tighter. The next thing she knew there was a pounding at the door, Frank. James was supposed to be at his flat at seven-thirty, which meant she was late getting up.

"Or a late night?" Adrian teased. Everyone at the clinic was always giving her a bad time because she was nineteen, teasing her about late night parties and bar crawls.

"My husband didn't get home until late and I overslept," she admitted, trying to concentrate on the task at hand. She hadn't really told anyone about James, but she hoped they picked on the subtle hints she dropped like playing around with her wedding ring and pointedly saying that she was _Ms. _Evans, not _Miss_.

"You're married?" Adrian dropped his pen to study her with furrowed brows.

"Yeah, I thought you know." She shrugged and plucked off the yellow post-it notes on her desk, as they were now on the books. "I go by my maiden name, but I wear a wedding ring."

"I know, but a couple of the nurses do that so patients are less likely to flirt with them," Adrian explained, shaking his head. "Is this a new thing?"

"Relatively, a year in December." She forced her voice to sound nonchalant. "Listen, I really need to get the schedule down and as much as I love talking about my marital status…"

"I get it." Adrian held up his hands in surrender. "You'll have to bring him in sometime, as soon as Angie gets wind of this she'll be in your hair until she sees him."

"Duly noted." Lily's eyes watched as he retreated, a slight slump in his shoulders.

* * *

Lily was at the front desk in the clinic. It was a slow day, but the clinical director, Adrian and another doctor was there. It was March and spring was welcome, despite the rain. She would be clocking out in about an hour's time.

"Any plans for the weekend?" Adrian asked.

"Not really, I'm hoping I can just relax." Lily looked up at him, but then turned away when she saw someone walking through the door. "Shit."

"Excuse me?" He hadn't exactly seen the side of Lily that James saw on a regular basis. He saw pretty Prefect/Head Girl Lily. "Hey, do you want me to do the intake? He looks a bit sketchy…" Adrian asked as he assessed the man.

"That's my good friend." Lily took a deep breath as she saw Remus walk in, looking like he hadn't slept for a week. Her heart beat faster as she tried to recall Order missions for today. James hadn't gotten in until four, he was supposed to be off the clock today. Frank and Alice were both doing Auror duties, Fabian and Gideon were babysitting for Molly..."Remus, what are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you, Lil." He smiled and held out his arms. Under Adrian's curious gaze she walked out front and embraced him. "Sorry for coming in like this."

"You're not here on one of Sirius' ridiculous errands, because I swear-"

"Relax, my lovely Lily-flower," he teased, holding her at arms length. "Are you sure you can spare a moment? This is a real job…" He emphasized 'real', because he knew how important employment was. Remus was on the verge of being blacklisted and could only hold work for a few weeks at time. Lily knew that James must have been helping him out, because when she saw letters from Gringotts at the end of the month, they didn't quite add up to their expenses.

"It's fine, right Adrian?" She turned toward the doctor who was looking at her strangely.

"Yeah, we don't have anybody in now." He then looked down at a chart, then sat down in one of the desk chairs, busying himself with the information in the file.

"What is it? Is everyone alright?"

"Charles asked me to come here, um...I don't want you to get angry."

"Did Sirius get arrested for disorderly conduct again?" Lily questioned. Granted, that only happened once, but it was hilarious because the arresting officer's basis for the claim was that he was drunk. For once, though, he was stone cold sober. It was then they realized that Sirius had to learn how to appropriately converse with Muggles.

"No, it's actually James and Sirius."

Lily pursed her lips, closing her eyes for a brief second. "Please tell me they didn't get hurt doing something stupid."

"They're fine, but…" He looked around, then lowered his voice, "they're at the ministry for using magic in front of muggles."

"What!" she exclaimed. "Those immature…"

"Lily, there were extenuating circumstances."

"There always are. You know I almost expect this from Sirius, from Sirius and Peter, but _James_. He's not that arrogant toerag anymore. Merlin!" She spun around to the face of Adrian, that was schooled into neutrality. "I am _so _sorry to have to ask this, but is there anyway I can get off early

"Is everything alright?"

"I think so, my husband needs me…"

"Go, it's slow, and I understand that things come up." He waved a hand.

"You're amazing, I owe you one." She passed him a smile before turning to Remus. As she left Angie came in the room looking at that back of the young assistant, then at the doctor. She didn't say anything, just 'tsked' quietly. Adrian shot her a pointed look and she just shrugged, glancing down at the schedule at the front desk before leaving.

* * *

"A motorbike?" Lily asked as they walked through the door. By the time she got to the ministry everything was settled, Charles had gotten it all squared away. They stayed quiet when they apparated to the building and rode the lift to their apartment. Now, though, it was no holds barred.

"We were being stupid, but-"

"There is no but's James, we can't go around acting like we teenagers!"

"We are Lily, okay?" he said. "Sirius and I wanted to have fun so went out on an empty stretch of road, the next thing I knew there were Death Eaters and the police were chasing us. We teased them and then next thing I knew we had to summon brooms and fly out of there to distract the Death Eaters." He raked a hand through his hair. "You know I don't even owe you an explanation."

"You do when Remus comes and gets me at work…" Lily took a step forward, latching a hand around his wrist. "Tell me what's wrong…"

"Nothing, I just...We almost lost Frank the other night."

"I didn't know that." Lily recalled the other night, the night when her old roommates begged her to come to a pub with them, but then Alice ended up not being able to make it. When she got back to the flat, James was asleep. "Marlene said that Alice couldn't come because he was hurt…"

"I just feel like everything is moving so fast. I mean, we're not even twenty and we've been married for a year and are talking about kids and you have a real job and I leave the house every day wondering who I'm going to lose." James took a deep breath.

Lily sighed and looked down at her feet before realizing his wrists were still in her hands. Releasing them she forces a smile onto her face. James wraps her up in his arms. "Life has a different plan for us." She ran a hand through his hair. "I am just as scared as you."

"I'm not scared, I just want to know what life would be like if all this wasn't happening." He pulled away, holding her head as green met hazel.

"If we haven't gone through the things we had, I don't know where I would be. And this might not be some ideal fairy tale existence, but I'm pretty damn happy." Lily hugged him tightly again. "I understand, James, but next time you evade arrest can you let me in on the plan? Don't let Padfoot have all the fun."

At work the next day, no one said anything to her, though she knew they were all curious. She heard Edith, one of the blond nurses that usually worked at night, asking questions about Remus. Lily did her best not to get angry, but it was like Hogwarts all over again. It took her back to working in the library while Slytherins whispered. It made her think of Snape calling Remus a monster.

"Lily, are you alright?" A hand brushed her shoulder gently and she gripped the pen she was holding tighter. It was Adrian, he pulled her out of her mind, forcing her to not think about the arguments she had with her ex-best friend.

"Fine."

"Are you sure?"

"I said I was fine," she snapped, grabbing the stack of files off the desk and walked towards the cabinets. Kneeling down she slid them in place, but behind her she sensed that Adrian hadn't left. "Do you need something else, _doctor_?" It was a strategy that came in handy when dealing difficult people, it the same strategy she employed with Sirius and James, using there surnames whenever she was angry.

"Is it about what happened yesterday? Is-"

"Everything is fine, okay? It was a traffic violation." That was a lie. Quite frankly she wouldn't be surprised if James and Sirius had a warrant out for their arrest right now. "And everyone can stop talking about Remus, alright?"

"Lily, I-"

"No. Listen, I am here to do this job. I don't have time for any drama, I dealt with enough of that at Hogwarts."

"Hogwarts?"

"I meant Holmstrom, it's the boarding school I went to. Hogwarts is a nickname we gave it." She took a deep breath. "There's a reason I didn't explicitly tell anyone I had a husband and I don't offer any details. I just want to compartmentalize my life, alright? Now, if you excuse me I need organize the sticky notes on my desk, fill out the schedule and finish filing." Getting to her feet, she pushed passed the doctor and sat down at her desk. After enough time she realized that was gone and let out a sigh of relief.

Time seemed to pass quickly as she let herself get lost in the office work. When patients came in she smiled at them and chatted politely. With the other nurses she was nice, but businesslike. With Steven, she was good-natured, making sure to put on a little charm, because he reminded her of Slughorn and that was the way to get on his good side.

"What are you doing tonight?" It was Angie. Her hands were on her hips as she looked Lily over.

"Nothing really." Everyone would be gone tonight. She should go shopping, but all she had was Wizarding money and the closest place would probably be Diagon Alley and that was still a ways to apparate.

"Well, all of the staff that isn't working tomorrow is heading to this pub downtown. Now, that you're one of us…" Angie's lips tilted up ever so slightly at that. "We want you to come. It's been almost a month."

"Thanks." For a young adult, her night life was extremely dull. Dinners at Order member's houses, alternating take out dinners in different flats in their buildings and seeing Charles whenever possible. It was a good night for her if she didn't have to set broken bones or brew a potion, it was a good night if she could fall asleep next to James.

"It's called the Witches Cauldron."

Lily tensed a bit at hearing that. Sometimes she wondered if Muggles were painting targets on their backs, traditionalist purebloods would definitely be offended by that. "Kitchy, I know, but they have good food, drinks are cheap and it's completely casual."

"Yeah, sounds like fun."

"And you can bring your husband." Angie passes her a teasing look, lightly pushing her shoulder.

"He's working late."

"Well, come anyone. Edith is going to want someone to help her get free drinks from the bar and you can meet my boyfriend."

"Sounds fantastic." Lily opened a file folder and began scrawling information on the inside. The nurse beside her sighed before grabbing a patient's folder and leaving.

By the end of the day, she was tired and ready to go home. She was slipping on her coat in the back room when Edith came up behind her. "Angie said she invited you, are you coming?"

"I-"

"Please say you will." She grabbed her elbow and looked at her with wide eyes. In that moment she was transported back to school with Marlene and Athena and Alice begging her to come to Hogsmeade or a Quidditch Game or the Slug Club dinner. "Everyone else is bringing dates and I'm practically the only single one here."

"I-"

"I know you're married, but you're man's not coming tonight and it'll be fun." A smile brightened her face. At that Lily relented, telling herself it would be good to lose herself for the night. When she got back to the flat she penned a quick note in case James came back to an empty home.

After that she jumped into the shower. Using a quick spell she dried her hair into it's natural state of soft waves before applying makeup. For the first time in a while she felt like her age as she slipped on her tightest jeans, Quidditch t-shirt (she hoped they wouldn't notice it or think it was some sort of underground band) and a cardigan. With a slight chill in the air she slipped on one of James' jackets and balanced it with an airy scarf.

Looking around she pulled out her wand, turning out all the lights before casting a heating spell that would take the chill off. Walking out the door, she locked it with her wand and scanned the hallway, she did a quick charm for her ears to have better hearing. Everyone was gone. She discontinued it before walking to the lift, satisfied that she wouldn't have to leave a note on the front door in case there would be a panicked Luke knocking on the door.

After going downstairs to the apparating point, she transported to the place nearest the pub. The street was filled with cars so she blended in easily as she walked to the bar. A wave of hot air hit her as she entered. The pub was pretty busy, but she quickly spotted Angie and Edith, along with another doctor and Adrian.

"Hi," she said as she shimmied of her coat and sat down at the table. "Surprised to see me?"

"No." Edith gave her a side hug. "Do you want something to drink? If you flirt with the bartender he'll give you a free shot with your beer."

"I'm not a big drinker, Angie said they had good food." Lily shrugged and looked around. "Does anybody want anything?" She felt awkward around these people, considering the majority of her friends now were the people she went to school with for seven years. She would know that Remus would split an order of fries or James would want a beer or Sirius would want a shot (which meant she should get an extra large order of fries because he had consumed too much liquor) or Marlene would want some trendy fruity drink that was guaranteed to give you a hangover. With no response she made her way to the bar.

"What do you want?"

"Do you make burgers here?"

The bartender turned around and looked her over. "I think we could manage that." He grabbed the tablet to scrawl down an order. "With fries?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want something to drink? On the house."

"No thanks." Lily wrinkles her nose and lifts her hand to twist her ring.

"It's a special tonight, the managers are trying to get people to eat food so we don't have to deal with them being as drunk." The bartender passes her a smirk.

"Just a beer then, whatever's good." She crosses her arms over her chest as she wishes this was a wizard bar, because then she could order a butter beer.

He handed her a bottle. "Are you with the doctors?"

"Yeah."

"Figured." His smirk widens, "have fun and do I have a name to call when you're order's up?"

"Lily. "

"Just like the flower."

"Yeah, how much do I owe?"

"Why don't you wait until the end of the night? It can get _pretty _wild with the crowd your with. They're just like the cops and the lawyers, all business during the day, then you get them in here and it's like magic."

"What?"

"It's an expression, cause it's the Witch's Cauldron, you know?"

The smile slips from her face as she nods and heads back to the table. It's far from wild, the oldest doctor her, a man with glasses and a name that's difficult to pronounce has procured a pop culture trivia game that's so old Lily can answer the questions. So enough she let's herself got lost in the nonsense and even takes a free drink from the bartender that won't stop flirting.

"You're so lucky." Edith says leaning across the table next to Lily. "Does your husband have any friends that are single?"

At that Lily spits out the beer she was drinking. "Um, yeah, but they're not exactly the _dating _type." _Do you want a werewolf or a nervous boy that has a tendency to look at his feet when he talks or the playboy that may or may not be an alcoholic that may or may not be in relationship with one of my best friends? Or perhaps you want go a different route and try the man who's never been in a committed relationship or his twin brother that just lost his fiance? Take your pick!_

"Oh." Edith lets out a little pout and she looks around the table at Angie whose boyfriend has a hand on her knee. Then, at the doctor with glasses and long name who has his arm around his wife. Then at Adrian, who hasn't had a single drink all evening, unless you count club soda and lime. "What does he even do?"

Lily looks down at her bottle, picks at the label surrounding it. Nobody has ever asked that question before. She could say law enforcement, but what muggle becomes a cop at nineteen? "Family business, but he does a lot of...volunteer work." Lily bits her lip and takes another drink. "I need another beer." When she gets up she stumbles a bit and wishes that James were here. He'd walk with her to the bar, pretending to go for some reason and keep an arm around her waist. Then he'd end up drinking about half of it, afraid to let her drink to much as he was still holding on to the memory of when Sirius got her drunk with mead the night he got disowned.

Instead she goes up alone, gets another bottle from the bartender and pays her tab before heading back to the table. They sit and talk so more, playing another round f the trivia game, but it is clear that they are winding down for the night. The doctor with glasses and his wife offered Edith a ride home, not comletely trusting her to walk. "I have to leave," Angie says and looks at Lily. "Did you drive?"

"No, why?"

"I don't you think you should be driving, or walking for that matter." She looks at the bottle of beer she's still nursing.

"It's fine, really." She would be fine to be apparating, though. After practicing apparating with injured people, doing it while a little tipsy would be a breeze.

"I drove," Adrian said. "If you're okay with me."

"Really, I'm fine, don't worry." Lily grabbed her coat and then lifted the bottle of beer. She took the last drink and smiled, running a hand through her hair.

"What area do you live in?" Adrian asked. "Whichever one is closer could take you." He gestured to the people that were left.

"It's at the corner of Tate and Ashberry," Lily replied. "Really-"

"Adrian lives five blocks away," Angie supplies. "Do you mind? We're going to Justin's and his flat is half an hour's drive from here."

"It's no problem, come on Lily." Adrian gestures to the door. Biting her lip she holds back an eyeroll and follows him out. He's not parked far and it didn't get as cold as expected. She holds on tightly to her coat as he unlocks the car.

"This isn't really necessary, but thank you." She puts on her seat belt and sets the coat at her feet.

"I'm used to being the designated driver, it's fine."

"Well, I should have stopped after my first beer, I'm such a lightweight." She let's out a laugh. "Usually Frank or Gideon cuts me off."

"Who are they?" Adrian asks, turning to look at her as he slows to a stop at a sign.

"One of them is from school, he married my roommate, and the other is James' coworker."

"Oh," he says.

"You're thinking about something, I may be tipsy, but I can still pick up on vocal cues."

"No, it's just that you're more open tonight." Adrian shrugs, hitting his blinker. They're only a few blocks away from her building.

"Yeah, that's probably the beer." She laughed. "I wonder what'll happen tonight, this one time when I got drunk at school James and I went back to his dorm…" She laughs again, tilting her head back and then taking in the face of her co-worker, it is once again schooled into neutrality. "Alice like walks in and she's just a mess because…" Lily stops herself, biting her lip. She needs to watch what she'll say to him, she needs to remember he's a muggle. "Sorry, I'm…"

"No, no, it's fine." Adrian then makes his face into a mask of amusement. "I would probably be like you, but I'm on call tomorrow."

"Angie said it was for people who weren't working."

Adrian grips the steering wheel tightly, the building comes into view. "Edith wanted me to come." He lifts a hand to gesture towards the apartments. "Is this it?"

"Yeah, I'll see you Monday."

"Do you want me to walk you in?"

"No, my flat is on the second floor, it'd just be a hastle."

She gets out of the car and dashed across the street. In the car Adrian leans his head against the steering wheel. "She's nineteen and married…" Looking over he sees the black coat just lying there. Picking it up he examines it, noticing the unusual crest on the outside, in script the word 'Gryffindor' is embroidered. On the inside of the jacket there's a name sewn in red thread, James Potter. Underneath is the word Chaser. He decides that Lily couldn't have made it very far and gets out.

Lily doesn't notice Adrian and inside she gets into the elevator. There, she leans her head against the wall, glad that she didn't let anything slip. When the doors open she walks out and car someone calling out and pounding on the door.

"Padfoot...are you in there? Lily...my lovely flower, I just…" She sees Sirius fist fade to a flat hand as he leans his forehead against the door.

"Sirius? What's wrong?" she calls out and run towards the deflated man.

"Lily, no one was home. There at work or on missions...Marlene's in France." He embraces her tightly.

"Sirius, tell me what's wrong."

"James, where is he?"

"Love," she says, holding him tight. It's so hard to see Sirius like this. Playful, cheeky, humorous Sirius in so much pain. This man who has basically become her brother, just like he had to her husband. "He won't be back until late, now take a deep breath…"

"Merlin, Lil, don't patronize me." It's a failed attempt at making the scene light-hearted, but his voices catches and clings tighter. "I can see why Padfoot married you, you're so wonderful my lovely flower and I'm so horrid."

"Sirius, you have to tell me."

"It's my brother…"

"Regulus?" Lily's skin crawls at the mention of the name. That man brings back the worst memories, she can almost hear him calling her a prostitute or Frank having to intervene in the train or the worst one of all, his hand slapping her across the face.

"Yeah, he's...Andromeda wanted me to come over today...She heard from…." Sirius pushes away from Lily and balls his hands up, pacing a bit as he presses a fist to his mouth. Then he leans against the wall, pressing both hands flat. "He's dead!" The action he makes is sudden, he's standing in front of Lily, pulling at his long hair

"Shh...it's okay."

"No, it's not!" he shouts. "It's not fair!" Sirius shook his head, hands rubbing his temples, Lily wondered what he thought wasn't fair. "He was the perfect one, the one that was loved and he never let me forget it." His face crumples again and clenches his eyes shut in an effort to get the tears from falling. "I'm living up to his idea of me, and...I miss him, but I'm happy that he's gone…"

Lily goes to hug him, but he pushes her away, fighting her. However, she's soon torn from her conversation with Sirius by the ding of an elevator and the sound of someone calling her name.

"Who is that?" Sirius finally breaks contact with Lily as he looks in the direction of the elevator.

"No…" Spinning around she sees Adrian, holding the coat out at arms length. "Sirius, go inside." There is no key, or at least one that they use now, instead a specific incantation. "Adrian, you need to go, _now_."

"Is everything alright?" He looks over at Sirius who didn't follow Lily's instructions and has sunk to the ground, his head leaning against the door.

"Yeah, thanks for the ride and thank you for my coat, but you. Need. To. Leave." She tears the article of clothing from his hands.

"What's going on?"

"I really can't explain, _please_."

"Lily."

"Go!" She shouts and he hesitates and as she steps forward to push him, he holds his hands up in surrender. She waits until he gets in the elevator before going back to Sirius. "Come on. Let's go inside, I'll make tea and we can wait for James."


	44. Chapter 44

**AN: Please review! I want feedback before I leave, I'm going to _try _complete and publish two more chapters before Saturday, but if I don't get any responses I might not. Just tell me, did you love it? Hate it? Was there a discrepancy or inaccuracy? I want to know!**

* * *

Moonlight filtered through the treetops and reflected against the dew on on the grass. The trio, Lily, Emmeline and Gideon, walked in silence through the forest. They had cast a silencing charm around them, but did not want to compromise the mission. The Order had been trying to track down a camp of Death Eaters that was rumored to be camping out in order to plan attacks uninterrupted. Their orders were to track them down, but not to make contact.

A twig snapping stilled the group, Emmeline shot out a hand out behind her to stop Lily, while the other extended a wand. The other two mimicked her action, spreading out, heads turning to assess the situation. No one seemed to appear and Lily took a deep breath, hoping that this would be routine. James worried over her constantly and the fact that she volunteered in place of Sirius was enough to give him a coronary.

"Disillusionment," Gideon whispered, the sound was barely more than a breath. The two of them understood and quickly cast the spell, their bodies seeming to blend in with the environment around them. The next move he made is a slight twitch of his head to the left. They all turn and into that direction and walk just as quietly.

Something felt off. Lily knew that the disillusionment charm won't be enough, as one can never become truly invisible. Alice talked about how stupid she was to wear perfume the day there were practicing it at the Auror Academy. As they walked forward something unsettled her, they took two steps, Lily looked down, the blue flannel is starting to show through. "Gid…" she hissed, and in an instant there's a bright flash and they are knocked off their feet. "Emmeline!" Lily shouted, by some miracle she did not lose her her wand, it was still tightly gripped in her hand.

"Shut it," the older witch hissed.

It was then they saw the robed figures emerge, sneers on their faces as the Order members came into view . "This is all they send?" one questioned, before any of them have the opportunity to retaliate with magic, the same wizard muttered a spell under his breath and in an instant. In that instant Lily felt as if there was an invisible rope tightening around her entire body. She fought to stay standing, but her legs gave out when the invisible robe seemed to yank tightly around.

"Oh, we're in for a treat. I've seen these two before." He gestured to Emmeline and Gideon. "But this one...I was beginning to think she was scared of us." The man crossed over and reached for Lily's arm, trying to pull her into standing position. "Married that Potter boy, didn't you? Couldn't wait to taint his blood line…"

She tried to turn away, but he grabbed her face with his hand, squeezed it tightly, to make her look him in the eye. In that second, Lily wanted nothing more than for him to release her...She wished that James... "No." The word came out without her even thinking, but she could do this without him.

"No, what my mud blood darling?"

A smirk crossed her lips as remembered the revulsion jinx. Clenching her eyes she concentrated...In a few mere seconds purple light was leaving her wand that was still in her grasp.

"Bloody hell!" The man let go as he stumbled away from her. Gideon shared a smirk with her and a few seconds of wandless magic later, all three were free from their bonds.

"Think you can trick us?" Another man said as the three scrambled to their feet.

"_Impedimenta_…" Emmeline murmured and the group was thrust backward that, though was not the end of it. Flashes of bright light left their wands, white hot pain searing across the body as they tried to cast a shield charm.

"_Expelliarmis!_" Lily shouted. Despite it being a simple spell, it was unexpected enough for them to be caught off guard. A few recovered quickly, lunging after Emmeline and Gideon, fire in their eyes. The man that grabbed her earlier stepped forward, muttering the disarming spell and Lily's wand fell to the ground.

"Want to fight like muggles? I can do that." The crossed the short distance they were apart and grabbed at her. She pushed back, clenching her hands into fists, aiming at his face. "Feisty." He then grabbed at her hair, stupidly braided. "Not so willful now."

She took a swing at his face, her hair being yanked hard and then freed a second later. He grimaced at her, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before lifting it up. Pain filled every inch of her body as she fell to the ground.

"Get up and fight or is it to difficult? Ready to admit defeat?"

"Never." Fighting through her pain, she managed to kick his shin as he walked over, this broke the spell and gave her enough time to get to her feet. "You fight dirty."

"Just like your blood sweetheart."

It was then he hit her, his fist impacting her face causing her to stumble backwards. Lily wondered how in the hell she got the only pure blood wizard in the Dark Lord's whole damn army that would be just as eager to use hand to hand combat as he would his magic.

"I should finish you off, but that would be such a waste."

Cradling her cheek,she stepped backwards, and her eyes scanned the forest floor. It was still dim, but the sky was getting lighter, the sun would be up soon or at least she hoped. "_Accio _wand…" it came to her quickly, hitting her palm so hard she was sure it was would leave a mark. "Let's have some fun." She smirked and extended her arm. "_Stupefy…" _She put all the energy she could into that spell, it was enough to subdue him. Looking up ,she saw Gideon and Emmeline as they struggled. "_Petrificus Totalus._" She watched the spell take effect before taking a second to compose herself and joining in the fight.

* * *

As they stumbled into the building, Gideon kept an arm firmly around Lily's waist. "James is going to kill me." With great concern he looked over Lily as they halted in the lobby. She already took inventory of the injuries: a wicked bruise on her jawline, dozens of scratches, bruises near her ribs, a rolled ankle, wrist that may or may not be sprained….All in all it's nothing bad, just about as bad as when they had the dinner with Petunia and Vernon. However, she seemed to get the brunt of it due to that brute of Death Eater that seemed all to eager for a fist fight.

"It comes with the job," Lily replied, forcing her voice into a casual tone. "Really, I can walk by myself."

"Your ankle."

"Fine, but I'm walking to my flat myself."

Gideon forced a smile as they boarded the lift. Once off, he stopped at his flat and watched as Lily limped to her door and swung it open. A slight wave of the hand is the only signal Gideon recieved before she disappeared. Once inside, she shouted, "James, I'm home."

"Lily, you were supposed to be here hours ago." Arms engulfed her tightly, one hand resting on the back of her neck, the other the small of her back.

"Please, let go," she said through clenched teeth.

"Merlin, sorry," he muttered. "I should have gone too, what happened?"

"I don't know, honestly, one second was routine and the next we ran into a group of Death Eaters. We weren't able to locate the camp, we were lucky to get out of there."

He managedt o smile at her, a hand going to her shoulder. "Come on, let's get you fixed up."

"I can do it myself."

"Let me, please." He leaned forward to place a kiss gently on her lips. Lily hooked a hand around his neck in order to reciprocate the action with more force.

"I'm going to take a shower, you can help after that."

"How about during?"

With a shake of the head she went to the bathroom, turned on the shower and stripped. She used this as an opportunity to more thoroughly examine her body in the mirror. One thing she refused to do was let James see the damage before she could assess all of it himself. As her hand lingered on the bruise atop her rib cage, she could almost see James' face. With a feather light touch he would rest one hand on her cheek, the other would form a fist as his jaw clenched tightly. She did not dawdle, instead scrubbed out quickly before she hopped out and hastily dried off.

"My clothes were dirty," she said when she saw James sitting on the bed with a first aid kit.

"Let me see." The words were soft, controlled, but he tensed when he three small bruises on her bicep from where the man gripped her shoulder to pull her up.

Lily dropped the towel and walked over to the dresser. "I'm fine," she assured him. "Really, I bruise easily." Withdrawing one of his oversized t-shirts, she turned around to see him a few centimeters away, arms open. "I'll get you wet."

"I don't care." He's more careful now. His arms wrapped around her before his lips press a kiss on the top of her head. "I hate this."

Lily silently wondered what exactly he's talking about, but stepped back and pulled the shirt over her head. It only hit about mid thigh and is so old that that neck that should cover her collarbone drooped down, nonetheless she considered it acceptable and sat at the foot of the bed. James knelt beside her and directed his attention immediately to her ankle. With great care he wrapped it up. He worked his way up her body, murmured spells where necessary, until he reached her face. His hand ghosted over the bruise before he grabbed the balm that he used quite frequently after Quidditch matches and rubbed it over her jawline.

"Thank you." She ran a hand through his hair, when he sat beside her on the bed. "I'm going to get dressed in some real clothes now that I'm all fixed up."

"Don't."

"James, don't be absurd, it's eleven, I'm not going to waste the whole day in bed."

He shrugged his shoulders and got up to exchange jeans for sweats before he sat on the bed and patted the area beside him. "I know you're going to work tomorrow, and I don't know the next time we're going to be able to do this."

So they do spend the day in bed together. Lily eventually fell asleep propped against James, still damp hair spilled across his shoulder. When she woke, he is asleep too and has thrown a blanket across their legs. It was a few minutes later when his eyelids flutter opened, and he looked at her with a lazy a half smile. "Good morning."

"It's afternoon."

"Shh…" he kissed her on the cheek and tightened his hold. "Imagine, some day we'll be able to do this, have normal jobs…"

Lily gave him a look and he ignored it. James brushed the hair out of her face and kissed her.

"Maybe not sleep this late, if we have kids it'll be difficult, but we'll manage."

"Kids? As in plural?"

"Yeah," James says. "Enough for a Quidditch team."

"I don't think so."

"Why not? You can go back to school, to some Healer Program somewhere out of England, because every self respecting person knows that St. Mungo's has a bunch of quacks working there."

Lily doesn't try to stop him, just interlaced her fingers with his as she lifted her head. "What will you do? Go back to school to be an Auror?"

"No." The word came out quickly as James shook his head. "After joining the Order I don't think I could that for a living. I would get burnt out in about five years, I mean look at Frank, I don't know when he sleeps, let alone eats or spends time with Alice."

"What about your dad? He's been an Auror for ages."

"Yeah, and I respect him for it, but I couldn't put you through everything my mum went through. And if we have kids, I want to make sure they have a father…." He paused, broke free from her grip and turned his body so he's directly facing her. "Maybe I'll be a stay at home dad. We don't need to work."

"No!" Lily objected before she placed her hands on flat on his chest. "I love you, but you'd get stir crazy and the kids…." She shook her head as she imagined James attempting to control seven children that were spitting images of him when he was younger.

"Well, I'd like being a teacher. I'm a genius at Transfigurations and Defense Against the Dark Arts…" Looking down at Lily he sees her face arranaged into an amused smirk, her eyes sparkling. "It's not stupid! I'm actually quite good at helping people, I was a damn good Head Boy!"

"You'll get a taste of your own medicine."

"I suppose you're right."

* * *

Begrudgingly Lily returned to work on Monday, and James went on an Order Mission. She told herself to ask perfectly normal, professional, around Adrian and not bring up what happened. It was none of his business and quite frankly it was odd that he followed her up. So, hanging up her coat, she schooled an expression of neutrality on her face as she went to sit behind the front desk. Immediately she set to work, organizing files, arranging everything for patient check-in's and intake.

"Feeling better?" Edith teased as she went behind the desk and took the chair beside Lily's.

"Yeah."

"Doesn't look like it, what happened?" She gestured to Lily's face where the bruise had not yet faded despite the best efforts of her and James.

"Hiking accident," she replied and was glad that she wore a long sleeve shirt under her scrubs, because the finger shaped bruises would certainly be questionable.

"Hiking?" Edith looked her over. "You hike?"

"My friends insisted I come." Lily shrugged and the phone rang. "I'll get that." As she grabbed the receiver she smiled at the nurse while she said, "Wakefield Emergency Medical Clinic, this is Lily, how may I help you?"

While the topic is easy to avoid with the others, one person not so convinced is Adrian. He didn't spot her until he stopped in for a cup of coffee in the staff room when she's on lunch. As Lily's eyes scanned an ancient looking text, she ripped off pieces of sandwich. "Hello." She lifts her eyes to look him over, when he does that he can fully see her face.

"Hi…" He poured a cup of coffee before taking a seat down across from her. "Lily, can we talk?"

"About what, doctor?" She shut the book and folded the sandwich wrapper before she tossed it into the garbage can a few metres away. "Did you get the new patient file?"

"Yes, but this isn't about work." He leaned forward slightly and took a deep breath. "You've been working here for about three weeks, I consider you a friend."

"Alright…"

"I understand that your personal life is yours, but I'm concerned for you."

She knitted her eyebrows in mock confusion as she clasped her hands on her lap, doing her best to appear open and truthful. "Why? Because I had one too many beers? Edith did too and what I-"

"What happened after I left?"

"It's not any of your business, but I helped Sirius into my apartment, made a pot of tea and sat up with him until James got home."

"Wait, Sirius?"

"Yes, he's my husband's best friend, practically his brother." She took a deep breath. "He got some bad news that night, there was a family emergency and he wanted to speak to James."

"Oh, so..." Adrian ran a hand through his hair. "You're bruises aren't from-"

"No! Hiking, I had a bit of a spill."

"Well, I just want you to know that I'm availble to talk any time." The look in his eyes told Lily that he didn't completely believe the story.

Lily watched as he left the room, then let out a breath of relief. She was going to have to be more careful. There was no way she could allow Adrian, or any of the other staff, to get involved in her life. It was too dangerous. She would quit her work here before any other muggles died because of her magic. Granted, he was not suspicous, did not think anything strange, but he was still much too observant.


End file.
